Opposite Direction Jokes
28 opposite direction jokes and hilarious opposite direction puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opposite direction that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Opposite Direction Short Jokes
Short opposite direction jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opposite direction humour may include short opposite jokes also.
- Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right
- My dog and I both freak out whenever the doorbell rings but we run in opposite directions.
- Yo mamma so fat when she moves earth moves in opposite direction. because it's flat, you dumb genius.
- I bumped into two average Joes hanging out together, so I booked it the opposite direction... ... pair-a-normal activity freaks me out.
- The Race "Bound 2" Fail Why did Kanye West's daughter run the opposite direction at her race?
-When the race began her parents shouted "GO NORTH WEST!!!" - PQ syndrome When you point your weener in one direction, pee comes out the opposite.
Physically may be impossible, but scientists have concurred that alphabetically very much possible. - Two women were driving on the highway when the traffic rapport broadcast said there was a car driving in the opposite direction. "One? There are hundreds of them"
- How do you make a group of black dudes run a quarter mile from each other all in opposite directions? Tell them a joke
- I took my new car back to the dealers, complaining it only did left turns - "drive in the opposite direction then" he said.
- Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls.
The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.
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Opposite Direction One Liners
Which opposite direction one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opposite direction? I can suggest the ones about opposite sides and opposite word.
- Yo mama so fat She has to turn around twice to face the opposite direction
- What happens when you pet a cat in the opposite direction? You rub them the wrong way
Cheeky Opposite Direction Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about opposite direction you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opposite day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opposite direction pranks.
There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......
One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"
The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...
A man breaks into a wealthy persons house
He hears a sobbing noise coming from around the corner so he goes to check what it is. He peeks around the corner to see a body guard sobbing saying "I C c can't believe boss forgot my birthday, I thought he was m my f f friend uhoo hoo" so he turns around and goes the opposite direction desperate to escape with something. He spots a door at the end of the hallway that appears to have been left unlocked he opens to find the houses owner. He says "YOU!! How did you get past my security" the robber says "you let your guard down"
A skydiver is unable to open their c**... and sees a guy passing them in the opposite direction holding a matchstick.
Skydiver says, "do you know anything about parachutes?"
Guy replies, "do you know anything about gas cookers?"
So a guy robs a bank...
When he runs out and down the street, he comes across another guy walking the opposite direction.
Robber points his gun at the man and says "Hey, did you see me rob that bank?"
Guy says "Yes."
The robber shoots him and runs down the street.
He comes across a man and his wife walking toward him.
The robber points his gun at them and says "Did you see me rob that bank?"
The husband points to his wife and says "No, but she did!"
Two young boys are walking through the woods.
Soon, they spot a n**... woman standing near a tree. One of the boys ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction. When the other boy caught up to him, they stopped and he asked him why he ran. The boy replied: my mother told me that if I look at a n**... woman, I will turn to stone...and I already felt something was getting hard.
Contradicting Coronavirus advice!
First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and n**..., leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.
British & French cats swim across the channel
A British cat called "one two three" swims across the English Channel. At the same time, a French cat called "un deux t**...", swims from the opposite direction. Which cat makes it? "one two three" because un deux t**... Cat Sank.
Abdul the Afghani
Abdul the Afghani is walking through the mountains with his wife in front of him. He meets his imam going in the opposite direction.
"Abdul, have you read the Koran? It says the wife should always walk behind her husband," the imam says.
"When the Koran was written, there were no minefields." He then yells to his wife, "keep going, Fatima!"
I asked where I could find the Professor of Directions.
His assistant said he was busy writing a book.
I said, "What is the book about?"
He said, "It's a book about the opposite of left."
I said, "That sounds about right."
On the train in Bangkok....
...a young, long-haired, b**... Thai sat down directly opposite me & started putting on lipstick.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**...."
But he did.
As a man drives on the hiwhway he hears some emergency news on the radio
"There is a maniac on the highway driving on the opposite direction. Be very careful" the radio says.
To which the man responds
"Just one? Don't they see?? All them are driving in the wrong direction".
The man of Latvian walk street when...
...see the police cab is drive backward.
Man make questioning of police, "why drive the backward?" Officer of Policing respond, "Road narrow. We try to turning around!" Man thinking this is fine; keeping of walk.
Much time in future, man see same polices drive backwards, in opposite direction. Askings, "why the driving in opposite way?" Polices: "We turned around!"
The school principal is walking along the corridor
and sees a ten-year-old strolling in the opposite direction, smoking a cigarette and drinking beer from a bottle.
The principal is outraged and cries out:
— What's going on here? Why aren't you at class? And how dare you smoke and drink alcohol at school? What class are you from?
The kid calmly blows smoke into the principal's face and says:
— Bourgeoisie.
A boy is walking down the street when a man runs from the opposite direction holding a nice shirt.
"Why are you running?" asked the boy.
"I just got this really nice shirt," the man answered.
"Where from?" asked the boy.
"JC Penny," the man answered before resuming his run.
Shortly after, another man came running from the same direction as the first holding a nice pair of khakis, to which the same exchange occurred. This happened two more times, one holding a pair of socks and another a pair of shoes, until a man wearing just underwear ran by.
"Where are you going like that?" the boy asked incredibly.
"To get my clothes back. I'm JC Penny."
British Airways bags the best in-flight service award!
On a long haul UK flight, a mother took her young son to the toilet and told him she would come back for him, in five minutes.
However, he was finished in two minutes so he left the toilet and wandered off down the aisle, in the opposite direction from where his mother was.
Meanwhile, a businessman entered the toilet and locked the door.
After the five minutes were up, the mother knocked on the door and called out, "Do you need any help with the zipper?"
From behind the door, a startled male voice said, "Good God!!! That's what I call service!…."