Optometrist Jokes
111 optometrist jokes and hilarious optometrist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about optometrist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is a collection of jokes about optometrists. If you're looking for a good laugh, then read on!
Funniest Optometrist Short Jokes
Short optometrist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The optometrist humour may include short ophthalmologist jokes also.
- An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
- How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One or two?
One....or two?
One?........or two? - I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist She meant well, but she was just too annoying in bed. She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this.... or like this?"
- I think my optometrist is in love with me. Every time I leave his office he hands me a bottle of contact solution and says "Eye care for you"
- A friend showed me a photo of his wife. Isn't she stunning? He said.
You should see my wife, I replied.
What, is she stunning, too? He asked.
I said: No, she's an optometrist. - My optometrist says I'm colorblind. I should have realized it a long time ago... I mean, there were green flags everywhere.
- I asked my dad what he was planning to do today. He said he was going to the optometrist to pick up his new prescription then he'd see.
- I'm so glad I stumbled across that optometrist's webpage... ...it was a site for sore eyes.
- "Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing green spots." "Have you seen an optometrist?" "No, just green spots."
- How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Is it One or Two?
One.......or Two?
Share These Optometrist Jokes With Friends
Optometrist One Liners
Which optometrist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with optometrist? I can suggest the ones about optician and eye doctor.
- How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1... or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?
- How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, or two? Three, or four?
- What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regards for his patients? Asif Eyecare
- Guess who I bumped into on my way to the optometrist Everyone
- What does the evil optometrist say? "you'll see. You'll all see! Muahahahaha!"
- My plan tomorrow is to visit my optometrist. After that, we'll see.
- How are optometrist jokes like dad jokes? Pretty similar. Just a little cornea.
- what did the optometrist say to the tiny Australian insect? "good eye, mite"
- How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Or two.
- What did the Australian optometrist say to the client with 20/20 vision? Good eye, mate.
- I asked my optometrist if I could see my eye test results. Probably not, he said.
- Where does a transformer get his glasses from? Optometrist Prime
- Did u know 70% of Chinese optometrists have cataracts The other 30 drive Rincolns
- What did the evil optometrist say They'll see they'll all see
- I asked the optometrist if I could use the bathroom. Number one, or number two?
Cheeky Optometrist Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about optometrist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dentist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make optometrist pranks.
Asian eye problems
So a Chinese man is having trouble with one of his eyes and goes to see the optometrist. When the testing is over, the optometrist tells the man, "I'm sorry, you have a cataract" in which the Chinese man replies "No I dont! I have a rinkoln continental!"
A man goes to his optometrist...
He complains, "Doc, I can't see things far away. What can you do to help?" The optometrist says "Follow me." and heads outside.
He points to the sun and asks the man, "Can you tell me what you see there?" The man replies, "That's the sun, of course!"
The optometrist then says, "How much further do you want to see?!"
An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...
The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, I drive a Rincoln."
I dated an Optometrist, but just had to break up with her
She was a great girl, but really annoying in bed. She kept on saying, "So, do you like it better like this? Or like this?"
I went to the Optometrists to buy some glasses the other day, you'll never guess who I ran into...
Everyone.
At The Eye Doctor's
A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn't see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.
So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of frustration he pulled out his manhood, and asked if she could see it. She said Oh yes Dr i can see it quite clearly.
He said, Just as I thought, you're cockeyed.
What do you call an eskimo optometrist?
...An optical Aleutian.
I actually made this one up.
But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.
When's the best time to see an optometrist?
When you can't.
I went to the optometrist the other day and he told me I was colourblind...
It came right out of the purple
I should have gone to see the optometrist
I can't anymore
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...
A polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?
„Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy!
What do you call a Transformer that's also an optometrist?
Oculus Prime.
A Japanese guy walks into an optometrists office...
He gets examined and the doctor says, "you have a cataract."
The guy replies, "No I don't, I drive a Rincoln."
An man goes to the optometrist
Dr. Li sits him down and begins to go through a full eye exam.
"Oh, no" the doctor says. "I think you have a cataract".
"Nah, Doc" the man replies. "I drive a Porsche"
How does an optometrist make love?
Better like this ... or better like this?
A man walks into his optometrist's office...
The optometrist says to him, "Sorry Steve, but you have to stop m**...."
Steve says, "I knew it. I'm going blind aren't I? I overdid it."
The optometrist says, "You're not going blind, Steve, you're just freaking out everyone in the waiting room."
My optometrist likes to make eye puns
they keep getting cornea and cornea
An optometrist asks a woman out on a date
I have a couple of ideas:
1: Dinner
2: Movies
1 or 2? 1.. 2..? 1..... or 2?
A c**... goes to see his optometrist
A c**... goes to see his optometrist and the doctor says, "Well sir, I think I see you're problem, you seem to have a cataract." The patient replies, "No, you're wrong, I drive a Rincoln Continentu."
The optometrist told me I had Gary Larson disease
I'm farsided
I used to work as an optometrist
It was a real eye-opening experience
Why was the optometrist embarrassed?
He made a spectacle of himself.
I saw 2 guys wearing matching clothing and asked if they were gay
Turns out he was just my optometrist
A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of blurriness in one eye
The optometrist examines him and says "You have a cataract."
To which the Chinese man replies "Noh, I drive Lincoln Coninenal."
I made this joke up when I was falling asleep!
What do you call a blind optometrist?
"Eye-rony" !!!!
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop m**... so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
Did you hear about the Optometrist who helps police solve crimes?
He's a Private I
As my mother got older, her vision got worse so her optometrist prescribed her progressive lenses...
Now she can't see race.
At my optometrist I was shown pictures of printers, external hard drives, monitors, and the like.
They said they were testing my peripheral vision.
A patient goes to a new optometrist.
What seems to be the problem?
Well something is wrong with my left eye. It doesn't seem right.
Well that's because it's your left. Any other questions?
How mamy optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
is it 1, or 2?
Hmm? 1?
…
Or 2?
An Asian man walks into an optometrist's office
AFter testing the mans vision the doctor says to him
"Sir i belive you have a cataract"
"Nonsense" the man says "I drive a Rincoln"
My wife went to the doctor
As she laid on the table n**..., she had to tell the Optometrist "My eyes are up here!"
Doc: "Is this better, or is this better?"
Patient: "They're both terrible..."
Doc: "OK, C.... or D?"
Patient: "Why does it even matter?"
Doc: "E... or F?"
Patient: "Who cares... Everything is awful..."
Doc: "Okay sir, you're going to have to leave."
Patient: "Whatever"
And that, my friends, illustrates the essential difference between pessimists and optometrists.
I was at the optometrist's office yesterday. I asked if we could pause the test because I really needed to go to the bathroom.
He asked, "Number one or number two?".
The other day I went to get my eyes tested.
I am quite an anxious person and thought I would try to crack a joke to break the awkward silence.
'Would you like to hear a joke?' I asked
The optometrist replied 'Sure! The cornea the better.'
Why did the cell phone go see an optometrist?
It needed contacts.
I went to get an eye exam...
The optometrist told me to stop m**....
I asked, Why, does it really cause blindness?
He said, No, it's just really an unprofessional thing to be doing right now.
A stressed Referee goes to a psychologist
He breaks down in front of the doctor, complaining about feeling depressed, and loathed, always disappointing somebody no matter what he does. The doctor is highly sympathetic, and offers comfort - "It must be so hard, I'm glad you came to me. I can help" The doctor starts writing something on a piece of paper and says "Go to this address, and tell the optometrist I sent you".
Why do optometrists live longer?
Because they dilate.
"You need to stop m**... so much!"
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop m**... so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
"You'll see... YOU'LL ALL SEE!"
-My Optometrist
What did the wife tell the optometrist?
Stop, you're making a spectacle.
I love my optometrist
He's a true visionary.
You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?
They'll tell you that your glasses are half full.
My optometrist told me I have bad vision
I don't see the problem
I went to the optometrists office and the doctor said "my god sir you have to stop m**..."
I said: Why doc am I going blind?"
He said: no, but you're upsetting my other patients!
What did the optometrist say when he walked into another doctor's prostate exam
How many fingers is he holding up?
How many optometrist does it take to change a light bulb?
One . . . Or two? . . . One . . . . . . . . Or two?
A Polish man goes to an optometrist.
He takes a seat. The optometrist shows him a sign that says:
SZCZPWSZRBWPWZTC
ZRTCWYBLSMSZTCZ
The optometrist asks, "Can you read the letters?"
The Polish man replies "Of course, I even know the guy!"
I think my optometrist is evil. When I went for an appointment he came out to the waiting room and shouted:
You'll see! You'll all see!
Went to the optometrist office today and bumped into an old friend!
I also bumped into the optometrist, the receptionist and I knocked over their sunglasses display.
The optometrist said to his patient, "Your results are in."
The patient asked, "Can I see them?"
*"Probably not."*
A couple getting married are standing at the altar saying their vows...
"Do you, Linda, take David the optometrist for better or worse. Better.... Or worse? Better.... Or worse?"
A Man walks into an optometrist shop
He says," I think my vision is a little blurry, I may need glasses"
"Oh you need glasses for sure"
The man is perplexed," how can you be so sure without testing,?"
"Oh, I am sure, because this is the bank"
A patient walks into an optometrist's office.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."
What happened to the optometrist that fell into the eyeglass making machine?
He made a spectacle of himself
This guy I met on the bus was bragging about his wife.
He proudly says "See this picture of my wife, she is gorgeous".
So I tell him "Well, you should see my wife"
He replies "Why, is your wife pretty too"?
To which I reply "No, she's an optometrist"
Guy walks in to an optometrist office and sais "Eye-Doctor"?...
Doctor sais, "oh what a coincidence,
I doctor too"
I once saw a grand opening of an optometrist office
It was quite the spectacle.
I just broke up with my gf, who is an Optometrist
She's a fantastic person and I totally connect with her, but she's really annoying in bed.
She's always saying, "So, do you like it better like *this*, or like *this*?"
I said, "LGBTQIA".
The optometrist said, "OK, try the line below that one".
I wouldn't want to work as an optometrist
They have to make eye contacts
Did you hear of the optometrist that fell into the lens grinder?
He made a spectacle of himself. (Old joke)
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife!
He said, "Why? Is she super-hot too?
I said, "No, she's an optometrist!"
Japanese man goes to the optometrist..
Optometrist gives him an examination and says You have a cataract.
Japanese man says No, I drive a rincoln continentrr.
What's a pirate's favourite programming language?
R
What's an optometrist's favourite programming language?
C#
What's IKEA's favourite programming language?
Assembly
What's a herpetologist's favourite programming language?
Python
