Ouch Jokes
91 ouch jokes and hilarious ouch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ouch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of "Ouch," "Woops," "Huh," and "Whoa" jokes that are sure to make you laugh. Be prepared to chuckle at these cheeky and inventive jokes that don't take themselves too seriously.
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Funniest Ouch Short Jokes
Short ouch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ouch humour may include short itch jokes also.
- A Jew wakes up with morning wood and runs right into a wall. What does he say? Ouch, my nose!
- 2 cactuses are talking to each other One of them asks the other, "Hey, do you know how to speak the human language?"
To which he responds, "yeah it's easy, they always say ouch!" - A boy was snapping rubber bands on his friends arm He kept doing it in the same spot every second, over and over again until the friend eventually said, "Ouch, that one Hertz."
- A man, his wife, his kid, and his dog all walk into a bar. *Ouch!*
*Ouch!*
*Ouch!*
*Woof!* - My wife walked in on me... I was like "ouch get off" and she was like "what are you doing on the floor?!"
- An infinite number of lemmings walk into a python while True:
print("Ouch.")
^^\#oof - Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public. He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.
- Ouch, that smarts Confucius say, man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
- What do you say when you hear a sound that bothers you? Ouch, that Hertz...
- A doctor and a comedian walk into a bar Ouch.
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Ouch One Liners
Which ouch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ouch? I can suggest the ones about pong and crepe.
- Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch. Ouch
- 80% of my couch fell on my foot today. ...ouch.
- I'm pained to have to say this... Ouch
- How do ghosts obtain money? Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!
- My cake day, my favorite joke A man walk into a bar.
OUCH! - I just lost 20% of my couch Ouch.
- Man walks into a bar Says ouch
- A ventriloquist walks into a bar "Ouch", says the man next to him.
- A girl walks into the confession stand in a church... ...ouch !
- What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? "Ouch."
- What did frequency say to noise? Ouch! That hertz!
- What did the monitor say when it got punched? "Ouch, that Hertz!"
- What do hot beverage warnings say in German? Ouch! Tongue!
- Blind guy walks into a bar... says "ouch"
- A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar. Ouch.
Rib-Tickling Ouch Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about ouch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jeez jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ouch pranks.
Does your dog bite?
Man walking in a park, sees a woman sitting on a bench with a dog at her feet. He walks up to her...
Man: *Does your dog bite?*
Woman: *No*
Man goes and pets the dog, then...
*OUCH!!! I thought you said your dog didn't bite!!!*
Woman: *That's not my dog.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mouse and an elephant
A male mouse and female elephant, which are very much in love with each other, are having s**... in the jungle. Mr mouse does his best, but if course miss elephant didn't really enjoy it.
Monkeys up in the trees see the scene and decide to throw coconuts at them. Miss elephant is hit on the head and tell "ouch"
Mister mouse stops and asks, worried "Did I hurt you?"
(Translated from French, sorry for my English)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Italian soccer player walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar. He says: *Ouch* .
An Italian soccer player walks into a bar. He **SCREAMS IN PAIN, CLUTCHING HIMSELF IN AGONY YELLS AT PEOPLE NEARBY AT RANDOM TO CALL THE POLICE, CONTINUES SCREAMING FOR MINUTES ON END, UNTIL HE FINALLY FAINTS VIOLENTLY.**
"Hey Joe, I heard your mother-in-law died!"
"Well yes, that's true, Bob."
"What'd she have?"
"Just a small amount of money and a lot of old books"
"No, I mean, what was wrong?"
"Well, she hadn't written her will and testament yet."
"Not that! I mean, how'd she die?
"Ooh... Well, we were having dinner at her place, she went to the basement to get some potatoes, she fell down, and she broke her neck."
"Ouch. And what did you do when that happened?"
"We got pizzas."
A rabbi walks into a bar..
OUCH!
Cute little dog.
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Nicki Minaj, h**... and a Feminist say when they walked into a bar?
Ouch.
Ouch! It was an iron bar!
Ouch! It was an iron bar!
.
.
.
.
.
.
A faster than light Tachyon walks into a bar.
I'm going to give the next person to make a dress color reference a white and gold eye.
Ouch.
Two friends were having a conversation...
The first guy says "Man, my neighbors were up yelling and screaming at one in the morning."
"Ouch." says the other guy "Did they wake you up?"
"No. I was already up, playing my bagpipes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dyslexic arab walks into a bar
ouch, says the other arab
Sean Connery was in his private library.
He was sat down reading a book when a large encyclopaedia fell and hit him on the head. "Ouch!" He said. "What was that? Who is responsible for this?" He then looked down at the book and noticed what it was. "Oh well" he said. "I guess I've only got myshelf to blame".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An alien and a mexican walk into a bar...
Ouch they said. It was an iron bar.
What would Germans call a painfully offensive joke?
Ouchwitz
>say ouch when offended or in pain
>Witz is the German word for joke
>sounds like auschwitz
A physicist, a biologist, and a geologist walk into a bar.
The physicist immediately liquors up and attempts to pick up chicks with his top secret details about a new slightly-cooler-than-molten-hot fusion project he's working on.
The biologist attempts to pick up chicks with stories about him working with baby elephants in Thailand.
The geologist says "Ouch".
What did the T-Rex say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch. I'm Dino-sore!"
How do old people stay in ouch with their deceased friends?
Through social mediums.
(Read this on Facebook. Take no credit, but I don't remember who said it.)
A guy walks into a building with his boss.
Ouch. You'd think that at least one of them should have seen it.
What did the blondie say when she walked into the bus?
Ouch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I guy stumbled into a bar.....
...**OUCH**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a muslim couple goes hunting and accidentally shot an ape. "ouch, that's a shame. can we eat him so he wouldn't die in vain?" said the girl. "no, we cant" the guy replied. "why?"
"it's Haram, Bae"
What did Harry Potter say when he fell down the hill?
"Ouch! I Hermione!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl, you're like my pinky toe
Small, cute, beautiful and I'm going to bang you on the coffee table tonight
Ouch!
What did the Vegan say after walking into a bar?
Ouch
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making f**... engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
What did the penguin say when he walked into the bar
ouch
What did the scientist say when he got hit with gamma waves?
Ouch! That Hertz.
What did Socrates say when he hit his toe on the corner of his bed?
Ouch! I stubbed my Pla"toe"
An IBM ThinkPad walks into a bar.
"Ouch!" says the bar.
Homework.
A girl is doing her homework and her little brother walks in. She asks him for help with a question and he refuses. Angrily she says "Just tell me what the division of two cells is and I won't hurt you". He still won't tell her so she stamps on his foot. "Tell me!" she yells "ouch! mitosis!."
Two blondes walked into a jigsaw puzzle store...
Ouch
Two men walk into a bar...
Ding, Ding... OUCH!
True story: I'm at a music festival with my wife and she is looking good.
I convince her to go to the port-a-potties. I ask here how high do you think the floor is off the ground. She says "I don't know, 3 inches?". I seductively ask her if she would like to accompany me in to the port-a-pottie and Join the 3 inch club. She looks at me sarcastically and says......"Oh, I've already joined the 3 inch club!!!" OUCH!
Ouch
My sister has always been fascinated with cell biology and she moved across state to attend a better college, moving her into her dorm we moved a dresser to benefit the small space she had and in doing so she dropped it on my foot. I yelled out MITOSIS!
(This is my first original joke be gentle)
102 lemmings walked into a bar
Ouch!
Robert McCall and John Wick walk into a bar...
And say "Ouch!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A white man, a black man, an asian man, a trans man, a gay man, and a fat man all walk into a bar
"Ouch!"
Two babies are sitting in their playpen cooing away...
Baby 1: Well, looks like I'm getting circumcised tomorrow.
Baby 2: Ouch, I had it done when I was just a few days old.
Baby 1: Well then, does it hurt mate?
Baby 2: I'll put it to you this way pal, after I had it done I couldn't walk for about a year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the molar 1 say to the wisdom tooth?
Ouch! Move, o**... get you extracted.
A guy slips over a banana peel.
Ouch, that hurt.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man walks into a bar...
Oof ouch that hurts. I should be more careful.
-Black man
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Santa, a p**..., and a penguin walk into a bar.
Ouch.
Ouch!
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What did the spelling bee contestant say when he stubbed his toe
"O-U-C-H!"
The blond reared back and clenched his fist
With all his might, he punched the tree, and the force of the impact broke his hand. "Ouch! I thought you said this tree was bouncy!"
His friend face palmed. "No, I said it was a rubber tree."
Two guys are chatting at the gym, and the first guy says to the second "what's that bulge in your pants?"
The second guy replies: "Tennis ball."
The first guy thinks about it for a second and says, "ouch. I had tennis elbow once."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three generations of prostitutes walk into a bar.
"Ouch," they say.
A wife his her husband with a rolling pin
A wife hits her Husband with a rolling pin, the husband says ouch! What was that for?
The wife then tells him I found a piece of paper with the name Jenny on it
The husband then tells her that Jenny was the name of the horse he put a bet on last week.
The wife apologises to him.
The next the wife hits her husband with a rolling pin.
The husband says ouch! What was that for?
The wife then says your horse is on the phone
*Ouch!!* *Zut alors!!*
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(...and you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to post this on raydeet.... Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse. )
I ordered a ham and cheese at Subway
The sandwich artist began making my selection, using his right hand to place the slices of ham.
Suddenly, he pulled his hand away and cried out in pain.
Ouch! Hand cramp!
Before I could ask if he was ok, he finished stacking the slices of ham with his left hand.
Lucky for you I'm hambidexterous he said.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do c**... say when they shake hands?
Ouch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The cast of The Wizard of Oz go out for ice cream.
The Lion stops l**... his cone, yelling, "Ouch!" and gripping his temples.
The Tinman stops l**... his cone, yelling, "Ouch!" and gripping his temples.
Dorothy stops l**... her cone, yelling, "Ouch!" and gripping her temples.
The Scarecrow says, "What's the matter with you guys?"
