Optimist Pessimist Jokes
110 optimist pessimist jokes and hilarious optimist pessimist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about optimist pessimist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Optimist Pessimist Short Jokes
Short optimist pessimist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The optimist pessimist humour may include short optimist jokes also.
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - A German joke from 1944 How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
- Pessimist: The glass is half empty... Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass! - The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Realist sees the approaching freight train.
The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over... - Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty." EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"
- pessimist vs optimist (x-post from funny) The pessimist says, 'It can't get any worse!' And the optimist replies, 'Oh yes it can!
- A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty, an optimist thinks it is half full... An engineer thinks the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
- What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist? A pessimist says "things can't get any worse"
And optimist says "sure they can!"
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Optimist Pessimist One Liners
Which optimist pessimist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with optimist pessimist? I can suggest the ones about pessimist and hopeful.
- Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!
- Pessimist: "My life could not get any worse" Optimist: "Oh sure it can"
- Optimist: Glass half full Pessimist : Glass half empty
Engineer: Glass is too tall. - Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!" Optimist: "Of course they can!"
- I'm an optimistic pessimist... I see the glass as half empty, but there are free refills
- The pessimist says It can't get any worse . The optimist says Of course it can!
- Optimists say the bottle is half full. Pessimists say the bottle is half empty
- Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic? Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
- "It feels great being a pessimist..." - The "Optimist"
- I'm not a pessimist I'm just an experienced optimist
- Why did an optimist date a pessimists? Because they felt an attractive force.
- Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist?
A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist. - The optimist says the glass is half full The pessimist says he's empty
- If pessimists are negative... Does that mean optimists have AIDS?
- A pessimist is always alone. An optimist is always two away from a t**....
Witty Optimist Pessimist Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about optimist pessimist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean introvert extrovert jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make optimist pessimist pranks.
What is the difference between a Russian optimist, pessimist and realist?
The optimist studies English.
The pessimist studies Chinese.
The realist stays home and cleans his kalashnikov.
Optimist: It's only 7 o' clock. Pessimist: It's already 7 o' clock. Feminist: The clock is being r**....
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
see the light
The pessimist sees no light in the tunnel.
The optimist see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees that the light is a train.
The train driver sees only three fools on the track.
Optimism
I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optimist. I just don't have a whole lot to work with.
4 different views of a tunnel
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Glass with Water
This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any.
Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass.
Optimist: Half Full
Pessimist: Half Empty
Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be
Example Variation:
Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)
The Middle East reminds me of that old joke about the optimist and the pessimist
The pessimist says "everything's terrible, it can't get any worse." the optimist says "oh yes it can."
A pessimist and and an optimist fall off the top of a 100 story building......
The pessimist was heard screaming and cursing as he past the 20th floor. As the optimist fell past he quietly whispered "so far, so good"!
What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist?
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The pessimist sees nothing.
And the realist sees the train.
The glass is half full.
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The engineer says the glass has a factor of safety of 2.
What's the definition of a pessimist?
What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
That was the favorite joke of my englishteacher in elementary school ;)
They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty.
Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me.
Engineers
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary.
Optimist- The glass is half full
Pessimist- The glass is half empty
Engineer- The glass is twice the size it needs to be.
College Student- I can't afford the glass.
Engineers' view about a glass of water!
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.
A pessimist fears that this is true.
An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty...
... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
The pessimist in me says 'the glass is half empty'...
The optimist in me says 'at least it's whiskey'.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full.
The reposter says the glass is half full
A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates...
The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
Pessimist had not s**... for a long time
Optimist had s**... but long ago
A pessimist, an optimist and a realist talk about what they see...
The pessimist says: "I see a dark tunnel."
The optimist says: "I see light at the end of the tunnel."
The realist says: "I think I see a train!"
The train driver screams: "Three morons on the rails!"
Optimist: "This glass is half full"
Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"
Feminist: "This glass is r**... me"
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
The realist, optimist, and pessimist find a note under their 3 empty glasses
It says "Sorry, but while you were arguing whether your drinks were half full or half empty, I drank them.
Love from the opportunist"
The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
In Soviet Russia, pessimist says "things couldn't possibly possibly get any worse"...
Russian optimist says "Yes they can!!!"
An optimist and a pessimist are discussing life
The optimist says, "this is the best of all possible worlds!"
The pessimist sighs and responds, "you're right."
The optimist sees the light in the tunnel, The pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel, The realist sees the train in the tunnel,
The traindriver sees 3 idiots on the railway.
How do you tell an optimistic tree from a pessimistic tree?
If it's negative, its roots are imaginary.
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.
An optimist sees a glass half full...
A pessimist sees the glass half empty.
A kleptomaniac sees the glass.
Glass of water
Optimists: the glass is half full!
pessimists: the glass is half empty!
Russians: glass no have v**...
If your a optimist the cup is half full, if you are a pessimist the cup is half empty.
If your a feminist, the cup is being r**...
I'm a pessimist and an optimist,
So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.
Soviet pessimists and optimists
Soviet pessimist say "Ilya, things couldn't possibly get any worse"
Soviet optimist, with a big grin, says "Yes they can Sasha"
Optimists after watching Leibniz: "Well at least Marius and Cosette got married"
Pessimists: "That part wasn't really my Nietzche"
Back in the days of the USSR, the optimists studied english, the pessimists - russian.
Tha realists - AK-47...
My German grandfather told me this joke from 1944 before he passed on this morning
How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
A pessimist, a optimistic, and an EA employee walk into a bar and are trying to help their friend find a date...
An optimist and pessimist are arguing about philosophy.
The optimist declares, This is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist sighs and says, You're right.
Pessimist sees nothing but darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Train driver sees two idiots standing on the tracks.
Once upon a time in a bar far far away....
The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY
The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL
*The woman slapped them both for staring !*
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist...
While you guys were having your discussion about the glass of water, I drank it!
Sincerely,
The Opportunist
The pessimist doesn't se the the light at the end of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train in the tunnel...
... and the the train driver sees the three insane people on rails.
The optimist says, "The glass is half full." The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
The rationalist says, "This glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
I have a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle that's missing three pieces.
The pessimist said, "Three pieces are missing."
The optimist said, "Ninety-seven pieces are here."
EA said, "It's a full puzzle with three DLCs yet to be purchased."
A pessimist, an optimist and an engineer where discussing how full a glass is...
The pessimist says it's half empty.
The optimist says it's half full.
The engineer says it's half as big as it should be to contain the amount in it.
A pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?
Dave: because you're a pessimist.
A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says the glass is half full.
The engineer says the glass is too big.
A glass of water that is half full
Optimist: The Glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Thanos: Perfectly balanced.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,
While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.
-Opportunist
The scariest thought of a pessimist
Optimists think that we live in the best of all worlds.
That's just what pessimists are so scared about.
An optimist, a pessimist and a feminist look at a glass of water
The optimist says: "The glass is half full."
The pessimist says: "The glass is half empty."
The feminist says: "The glass is being r**...."
Pakistani proverb.
Optimistic students take English. Pessimistic students take Chinese. Realists take Kalashnikov assault rifle.
An optimist and a pessimist are both having a terrible day.
The pessimist complains, this day is horrible, it couldn't get any worse.
The optimist hears this and replies, Oh yes it can.
Dear Optimistic and pessimistic persons,
While you were arguing weather the glass was half full or half empty, I drank it.
Yours truly:
The Opportunist.
A optimist, a pessimist, and a realist walks into a bar.
The optimist sees the bar as half empty and can fit more people to have fun with.
The pessimist sees the bar as half full and the three might not have much fun in the bar.
The realist called the police to arrest everyone here for disobeying lockdown rules.
Perspective
The optimist says "The glass is half full."
The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."
The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."
An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a Bar
The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise
Optimist: the glass is half full
**Pessimist:** the glass is half empty
**2020:** that's pee isn't it?
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
A pessimist, optimist, and realist are standing in a tunnel.
The pessimist thinks about the darkness surrounding them. The optimist thinks about the light they will reach at the end. The realist thinks about freight trains that might be near.
And the train conductor thinks about what might happen if these 3 idiots don't move
