The Best 86 Order Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Order jokes. There are some order sirloin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these order law and order puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Order Jokes and Puns

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.

A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.

"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.

TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway

Whoops, wrong sub.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today

I'll let you know.

jokes about order

I ordered an Asian Hooker, she arrived 2 hours late

She loves me wrong time.


Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"

A little help with your math

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."

Order joke, A little help with your math

Two chemists walk into a bar.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."

The firstο»Ώ chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".

Two men sit down at a restaurant.

A waitress comes to their table and takes their drink order. When she returns a few minutes later with their beverages, she finds them both eating sandwiches out of paper bags. "Hey!" she says, "you can't eat your own food here!" So they trade sandwiches.

What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window?

The restraining order

You can explore order menu reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean order serve dad jokes. There are also order puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A blonde goes into a library.

She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."

The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"

"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day

So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

My daughter told me to treat her like a princess...

so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France.

My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess

So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.

A man walks into a bar, and orders 10 times the amount of drinks as everyone else.

The barman says "now *that's* an order of magnitude!"

Order joke, A man walks into a bar, and orders 10 times the amount of drinks as everyone else.

A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away

This was a grave mistake

the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.

So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first

- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guinness

The other two look at him ... 'Lemonade?'

'Well if you're not drinking beer neither am I'

The waiter came up to our table.

He said, "Can I take your order?"

I said, "Sure."

He said, "Thanks, I'm just really hungry."


Arthur Guinness

The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.

The CEO of Budweiser, Miller and Carlsberg walks into a bar.

The CEO of Budweiser walks up to the bar and orders a Budweiser, after which the CEO of Miller orders a Miller. Then the CEO of Carlsberg says to the bartender: "I'll have a glass of water." The others looks baffled and asks him: "Why didn't you order a Carlsberg?". He replies: "Well, since you're not having beer..."

The Doctor made me walk again...

Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill

A piece of string walks into a bar...

and tries to order a drink.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here"

The string goes back outside, ties himself up, and messes up his hair.

The string goes back into the bar and orders again.

The bartender asks, "Aren't you that piece of string?"

"No," says the string, "I'm a frayed knot"

United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....

He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.

Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."

Boss: " So what are you saying....?"

Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."

Order joke, A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....

I know every single digit of pi!

I just don't have them in the right order.

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.

"Hello."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.

The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".


In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices….

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

What did the Arts Major say to the Business Major?

"Can I take your order?"

Two fat ladies walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.

It was Won Ton.

4th of July,

The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.


However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order.

A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.

So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...

So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"

When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive...

It's a good thing my brother told me about it

My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order...

I probably should've stopped when I got to her name

He got the order wrong

Why did the customer get upset at the waiter?

An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

How about a quickie? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.

His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .

You order one pizza

You love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.

That's the domino effect.

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves

Looks like the boa cons tricked her

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:

"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said:

Burrr… gurrr… King.

A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: 'handjob - $15'.

The girl asks: 'Can I help?

'Yes,' says the man, 'the handjob, are you the one giving them?'

The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!'

The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'

I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.

I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.

I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.

Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.

Don't honk your horn at old people.

I tell it in the wrong order.

Why am i bad at telling jokes?

I told my wife I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She said, Where would you find the time?

I said, Easy. Right next to the sage.

Where are we?

Not mine:

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

You want the milk pasteurized?

No, just up to my tits.

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?

The man replies, No, I haven't.

The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.

The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.

The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.

My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday

So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok.

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.

15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.

The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:

You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path

Hooters is trying to stay afloat during this pandemic so they are starting door to door service thus a name change is in order.

They will now be known as Knockers

How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old)

You order it from the Cat-alogue

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.

Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.

Fourth of July,

The only time of the year an American can say the day and month in the correct order.

A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button

He had to pay in order to use additional features

A drunkard was brought to court for dunkenis behavior

The Judge addressed the drunkard, "You have been brought here for drinking."

Drunkard, "Thank you very much your honour. Let's start."

All, present in the court, burst out laughing.

Banging the gavel, the Judge said, "Order."

Drunkard, "For me Whiskey with Soda please."

A new law

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."

Two guys were in an English pub.

They called the publican over to settle an argument.

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the publican.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints miss, and they are on the house."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the guys called out to the publican at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," he called back, "two pints."

I ordered a Thesaurus recently, when it arrived all the pages were blank

I have no words to describe my anger

How to impress women

A guy walks into a bar carrying a couple of axes and orders a beer. "What've ya got there?" the bartender asks. "Oh, these are some of my new axes I bought online," the guy says. "I order them in from countries overseas. I just love how they smell." "Well, that's all fine and good, I guess. But why did you bring them to the bar?" the bartender asks. "To be honest I was hoping to meet women," the guy replies. "I hear they love foreign axe scents."

I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.

I'll let you know.

A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics

His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.

I stayed up all night trying to think of something that would refute his claim, and then it dawned on me.

A Finnish joke from the Cold War

During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.

He replied first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets .

The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.

We are civilized people. Work comes before pleasure , the general replied.

I ordered a Hawaiian Pizza today, and it was burnt.

It should have been cooked at aloha temperature.

I ordered a book called "How to scam people"

Its been 6 months and I still haven't received it.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.

Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.

Old Asian man ordered forty-two coffees. I said you sure? . He nodded yes…

Poured about 7 coffees and he starts shouting stop! stop! stop! I'm like what happened?! He repeated his order I want 4 tea 2 coffee …

What would two termites order at a restaurant?

Table for 2

Three pieces of string walk into a bar.

String 1 asks for a drink for himself and one for each of his friends.

The barman says, 'We don't serve pieces of string here.'

So, string 1 goes back to his friends and says, 'They don't serve strings here'.

Then string 2 tries but gets the same result.

So string 3 gets up, ties himself around the middle, and he pulls his ends out. And he proceeds to order drinks.

The barman says, 'here, aren't you one of those pieces of string?'

And the piece of string, he says, 'No, 'I'm a frayed knot.'





From ***Neverwhere*** by Neil Gaiman

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.

I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

finally memorized the digits og Pi up to 10 digits.

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

But sadly i dont know the order.

I ordered a sub through Door Dash

But when I answered the door, he just gave me a sandwich and left.

A duck, a deer and a giraffe walk into a bar.

They order three shots of whiskey. They drink those down and order three more. Again, they drink those down and then get up to leave.

Bartender says, "Someone has got to pay for those!"

Duck said, "I've only got a bill."

Deer says, "I've only a buck."

Giraffe goes, "Okay guys, I guess I've got the highballs."

Two lawyers before an American judge recently got into a wrangle

At last one of the disputants, losing control over his emotions, exclaimed to his opponent, "Sir, you are, I think the biggest fool that I ever had the misfortune to set eyes upon."

"Order! Order!" said the judge gravely. "You seem to forget that I am in the room."



Source: 1913 newspaper

What did the two termites order at the restaurant?

Table for two, please

Ο€ mathematicians walk into a bar and order beers.



The bartender says "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're clearly irrational."

Obsessive Compulsive...

The representative body that supports people who suffer from OCD have petitioned the Government to change the acronym to CDO in alphabetical order the way it should be...

LPT: Follow the given three steps in order to successfully accomplish a murder.

1. Set out a few high-mounted boxes with hole in the front of them.
2. Scatter about several boxes filled with cashews.
3. Be sure to do this in a place crows frequent.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the order hamburgers puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working order out of order piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes