Optimist Pessimist Jokes
83 optimist pessimist jokes and hilarious optimist pessimist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about optimist pessimist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Optimist Pessimist Short Jokes
Short optimist pessimist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The optimist pessimist humour may include short optimist jokes also.
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - A German joke from 1944 How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
- Pessimist: The glass is half empty... Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass! - Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty." EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"
- How do you tell an optimistic tree from a pessimistic tree? If it's negative, its roots are imaginary.
- A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates... The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
- In Soviet Russia, pessimist says "things couldn't possibly possibly get any worse"... Russian optimist says "Yes they can!!!"
- Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.
-Opportunist
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Optimist Pessimist One Liners
Which optimist pessimist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with optimist pessimist? I can suggest the ones about pessimist and hopeful.
- Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!
- I'm an optimistic pessimist... I see the glass as half empty, but there are free refills
- Optimists say the bottle is half full. Pessimists say the bottle is half empty
- Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic? Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
- "It feels great being a pessimist..." - The "Optimist"
- I'm not a pessimist I'm just an experienced optimist
- Why did an optimist date a pessimists? Because they felt an attractive force.
- A pessimist is always alone. An optimist is always two away from a t**....
- Pessimist had not s**... for a long time Optimist had s**... but long ago
- an optimist, a pessimist, and a nihilist live in a shared apartment. dah- dum -- c**...!
- If pessimists are negative... Does that mean optimists have AIDS?
Witty Optimist Pessimist Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about optimist pessimist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean introvert extrovert jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make optimist pessimist pranks.
What is the difference between a Russian optimist, pessimist and realist?
The optimist studies English.
The pessimist studies Chinese.
The realist stays home and cleans his kalashnikov.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Optimist: It's only 7 o' clock. Pessimist: It's already 7 o' clock. Feminist: The clock is being r**....
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Optimism
I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optimist. I just don't have a whole lot to work with.
Glass with Water
This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any.
Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass.
Optimist: Half Full
Pessimist: Half Empty
Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be
Example Variation:
Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)
Glass half-empty or half full?
The optimist will say that the glass is half-full.
The pessimist will say that the glass is half-empty.
The engineer will say that the glass is 2 times bigger than it needs to be.
The politician will say that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge.
The project manager will say that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
The fanatic will say that the glass is full, even though it isn't.
The IT support person will say that you should try emptying the glass and then refilling it.
Anyone else?
Ten Science Jokes for Nerds
* I'm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
* Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers.
* Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
* Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
* A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
What do we want? .
Time travel
When do we want it? .
Irrelevant.
* What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
* A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies For you, no charge .
* Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm positive.
* An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
The Middle East reminds me of that old joke about the optimist and the pessimist
The pessimist says "everything's terrible, it can't get any worse." the optimist says "oh yes it can."
What's the definition of a pessimist?
What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
That was the favorite joke of my englishteacher in elementary school ;)
They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty.
Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Engineers
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary.
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.
A pessimist fears that this is true.
The pessimist in me says 'the glass is half empty'...
The optimist in me says 'at least it's whiskey'.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full.
The reposter says the glass is half full
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Optimist: "This glass is half full"
Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"
Feminist: "This glass is r**... me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
An optimist is a well-instructed pessimist.
The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
An optimist sees a glass half full...
A pessimist sees the glass half empty.
A kleptomaniac sees the glass.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Glass of water
Optimists: the glass is half full!
pessimists: the glass is half empty!
Russians: glass no have v**...
I'm a pessimist and an optimist,
So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.
Optimists after watching Leibniz: "Well at least Marius and Cosette got married"
Pessimists: "That part wasn't really my Nietzche"
A child psychologist had twin boys
one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist's room with toys and games. In the optimist's room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings.
That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying.
What's wrong? the father asked.
I have a ton of game manuals to read … I need batteries … and my toys will all eventually get broken! sobbed the pessimist.
Passing the optimist's room, the father found him dancing for joy around the pile of droppings. Why are you so happy? he asked.
The optimist shouted, There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!
Back in the days of the USSR, the optimists studied english, the pessimists - russian.
Tha realists - AK-47...
My German grandfather told me this joke from 1944 before he passed on this morning
How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
A pessimist, a optimistic, and an EA employee walk into a bar and are trying to help their friend find a date...
An optimist and pessimist are arguing about philosophy.
The optimist declares, This is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist sighs and says, You're right.
Once upon a time in a bar far far away....
The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY
The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL
*The woman slapped them both for staring !*
The pessimist doesn't se the the light at the end of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train in the tunnel...
... and the the train driver sees the three insane people on rails.
I have a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle that's missing three pieces.
The pessimist said, "Three pieces are missing."
The optimist said, "Ninety-seven pieces are here."
EA said, "It's a full puzzle with three DLCs yet to be purchased."
A pessimist always sleeps with a knife under the pillow
Optimist too - suddenly someone will сome with a cakelet
A pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?
Dave: because you're a pessimist.
A glass of water that is half full
Optimist: The Glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Thanos: Perfectly balanced.
The scariest thought of a pessimist
Optimists think that we live in the best of all worlds.
That's just what pessimists are so scared about.
The pessimist sees a tunnel
The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a train.
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees the train coming towards them, but…
The engineer sees three idiots on the tracks
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Mother: Why didnt you use a coaster
What is the difference between an optimist, a pessimist and me?
An optimist thinks the glass is half full.
A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty.
And I think, "Why is it always about glass?"
How can you tell an optimist from a pessimist?
Ask them to pronounce OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE.
A pessimist and an optimist are at a bar having a drink.
The pessimist says "things can't be going any worse for me right now". The optimist says, "yeah they can".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pakistani proverb.
Optimistic students take English. Pessimistic students take Chinese. Realists take Kalashnikov assault rifle.
An optimist and a pessimist are both having a terrible day.
The pessimist complains, this day is horrible, it couldn't get any worse.
The optimist hears this and replies, Oh yes it can.
A optimist, a pessimist, and a realist walks into a bar.
The optimist sees the bar as half empty and can fit more people to have fun with.
The pessimist sees the bar as half full and the three might not have much fun in the bar.
The realist called the police to arrest everyone here for disobeying lockdown rules.
An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a Bar
The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Optimist: the glass is half full
**Pessimist:** the glass is half empty
**2020:** that's pee isn't it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees 3 idiots standing in the way of his train.
Imagine telling someone you're bisexual.
Pessimist: That doubles the number of people who are going to reject you.
Optimist: That doubles the number of people you can date.
Realist: 2 times 0 is still 0.
The Optimist says "the glass is half full"
The Pessimist says, "NO it's half empty!"
The Urologist says, "well it's gonna be full soon!"
The Urophiliac says, "aaaawwww yeah!"
Glass half full
Optimist thinks the glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist thinks the glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel knows the glass is February the 1st.
A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel
The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
