Opposed Jokes
44 opposed jokes and hilarious opposed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opposed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Opposed Short Jokes
Short opposed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opposed humour may include short opposing jokes also.
- It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.
- TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration.
- Two blondes are on opposing sides of a river One yells to the other How do I get to the other side of the river?
Blonde two yells back You are on the other side ! - Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this... On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.
- Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.
- Our soccer team is not too good. In the game today, the opposing team hit the bar twice in the first half. They could have at least waited till the end of the game to celebrate.
- Just saw a fun fact that said, "Babies are more likely to be born on Tuesdays." As opposed to what? ADULTS being born on Tuesdays?
- A lot of people think humans having opposable thumbs contributed greatly to our evolution, but I don't know... ...I think we just have a better grasp on things.
- Two knights were fighting and one landed a cutting blow to the ankles. The opposing knight was defeeted.
- They came for our homonyms and I said nothing. They came for our synonyms and still, I said nothing. Nil. Zilch. Nada. When they came for our antonyms, I was opposed.
Share These Opposed Jokes With Friends
Opposed One Liners
Which opposed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opposed? I can suggest the ones about disliked and opponent.
- I wanted to play video games today but my thumbs were all opposed.
- A good rule of thumb is It's opposable.
- Why are families only allowed 1 child in China? The government is opposed to euthanasia.
- Why didn't Pence attend the biathlon? He opposed all the biathletes
- How do you tell if someone is opposed to GMOs? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
- I oppose racism. Especially on highways.
- I am vehemently opposed to protest! But, I'm not sure how to show it.
- Two Virginians and an immigrant walk into a room Diametraclly opposed, foes
- Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity? They're ape purists
- What economic theory opposes manscaping? Laissez-fur!
- I'm strongly opposed to child labour Because children really lack a sense of quality
- Why does Britain oppose the EU? Because they are NOT Zs.
- My friends think I oppose the Bible. It couldn't be further from the truth.
- Why couldn't the Marxist go to school? He was opposed to classes.
- What do you call a world leader who white people are opposed to? Vladimir Gluten
Happy Opposed Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about opposed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean denied jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opposed pranks.
Recent political joke circulating in China
Three men who don't know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.
The first man said: I opposed covid testing.
The second man said: I supported covid testing.
The third man said: I administered the covid tests.
Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...
To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a bakery...
To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)
One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."
The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."
Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.
Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.
I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments...
They do this for two reasons;
One, The scientists become less attached to the lawyers.
And two, there are certain things that even *rats* won't do.
(This is a joke from the film, **Hook**. I never realized how funny it was)
Husband and wife
Husband: "Fancy a q**...."
Wife: "As opposed to what ?"
Three political prisoners sit in a gulag prison...
One of the men asks the other, "What are you in for?"
He responds, "I opposed Comrade Popov in 1937. What about you?"
The first man replies "I supported Comrade Popov in 1938. How about you?" he asks the third man
The third man says "I am Comrade Popov."
I asked my wife if she wanted to do a q**...
She asked "As opposed to what?"
Measuring vs Questionaries
Me: To get the mass of each Can of chicken I used a digital scale
Teacher: Why did you use that method to obtain your data as
opposed to the other methods?
Me: Because the cans refused to answer the questionnaires honestly
Did you know h**... was very opposed to tractor-trailers?
Turns out he was a huge anti-semi.
Three of five fingers were willing to cooperate
but the thumb and forefinger were opposed!
As a civilized caveman, Arg found Kro's advocacy for cannibalism to be deplorable and publicly opposed him.
When the great famine arrived, he realized he was going to have to eat Kro.
Some older generations are opposed to Chinese people immigrating to our country.
It's racist but some people will never chang.
a peaceful man was so opposed to war that he upon reading his draft notice he passed out and remained comatose for the duration of the war
he was an unconscientious objector
Why do members of the LGBTQ community invest in commercial real estate as opposed to residential?
Because commercial real estate is non binary
