Opposing Jokes
35 opposing jokes and hilarious opposing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opposing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Opposing Short Jokes
Short opposing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opposing humour may include short opposite jokes also.
- It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.
- TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration.
- Two blondes are on opposing sides of a river One yells to the other How do I get to the other side of the river?
Blonde two yells back You are on the other side ! - Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this... On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.
- Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.
- Our soccer team is not too good. In the game today, the opposing team hit the bar twice in the first half. They could have at least waited till the end of the game to celebrate.
- Just saw a fun fact that said, "Babies are more likely to be born on Tuesdays." As opposed to what? ADULTS being born on Tuesdays?
- A lot of people think humans having opposable thumbs contributed greatly to our evolution, but I don't know... ...I think we just have a better grasp on things.
- Two knights were fighting and one landed a cutting blow to the ankles. The opposing knight was defeeted.
- They came for our homonyms and I said nothing. They came for our synonyms and still, I said nothing. Nil. Zilch. Nada. When they came for our antonyms, I was opposed.
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Opposing One Liners
Which opposing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opposing? I can suggest the ones about opposed and opponent.
- I wanted to play video games today but my thumbs were all opposed.
- A good rule of thumb is It's opposable.
- Why are families only allowed 1 child in China? The government is opposed to euthanasia.
- Why didn't Pence attend the biathlon? He opposed all the biathletes
- How do you tell if someone is opposed to GMOs? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
- I oppose racism. Especially on highways.
- I am vehemently opposed to protest! But, I'm not sure how to show it.
- Two Virginians and an immigrant walk into a room Diametraclly opposed, foes
- Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity? They're ape purists
- What economic theory opposes manscaping? Laissez-fur!
- I'm strongly opposed to child labour Because children really lack a sense of quality
- Why does Britain oppose the EU? Because they are NOT Zs.
- My friends think I oppose the Bible. It couldn't be further from the truth.
- Why couldn't the Marxist go to school? He was opposed to classes.
- What do you call a world leader who white people are opposed to? Vladimir Gluten
Opposing Teams Jokes
Here is a list of funny opposing teams jokes and even better opposing teams puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the basketball team catching an illness from the opposing team? Cross Court-amination
- Ladies, if your man stops the opposing team from scoring a goal... He's a keeper
Uplifting Opposing Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about opposing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean contrary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opposing pranks.
If the Klu Klux k**... leaders are wizard, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?
Because they don't have access to black magic.
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
Recent political joke circulating in China
Three men who don't know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.
The first man said: I opposed covid testing.
The second man said: I supported covid testing.
The third man said: I administered the covid tests.
Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...
To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a bakery...
To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)
One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."
The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."
If the Klu Klux k**... leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?
I guess it's because they don't have access to black magic...
A blonde is walking on the bank of a wide river when
she sees another blonde on the opposing bank. The first blonde yells: "Hey! How do you get to the other side?" To which the second blonde yells back: "What are you, s**...? You are on the other side."
Jewish Judge
Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart, HONEST Jewish Judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So, the Judge said, I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers became uncomfortable.
" You, attorney John, gave me $ 50,000 and you, attorney Sam, gave me $ 60,000."
The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $ 10,000, He handed it to attorney Sam and said...
"Now that I'm returning $ 10,000, we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.
Another penguin joke. n**...
A penguin takes his car in to a mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it will be an hour until he is ready. So the penguin decides to get an ice cream cone.
Penguins don't have opposable thumbs let alone fingers so he ends up with ice cream all over himself.
Later, he returns to the mechanic who says"I found the problem. It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, I just ate some ice cream."
Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.
Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.
Two opposing candidates for county office...
... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."