Option Jokes
107 option jokes and hilarious option puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about option that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Option Short Jokes
Short option jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The option humour may include short choice jokes also.
- What are the options? Air Hostess to passenger:
"Sir would you like to have dinner?"
Passenger: "What are the options?"
Air Hostess: "Yes and No." - When a girl seductively tells you, "you can stick it wherever you want" Apparently in her roommate is NOT one of the options
- Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him "go big or go home", he only had one option.
- A flight attendant asks a man: -Sir, do you want something to drink?
-What are my options?
-Yes and No - If Facebook buys Gmail.... If Facebook buys Gmail then the 'mark as seen' option would be changed to 'Mark has seen'.
- A flight attendant asked me if I wanted a drink. Me: what are the options?
Her: yes or no - The Military recently announced the adoption of gender-neutral pronouns for all members. Members will be allowed to choose from three options:
* Cannon-fodder
* Expendable
* Dead - I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house. It's a process of illumination.
- I just ordered a realistic replica of my likeness from the neck up. Hopefully someday I can afford the full body option but... I'm getting a head of myself.
- I wish orange was a common color option for android phones Would make it easier to compare them to Apples.
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Option One Liners
Which option one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with option? I can suggest the ones about alternative and choose.
- How do you confuse an Apple user? Give them options.
- "Dress for the job you want," they said. Apparently pornstar wasn't a valid option.
- Kicked a mime in the nuts today. Very effective unmute option.
- Why was google translate banned in North-Korea? The speech option was free
- I failed my Japanese final My only option at this point is to commit sudoku...
- Girl, are you a TSLA stock option? Cause I have no experience, and I want to call you.
- How does a walrus present other options? Or, or, or!
- What do dogs get when they retire? Sock options
- Failure is not an option It comes bundled with your Microsoft package
- Help, My punching bag is hitting me back. My only option is to divorce it!
- When I have two options of getting onto the roof... I always choose the ladder.
- Even time I get dumped, I fall back to PUBG. Because my first 6 options got closed.
- Takeoffs are optional... Landings are mandatory
- What do you call the treatment option for an Inuk with cancer? esCHEMO
- What options does an abortionist have to get ashore? Row vs. Wade
Humorous Option Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about option you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean selection jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make option pranks.
I heard this one at school today
Jack and Amy both work for the same company. Their work is going fine until the economy falls and the company starts downsizing. The boss was given the option to fire one of them. He calls Amy into his office to break her the news. He says: "I'll either have to lay you or j**...".
African Roulette
Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform o**... s**... on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."
(real news) Select Starbucks stores have been offering customers the option of adding carbonation to their drinks.
In response, Dunkin' Donuts is offering customers the option of having an employee make motorboat noises into their coffee.
I dont have s**... on the first date
unless it's an option
Brain Transplant
Heard this joke from a gregarious bus driver in Yosemite:
A man at the hospital is discussing his condition with the doctor. The doctor says:
"So we have some good news, and some bad news."
"Ok... What's the bad news?"
"Your brain is busted. You're gonna need a new one."
"Alright. So what's the good news?"
"You have some options to pick from. First option is a lawyer's brain. This one is expensive. It'll be $5,000."
"Well. A lawyers brain. That's pretty good. What's the next one?"
"Second option is a doctors brain. That's even more expensive. It costs $10,000."
"Wow. $10,000! But a doctor's brain. That's even better. So what's the third option?"
"The third option is a busdriver's brain. And that one is $50,000."
"$50,000!?? Why is it so much??"
"Because that one has never been used. It's like brand new! Fresh outta the box"
Feeling sick before work.
The other day I was hanging out with my buddy Collin and noticed that he doesn't look to good.
He said that he feels like he is going to p**..., has a growing headache and has work in a couple of hours.
He then said "I'm just ganna text my boss Lynn that I'm not feeling well today and will get someone to cover my shift"
With no responce he had only one other option.
Collin had to call Lynn, to call in.
To save chess from extinction, the sport must get sexier
The only option: pawnography.
(The bishops will love it)
I want an option to hit "like" on the hot friend instead of the girl who actually has the tinder account.
Sometimes the friend is better and there is no option on tinder for that.Where is the justice tinder?
Using a pencil to vote in the 2015 General Election...
As safe an option as letting Jimmy Saville volunteer in a Kids Hospital.
Our doctor told us that v**... delivery is definitely an option..
But when the h**... arrived at our place the next day, my wife was *not* pleased.
While filling out a survey, I came across the gender option: Canadian...
I guess you could say I'm Eh-s**....
Starting with the word "why" and always pressing the middle option, what joke is your predictive text trying to tell us all?
After hearing Kim and Kanye are having a kid via in vitro fertilization...
Of course Kanye picked the option where he could have s**... with himself and still have a kid.
Domino's is introducing another health option to their menu...
a new crust stuffed with salad.
COOL HUSBAND :D :P :)
Husband & wife went to Jerusalem. Wife died there.
Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $10000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".
Man:"........ I'll take the body home!!!"
Priest:" Why the costly option?"
Man: " Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. I CAN'T TAKE THE RISK" !!!
Your options when you want to backup your data...
If you want to backup your data, you've got only 2 options. NAS or NSA.
A survey asked me if I was dyslexic
I checked the option for "sye."
Sometimes i feel like the flat bread option at subway
because I'm always available but no one ever wants me to hang out with
A man has an option to turn into any object in the universe, he chose a butter knife.
He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...
Finding other gay guys is a lot like trying to find a job
Your only option is looking online and it's almost impossible to get anything good.
My "Metapod" has been having some problems
When I used Harden . . . It failed. So I tried to find something to help it. After asking my doctor, he said the best option would be to use a PP Up.
America's options in 2016 elections:
1. Person who is okay with b**... people.
2. Person who is really looking forward to b**... people.
Survivors of a plane c**... in the middle of nowhere suddenly ran out of food
"Since we have no more food, the only option we have is cannibalism" one person said.
"But I'm vegan" said his friend.
"It's okay, the guy on the wheelchair is a vegetable"
During my school days I was living on baked beans.
A house would probably have been a smarter option.
Chase releases new feature option to have your balance text to you daily
I just wish they didn't add "lol" at the end of it.
There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical m**... as an option for arthritis patients.
In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.
In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided s**... was the only option.
I just need to talk her into it now.
If Fifth Harmony was unable to perform at the nhl All Star...
They can still have an option to work from home via satellite.
What's the Irishs favorite blackjack option?
Dublin down.
A man sadly became blind.
The doctor said "Conventional medicine offered no cure, BUT! I believe I can cure you by replacing your eyes with cheese!
The man gasped in horror, but was convinced he had no other option, so he said yes.
After the operation, the man opened his eyes. The doctor asked "How's your vision now?" The man answered "Not perfect, but gouda'nough!"
An Englishman wants to transform into an Irish.
He inquires the expert doctor about alternatives.
**Doc**: "We will have to remove the right half of your brain."
**Patient**: "Alright. Let's go through with it."
(The next day, after the procedure...)
**Doc**: "There were serious complications during the operation.
We had to remove your entire brain. There is of course the option of installing a monkey brain."
**Patient**: "Non, non, non. -C'est magnifique!"
Doctor and the Patient
Dr.- your case is quite complicated.
Patient- why doctor? What has happened?
Dr.- You got a disease from the chapter which I left for option during my studies...
What did the Jamaican war hero amputee say to the massage therapist when asked where he wanted to be massaged?
DA FEET IS NADDA OPTION!!
Three doctors are talking about death
The first, a dentist, says, When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.
Hey, adds the cardiologist, that's not a bad idea, I'd love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…
The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, I think scattering of the ashes is my option.
I like options, so I'm looking through universities in Arizona.
They have more degrees.
Donald Trump dies in Israel
After too much effort during a state visit in Israel, Trump collapses of a heart attack. The Israeli officials take the body and tell the Americans : " There's two options."
" The first one, you pay $5,000,000 and we send the body back to the United States so he can be buried there. "
" Second option, you pay $100,000 and we bury him here in the sacred land of Israel"
After much debating, the Americans decided to pay the larger fee and repatriate the body. Surprised, the Israelis ask them why they chose the bigger figure.
" Well, the last time you buried someone he came back after three days so we're not taking any chances !"
What's the only option available to a programmer unsure it if program will work whilst it is compiling?
Latency
So Obama bought some stuff on Amazon
He chose the *ex-pres* shipping option.
Beware of a new scam message going around
I just got a text message saying "Congratulations you are the winner of the Elvis tribute competition.
You have a choice of two prizes you can take,
Option 1 is £50.00
Option 2 is for 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute concert
To make your choice
text
1 for the money or 2 for the show
(disclaimer: stolen from my Facebook feed. Never seen this joke before and wanted to share)
When given the option, always go for apple juice.
O.J will kill ya.
My wife asked me "If you were given the option to find out exactly when and how you would die, would you want to know?"
I said "No, why?"
She said, "Never mind."
I had the option to get a white or black iPhone
What happened when the missile found out her BF was cheating?
She went ballistic. Totally used the nuclear option.
If h**... had a delivery option
Would it be called k**...?
If life was a YouTube video...
Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
I went into a McDonalds and asked for their healthiest option
The cashier pointed me to the toilet
I took my sick dog to the vet, and they told me that the best option was for my dog to go live with some children in China.
Although, I'm surprised that he referred to them as the "youth in Asia".
I just ordered a realistic bust that looks just like me. I couldn't afford the full body option...
but I'm getting a head of myself.
My cousin was planning to take an Uber home, but then his phone died.
For lack of a better option, he took out the amount of cash that he thought would cover the cost plus tip, and he asked a stranger, "If I pay you this cash, would you call me an Uber?". The stranger nodded, took the cash, said "You're an Uber!" and walked away.
A snail walks into a car dealership
It takes a look at the new sportscar. The salesman says the snail would look pretty cool in the new sportscar and the snail agrees.
Salesman asked the snail about option packages, rustproofing...you know the deal. The snail says no to everything offered, but says he wants one thing done to the car...to have 'S' painted all over the car. Salesman, confused, asks why would you want 'S' painted all over your brand new sportscar??? Snail replies "So when I drive by, everybody will say look at that 'S' car go...."
I'm new to this Tinder thing, is delivery an option?
Or is it "pick up" and "Eat out" only?
Sorting by new
I don't get the point of having the option to sort by new because all of the jokes here are all reposts
A wife goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot for the family pet
The wife is given an option and since she doesn't have too much money goes for the cheapest one and wonders why it is cheap. The owner tells her it is because it is from a brothel.
When she arrives home the parrot says: "Another new brothel for s**..."
Then when the daughter arrives the parrot says: "A new face has come"
Then when the father comes home, the parrot says: "John, I haven't seen you in weeks, would you like the usual?"
Technology has come far for girls.
You now have the option for an instant real time choice of various picture filters as makeup instead of your original makeup or double up!
On Election Day, here's a little tip that I learned in high school civics class:
Vote for option C every time, and you'll get at least 75% correct.
You know that option that turns your phone on when you pick it up?
It only works at 1%
My love life is a lot like a celery stick
I'm typically the better option, but everyone chooses junk food instead of me.
[Video Games] I love all the Wolfenstein games but...
...I just wish there was an option to play as the good guys.
Cardi B's search on Spotify jumped by 750%
After Spotify introduced the 'Don't play this artist' option.
Burial dilemma.
Husband & wife went to Jerusalem and the Wife died there.
Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $5,000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".
Man:"I'll take the body home!!!"
Priest:"Why the costly option? You must really love your wife a lot"
Man: "Nothing like that Father.. Just that Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. Why take unnecessary risk!!!
You have two options
You can either starve to death in this hole, or climb the vertical staircase to get out.
Personally, I would take the ladder
Trump goes to Israel
and while praying at the wailing wall, suffers a massive heart attack and dies. The Israeli diplomat says they can bury him in the Holy Land for 100 bucks or embalm him and ship him back for 50k. The American diplomat opts for the 50k option. The Israeli asks why take the most expensive solution? The American responds, well another man buried here rose from the dead and we cannot take that chance.
I always have a hard time answering "what race do you identify with" questions.
ist is never an option
How did you get circumcised? My parents went for the cheap option.
It was a ripoff.
No Contact?
Places seems to be advertising No contact delivery , and No contact click n collect a lot these days. Was there ever a contact option?..
Thanks for the pizza, ready for the cuddle? .
My wife asked me: We're both out of work, rent is two months overdue and the kids are going hungry—what is our option?
# ad-option
-I said
I'm glad that flight attendants are never obese.
So pilots have only one option for a soft landing.
You know when you're opening the tube of Pilsbury crescent rolls but it just tears, then you see the "press spoon here" option?
Spanx ought to sew that line into each of their garments.
lets lie
a kid is given two options, 1) he gets 1m dollars or 2) he gets 100 dollars every time someone lies to him. he chooses the second option. his mom comes into the room and says, "I love you son", he gets 200 dollars.
