Order Jokes

182 order jokes and hilarious order puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about order that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article will discuss the different types of order jokes, including out of order, law and order, restraining order, orange order, purchase order, birth order, mail order, pecking order, preorder, waiter, and menu jokes. Discover funny jokes about all the different kinds of orders!

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Funniest Order Short Jokes

Short order jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The order humour may include short sort jokes also.

  1. I just saw my chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.
  2. A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
  3. How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old) You order it from the Cat-alogue
  4. 4th of July, The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
  5. So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less. The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."
  6. My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.
  7. I ordered a balloon on aliexpress Tracking showed it was on the way and then it just disappeared. Has anyone seen it?
  8. President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
  9. My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a french alliance.
  10. A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you? The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

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Order One Liners

Which order one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with order? I can suggest the ones about price and ranking.

  1. TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway Whoops, wrong sub.
  2. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today I'll let you know.
  3. He got the order wrong Why did the customer get upset at the waiter?
  4. I know every single digit of pi! I just don't have them in the right order.
  5. What would two termites order at a restaurant? Table for 2
  6. An Apple fan walks into a bar.... Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.
  7. I tell it in the wrong order. Why am i bad at telling jokes?
  8. I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
  9. There is only one thing I don't like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant The bill
  10. A man with authority walks into a bar... Orders everyone a round
  11. I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I'll let you know.
  12. What did the Arts Major say to the Business Major? "Can I take your order?"
  13. to help cope with his loss Roy Moore ordered a 12 year old whiskey she didn't like it
  14. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know what comes first.
  15. What is a cats way of keeping law and order? Claw enforcement!

Out Of Order Jokes

Here is a list of funny out of order jokes and even better out of order puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok.
  • I went to a Indian restaurant last night. After I had ordered, a little old lady came to me and said, "Aren't you polite. You have such lovely manners." It was my complimentary nan
  • I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.
  • In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
  • 007 recieves a new mission... to infiltrate a party and mingle. His orders are to, "bond James, bond".
  • A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead
  • What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window? The restraining order
  • When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive... It's a good thing my brother told me about it
  • I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen
  • A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says,"Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Restraining Order Jokes

Here is a list of funny restraining order jokes and even better restraining order puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A restaurant served me soggy spaghetti So I put in a re-straining order.
  • I feel like my girlfriend and I don't speak the same language sometimes I say we have a long distance relationship.
    She says I have a restraining order.
  • My girlfriend and I just transitioned to a long distance relationship Or as the judge insists on calling it, a restraining order
  • I tried to come up with a joke about restraining orders. But this is as close as I'm allowed to get.
  • My girlfriend and I just transitioned to a long distance relationship Or as she likes to call it, a restraining order
  • The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that's what the restraining order says.
  • If you keep following your dreams... They're going to file a restraining order.
  • I have the eye of a tiger, and the heart of a lion. I also have a permanent ban from the zoo, and a few restraining orders
  • My girlfriend and I have been practicing social distancing since the start of the pandemic. She calls it a restraining order for some weird reason.
  • Love knows no distance... but restraining orders do.
Order joke, Love knows no distance...

Mail Order Jokes

Here is a list of funny mail order jokes and even better mail order puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My dad and I(f) both ordered the same thing at the same time online. He got his before me. Mail privilege...
  • It's hard to think about my wife, who passed away during delivery Tip: Never, *EVER* go with a mail-order Russian bride who arrives by ship.
  • So, I ordered a mail order bride from Czechoslovakia… Turns out she was my Czech mate
  • I'm starting a mail order bride service featuring women from around the world who have an STD. Amnasty International.
  • Why should you ask a chess grandmaster to help you get a mail-order bride? They're really good at finding a Czech-mate.
  • Just made this one up... My uncle recently ordered a mail order bride from the Czech Republic. The Czech is in the mail.
    ~I'll let myself out...
  • What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay? One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.
  • I had to return my new mail-order guitar So I marked it "return to Fender"
  • Did you hear about the mail-order surgery kit you can have delivered straight to your door? It's called Suture Self.
  • Where can you bid on internet mail order brides? eBae

Law And Order Jokes

Here is a list of funny law and order jokes and even better law and order puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm so tired of hearing Law and Order jokes. They've all been done done.
  • Trump keeps talking about restoring "law and order." I dunno about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly.
  • The only thing on TV to watch is Law and Order: SVU and ESPN... ..and they're both talking about child molesters.
  • Thought of this in the car What do you call it when it's required by law to numerically organize everyone's yard?
    Lawn Order.
  • I just barely crossed the finish line in a Law and Order 5k race. I would have got first, but the cops beat me to it.
  • Crime TV shows aren't what they used to be That's why I support Donald Trump's promise to bring back Law and Order.
  • What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU? Women Say the Darndest Things
  • Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey have the most toxic dumps? New Jersey got to pick first.
    - from Law and Order
  • You know the call Donald Trump "The Law and Order President", Because they are going to base three seasons of the show on him in a few years.
  • There should be a show where cops sit around a restaurant table order appetizers and tell cop stories. The could call it "Law and hors d'oeuvres"
Order joke, There should be a show where cops sit around a restaurant table order appetizers and tell cop storie

Entertaining Order Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about order you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make order pranks.

Two jumper cables walk into a bar and order a drink.

The bartender says "Okay, but don't start anything."

I ordered an Asian h**..., she arrived 2 hours late

She loves me wrong time.

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"

A little help with your math

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."

Two chemists walk into a bar.

Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

Doctor's orders for more peace in your life

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives after this election, we should always finish things we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished.
I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

The Mathematician and the Waiter

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -
'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.
'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'

A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".

"Your generation is too reliant on technology," my grandfather said to me.

"No, YOUR generation is too reliant on technology!" I said as I pulled the plug of his life support in order to further prove my point.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Two men sit down at a restaurant.

A waitress comes to their table and takes their drink order. When she returns a few minutes later with their beverages, she finds them both eating sandwiches out of paper bags. "Hey!" she says, "you can't eat your own food here!" So they trade sandwiches.

A blonde goes into a library.

She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."
The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"
"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"

So this piece of rope walks into a bar...

...and he tries to order a drink, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind roun' here!" The piece of rope walks outside, ties himself in half a couple times, rubs himself in the dirt and drags his edges. He walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey! Ain't you that same piece of rope?!" The piece of rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.

Ordering a cake over the phone

"And what would you like the cake to say?"
[covers phone to ask wife]
"Honey, do we want a talking cake?"

Why did Medusa order pizza?

Her boyfriend was s**....

A man walks into a bar ...

And proceeds to order a beer. The bartender says, "Sure, that'll be 25 cents please". The man almost spits out his beer in shock.
"Wow, 25 cents! I'll get some chicken wings too!"
The bartender replies, "That'll be 30 cents!"
"Where is the owner", asks the man, "I want to shake his hand!"
"Upstairs with my sister", replies the barkeep.
"Huh, why?", asks the confused costumer.
"He's doing to her, what I'm doing to his bar."

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you r**... 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?

My daughter told me to treat her like a princess...

so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France.

A man walks into a bar, and orders 10 times the amount of drinks as everyone else.

The barman says "now *that's* an order of magnitude!"

A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away

This was a grave mistake

Why Won't Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Take Any Flint Tap Water With Him Overseas In Order To Stick To His Promise That He'd Drink It For A Full Month...?

Because he can't get it through the airport metal detectors.

the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.

So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first
- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guinness
The other two look at him ... 'Lemonade?'
'Well if you're not drinking beer neither am I'

I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon....

I want to see which one comes first.

The waiter came up to our table.

He said, "Can I take your order?"
I said, "Sure."
He said, "Thanks, I'm just really hungry."

Arthur Guinness

The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.

The CEO of Budweiser, Miller and Carlsberg walks into a bar.

The CEO of Budweiser walks up to the bar and orders a Budweiser, after which the CEO of Miller orders a Miller. Then the CEO of Carlsberg says to the bartender: "I'll have a glass of water." The others looks baffled and asks him: "Why didn't you order a Carlsberg?". He replies: "Well, since you're not having beer..."

The Doctor made me walk again...

Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill

A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States

Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

A piece of string walks into a bar...

and tries to order a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here"
The string goes back outside, ties himself up, and messes up his hair.
The string goes back into the bar and orders again.
The bartender asks, "Aren't you that piece of string?"
"No," says the string, "I'm a frayed knot"

United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....

He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.
Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."
Boss: " So what are you saying....?"
Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."

I was sitting in a diner waiting order, when I hear,

"Does anyone know CPR?"
I said, "I know the entire alphabet!"
We all laughed and laughed...except o**....

Ordered 4 drinks at McDonald's..... they wouldn't think all 50 chicken nuggets were for me.

A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.

Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside. Never, he snarled, Never, never, never say we're out of anything- say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway? The clerk said, Rain!

A black man walks into an all white bar and orders a drink.

They tell him "we don't serve n**... here"
And he replies with "Good, I wasn't planning to order any."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.
The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices….

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

Two fat ladies walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order.

A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.

So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...

So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"

What did the Jedi order at the Italian restaurant?

Only one cannoli.

The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..

They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It's not because they're worried about spies cracking the codes. It's just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can't tweet them out.

A guy goes to a cake shop and says:

- Can you please make me a cake that says "you are the only one for me"?
- Yes sir.
- Well, I'll order five of those.

I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls

Apparently it's the ATM machine at my local bank.

Man walks into a bar

and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first b**...". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"

My girlfriend asked me to name off all my s**... partners in order...

I probably should've stopped when I got to her name

An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

How about a q**...? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .

Man walks into a library and orders an incredibly hot curry.

"This is a library", says the librarian
"Oh, sorry", replies the man
"*I'd like to order an incredibly hot curry please*", he whispers

You order one pizza

You love it.
Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.
Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.
That's the domino effect.

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves
Looks like the boa cons tricked her

Why don't French people order 2 eggs in a restaurant?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:
"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

After buying a new sail for my boat, Amazon told me it's too late to cancel my order.

That sail has shipped.

How many digits of pi do you know? - All of them...

I just always forget the order!

Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said:
Burrr… gurrr… King.

A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: h**... - $15'.

The girl asks: 'Can I help?
'Yes,' says the man, 'the h**..., are you the one giving them?'
The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!'
The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'

I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.

I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.
Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people.

I told my wife I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She said, Where would you find the time?

I said, Easy. Right next to the sage.

Order joke, I told my wife I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She said,  Where wo

jokes about order