Opposite Sides Jokes
32 opposite sides jokes and hilarious opposite sides puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opposite sides that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Opposite Sides Short Jokes
Short opposite sides jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opposite sides humour may include short opposite jokes also.
- An Englishman and an Irishman are standing on opposite sides of a river The Englishman asks "How do I get to the other side?"
The Irishman yells back "What'r ye talkin about? you're already there!" - What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world? Molar opposites.
- Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country? Because opposite poles attract
- Why are chromosomes like fighting prisoners? They both get pulled apart to opposite sides of the cell.
- If while building a wood project you find that many of your nails are pointed on the wrong end Don't throw them away. Save them for the opposite side of the project.
- Why did Ajit Pai cross the road? Because Verizon payroll services was on the opposite side.
- Taking the side length that's opposite of an angle in a right triangle is very much frowned upon. It's considered a sin.
- I'm writing a musical love story set in the '50s about 2 teens from the opposite sides of the tracks, falling in love during the National Origami Qualifiers. I'm calling it "Crease."
- TIL there are two Slavic nations located on the opposite sides of the globe. They are North and South Poles.
- My girlfriend suggested we watch all five seasons of Breaking Bad back to back So I put two TVs on opposite sides of the room.
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Opposite Sides One Liners
Which opposite sides one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opposite sides? I can suggest the ones about opposite direction and opposite word.
- Why don't Polar Bears eat Penguins? Because they live on opposite sides of the earth.
Laughter Opposite Sides Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about opposite sides you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opposite day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opposite sides pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[garden of eden]
**Snake:** Pssst! want an apple?
**Eve:** No thanks, I do not sin.
**Snake:** What's the length of the opposite side of a 30° right triangle with a hypotenuse of 20?
**Eve:** 10
**Snake:** Thanksss
**Adam:** How did you calculate that?
**Eve:** Oh no.
A private school dance...
There are two private middle schools having a school dance together in on of the school's gyms. One is an all girls' school, and the other is an all boys' school.
All of the kids are dancing in the middle of the school's gym and having a pretty good time...except for one girl with a peg leg and one boy with a wooden eye.
After about a half an hour of standing on opposite sides of the gym, the boy finally musters up the courage to speak to the girl.
The boy says to her "Hi I think you're very pretty, would you like to dance with me?"
Excited, the girl sweetly says "Would I!"
After a moment, the boy growls back at her "peg leg!"
The Wasp
There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted and breezes through, finishing with 5 phDs. He then decides he wants to go into politics. He starts out municipally and then onto state government, until he finally decides to run for President of the United States. He wins in a landslide, he was so popular that it was rumoured the opposition even voted for him. After his 8 years in office (yes, he got reelected) he remembers all the other wasps he left behind in the hive. He goes back to visit them. He sees his mother, his father, his auntie, his uncle, his brothers, his sisters, his cousins, and his one in-bred half brother on his dads side. When he is there he gets thirsty, he goes to the watering hole but there is a gigantic line, he estimates that it would take him 3 days to get a drink. "No point in waiting that long." He said. Then he made his way to the cider, but there is an even longer line there. Suddenly, he remembers that almost no one drinks punch in his hive. He makes his way over to the punch bowl, and guess what? There is no punchline.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A convict imprisoned for 1st degree m**... escaped from prison.
On the run, he broke into a young couple's house and tied each of them up on opposite sides of the room. He went over to the wife and bent over beside her, appearing to be kissing her neck. He suddenly got up and left the room. Quickly, the husband rushed to his wife and whispered, "This guy probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing your neck and he probably wants to have s**... with you. Just cooperate with him and pretend to enjoy it because our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you."
His wife whispers back, "You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck...he was whispering in my ear. He thinks that you're really cute and asked if there was any l**... in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you too."
A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..
During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?"
Filled with excitement, she yells "Would I?!"
Without missing a beat, the man retorts: "BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!"
A blonde and her friend...
Are recently hired putting up siding on a house. They're working on opposite sides so the first one goes to check on the second. She watches as she pulls a nail from her bag, lookas at it, and throws it away. She hollers up and asks what that was about. The second blonde says some of the nails are defective. The point is facing the wrong way so she throws those out. The first blonde says, " You idiot! They aren't defective, they're for the other side of the house "
Another 'intelligent' joke
Once a guy was putting a saddle on the horse but on the opposite side of the horse. A passerby stops, laughs and says "Buddy, you are putting the saddle on the other side of the horse". The guy slaps the passerby and says "How do you know which way I am going ?"
Breakfast Wife
(Overheard at work)
I was eating breakfast at a dinner with the old lady when the man at the next booth says to his wife, "Please pass the sugar, sugar".
A short time later at the booth on the opposite side of me, the man says to his wife, "Please pass the honey, honey".
Annoyed, my wife says to me "How come you never talk sweet to me like that?"
"Ok", I say, "Please pass the bacon, pig."
A mathematician goes to a confession booth...
He says to the priest: 'Father, I have a sin to confess'
The priest says: 'Don't worry, tell me and the lord will see if he can forgive you'
The mathematician says: 'I used the opposite side instead of the adjacent to calculate cos.'
A narcissist walks into a bar...
A narcissist walks into a bar and orders a drink for the handsome gent winking at him from the opposite side of the room.
The bartender looks around.
"Sir, that's a mirror."
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...
The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"
The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"
A brother and his sister are standing at opposite sides of a river
The sister says "How did you get to the other side of the river?!" The brother responds with: " You are already on the other side!"
A guy has a flat just outside of an insane asylum
He knows this and is nervous while changing the tire.
It doesn't help that one of the patients is watching him from the other side of the fence. The guy drops two of the lug nuts and can't find them. Starts to panic.
The patient speaks up: "Just tighten up the remaining two opposite from one another. Should last till you get to a gas station." The guy thinks about this, does so, and straightens up. "Pretty smart....uh, what are doing there ?" The patient replies "I'm here for being crazy, not being dumb."
A guy California short stops a stop sign
And keeps going down an empty road. A cop who was sitting at the opposite corner sees this and pulls him over.
As he heads towards the drivers side door, the driver is rolling down his window and asks "What seems to be the issue, officer?"
"Well, I saw you didn't stop at the stop sign," he replies. "Is there any reason for that?"
The driver says, "Well there isn't anyone around, I figured it wouldn't hurt much, I did slow down."
So the officer pulls out his baton and starts wailing on the driver in his car.
As he's beating him, he's yelling "SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SLOW DOWN OR STOP?!"
The Interview
A man goes into an office for an interview.
He sits down on the opposite side of the table of his interviewer.
*couple hours later*
Interviewer: Hey, everything looks great and you seem like the right person for the job. I just have one more question, it seems that you were unemployed for 4 years. May I ask why?
Man: Oh, I just was going to Yale.
Impressed, the interviewer hires him on the spot and sends him on his way.
However, right before the man leaves, he calls his wife and says:
Honey, I did it! I got the yob!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two junkies are sitting on opposite sides of a table
The first j**... says "You know, its a thin line between you and me"
What do you get what two Soccer players see each other on the street walking on opposite sides?
An assault charge.
A bolt is in love with a nail fixed in a wall on the opposite side of the room...
The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual, so the bolt decides to compliment it and shouts to the nail, "Hey stud!"
"Ugh, screw off!"
Needless to say, the bolt won't be getting nailed tonight.
A young adult named Bob enters a confessional
Bob: Forgive me father, for I have sined.
Priest: It's pronounced 'sinned', but that's unimportant, what have you done?
Bob: I divided the opposite side by the Hypotenuse on a right triangle
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pope and Bill Clinton die on the same day
Pope and bill clinton die on the same day. Due to a bureaucratic mistake, Pope goes to h**..., Bill Clinton goes to heaven but they correct the mistake after a short time. On their way to opposite sides Bill Clinton and Pope run into each other and start a conversation. Pope talks about how much he wants to meet v**... Mary and Bill Clinton goes
-You missed that chance by 10 minutes