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Orthodox Jokes

31 orthodox jokes and hilarious orthodox puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about orthodox that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article contains an eclectic variety of Orthodox jokes and puns about Orthodox Christian customs and culture, such as Orthodox Easter, Orthodox priests, and Shmuel the Episcopalian. Get ready for a few laughs as you read about these hilarious jokes relating to the Orthodox Christian Church and Yahweh.

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Funniest Orthodox Short Jokes

Short orthodox jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The orthodox humour may include short conservative jokes also.

  1. Did you hear the joke about the Hassidic jew dentist who only puts braces on every third tooth? He's an unorthodox orthodox orthodontist
  2. I asked my lawyer cousin, an orthodox Jewish man, his opinion on gay marriage He said "that would be GREAT for business"
  3. Husband: These orthodox shoes are great Wife: You mean "orthopaedic" shoes
    Husband: I stand corrected
  4. Why should you never mix Non-Orthodox and Orthodox Jews? Because one is basic, and the other is Hasidic.
  5. How do you get fresh air into an Eastern Orthodox church? You tap on an icon and a window opens up.
  6. My Jewish grandma told me this one An Orthodox Jew is praying to god:
    "God! I need help, my son converted to Christianity!"
    God says: "don't worry, that happens to everyone. Even to me!"
  7. The couple living next to me are expecting a child. Today the husband's orthodox parents revealed to me they expect the firstborn to be male. I told them to keep me posted.
  8. Did you hear about Martin Luther's feud with the Greek Orthodox Church? He nailed 95 Thessalonians to the church!
  9. How many Orthodox Hasidic Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, ya mensch. It's Shabbat.
  10. What is the difference between the Roman Catholic Church and the Russian Orthodox Church? The Roman Catholics drink Holy Wine while the Russian Orthodox drink Holy v**....

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Orthodox One Liners

Which orthodox one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with orthodox? I can suggest the ones about devout and traditional.

  1. Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much? Because, it's acidic juice.
  2. What do you call two Orthodox Jewish brothers who solve mysteries? The Haredi Boys
  3. What do you call an orthodox jew that is prone to heartburn? Acidic.
    [My apologies]
  4. Why don't Orthodox Jews drink lemonade? Its a little too Hasidic for them.
  5. Catholics are weird. They're pretty un-Orthodox.
  6. What do Orthodox Jewish kids dress up as on Halloween? One eyed ghosts.
  7. A black guy with a huge cross walks into an jewish orthodox synagogue Made you look.
  8. Whats a Greeks favorite religion? Greek orthodox
  9. What is an orthodox Jew's biggest dilemma? Free pork.
  10. What do you call a male Orthodox beer maker. Hebrewish.

Orthodox joke, What do you call a male Orthodox beer maker.

Hilarious Orthodox Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about orthodox you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old fashioned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make orthodox pranks.

My rabbi told me this one.

An orthodox Jewish man is about to go through heart surgery.
Before his doctor begins, he asks the Jewish man if he's ever had a surgical operation before, and if so, how it went.
The Jewish man responds, "I've only had surgery one time, and I couldn't walk for a year and a half."

Socrates' Beloved

Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, 'Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' 'Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'

8 Days' Worth

Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. What denomination? asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before 
replying, Give me six Orthodox, 
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.

What is the difference between a Conservative Jewish wedding, an Orthodox Jewish wedding, and a Reform Jewish wedding?

At a Conservative wedding the bride is pregnant.
At an Orthodox wedding the bride's mother is pregnant.
At a Reform wedding the rabbi is pregnant.

What is the difference between a secular wedding, an orthodox wedding, and a reform wedding?

At the secular wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At the orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
At the reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant.

A Orthodox Jewish man goes to his Rabbi

Man: "Rabbi, what should I do, my son has run off and is hanging around with Shiksen and g**...."
Rabbi: "So, what do you ask me for? I once had a son, he too ran off to hang around with Shiksen and g**...."
Man: "And what did you do about it?"
Rabbi: "I prayed to Hashem."
Man: "And did he give you an answer or advice?"
Rabbi: "He said: What you ask me for? I once had a son...."

How do you know what kind of Jewish wedding you're at?

At an orthodox wedding, the mother of the bride is pregnant.
At a conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At a reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant!

Difference between Orthodox, Conservative, and Reformed Jews

At an orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
At a conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At a reformed wedding, the rabbi is pregnant!
People ask me this question I lot; this is usually the answer I give.

Orthodox joke, The couple living next to me are expecting a child. Today the husband's orthodox parents revealed to