The Best 21 Orthodox Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Orthodox jokes. There are some orthodox jew jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these orthodox greek orthodox puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Orthodox Jokes and Puns
My rabbi told me this one.
An orthodox Jewish man is about to go through heart surgery.
Before his doctor begins, he asks the Jewish man if he's ever had a surgical operation before, and if so, how it went.
The Jewish man responds, "I've only had surgery one time, and I couldn't walk for a year and a half."
Did you hear the joke about the Hassidic jew dentist who only puts braces on every third tooth?
He's an unorthodox orthodox orthodontist
Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much?
Because, it's acidic juice.
What do you call two Orthodox Jewish brothers who solve mysteries?
The Haredi Boys
What do you call an orthodox jew that is prone to heartburn?
Acidic.
[My apologies]
Why don't Orthodox Jews drink lemonade?
Its a little too Hasidic for them.
8 Days' Worth
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. What denomination? asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before
replying, Give me six Orthodox,
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.
What is the difference between a Conservative Jewish wedding, an Orthodox Jewish wedding, and a Reform Jewish wedding?
At a Conservative wedding the bride is pregnant.
At an Orthodox wedding the bride's mother is pregnant.
At a Reform wedding the rabbi is pregnant.
What is the difference between a secular wedding, an orthodox wedding, and a reform wedding?
At the secular wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At the orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
At the reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant.
Husband: These orthodox shoes are great
Wife: You mean "orthopaedic" shoes
Husband: I stand corrected
Why should you never mix Non-Orthodox and Orthodox Jews?
Because one is basic, and the other is Hasidic.
You can explore orthodox yahweh reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean orthodox baptist dad jokes. There are also orthodox puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I asked my lawyer cousin, an orthodox Jewish man, his opinion on gay marriage
He said "that would be GREAT for business"
A Orthodox Jewish man goes to his Rabbi
Man: "Rabbi, what should I do, my son has run off and is hanging around with Shiksen and Goyim."
Rabbi: "So, what do you ask me for? I once had a son, he too ran off to hang around with Shiksen and Goyim."
Man: "And what did you do about it?"
Rabbi: "I prayed to Hashem."
Man: "And did he give you an answer or advice?"
Rabbi: "He said: What you ask me for? I once had a son...."
How do you know what kind of Jewish wedding you're at?
At an orthodox wedding, the mother of the bride is pregnant.
At a conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At a reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant!
My Jewish grandma told me this one
An Orthodox Jew is praying to god:
"God! I need help, my son converted to Christianity!"
God says: "don't worry, that happens to everyone. Even to me!"
Difference between Orthodox, Conservative, and Reformed Jews
At an orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
At a conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At a reformed wedding, the rabbi is pregnant!
People ask me this question I lot; this is usually the answer I give.
How do you get fresh air into an Eastern Orthodox church?
You tap on an icon and a window opens up.
What is the difference between the Roman Catholic Church and the Russian Orthodox Church?
The Roman Catholics drink Holy Wine while the Russian Orthodox drink Holy Vodka.
What do Orthodox Jewish kids dress up as on Halloween?
One eyed ghosts.
Did you hear about Martin Luther's feud with the Greek Orthodox Church?
He nailed 95 Thessalonians to the church!
The couple living next to me are expecting a child. Today the husband's orthodox parents revealed to me they expect the firstborn to be male.
I told them to keep me posted.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the orthodox orthodox catholic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working orthodox hanukkah piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.