Opponent Jokes
54 opponent jokes and hilarious opponent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opponent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Opponent Short Jokes
Short opponent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opponent humour may include short opposing jokes also.
- My fencing opponent laughed at me for bringing a block of cheddar to a sword fight. Until he discovered it was extra sharp.
- While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing? He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.
- What's the difference between Mcgregor and Mayweather? Mcgregor hugs his wife and beats his opponents while
Mayweather beats his wife and hugs his opponents - I was confident I could win the duel until my opponent swung his sword at my ankles. Alas, I was de-feeted.
- What does a southern belle playing Magic the Gathering say when her opponent disrupts her mana production? My lands!
- All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose? Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
- Why did the vampire get nervous during the poker game? His opponent had just raised the stakes.
- I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands. She's a keeper.
- I stabbed the opponent with my knife to preserve ammo The paintball arena staff threw me out for some reason.
- My fencing opponent stood shocked for a minute, then said to me "that was amazing, did you come up with that all by yourself?" "No," I answered, "it was a riposte."
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Opponent One Liners
Which opponent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opponent? I can suggest the ones about rival and opposed.
- Which sith lord prefers to cripple his opponents rather than kill them? Darth Ritis
- The fencer thought he knew what was about to happen but... ...his opponent feinted.
- When arguing, never throw dirt at your opponent All you do is lose ground
- I beat a black belt at karate My next opponent is a red sock
- How do non-binary samurai defeat their opponents? They slash them
- I was in a lazy person contest I won by default because my opponent didn't even come.
- What does the Welsh football team captain do to his opponents? Wrexham
- I bumped into my rival jousting opponent. We exchanged lances.
- Vladimir Putin is my favorite magician He makes his opponents disappear
- I was playing chess and my opponent opened with 1. Nf3. I wasn't reti for that.
- Excited about Net Neutrality Repeal Now all my opponents will have the same ping as I.
- The swordsman thought he won his fight but in fact His opponent feinted
- My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.
- Who are the Minnesota Vikings' toughest opponents? November and December.
- What kind of boxer spits on their opponents face? A beat boxer
Cheeky Opponent Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about opponent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean enemy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opponent pranks.
Gladiator's Monday
A gladiator was having a rough Monday at the arena.
His opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
Nevertheless, he fought on, k**... and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both of his feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up.
He was now both unarmed and defeated.
Martial arts
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
A s**... has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...
...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.
I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...
Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave
Two men were playing golf when a f**... procession walked by.
One of the men took off his cap, bowed his head and closed his eyes in contemplation.
His opponent commented, "That is one of the most touching things I've seen. You are a very feeling man."
The man, recovering himself, replied, "Yeah, well, we were married for 20 years."
Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game
Reasons are:
1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.
How do Putin opponents commit s**...?
Two bullets to the back of the head.
In ww2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
Many years ago, there was a very lazy fencing duellist
In one of his most notable bouts, against the Marquis of Mod, his opponent noticed a very glaring pattern.
Upon exploiting this weakness and winning the duel, the Marquis approached the lazy duellist and questioned his methods-
"Why, may I ask, do you always seem to attack upon completing your parries?", he asked in a rather bemused fashion.
The lethargic duellist admitted, "It is because I know that riposting requires the least effort"
Stalin appears to Putin in a dream
He says to Putin: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue."
Putin asks, "Why blue?"
Stalin replies, "I knew you would not object to the first one."
Two men are playing golf.
One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.
His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very feeling man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...
appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, I've got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.
Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, Why blue?
Since the Democratic Party is led by Sleepy Joe Biden, today they announced that they'd be renaming themselves to the ZZZ Party...
... realizing that the Republican Party name no longer provides a strong enough contrast with their opponents, President Trump and Mitch McConnell declared that they will be changing their name to the Not ZZZ Party.
In today's European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn't seem to have an issue at all.
Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.
A hockey player was asked, 'How many accidents have you had in your career?'
The player responded, 'None for sure. I've had two concussions, lost all my front teeth, have had my nose broken four times, but they weren't accidents. The opponents did it on purpose'.
Two lawyers before an American judge recently got into a wrangle
At last one of the disputants, losing control over his emotions, exclaimed to his opponent, "Sir, you are, I think the biggest fool that I ever had the misfortune to set eyes upon."
"Order! Order!" said the judge gravely. "You seem to forget that I am in the room."
Source: 1913 newspaper
What do you call it when you let your opponent attack both your king and queen in chess?
A royal fork-up
