Optimistic Jokes
65 optimistic jokes and hilarious optimistic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about optimistic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Optimistic Short Jokes
Short optimistic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The optimistic humour may include short hopeful jokes also.
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...
- A German joke from 1944 How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
- Pessimist: The glass is half empty... Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass! - The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Realist sees the approaching freight train.
The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over... - Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty." EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"
- pessimist vs optimist (x-post from funny) The pessimist says, 'It can't get any worse!' And the optimist replies, 'Oh yes it can!
- A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty, an optimist thinks it is half full... An engineer thinks the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Optimistic One Liners
Which optimistic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with optimistic? I can suggest the ones about pessimistic and optimist pessimist.
- Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!
- A cannibal ate an optimist once He couldn't quite keep him down.
- Pessimist: "My life could not get any worse" Optimist: "Oh sure it can"
- What do you get when you mix a gullible and an optimistic person Read it again
- What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building? So far, so good.
- Why are all optimists blind? They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.
- Today I woke up an optimist... He thanked me for waking him up
- Optimist: Glass half full Pessimist : Glass half empty
Engineer: Glass is too tall. - Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!" Optimist: "Of course they can!"
- What do you call an accordion player with a beeper? An optimistic optimist.
- What do you call a fat woman who carries pepper spray? Optimistic.
- In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up Half to life.
- What blood type do optimists usually have? B positive
- What is an optimist's blood group? B positive.
- What blood type does an optimist have? B+
Laughter Optimistic Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about optimistic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean positive thinking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make optimistic pranks.
Mom takes her sick daughter to the doctor.
The doctor asks the girl, "How old are you?"
Girl: "I will be 7 in two days."
Doctor: "Aww, look how optimistic we are."
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Totally unrelated joke
Son: "Dad, can I cross the street when the red light for pedestrians is on?"
Dad: "Yes, but make sure your arms are up in the air over your head."
Son: "Why is that?"
Dad: "Because it will be easier to t**... shirt in the morgue".
see the light
The pessimist sees no light in the tunnel.
The optimist see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees that the light is a train.
The train driver sees only three fools on the track.
The difference perspective has on optimism and pessimism
After downing half of his glass of milk, my ten year old son declared, "*I am an optimist: 'The glass is half empty!'*..."
"*Looking at the glass as half empty is a sign of pessimism son,*" I said.
He smiled and corrected me: "*Not if you don't like what's in it!*"
I told my friend, "My dad's a glass half-full kind of guy."
He said, "Oh! He's an optimist?"
"No he has Parkinson's Disease."
A pessimist and and an optimist fall off the top of a 100 story building......
The pessimist was heard screaming and cursing as he past the 20th floor. As the optimist fell past he quietly whispered "so far, so good"!
A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates...
The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
A pessimist, an optimist and a realist talk about what they see...
The pessimist says: "I see a dark tunnel."
The optimist says: "I see light at the end of the tunnel."
The realist says: "I think I see a train!"
The train driver screams: "Three morons on the rails!"
What do you call a fat girl with a r**... whistle?
Optimistic.
Optimist: "This glass is half full"
Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"
Feminist: "This glass is r**... me"
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
In Soviet Russia, pessimist says "things couldn't possibly possibly get any worse"...
Russian optimist says "Yes they can!!!"
How do you tell an optimistic tree from a pessimistic tree?
If it's negative, its roots are imaginary.
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.
Once upon a time in a bar far far away....
The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY
The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL
*The woman slapped them both for staring !*
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...
Optimist Prime.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,
While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.
-Opportunist
What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?
A pessimist says "things can't get any worse"
And optimist says "sure they can!"
An optimist and a pessimist are both having a terrible day.
The pessimist complains, this day is horrible, it couldn't get any worse.
The optimist hears this and replies, Oh yes it can.
How many optimists does it take to change a lightbulb.
None. They just find light in the darkness.
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
I hate optimists.
They'll jump out of a plane expecting sunshine and rainbows to cushion their fall. Meanwhile, I'll look both ways before crossing the street and get hit by the optimist.
After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.
After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.
Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.
Okay, the good news is the patient in the next bed has offered you a very generous amount for your slippers...
Imagine telling someone you're bisexual.
Pessimist: That doubles the number of people who are going to reject you.
Optimist: That doubles the number of people you can date.
Realist: 2 times 0 is still 0.
An optimist walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll it be?"
The optimist says, "It'll be okay."
Why are solar panels always optimistic?
They always keep their sunny side up.
A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel
The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
An optimist believes this is the best of all possible worlds.
A pessimist is afraid he's right.
An optimist falls off of a cliff
As he plummets to the ground he observes to himself: So far, so good!
