Opposite Day Jokes
35 opposite day jokes and hilarious opposite day puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opposite day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Opposite Day Short Jokes
Short opposite day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opposite day humour may include short opposite jokes also.
- My girlfriend dumped me today saying I was too childish But today is opposite day so it's all good
- I spent two years figuring out the opposite word for night. But after all that time I decided to give up and call it a day.
- What did the Redditor say on opposite day? Sometimes white lies are OK and it's not always gaslighting .
- I heard that, on opposite day, Pinocchio's nose actually works the other way around. Big if true.
- Total Eclipses freak people out because it creates opposites of our expectations... ...Day becomes night. White becomes Black. And the midwest becomes a travel destination
- I blow my kids' minds when they tell me, "Daddy, it's the opposite day." And I say... .."is it?"
- It was opposite day today. While I was walking somewhere on my hands, someone "pantsed" me. Now I have an idea for a T-Skirt.
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Opposite Day One Liners
Which opposite day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opposite day? I can suggest the ones about opposite direction and opposite word.
- Where is the worst place to be on Opposite Day? The maternity ward
- Did you know today is opposite day? All the BMW's on the road used their turn signals.
- A rapists favorite day is opposite day... Because no means yes.
- It's Opposite Day. What's the last letter of the alphabet? Not Z.
- It's opposite day. Or is it?
- I love Ellen Pao and what she has done with the place. Happy Opposite Day!
- A lawyer died and went to heaven... It was opposite day.
- The worst part about opposite day is A girl finally agreed to have s**... with me.
Opposite Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about opposite day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opposite sides jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opposite day pranks.
Can you call the British PM a fool?
During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.
The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?
Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......
One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"
The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...
Sweet Young Boy
One day, a boy named Tom got on a very crowded bus.
Sitting opposite him was a fat lady who said, "If you were a polite young man, you'd let someone sit down."
"If you were a polite lady," Tom replied, "you'd let FOUR people sit down!"
A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!
The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pope and Bill Clinton die on the same day
Pope and bill clinton die on the same day. Due to a bureaucratic mistake, Pope goes to h**..., Bill Clinton goes to heaven but they correct the mistake after a short time. On their way to opposite sides Bill Clinton and Pope run into each other and start a conversation. Pope talks about how much he wants to meet v**... Mary and Bill Clinton goes
-You missed that chance by 10 minutes
God thought long and hard what to name the period of time when the sun was not visible...
Finally, after many hours of trying different sounds and variations he named it night.
But when naming the opposite, he was exhaust and called it a day.
A little boy is always biting his nails...
A little boy is always biting his nails. In the end his mom gets angry and says, "If you continue to bite your nails you'll get bigger and bigger and bigger until you blow up like a balloon!" A few days later the little boy is on the bus when a very pregnant woman sits opposite him. After a few minutes the lady realizes that the little boy is staring at her. "Do you know me?" she asks. "No," says the boy. "But I know what you've been doing."
A woman decides to try online dating
Setting up her new profile she starts looking for the exact opposite of her ex-husband who used to beat her before running away with another woman.
She states her new man must 1) Never hit her 2) Never run away and 3) Be great in bed.
A few days later the doorbell rings. When she answers there is a man with no arms and no legs. He says "I'm here to take you on a date, as you can see I've got no arms to hit you and no legs to run away"
Intrigued she replies "But what about number 3? Are you great in bed?"
He says "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Bar vs Church
A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!!!
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.
Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.
Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.
The Church Denied all Responsibility!!!
So, the judge commented,
"It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"
Superb one.
What an irony!!
The Wasp
There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted and breezes through, finishing with 5 phDs. He then decides he wants to go into politics. He starts out municipally and then onto state government, until he finally decides to run for President of the United States. He wins in a landslide, he was so popular that it was rumoured the opposition even voted for him. After his 8 years in office (yes, he got reelected) he remembers all the other wasps he left behind in the hive. He goes back to visit them. He sees his mother, his father, his auntie, his uncle, his brothers, his sisters, his cousins, and his one in-bred half brother on his dads side. When he is there he gets thirsty, he goes to the watering hole but there is a gigantic line, he estimates that it would take him 3 days to get a drink. "No point in waiting that long." He said. Then he made his way to the cider, but there is an even longer line there. Suddenly, he remembers that almost no one drinks punch in his hive. He makes his way over to the punch bowl, and guess what? There is no punchline.
Engineers and Lawyers on a Train
Three lawyers buy their tickets for the train. They notice three engineers also buying tickets, or rather, just one ticket. Curious, the lawyers follow the engineers on to the train and sit just behind them.
During the trip the conductor comes along, "tickets please... tickets please." At this point the engineers all get up, walk to the back of the car and all pile in to one bathroom. The conductor checks the lawyers tickets and continues to the back. When he reaches the bathroom he knocks, "tickets please." The door opens a crack and one hand presents the ticket.
Inspired by this craftiness the lawyers agree to use this method on the return trip a few days later. In the train station they see the same engineers also getting ready to return on the same train. The lawyers buy one ticket and the engineers buy... none! Perplexed, the lawyers once again follow the engineers onto the train. Once again the conductor starts checking tickets. The engineers get up and crowd in to one bathroom then the lawyers get up and crowd in to the other bathroom opposite the first.
At this point one engineer emerges from his bathroom, crosses the aisle, knocks on the lawyers door and says in his most official voice, "tickets please."