The Best 35 Opposed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Opposed jokes. There are some opposed disapprove jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these opposed acrobats puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Opposed Jokes and Puns

How do you tell if someone is opposed to GMOs?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

As opposed to married man, a bachelor washes dishes before eating.

I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments...

They do this for two reasons;

One, The scientists become less attached to the lawyers.

And two, there are certain things that even *rats* won't do.

(This is a joke from the film, **Hook**. I never realized how funny it was)

Opposed joke, I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments.

I wanted to play video games today

but my thumbs were all opposed.

Why are families only allowed 1 child in China?

The government is opposed to euthanasia.


Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

Three of five fingers were willing to cooperate

but the thumb and forefinger were opposed!

Opposed joke, Three of five fingers were willing to cooperate

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

The Horses decided to form a Senate to govern themselves...

But they could never get anything done. "All in favor, say Yay. All opposed, say neigh."

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.

Apparently they opposed integration.

Why was the church opposed to fire on torches?

It was heat-on-a-stick.

You can explore opposed motto reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean opposed vaxxers dad jokes. There are also opposed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was opposed when my wife brought up the idea of trying BDSM...

But my hands were tied.

I used to be opposed to organ transplant...

But after having one done myself; I guess I've had a change of heart.

Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.

Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.

What do you call a world leader who white people are opposed to?

Vladimir Gluten

a peaceful man was so opposed to war that he upon reading his draft notice he passed out and remained comatose for the duration of the war

he was an unconscientious objector

Opposed joke, a peaceful man was so opposed to war that he upon reading his draft notice he passed out and remaine

Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?

He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

Some older generations are opposed to Chinese people immigrating to our country.

It's racist but some people will never chang.

Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity?

They're ape purists


President Trump's choice for Supreme Court Justice is strongly opposed to euthanasia.

I wonder what he's got against kids in the Orient?

Two Virginians and an immigrant walk into a room

Diametraclly opposed, foes

I am vehemently opposed to protest!

But, I'm not sure how to show it.

I'm strongly opposed to child labour

Because children really lack a sense of quality

Measuring vs Questionaries

Me: To get the mass of each Can of chicken I used a digital scale

Teacher: Why did you use that method to obtain your data as
opposed to the other methods?

Me: Because the cans refused to answer the questionnaires honestly

Why couldn't the Marxist go to school?

He was opposed to classes.

They came for our homonyms and I said nothing. They came for our synonyms and still, I said nothing. Nil. Zilch. Nada.

When they came for our antonyms, I was opposed.

Why didn't Pence attend the biathlon?

He opposed all the biathletes

I asked my wife if she wanted to do a quickie

She asked "As opposed to what?"

The world's biggest online retailer is getting rid of all their movies that feature my favorite ptosis suffering black actor.

I, for one, am opposed to the deForestation of the Amazon.

Did you know Hitler was very opposed to tractor-trailers?

Turns out he was a huge anti-semi.

Why do members of the LGBTQ community invest in commercial real estate as opposed to residential?

Because commercial real estate is non binary

Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this...

On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.

As a civilized caveman, Arg found Kro's advocacy for cannibalism to be deplorable and publicly opposed him.

When the great famine arrived, he realized he was going to have to eat Kro.

One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.

The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.

"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."

After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."

The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."

It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State

Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the opposed cryptocurrency jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working opposed versus piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes