Optimistic Jokes
65 optimistic jokes and hilarious optimistic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about optimistic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Optimistic Short Jokes
Short optimistic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The optimistic humour may include short hopeful jokes also.
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - A German joke from 1944 How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
- Pessimist: The glass is half empty... Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass! - Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty." EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"
- How many optimists does it take to change a lightbulb. None. They just find light in the darkness.
- How do you tell an optimistic tree from a pessimistic tree? If it's negative, its roots are imaginary.
- A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates... The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
- In Soviet Russia, pessimist says "things couldn't possibly possibly get any worse"... Russian optimist says "Yes they can!!!"
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Optimistic One Liners
Which optimistic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with optimistic? I can suggest the ones about pessimistic and optimist pessimist.
- Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!
- What do you get when you mix a gullible and an optimistic person Read it again
- What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building? So far, so good.
- Why are all optimists blind? They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.
- Today I woke up an optimist... He thanked me for waking him up
- What do you call a fat woman who carries pepper spray? Optimistic.
- In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up Half to life.
- As an optimist, I don't think I have a drinking problem. I have a drinking opportunity.
- What do you call an optimistic programmer? A glass half full stack developer.
- I'm an optimistic pessimist... I see the glass as half empty, but there are free refills
- I got my wife tickets on a cruise ship. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic.
- Why are solar panels always optimistic? They always keep their sunny side up.
- What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full? Optimist Prime
- Optimist: Someone who is still waiting for Half-Life 3
- You know you're an optimist... ...when your blood type is B+
Laughter Optimistic Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about optimistic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean positive thinking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make optimistic pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist is always alone.
An optimist is always two away from a t**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom takes her sick daughter to the doctor.
The doctor asks the girl, "How old are you?"
Girl: "I will be 7 in two days."
Doctor: "Aww, look how optimistic we are."
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Totally unrelated joke
Son: "Dad, can I cross the street when the red light for pedestrians is on?"
Dad: "Yes, but make sure your arms are up in the air over your head."
Son: "Why is that?"
Dad: "Because it will be easier to t**... shirt in the morgue".
The difference perspective has on optimism and pessimism
After downing half of his glass of milk, my ten year old son declared, "*I am an optimist: 'The glass is half empty!'*..."
"*Looking at the glass as half empty is a sign of pessimism son,*" I said.
He smiled and corrected me: "*Not if you don't like what's in it!*"
I told my friend, "My dad's a glass half-full kind of guy."
He said, "Oh! He's an optimist?"
"No he has Parkinson's Disease."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cannibal ate an optimist once
He couldn't quite keep him down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tunnel
Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.
"Whenever one door closes, another opens."
"Wow, you must be very optimistic about life."
"No, I live in a haunted house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Optimist: "This glass is half full"
Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"
Feminist: "This glass is r**... me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
I'm a pessimist and an optimist,
So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.
I came up with my New Year's resolution. I will be more of an optimist
But I know that won't happen. Something will go wrong, and I'll fail.
Once upon a time in a bar far far away....
The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY
The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL
*The woman slapped them both for staring !*
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...
Optimist Prime.
I have a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle that's missing three pieces.
The pessimist said, "Three pieces are missing."
The optimist said, "Ninety-seven pieces are here."
EA said, "It's a full puzzle with three DLCs yet to be purchased."
A pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?
Dave: because you're a pessimist.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,
While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.
-Opportunist
An optimist and a pessimist are both having a terrible day.
The pessimist complains, this day is horrible, it couldn't get any worse.
The optimist hears this and replies, Oh yes it can.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a glass-is-half-full kind of guy
unless that glass contains u**..., in which case I find it difficult to remain optimistic.
An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a Bar
The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees 3 idiots standing in the way of his train.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate optimists.
They'll jump out of a plane expecting sunshine and rainbows to cushion their fall. Meanwhile, I'll look both ways before crossing the street and get hit by the optimist.
After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.
After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.
Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.
Okay, the good news is the patient in the next bed has offered you a very generous amount for your slippers...
Imagine telling someone you're bisexual.
Pessimist: That doubles the number of people who are going to reject you.
Optimist: That doubles the number of people you can date.
Realist: 2 times 0 is still 0.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the optimist say in h**...?
Well, at least it's a dry heat.
An optimist walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll it be?"
The optimist says, "It'll be okay."
When I grew up in America, I was told that if I work real hard, someday I could be the next President of the United States.
I live in the UK now and noticed that the British aren't as optimistic as Americans.
But as an optimist, I still tell my son that if he worked real hard, someday he could be the next Queen of England.
Glass half full
Optimist thinks the glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist thinks the glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel knows the glass is February the 1st.
A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel
The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
