JokoJokes

Opposite Sides Jokes

55 opposite sides jokes and hilarious opposite sides puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opposite sides that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Opposite Sides Short Jokes

Short opposite sides jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opposite sides humour may include short opposite jokes also.

  1. Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake. One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",
    to which the other replies "You are on the other side!"
  2. A horse walks into a bar and says, On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle? The bartender says, Y, the long face.
  3. Two men are on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts: How do I get to the other side?
    The second shouts back: You are on the other side!
  4. Two blonds are on opposite sides of a river "Hey!!! How do I get on the other side??"
    "You idiot!! You're already on the other side!!!"
  5. An Englishman and an Irishman are standing on opposite sides of a river The Englishman asks "How do I get to the other side?"
    The Irishman yells back "What'r ye talkin about? you're already there!"
  6. What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world? Molar opposites.
  7. Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of a lake -Hey, how do I get to the other side? Yelled one blonde
    -You are already on the other side. The other one answered
  8. Two men are on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts to the second... "How do i get to the other side of the river"
    The second man shouts back :
    "You are on the other side of the river."
  9. Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country? Because opposite poles attract
  10. 2 Blondes On Opposite River Banks 1 Yelled "How Do I Get To The Other Side"? She Yelled Back "You'r On The Other Side".

Share These Opposite Sides Jokes With Friends




Opposite Sides One Liners

Which opposite sides one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opposite sides? I can suggest the ones about opposite direction and sides.

  1. Why don't Polar Bears eat Penguins? Because they live on opposite sides of the earth.

Laughter Opposite Sides Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about opposite sides you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opposite word jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opposite sides pranks.

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.


One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

[garden of eden]


**Snake:** Pssst! want an apple?
**Eve:** No thanks, I do not sin.
**Snake:** What's the length of the opposite side of a 30° right triangle with a hypotenuse of 20?
**Eve:** 10
**Snake:** Thanksss
**Adam:** How did you calculate that?
**Eve:** Oh no.

2 Blondes are standing on opposite sides of a river...

...One blonde yells across, "How did you get to the other side?"
the other blonde looks confused and yells back, "Don't be s**..., you're already on the other side!"

At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.
The other is getting o**... s**... from an 90-year-old toothless woman.
They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Don't look down.

The Wasp

There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted and breezes through, finishing with 5 phDs. He then decides he wants to go into politics. He starts out municipally and then onto state government, until he finally decides to run for President of the United States. He wins in a landslide, he was so popular that it was rumoured the opposition even voted for him. After his 8 years in office (yes, he got reelected) he remembers all the other wasps he left behind in the hive. He goes back to visit them. He sees his mother, his father, his auntie, his uncle, his brothers, his sisters, his cousins, and his one in-bred half brother on his dads side. When he is there he gets thirsty, he goes to the watering hole but there is a gigantic line, he estimates that it would take him 3 days to get a drink. "No point in waiting that long." He said. Then he made his way to the cider, but there is an even longer line there. Suddenly, he remembers that almost no one drinks punch in his hive. He makes his way over to the punch bowl, and guess what? There is no punchline.

A convict imprisoned for 1st degree m**... escaped from prison.

On the run, he broke into a young couple's house and tied each of them up on opposite sides of the room. He went over to the wife and bent over beside her, appearing to be kissing her neck. He suddenly got up and left the room. Quickly, the husband rushed to his wife and whispered, "This guy probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing your neck and he probably wants to have s**... with you. Just cooperate with him and pretend to enjoy it because our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you."
His wife whispers back, "You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck...he was whispering in my ear. He thinks that you're really cute and asked if there was any l**... in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you too."

A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..

During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?"
Filled with excitement, she yells "Would I?!"
Without missing a beat, the man retorts: "BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!"

A blonde and her friend...

Are recently hired putting up siding on a house. They're working on opposite sides so the first one goes to check on the second. She watches as she pulls a nail from her bag, lookas at it, and throws it away. She hollers up and asks what that was about. The second blonde says some of the nails are defective. The point is facing the wrong way so she throws those out. The first blonde says, " You idiot! They aren't defective, they're for the other side of the house "

Two blondes were tubing down a river...

Two blondes were tubing down a river when they got pulled into the rapids. Their tubes capsized and floated off without them and they ended up on opposite sides of the river.
One yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?"
The other yells back, "You're on the other side!"

Ski Lodge

Three guys go to a ski lodge, unfortunately there isnt enough rooms so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night one of the guys wakes up and says "I just had an amazing dream that I was getting a h**...!"
The one on the opposite side responds "really? So did I!"
The guy in the middle groggily says "I was just dreaming that I was skiing."

Another 'intelligent' joke

Once a guy was putting a saddle on the horse but on the opposite side of the horse. A passerby stops, laughs and says "Buddy, you are putting the saddle on the other side of the horse". The guy slaps the passerby and says "How do you know which way I am going ?"

Breakfast Wife

(Overheard at work)
I was eating breakfast at a dinner with the old lady when the man at the next booth says to his wife, "Please pass the sugar, sugar".
A short time later at the booth on the opposite side of me, the man says to his wife, "Please pass the honey, honey".
Annoyed, my wife says to me "How come you never talk sweet to me like that?"
"Ok", I say, "Please pass the bacon, pig."

The River

A blonde and a brunette are standing on opposite sides of a river.
The brunette yells to the blonde "HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER?"
The blonde yells back "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU IDIOT!!"

Two blondes are standing in opposite sides of the river.

One yells:
- HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SHORE?!
The other answers:
- YOU ARE IN THE OTHER SHORE!

A mathematician goes to a confession booth...

He says to the priest: 'Father, I have a sin to confess'
The priest says: 'Don't worry, tell me and the lord will see if he can forgive you'
The mathematician says: 'I used the opposite side instead of the adjacent to calculate cos.'

A narcissist walks into a bar...

A narcissist walks into a bar and orders a drink for the handsome gent winking at him from the opposite side of the room.
The bartender looks around.
"Sir, that's a mirror."

A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...

The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"
The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"

When you add the same thing to both sides of an equation, it remains true.

Therefore, since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then 'progress' is the opposite of 'Congress'.

A brother and his sister are standing at opposite sides of a river

The sister says "How did you get to the other side of the river?!" The brother responds with: " You are already on the other side!"

My girlfriend suggested we watch all five seasons of Breaking Bad back to back

So I put two TVs on opposite sides of the room.

A guy has a flat just outside of an insane asylum

He knows this and is nervous while changing the tire.
It doesn't help that one of the patients is watching him from the other side of the fence. The guy drops two of the lug nuts and can't find them. Starts to panic.
The patient speaks up: "Just tighten up the remaining two opposite from one another. Should last till you get to a gas station." The guy thinks about this, does so, and straightens up. "Pretty smart....uh, what are doing there ?" The patient replies "I'm here for being crazy, not being dumb."

Two blondes are sitting on opposite sides of a river

One blonde calls out to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks back quizzically and replies, "But you're already on the other side."

TIL there are two Slavic nations located on the opposite sides of the globe.

They are North and South Poles.

A guy California short stops a stop sign

And keeps going down an empty road. A cop who was sitting at the opposite corner sees this and pulls him over.
As he heads towards the drivers side door, the driver is rolling down his window and asks "What seems to be the issue, officer?"
"Well, I saw you didn't stop at the stop sign," he replies. "Is there any reason for that?"
The driver says, "Well there isn't anyone around, I figured it wouldn't hurt much, I did slow down."
So the officer pulls out his baton and starts wailing on the driver in his car.
As he's beating him, he's yelling "SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SLOW DOWN OR STOP?!"

Why did Ajit Pai cross the road?

Because Verizon payroll services was on the opposite side.

I'm writing a musical love story set in the '50s about 2 teens from the opposite sides of the tracks, falling in love during the National Origami Qualifiers.

I'm calling it "Crease."

Two junkies are sitting on opposite sides of a table

The first j**... says "You know, its a thin line between you and me"

Taking the side length that's opposite of an angle in a right triangle is very much frowned upon.

It's considered a sin.

Two men are on opposite sides of a river.

The first one shouts, 'How do I get to the other side?'
The second one replies 'You are already on the other side!'

Two blondes find themselves on opposite banks of a river.

Two blondes find themselves on opposite banks of a river. One yells across the river, "Tell me how to get to the other side!"
The other replies, "You're already there!"

What do you get what two Soccer players see each other on the street walking on opposite sides?

An assault charge.

If while building a wood project you find that many of your nails are pointed on the wrong end

Don't throw them away. Save them for the opposite side of the project.

A bolt is in love with a nail fixed in a wall on the opposite side of the room...

The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual, so the bolt decides to compliment it and shouts to the nail, "Hey stud!"
"Ugh, screw off!"
Needless to say, the bolt won't be getting nailed tonight.

Two men stand on opposite sides of a river.

One of the men says to the other, How do I get to the other side? The other replies, What do you mean? You're already on the other side.

A scientist, Mathematician, and statistictian all go out hunting....

They see a deer and this Scientist takes the first shot. He misses by 3 feet
The Mathematician takes a shot and misses again by 3 feet on the opposite side.
The Statistictian shouts "We hit it!"

Two men are on opposite sides of a river

The first man shouts "How do I get to the other side of the river?"
The second man shouts back "You are on the other side of the river."

Hey you! Over there!

Two blonde Karens were walking along opposite sides of a river. One shouted to the other Hey you, how do I get to the other side of this river ? Back came the answer Well DUH d**..., you ARE on the other side of the river !

Why are chromosomes like fighting prisoners?

They both get pulled apart to opposite sides of the cell.

At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor. The other is getting o**... s**... from an 90-year-old toothless woman. They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?


\* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* Don't look down.

A young adult named Bob enters a confessional

Bob: Forgive me father, for I have sined.
Priest: It's pronounced 'sinned', but that's unimportant, what have you done?
Bob: I divided the opposite side by the Hypotenuse on a right triangle

Two blondes are standing on opposite banks of the river.

-How do I get to the opposite side ?
-You are already there

Two men meet on opposite sides of a river......

One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're *on* the other side!"

Pope and Bill Clinton die on the same day

Pope and bill clinton die on the same day. Due to a bureaucratic mistake, Pope goes to h**..., Bill Clinton goes to heaven but they correct the mistake after a short time. On their way to opposite sides Bill Clinton and Pope run into each other and start a conversation. Pope talks about how much he wants to meet v**... Mary and Bill Clinton goes
-You missed that chance by 10 minutes