Following is our collection of anal puns and nsfw one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Oral Sex jokes for adults, dirty foreplay jokes and clean boyfriend dad gags for kids.
and the husband is in the waiting room. The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her crotch, her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes oral sex will bring her out of the coma.
The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."
So that's what she gave me.
Nothing.
She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.
* 1% liked the warmth
* 2% liked the sensation
* 3% liked the eroticism
* 94% just liked the peace and quiet
"You don't look so good today, Bambi," said Barbie.
"You're right," said Bambi. "I feel like I'm coming down with something. My throat really hurts."
Barbie suggested, "You know, whenever I have a sore throat I give my husband oral sex and the next day I feel great."
Bambi carefully considered this. The next day Barbie noticed that Bambi looked better.
"You look much better today. Did you take my suggestion?"
Bambi replied, "I sure did. It worked great. And your husband just couldn't believe that it was your idea!"
Talk about swallowing your pride.
-Oh wicked, what'd she say?
-Thtoph, thtoph!
Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agrees to do it. The nurses leave the man with his wife and give him some privacy. They come back about 10 minutes later and the woman is dead! "What happened?" asks one of the nurses. The man replies, "I dont know...I think she choked."
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think oral sex may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and the woman is flat-lined. What happened?? Yelled the nurse. Her husband replies, I don't know...I think she choked.
Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform oral sex on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."
...& seems hopeless. However one of the nurses noticed slight movement when sponging her private parts & encouraged the husband to try & arouse her. Try a little oral sex is all, you never know. We'll give you privacy. So the husband goes in, but 2 minutes later the wife flat-lines & dies. The nurse runs in & asks what happened.
"I'm not positive, but I think she choked to death!"
....but she actually blew my mind!
...oral sex. She wanted to get in on the act so we started to 69.
...changed my hole perspective.
Having a frog in her throat.
The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her crotch, her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes oral sex will bring her out of the coma.
The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."
The 5 minutes of peace and quiet!
I said "That's hard to swallow."
When Sam gets home from work, John brags to him that he's seen his wife naked.
Sam wants revenge, so that night creeps over to John's yard and catches sight of John's wife performing oral sex.
The next day, Sam approaches John at the mailbox. "Hey, I saw your wife performing oral sex on you last night."
"Ha ha, the joke's on you," John says, "I wasn't home last night!"
This morning I woke my girl with oral sex.
Ohh, what did she say?
"ftop it"
It's too close to the gas chamber.
You should keep your mouth shut
There is a young man walking a tight rope between two high rise buildings. In the same city, at the same time, there is another young man receiving oral sex from from a 80 year old woman. They both are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. What could it be?
DO NOT LOOK DOWN!
Meals on wheels.
But Oh no! Not my sister!
The bartender asks:
"What's the occasion ?"
"I just had my first ever oral sex..." goes the guy.
"Well, this calls for a celebration", says the bartender, and takes out a full bottle, "this is on me".
"Thanks", answers the man, "if this doesn't clear up the taste, nothing will".
At this stage of our marriage, me and the wife only practice oral sex. Whenever we pass each other, we both say , 'fuck you.'
One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.
The other is getting oral sex from an 90-year-old toothless woman.
They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Don't look down.
I'm not Willie Nelson.
Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, 'Fuck you!'"
It was mind blowing.
..is like giving oral sex to your sister. The taste is the same, but deep inside, you know that something is terribly wrong.
She said "ftahp".
All she want's to do is talk about it.
The officer eventually arrested him, despite this. Now he's just some Bobby that he used to blow.
You should never look down
I said "By God".
He says "I've seen it work"
So i go in there, I'm in there about five minutes and i come out.
I say, "Doc, shes choking"
...but she never sleeps with her mouth open.
Just a heads up
.."Home-Made Lemonade: £15.00, Oral Sex: £5.00"
"Here's twenty pounds, girls, but I think you've got your prices mixed up," I chuckled.
"Once you've finished going down on me, you'll be gagging for that lemonade," said the sweaty fat one.
In fact, the entire Third Estate wanted her head!
Doctor: "I'm afraid there's only one way to save her"
Husband: " I'm willing to try anything"
Doctor: " the only you can save her is by going in there and having oral sex. I know it doesn't make sense but I've seen it work, trust me. "
Husband: " my god! If there's a chance it could save her, I'll do it doctor"
5 minutes later
Husband: "doc i think there's a problem, she's choking!"
My inexperienced girlfriend was performing oral sex for the first time. She asked, "Am I doing it right?" To which I replied, "Not if you're talking."
Umami.
A guy enters a bar and orders 6 bacardi coke's. Bartender asks if he has something to celebrate. ''Yes!'' says the guy, ''I had oral sex for the first time!''
Bartender: ''Nice, congrats! The 7th is on the house then!''
The guy: ''No thanks, if the taste sticks after 6 drinks, it wil after 7 as well ...
One of the nurses pulls him aside and tells him that she's heard that occasionally oral sex will cause the person in a coma to wake up. The stimulation could literally jar the person awake. With a sly wink she leaves the hubby alone with his wife. A few minutes later alarm bells are ringing and he's screaming for help. The nurse rushes in to find the hubby pulling up his pants screaming, "I did what you said, but I think she choked."
Floral sex.
Dove.
What is the bird of prey?
Eagle
What is the bird of oral sex?
Swallow
The study suggests a little head may result in a little head.
Because you cannot have your cake and eat it too
A blow jizzle.
Floral sex.
Q: How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex?
A: She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.
A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."
A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."
The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."
The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for oral sex?"
The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."
but it was blown way out of proportion.
A suckcessful one!
When she gets bored she just puts her ear plugs in.
So I'll be doing it one tenth of a time next week.
Munchkins
So I woke her up with oral sex in the morning.
How did she react?
"Mpfhpmhhh... Get this thing out of my mouth, you idiot"
The reception's pretty good, but the phone itself blows.
Said something about "no oral sex in my restaurant" bullshit and told us to never come back
At least I think that's what she was trying to say...
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
I wanna be the nine!
Bless her heart that she doesn't know the price difference.
You don't.
Bed Head.
The liquor store.
I'll give you a taste of what's to come.
...well, that sucks!
They sticksty-nine
then are they being a hypocrite?
But I dont know how it would go down.
There is an abundance of contraceptives jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 78 funniest jokes and oral sex puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lozenges witze you can hear about oral sex.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.