Optometrist Jokes
111 optometrist jokes and hilarious optometrist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about optometrist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is a collection of jokes about optometrists. If you're looking for a good laugh, then read on!
Funniest Optometrist Short Jokes
Short optometrist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The optometrist humour may include short ophthalmologist jokes also.
- An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
- I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist She meant well, but she was just too annoying in bed. She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this.... or like this?"
- I think my optometrist is in love with me. Every time I leave his office he hands me a bottle of contact solution and says "Eye care for you"
- My optometrist says I'm colorblind. I should have realized it a long time ago... I mean, there were green flags everywhere.
- I asked my dad what he was planning to do today. He said he was going to the optometrist to pick up his new prescription then he'd see.
- I'm so glad I stumbled across that optometrist's webpage... ...it was a site for sore eyes.
- "Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing green spots." "Have you seen an optometrist?" "No, just green spots."
- I saw 2 guys wearing matching clothing and asked if they were gay Turns out he was just my optometrist
- A couple getting married are standing at the altar saying their vows... "Do you, Linda, take David the optometrist for better or worse. Better.... Or worse? Better.... Or worse?"
- What do you call an eskimo optometrist? ...An optical Aleutian.
I actually made this one up.
But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.
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Optometrist One Liners
Which optometrist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with optometrist? I can suggest the ones about optician and eye doctor.
- How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1... or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?
- What does the evil optometrist say? "you'll see. You'll all see! Muahahahaha!"
- My plan tomorrow is to visit my optometrist. After that, we'll see.
- How are optometrist jokes like dad jokes? Pretty similar. Just a little cornea.
- what did the optometrist say to the tiny Australian insect? "good eye, mite"
- What did the Australian optometrist say to the client with 20/20 vision? Good eye, mate.
- I asked my optometrist if I could see my eye test results. Probably not, he said.
- Where does a transformer get his glasses from? Optometrist Prime
- I love my optometrist He's a true visionary.
- Why do optometrists live longer? Because they dilate.
- I wouldn't want to work as an optometrist They have to make eye contacts
- I said, "LGBTQIA". The optometrist said, "OK, try the line below that one".
- I once saw a grand opening of an optometrist office It was quite the spectacle.
- The optometrist told me I had Gary Larson disease I'm farsided
- My optometrist told me I have bad vision I don't see the problem
Cheeky Optometrist Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about optometrist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dentist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make optometrist pranks.
I was going to be an optometrist, but couldn't see things clearly.
My girlfriend is going to work for an optometrist
I'm really happy to see her working for someone with a positive outlook
A man goes to his optometrist...
He complains, "Doc, I can't see things far away. What can you do to help?" The optometrist says "Follow me." and heads outside.
He points to the sun and asks the man, "Can you tell me what you see there?" The man replies, "That's the sun, of course!"
The optometrist then says, "How much further do you want to see?!"
Why do optometrists enjoy nautical jokes?
They have a good sense of aqueous humor.
Why should you never ask an optometrist to take your photo?
They stop counting at 2.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At The Eye Doctor's
A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn't see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.
So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of frustration he pulled out his manhood, and asked if she could see it. She said Oh yes Dr i can see it quite clearly.
He said, Just as I thought, you're cockeyed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... visits an optometrist
A c**... goes to see an optometrist because he is having trouble seeing.
Optometrist: "You have a catarac"
c**...: "No, I have a rincorn continenar"
A Polish man goes to the optometrist.
Optometrist asks "Can you please read the bottom line?"
"Read it!? I live next door to him!"
A dyslexic optometrist diagnosed a patient with stigmata.
What do you call a blood-thirsty optometrist?
Macula.
When's the best time to see an optometrist?
When you can't.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regards for his patients?
Asif Eyecare
An Asian goes to the optometrist...
The optometrist says, after a moment or two: "I see what the problem is...you have a cataract."
The Asian immediately replies: "no no, it's a Rincon Continental."
I should have gone to see the optometrist
I can't anymore
As my eyesight gets worse my parents blame video games while my optometrist says it's due to the roundness of my eyeball. One way or the other, there is a stigma.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... with an optometrist can be so tedious...
"better this way or that way? This way or that way? This way or that way? ..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Optometrist dilated my eyes today; everything blurry
Shortest time I have ever spent on the p**..., says the wife...
What did the optometrist give Helium?
A pair of noble glasses
I went all around town looking for an optometrist's office when, at long last, I found one.
It was a site for sore eyes.
So i thought of a couple good optometrist Jokes, Which do you like more #1 or #2
I'll see myself out
What do you call a Transformer that's also an optometrist?
Oculus Prime.
What did the patriotic optometrist say to his hispanic patient?
José can you see?
An man goes to the optometrist
Dr. Li sits him down and begins to go through a full eye exam.
"Oh, no" the doctor says. "I think you have a cataract".
"Nah, Doc" the man replies. "I drive a Porsche"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does an optometrist make love?
Better like this ... or better like this?
What do you call a vegetable optometrist?
A sea cucumber.
An optometrist asks a southern belle what she want from the donut shop.
She respond "eye dude, eclair."
An optometrist asks a woman out on a date
I have a couple of ideas:
1: Dinner
2: Movies
1 or 2? 1.. 2..? 1..... or 2?
I used to work as an optometrist
It was a real eye-opening experience
What do you call an enlightened optometrist?
A visionary.
Why was the optometrist embarrassed?
He made a spectacle of himself.
I went to the optometrist the other day
they said I needed glasses.
well that's not very optimistic.
My polish friend went to the Optometrist the other day.
The Dr. Asked him to read the 6th line down. The letters were "GOLVIJKSTRL". My friend said "Read it? I know the guy!"...
How does an optometrist count?
1... 2... that's 1 again... 2... or how about 3?
A pessimist sees the glass half empty
An optometrist sees the glass in focus.
I made this joke up when I was falling asleep!
What do you call a blind optometrist?
"Eye-rony" !!!!
A guy goes to an optometrist and says
"Doc, I have a big problem! I see everything in doubles!"
To which the doctor replies: "for this small issue, all four of you had to come in?"
Why don't optometrists do drugs?
They're always contact high.
Did you hear about the Optometrist who helps police solve crimes?
He's a Private I
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My optometrist smokes way too much w**......
At my last visit I ended up with a contact high.
Paula's eye exam results showed that she was almost blind, but her optometrist decided to prank her by telling her vision was perfect.
Paula did not see that one coming.
As my mother got older, her vision got worse so her optometrist prescribed her progressive lenses...
Now she can't see race.
At my optometrist I was shown pictures of printers, external hard drives, monitors, and the like.
They said they were testing my peripheral vision.
A patient goes to a new optometrist.
What seems to be the problem?
Well something is wrong with my left eye. It doesn't seem right.
Well that's because it's your left. Any other questions?
An Asian man walks into an optometrist's office
AFter testing the mans vision the doctor says to him
"Sir i belive you have a cataract"
"Nonsense" the man says "I drive a Rincoln"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife went to the doctor
As she laid on the table n**..., she had to tell the Optometrist "My eyes are up here!"
Doc: "Is this better, or is this better?"
Patient: "They're both terrible..."
Doc: "OK, C.... or D?"
Patient: "Why does it even matter?"
Doc: "E... or F?"
Patient: "Who cares... Everything is awful..."
Doc: "Okay sir, you're going to have to leave."
Patient: "Whatever"
And that, my friends, illustrates the essential difference between pessimists and optometrists.
I was at the optometrist's office yesterday. I asked if we could pause the test because I really needed to go to the bathroom.
He asked, "Number one or number two?".
The other day I went to get my eyes tested.
I am quite an anxious person and thought I would try to crack a joke to break the awkward silence.
'Would you like to hear a joke?' I asked
The optometrist replied 'Sure! The cornea the better.'
I was recently told I should date a gentle optometrist.
You know, because she's easy on the eyes.
A stressed Referee goes to a psychologist
He breaks down in front of the doctor, complaining about feeling depressed, and loathed, always disappointing somebody no matter what he does. The doctor is highly sympathetic, and offers comfort - "It must be so hard, I'm glad you came to me. I can help" The doctor starts writing something on a piece of paper and says "Go to this address, and tell the optometrist I sent you".
Why did the man decide to go to the optometrist before trying ecstasy since he wasn't planning on going to the beach?
Eye before E except after Sea.
Had to drive my girlfriend to the optometrist because she was having issues with her vision
Turns out she was seeing other people
What did the wife tell the optometrist?
Stop, you're making a spectacle.
You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?
They'll tell you that your glasses are half full.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's an optometrist's favourite t**... group?
Iris
What did the optometrist say when he walked into another doctor's prostate exam
How many fingers is he holding up?
The world's first eye exam
...was given by Optometrist Prime.
I think my optometrist is evil. When I went for an appointment he came out to the waiting room and shouted:
You'll see! You'll all see!
What do you call an optometrist in-training
A spec-u-later
What did the optometrist yell when he blamed for stealing?
I was framed!
What are your plans for today?
With a friend, we're gonna go see the optometrist.
And then?
And then we'll see...
Went to the optometrist office today and bumped into an old friend!
I also bumped into the optometrist, the receptionist and I knocked over their sunglasses display.
The optometrist said to his patient, "Your results are in."
The patient asked, "Can I see them?"
*"Probably not."*
A Man walks into an optometrist shop
He says," I think my vision is a little blurry, I may need glasses"
"Oh you need glasses for sure"
The man is perplexed," how can you be so sure without testing,?"
"Oh, I am sure, because this is the bank"
A patient walks into an optometrist's office.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This guy I met on the bus was bragging about his wife.
He proudly says "See this picture of my wife, she is gorgeous".
So I tell him "Well, you should see my wife"
He replies "Why, is your wife pretty too"?
To which I reply "No, she's an optometrist"
