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Opinions Are Like Jokes

89 opinions are like jokes and hilarious opinions are like puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opinions are like that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Opinions Are Like Short Jokes

Short opinions are like jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opinions are like humour may include short opinion jokes also.

  1. I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
  2. ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting. CRITIC: It's worthless.
    ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.
  3. Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the Like button.
  4. I was sharing with a friend my opinion that women should come with instructions. She replied, "Why? It's not like men read the instructions anyway."
  5. My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, if you don't mind I'd like to have a second opinion. He said Alright. You're ugly too!
  6. Doctors opinion Doktor to patient you are too fat
    Patient: I would like a second opinion
    Doktor: you are also ugly
  7. I have a tree joke you might like to hear but most of us would be Sycamore.
    (tree jokes need to be spruced up in my opinion)
  8. Today I got bored and went to a seafood restaurant... [OC- would like opinions] Just for the halibut.
  9. Doctor: You've got 3 months to live. Doctor: You've got 3 months to live.
    Woman: I'd like a second opinion.
    Doctor: Okay. You're ugly too.
  10. The Royal Family are going to send prince andrew to see what public opinion is like Just putting the feeler out

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Opinions Are Like One Liners

Which opinions are like one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opinions are like? I can suggest the ones about friends are like and excuses are like.

  1. I like my women like I like my news… Without an opinion
  2. Opinions are like mixtapes I don't want to hear them.
  3. Some people don't like vegetable puns... but I don't carrot all about their opinions.
  4. opinions are like birthdays.. everybody has one & I only know yours because of Facebook.
  5. Opinions are like mixtapes I don't like to listen yours
  6. What is common between Reddit and China? They both don't like opinions.
  7. Why do zombies like opinions? Because they just want a piece of mind
  8. Opinions are like sheets. You should only change yours if it'll get you laid.
  9. Your opinion is like.. ..women's sport, its there but no one cares
  10. The doctor said I'm a hypochondriac But I'd like a 15th opinion.
  11. If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!
  12. A computer is like air-conditioning. It becomes useless when you open windows.
  13. Opinions are like butts Everyone has one, and they all stink.
  14. My opinion about mothers-in-law is like a hipster's opinion about bands
  15. Unpopular opinion: I like Comcast

Opinions Are Like Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about opinions are like you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean life is like jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opinions are like pranks.

A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women.
His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them.
Great says his mate, what is it!
Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet...

The vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead."
"That's terrible," says the guy, "How can you so sure? I'd like a second opinion."
The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up and whines sadly.
I'm afraid it's confirmed says the vet. The guy looks at the vet and says But my 5 year old daughter loves this parrot! Please! Are you 100% sure?
The Vet replies We can do one final test . He whistles again and a cat comes into the room and springs up onto the table. T he cat walks up and down the table looking intently at the parrot, then meows sadly and leaves.
"Well I'm terribly sorry Mr Jones but there can be no doubt about it. Polly is dead."
"Well, it's terrible news. Thank you for your time. How much do I owe you?"
"That comes to eight hundred pounds please."
"What?" cried the man in shock, "Why so much?"
"Well" Said the Vet, "Quick, accurate diagnoses don't come cheap. Ordinarily it would nearer to two hundred. What pushed the price up was the Lab report and Cat scan!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison...

(I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.)
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all take their various hiding places in the factory just as the police kick down the door.
The police begin to search, and they hear a noise coming from an old crate. The redhead, who is hiding in the crate, hears them approach and quickly barks, "WOOF, WOOF". "Oh, it's just a stray dog," says an officer and continues the search. Nearby the police hear some rattling from within a pile of old manufacturing equipment. The brunette, who is amid the equipment, quickly does her best cat imitation, "MEOW, MEOW". "Nothing but an old cat," says one of the police as they continue the search.
At last, in the back of the factory, the police hear some rustling coming from a large burlap sack, which they surround and demand, "Who's in there? Come out!" The blonde, who is inside, having heard her fellow escapees successes thinks to herself for a moment and then says, "POOOOTAAAATOOOO."

A man walks into the doctor

A man walks into the doctor for his yearly check up. The doctor runs some tests on the man and after reads him the results.
"Well sir, I've got some bad news. It looks like you've only got a few hours to live."
The man replies: "Well I'd like a second opinion."
The doctor retorts: "You're ugly too."

A guy takes his talking dog to a talent scout.

This dog can speak English, he claims to the unimpressed agent. Okay, Sport, the guys says to the dog, what's on the top of a house?
Roof! the dog replies.
Oh, come on… the talent agent responds. All dogs go 'roof'.
No, wait, the guy says. He asks the dog, What does sandpaper feel like?
Rough! the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. No, hang on, the guy says. This one will amaze you. He turns and asks the dog, Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?
Ruth! goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
The dog turns to the guy and says, Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?

Ruth! (not sure if repost)

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what's on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go 'roof'." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

A man has a sore t**... and goes to the doctor...

Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."
Patient: "I want a second opinion!"
Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."

A Tale of 3 moles

There once was three moles, a mama mole, a daddy mole and a baby mole. They all lived in a mole hole, together.
One day the daddy mole smelled a wonderful smell coming from outside the mole hole.
Daddy mole went and poked his little head out of the mole hole. He thought to himself, " wow, that smells like cherry's."
He called over mama mole to see what she smelled. Mama mole poked her head out of the mole hole, with daddy mole.
Daddy mole asked her, "Well, what do you smell?"
Mama mole said, "I smell strawberries."
Daddy mole not being stratified, with her answer wanted a second opinion.
He called over baby mole, but baby mole was too small to poke his head out with the other. He kept jumping up and down only getting about as high as mama mole and daddy moles butts.
Daddy mole than ask baby mole, "What do you smell?"
Baby mole responded, "Well, all I smell is mole-a**...."

The year is 2089. All policemen have been replaced by genetically modified dogs.

The amount of people killed by police yearly went down 90% and a recent poll that asked "Do you like the police?" showed that public opinion of the force went up 64%.
How was this accomplished?
Dogs are colorblind.

A strict agnostic says to another strict agnostic...

"All knowledge is subjective."
The other strict agnostic thinks about this for a moment and responds, "Yeah, well, that's just, like, your *opinion*, man."

Crackers

So my black friend Treyvon is having some issues with his girl friend (Polly). He told me she gave him an ultimatum. He either has to change his life in a number of ways including getting a stable job and marrying her or she'll leave him and find some one who will. After Treyvon had poured his heart out and told me about what Polly had told him he asked me what i thought. So I gave him my honest opinion. I said " well it sounds like Polly wants a c**...."

My grandmother's opinion of my sister's s**... friend.

I once heard my Nana say of my sister's s**... friend: "If she'd had as many sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, that girl'd look like a porcupine."

Nobody likes you. Nobody cares about your opinion. Nobody appreciates you. Nobody loves you.

My name is Nobody
♥ ☻ ♥

Let's be honest... Nobody likes you. Nobody cares about your opinion. Nobody appreciates you. Nobody loves you.

The United Nations world-wide survey

The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.

Three Girls and The Back Door

A young man was curious as to what girls thought about s**... in the "back-door". So, out of curiosity and a lack of shame, he decides to ask three different girls if they would like to try it in the "back door".
The first girl he asked was American, and when asked about her opinion she punched the young man to the asphalt before storming off.
The second girl he asked was French, and when asked about her opinion she blushed and said that she would be willing to try anything once.
The third girl he asked was German, and when asked about her opinion she said, "Alright! Bend over!"

A man goes to the doctor.

Doctor "I'm afraid you need an operation."
Man "I'd like a second opinion."
Doctor "alright, you're ugly, too."

Some people say Berkeley's idealism was like a hero's approach solving the problems with direct and indirect realism.

I wouldn't say it's heroic at all. In my opinion, it's quite Philonous.

What's your opinion on the current meat shortage?

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City.
He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi man, a Polish man, a North Korean man and a resident New Yorker.
He asked, "Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Saudi man replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?"
The Polish man said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The North Korean man replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?"
The New Yorker replied, "What is 'excuse me?'"

I still can't decide on what my opinion should be about whether or not abortion should be legal

On one hand I support the killing of babies, but on the other hand I don't like giving women a choice.

Opinions are like p**...

You should be ashamed of yours.

Would you like to take a survey?

Would you like to take part in a survey regarding your opinion on climate change?
✓ Yes □ No
Are you a scientist?
□ Yes ✓ No
End of survey.

Popular scientific opinion about food is like sunshine

Cold today, super hot tomorrow, known to the state of California to cause cancer and/or birth defects the day after tomorrow.

An international conference was being held..

In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.
The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".
African president asked, "What is food?".
Europe asked, "What is Short?".
USA asked, "What is the rest of the world?".
North Korea asked, "What is Opinion?".

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:
-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?
-Sure.
-It's pretty much worthless.
-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

Opinions are like d**.....

Everyone's got one except women.

Political opinions are like d**.......

Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

How are my opinions like a turn key operation you ask?

Because when they come out everyone throws me their two cents.

Opinions are like vacuum cleaners

Everyone has one, and only the really messed up ones don't s**....

Opinions are like p**...,

the only one I care about is my own.

Opinions are like d**k pics

No one asks for them

"There is no such thing as 'people'. There are only individuals with their own unique opinions and sentiments"

That's what I've noticed people like to hear these days.

According to reports, Argentina are picking their own team for the game against Nigeria, and are split from their coach tactics and opinions...

Sounds like it's getting Messi.

My opinion on abortion is kind of a double edged sword...

I like the idea of killing babies, but not the idea of giving women the chance to make decisions.

A second opinion

Doctor: Your test results came back, I'm afraid you do have cancer. I suggest we treat you with chemotherapy as soon as possible.
Patient: Hmm I don't know.... I'd like a second opinion.
Doctor: Okay. You are also ugly.

I really don't like...

I really don't like opinions, they s**...

Someone told me they didn't like calculus

I told them their opinion would change over time.

Political opinions are like p**...

It's fine to be proud of it, just don't take it out in public or try to force it down someone else's t**....

At an art exhibition a critic approaches the artist

(Critic) Would you like my opinion on this painting? It is worthless.
(Artist) I know. But please share it anyway.

A Corpulent Woman visits the Doctor

Woman: Hey Doc, everytime I walk up the stairs my back hurts and my heart beats like crazy.
Doc: I imagined something like that right when you walked in here. You're morbidly obese.
Woman: That's outrageous. I want a second opinion!
Doc: Alrigt, you're also pretty ugly.

An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.

A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.
"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"
"Sure," replied the artist.
"Frankly, it's completely worthless."
"I know, but tell it to me anyway."

Old man, his doctor, and the p**...

An old man goes to the doctor, bringing with him what is clearly a p**.... He tells the doctor I'd like you to watch my friend and I having s**.... The Doctor is puzzled at first but reasons aloud, Well, s**... at your advanced age can be challenging. Alright. Go for it. The old man lays down, and the woman services him.
As the old man starts buttoning his pants the doctor is puzzled again. All you did was lay there. You didn't need my opinion. Do you just enjoy being watched?
And the old man replied, No, nothing like that. To be honest, it was either $100 for a hotel room or a $15 copay.

Reddit Karma is like women

At first, everyone seems to have it except you.
No one knows how they work but everyone want them.
It would look really hard to get it untill you finally get it unexpectedly, somehow.
A difference of opinion and you lose them.
But they give you a sense of value even after being repeatedly told they are pointless.
Conclusion: Karma's a b**....

Friends are like opinions

I don't know why I have them, but there's no way in h**... I'm gonna change them

An elvis presley fan decides to get his likeness tattooed on each of her thighs.

However, she was not entirely pleased with the end result. One night, during a particularly successful tinder date, she decided to get a second opinion. Flipping on the lights and lifting her frock she asked her date "Does this look like Elvis to you?" After a moment of careful study, her date replied "I don't know about Elvis, but the one in the middle looks like w**... Nelson."

a**... are like opinions....

I wish my wife cared more about mine.

Opinions are like a**...

I can't get enough of my darling wife's.

I visited a fortune teller at a fair. They were quite grumpy and told me I was going to die within minutes.

I walked out of the tent and tried to find another for a second opinion. They were a little angry, and said i would live forever. I didn't like the sound of either of those outcomes so kept looking around, but just couldn't find a happy medium.