Opinion Jokes
159 opinion jokes and hilarious opinion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opinion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you find opinion jokes funny? This article will look into the most popular opinion jokes to determine why some are so well-liked, and if we can learn anything from them. We will examine opinion polls, second opinions, unpopular opinions, and public opinion, to explore how these jokes can sway a judgment or conviction. Read on to see if opinion jokes can be used to challenge our convictions and be a source of patient humor.
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Funniest Opinion Short Jokes
Short opinion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opinion humour may include short impression jokes also.
- Can I tell banana jokes on this sub? Because opinions on those jokes are pretty *split*. I don't know if they'll ap*peal* to everyone.
- At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade
- My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I have the body of 20 year old Her opinion changed when I opened the freezer
- ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting. CRITIC: It's worthless.
ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway. - I took my wife into the backyard to talk about something I really just needed an outside opinion
- Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the Like button.
- My doctor told me I was fat I told him I want a second opinion.
So he told me I'm ugly, too. - Somebody told me that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... I'm really glad I went for a second opinion before my surgery.
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I told him I wanted another opinion.. He said fine, you're ugly too
-Rodney Dangerfield
- - Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being. But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.
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Opinion One Liners
Which opinion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opinion? I can suggest the ones about point of view and idea.
- What starts with O, ends with N I O N S, and makes Americans cry? Opinions
- What's the difference between pizza and your opinion I asked for the pizza
- When talking about opinions on border control, Remember: Lefty loosey
Righty tighty - An opinion without 3.14 Is just an onion...
DEEP - Great minds think alike... That's why we have so many opinions in America
- I asked my doctor to use 2 fingers when checking my prostate.. I wanted a second opinion.
- I like my women like I like my news… Without an opinion
- My girlfriends says I'm not opinionated enough. I agree with her.
- Someone asked me about my opinion on beaches I said that I wasn't shore.
- If you take π out of your opinion you get Onion
- How do you express your opinion in China? \[redacted\]
- Opinions are like mixtapes I don't want to hear them.
- If a man states an opinion...
- Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has it's pros and Khans
- What was 50 Cents called after he gave his opinion of Eminem? 48 Cents.
Second Opinion Jokes
Here is a list of funny second opinion jokes and even better second opinion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Could not decide how much lettuce to buy, until I got a second opinion two heads are better than one.
- Isn't asking a doctor for a second opinion normal? I can't understand why my doctor got upset after my prostate exam when I asked him to try again with a second finger.
- My doctor used two fingers during my prostate exam... He said he needed a second opinion.
- What do you get when you ask a proctologist for a second opinion? Two fingers.
- As a kid I had a rare degenerative eye disease. Doctors couldn't help me so I got a second opinion from a donut. To this day I still have a glazed look in my eyes.
- What does the doctor hate? Second opinion.
- Did you hear about the resourceful proctologist? He always used two fingers, in case his patients wanted a second opinion.
- During my last prostate exam I asked my doctor to stick in another finger. Because I wanted a second opinion.
- Doctor: "I'm afraid it's cancer". Patient: "Yeah, I'm gonna need to get a second opinion from Jim Carrey."
Unpopular Opinion Jokes
Here is a list of funny unpopular opinion jokes and even better unpopular opinion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I never put my unpopular opinions on Reddit. I guess you could say I'm a Karma Chameleon.
- Unpopular opinion: frisbees aren't heavy enough Discus.
- Unpopular opinion: cereal comes after the milk And then comes the bowl
- My unpopular opinion is unpopular for being a popular opinion.
- Unpopular opinion: I like Comcast
Opinion Poll Jokes
Here is a list of funny opinion poll jokes and even better opinion poll puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jesus's crucifiers took an opinion poll "Did we screw up our job or did we nail it?".
Public Opinion Jokes
Here is a list of funny public opinion jokes and even better public opinion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I hate it when people publicly express their opinions needlessly, just seeking attention when nobody cares. But that's just my opinion.
- The Royal Family are going to send prince andrew to see what public opinion is like Just putting the feeler out
Howlingly Hilarious Opinion Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about opinion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean attitude jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opinion pranks.
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...
.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."
Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
I don't care about your opinion, left will always be cozy and warm and right will always be cold and bitter
That's how the sink works
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sigmund Freud discovered the "Freudian Slip"
which in my opinion, was pure p**......I mean genius.
Four kids walk into an interview...
Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"
An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.
The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.
The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."
The instructor feinted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's your opinion on the mobius s**... debate?
I find it a tad one-sided.
An International School Teacher
...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"
They say there's no opinions in science
But I've seen people get real heated over thermochemistry
And they really melt down when you bring up nuclear engineering
Have you seen how twisted people get when it comes to DNA?
Cartography is the worst, people are just all over the map
You should see how hormonal people get about endocrinology
You can really feel the pressure in the room when someone brings up hydraulics.
A doctor and his wife were having a huge argument at breakfast...
"Yeah?, well you aren't so good in bed either!" The doctor shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and call home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?" He said
"I was in bed." came the reply.
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."
I set my phone to airplane mode
I lost it two weeks ago and everyone has a different opinion on what happened to it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man has a sore t**... and goes to the doctor...
Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."
Patient: "I want a second opinion!"
Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."
The year is 2089. All policemen have been replaced by genetically modified dogs.
The amount of people killed by police yearly went down 90% and a recent poll that asked "Do you like the police?" showed that public opinion of the force went up 64%.
How was this accomplished?
Dogs are colorblind.
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Being a sexist doesn't bother me at all.
The only people that will call me a sexist are women and their opinion doesn't matter.
I asked my lawyer cousin, an orthodox Jewish man, his opinion on gay marriage
He said "that would be GREAT for business"
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to my psychiatrist yesterday about some problems I have been having lately...
After testing me he said, "the diagnosis isn't good. You are crazy." I said,"well I want a second opinion." He said, "Oh yeah? You are ugly too."
A New York Times reporter is interviewing some people
The first question asked is "What is your honest opinion about the shortage of meat in the world?"
The interview was a huge failure...
The African asks "What does meat mean?".
The American asks "What does shortage mean?".
The Chinese person asks "What does opinion mean?".
The Russian asks "What does honest mean?"
The North Korean just waits. The reporter asks again, and is told "The Interview is no good!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandmother's opinion of my sister's s**... friend.
I once heard my Nana say of my sister's s**... friend: "If she'd had as many sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, that girl'd look like a porcupine."
I don't have a high opinion about myself when I play PC games...
It's my low self on Steam.
What do you call a woman with an opinion?
Wrong.
A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker ....
A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street.
A reporter comes up to them and says,
Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?
The Saudi says, excuse me , what is this word shortage?
The Russian says, excuse me, what's meat?
The North Korean says, excuse me, what's an opinion?
The New Yorker says, excuse me, what's excuse me?
opinions are like birthdays..
everybody has one & I only know yours because of Facebook.
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
I have a tree joke you might like to hear
but most of us would be Sycamore.
(tree jokes need to be spruced up in my opinion)
If an opinion is worth 2 cents, how many cents is an argument worth?
It really just depends on how much cents it makes.
As a Chinese comedian many people ask about my opinion on our government...
I can't complain.
You know, Nikola Tesla was famous for changing his mind.
In fact, when his colleagues would ask his opinion on a subject he would often just reply, "Oh, I don't know. My thoughts on the matter are alternating currently."
I really don't have much of an opinion on alcoholic beverages during the holidays...
You could say I'm pretty eggnogstic.
My wife just left me because i cant stop using double negatives.
But in my opinion I haven't done nothing wrong.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man dies and goes to heaven...
When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"
"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."
Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"
"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."
Trump was recently asked his opinion on Roe vs. Wade...
He thought it was two different ways to get across the Potomac.
In history we were asked to give our opinion on the representation of slaves in the United States in the 18th and 19th centuries...
I gave it a 3 out of 5
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Opinions are like p**...
You should be ashamed of yours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to start a fight on Internet in two steps
1. Express your opinion.
2. Wait.
Friend: "What's your opinion on communism?"
Me: "I don't want to share"
Remember that political discussion where someone seriously considered the ideas of someone with a different opinion?
Me neither.
How do you turn an opinion into an onion?
-3.14
This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet...
Acronym
Based
Comedy
Doesn't
Ever
Feel
Good
Honestly,
I
Just
Keep
Lamenting
My
Negative
Opinion,
Perhaps
Questioning
Reality
Serves
The
Universe
Very
Well
...
Xylophone, yak, zebra.
My wife and I were having an argument the other day.
She started name calling and not fighting fair, so I responded with "You're rubbish in bed" among other things.
A few hours later at work, I felt terrible about what i had said, so I called her to apologize and I asked her, "What are you doing?"
And she said, "I'm in bed."
So i said, "What are you doing this late in bed?"
And she said, "Getting a second opinion."
You want to know my opinion on the Dyson airblade?
Not a fan
My grandmother went to a gynecologist to check on hey cervical cancer.
The doctor says to my grandmother: "Now, Mrs. Smith, I'm going to insert my finger..."
My grandmother replies: "Can you put in two? I want a second opinion."
A lawyer and a doctor area at a cocktail party
A person comes up to the doctor and asks about a symptom he's been having lately. The gives him some advice and turns to the lawyer.
It's always awkward when people ask me for my professional opinion in a casual setting. Do you think it's ok if I charge them?
Absolutely says the lawyer. I think it's perfectly fine.
The following week the doctor then gets a bill from the attorney.
My wife's pregnant
90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy".
I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, 'Okay, you're ugly too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An older couple is getting married...
An older couple is getting married. The husband-to-be looks at his bride and asks, "What's your opinion on s**...?"
The bride says, "I prefer it infrequently."
The man replies, "Is infrequently one word or two?"
I just read the bible, really good book. Had a lot of character development
In my opinion, the Noah Arc was the best part
During today's press conference, someone asked the mayor of Houston about his opinion on Roe vs Wade.
He said "Honestly, I don't care how people get back to their houses."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do doctors use two fingers for a r**... exam?
For a second opinion.
A Second Opinion
Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed.
I hate when people use the year as a justification to an opinion.
Its 2017, we should be way past that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Opinions are like p**...,
the only one I care about is my own.
In the UK, United States Vice President's opinion isn't worth much
It's only a pence.
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, You aren't so good in bed either! then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.
What took you so long to answer? he asked. I was in bed, she replied. What were you doing in bed this late? Getting a second opinion.
I was sharing with a friend my opinion that women should come with instructions.
She replied, "Why? It's not like men read the instructions anyway."
People say I'm selfish
It's an opinion I don't share.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
According to a new 2018 opinion poll:
p**... are out and Vaginas are in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor gives a man bad news
Doctor: You have brain cancer.
Man: What? I want a second opinion!
Doctor: You're also unappealing to the opposite s**....
I got thrown out of the amputee club for having all of my limbs
In my opinion that was an unfair dismemberment
The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, if you don't mind I'd like to have a second opinion.
He said Alright. You're ugly too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend got mad on my views on l**......
...apparently "in HD" isn't an opinion.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a libertarian wedding and a libertarian f**...?
One less opinion
Huffington Post has fired their entire opinion section.
It's all unbiased and factual journalism now.
