Operator Jokes

What are some Operator jokes?

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.

Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street

A redneck's father passed away in his sleep

So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.

The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?

There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[

Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead

Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead. He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"

The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"

The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead."

There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on "Okay, what now?"

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"

The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."

The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.

"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911

"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
#BANG
"Ok, now what?"

Telegraph

A dog walks into a telegraph office, puts $1 on the counter and says:
"Woof woof woof, woof woof, woof woof woof woof"

The operator says to the dog "Its $1 for 10 words, shall I put another woof on there?"

The dog then says "But then that wouldn't make any sense!"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.

He's not breathing so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"

Best Joke in the history of jokes, maybe ever

2 guys are hunting in the woods. The first guy faints and stops breathing. The second guy calls 911 and they say "911, what's your emergency?".

The guy says "My friend and I were hunting in the woods and he fainted. I think he's dead."

The 911 operator responds "First make sure that he is dead before anything"

A loud shot is heard. The guy then says "Ok, what do I do next"

A man enters an elevator, and the operator asks him what floor he wants.

The man says "Eighteenth floor." After arriving, the doors open and the operator says "We are here, my son."
The man says "Thanks, but why did you call me your son?"
The operator replies "Because I have brought you up."

I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road

"Are they moving?" asked the operator

"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"

I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator.

We speak to eachother on so many different levels.

An english boat is sinking near the German coast

The english operator contacts the German control. "This is UK120, We are sinking, I repeat, We are sinking".

The germans respond: "What are you sinking about?"

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford



It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."



To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."

A Polish man calls 911

And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"

The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"

The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"

911?

Husband: "Hello, Yes, there's this Hindu fellow who's been following my wife around for the past few hours, and it's starting to really creep us out. He just now got down on his knees and he's... praying, or something."

911 Operator: "Sir, calm down, there's no issue here- Hindus are well known to worship cows."

I used to be a phone sex operator,

But I got hearing aids.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. I told the operator that lately I've been having suicidal thoughts.

Operator: "Great! Can you drive a truck?"

Two hunters are walking in the forest

One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.

The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"

A Calculus joke

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's a differential operator. If it acts on me, I'll disappear." e^x says "I'm e^x, I don't have anything to worry about," and keeps walking. When he reaches the differential operator, he says "Hi, I'm e^x."

The differential operator responds, "Hi, I'm d/dy."

Two Men Go Hunting

A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."

... There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"

A husband's wife is going into labour, so he decides to call 911...

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Responder: My wife's going into labour, I don't know what to do.

Operator: Is this her first born?

Responder: No this is her husband.

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and
Ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street ....'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just
dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street .'

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

A blonde woman finds a dead body...

Immediately, she calls the police.

She says, "Hello, I have found a dead body"

The 911 operator replies, "Ok. Thank you for letting us know. Can you tell me the street on which you found it?"

She looks around and says, "Eucalyptus Street"

The operator asks, "Can you spell it for me?"

The blonde women thinks, and tells the operator, "Don't worry, I'll just move it to Smith Street"

A guy calls 911

"Send an ambulance! My wife's having a baby!"

"Just calm down down", says the operator, "Is this her first baby?"

"No it's her husband you idiot!"

A hunter and his friend.....

A hunter and his friend have been camping in the woods for a few days. One day, however, the hunter noticed his friend was sleeping for a very long time. He repeatedly tries to wake him up, but fails each time. He then runs to the cabin near him and dials 911. He says to the operator: "I think my friend is dead!" The operator thinks for a moment, and then says: " Make sure he is really dead, and not just sleeping." There is silence, and then the operator hears a loud bang. The hunter picks up the phone again: "Ok, now what?"

Ooooh it's ever so sad

At a boat rental company, the radio operator said into the microphone: "boat 99, your hour is up, please head in."
An employee walks up to him and says: "We only have 75 boats, sir there is no boat 99."
The radio operator says: "Boat 66, are you in trouble?"

Bubba Calls 911

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. 'Where do you live?' asked the operator.
Bubba replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.'
The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'

Two men are hunting in the woods.

One of them sees a deer and fires, but accidentally shoots his friend in the back. When he realizes what happened, he immediately calls 911.

"Hello, what is your emergency?"

"I think I just killed my friend while hunting!"

"Ok, we'll send an ambulance immediately. But don't say things like that unless you're certain. Can you make sure he's dead?"
The emergency operator hears him walk a few steps then, *bang!*

"Ok, now I'm sure."

Two men are walking in the woods...

...all of a sudden, one of them collapses. The other man dials 911 and says, "Help! I think my friend is dead!" The operator responds, "Sir, calm down. First of all, we need to make sure he is dead." There is a minute of silence and a loud thud before the man responds, "Okay, now what?"

Two hunters are in the woods...

Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"

There are 2 hunters in the woods

suddenly, one of the hunters has a heart attack and falls over. The other hunter calls 911. "Operator, I think my friend is dead," he says. "Well before we do anything else, we need to make sure he is dead," responds the operator. There is silence. Then there is a loud bang. "Ok, now what do I do"?

4 different views of a tunnel

PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.

What is yellow, has one arm and can't swim?

- an excavator

Do you think that's funny?
Well, the excavator operator doesn't

Wife's having a heart attack

A man comes home after a long hard day at work, and hears some sounds coming from his bedroom.

He hurried up the stairs and sees his wife in her bed, "I think I'm having a heart attack" she says in a panicked voice. The man rushes downstairs and dials 911 and goes to tell the operator what the problem is.
His 4 year old son comes down the stairs and says "daddy, uncle joe is naked in your closet". Angrily, the man slams the phone down and hurried up the stairs, swings open the closet door and sees his brother sitting there naked. "My wife is having a heart attack, and all you do is run around my house naked scaring the kids!?"

Two men go hunting in the forest

They are walking along with their guns and enjoying the outdoors when one man suddenly collapses. His friend grabs him to see what's wrong, but he won't move. He knows something is wrong and calls 911.

911 Operator: "911 operator, what is your emergency?"

Friend: "My buddy just collapsed. He wont move, I think he's dead! What do I do?"

911 Operator: "Well first you need to make sure he is actually dead. You need to-"

The operator hears the man leave the phone for a moment, followed by a moment of silence and the a loud bang.

Friend: "Okay. Now what?"

A man gets his Comcast bill through the mail.

He calls Comcast and complains that he has an eye problem. The operator asks "what does the eye problem have to do with paying your bill?" The man responds, " well, I don't see myself paying this bill."

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.

"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.

"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.

"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.

"Fine, give me 1 second"

*Gunshot fired*

"Ok, what now?" the man asks.

I called the paranoia society hotline this morning…

The operator answered and said, "How did you get this number?!"

What's the time difference..?

A blonde called a telephone operator.

Blonde: Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and London?

Operator: Just a minute…

Blonde : Thank you *puts down the phone*

Recently my daughter cut herself badly with a bread knife

I immediately called 911. the operator told me to apply pressure. I said to my daughter, "When am I going to get a grandchild?"

Conversation between a 911 operator and a hunter

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My friend and I went hunting and he got attacked by a bear, I managed to scare it away, but I think my friend is dead"

"OK, stay calm. First, make sure he is dead"

*Gun shot*

"He is. Now what?"

There are two hunters

Suddenly one of them collapses. He appears not to be breathing and his eyes glaze over. The other hunter panics and 911. The hunter says "I think my friend is dead! What do I do?" The operator says "Calm down. First, make sure he's dead." A gunshot is heard on the other line. The hunter says, "Okay now what.?"

911, what is your emergency?

Help, two girls are fighting over me.

Operator: Sir, why is that a problem!

The ugly one is winning!

Two hunters are in the woods when one falls to the ground

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other calls 911 and gasps "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, then a shot is heard.
The hunter's voice comes back on the line "ok, now what?"

The blonde girl panicked when she got stuck inside her car as her doors wouldn't open.

She quickly dialed 911 and cried, "I'm in the Orlando Mall parking lot, my doors won't open and its getting to be a hot day!"

The dispatcher sent a squad car and soon the police were searching about the parking lot looking for her car.

The operator asked, "The officer wants to know what kind of car you are stuck in."

The blonde replied, "It's a convertible."

The operator said, "I'd imagine there are many convertibles in that lot, which one are you?"

Exasperated, the blonde shouted, "The one with the top down!"

Two men go out hunting…

Two men go out hunting and everything is going fine until one of them trips, falls on a rock, and becomes unresponsive. Thinking the man is dead, the other man calls 911 and the operator tells him to make sure the man is dead. The operator hears a gunshot and the man says "Ok, what now?"

There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator

Dad: There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator.
Son: How does that work, do you need a degree for that?
Dad: I think you need about 2000 degrees.

Two boys are camping in the woods when one of them collapses

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other boy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a brief silence when a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon is heard.

Back on the phone, the boy says, "OK, now what?

Bjorn and Sven are in the woods hunting

Suddenly Sven cries out, clutches his chest, and falls to the ground.
In a panic, Bjorn pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.
'911, what is your emergency?'
'Yeah, this is Bjorn and you gotta help me! Me and Sven are out hunting and Sven just up and keeled over dead! What do I do?'
'Remain calm,' says the 911 operator. 'The first thing you need to do is make sure he's dead.'
'Okay,' says Bjorn. 'Hang on a sec.' There are several seconds of silence, then a shot rings out. Bjorn comes back on the phone, 'Okay, now what?'

My favorite joke of all time.

A man calls information for a phone number (this happened before smart phones)

Anyway, the man asks for Derp Smith in Derpville, California.

The operator says "I have many listings for Derp Smith, do you have a street name?"

The man thought for a moment and replied

"Well, some people call me Iceman."

An almost hysterical man calls 911...

He yells, "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor just started now, it's really intense!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.

"No dumbass! It's her husband!"

Is this the Alcoholics helpline?

Operator: "Yes."
Caller: "Can you tell me how to make Sangria?"

A man calls up White House

Man : I want to be the next PRESIDENT of USA.

Operator: Are you an idiot?

Man: Sorry, I didn't know it's compulsory !!

Two guys were out hunting. . .

Two guys are out hunting and while they were walking one of them grabs his chest and falls forward


Panicked the other guy calls 911 and says I think my friend is dead . . .

The operator says "ok calm down first lets make sure he is dead."

It goes silent on the hunters end and then you hear a gunshot. . .

The guy gets on the phone and says "okay, now what?"

A village of mathematical functions is slumbering

when suddenly the alarm bells ring:
a rogue differential operator has been sighted.
Fearing for their life, the functions run away or try to hide, but a brave function stands its ground and confronts the aggressor: I am e to the x, you cannot do anything to me! Go away!
The differential operator calmly replies: but I am d over dt, and proceeds to swallow the poor exponential.

Two hunters are out in the woods...

When suddenly one of the men collapses. Shocked, the other man quickly calls 911 and exclaims, "Please help me, my friend is dead!".

The operator responds, "Sir try calm down, I need you to make sure your friend is actually dead"...

A few seconds later a gunshot can be heard through the call.

And the man says, "Okay, now what?"

A 911 operator gets a call one morning from a frantic man.

"My friend and I were out on a camping trip and I think he had a heart attack and he might have died and I don't know what to do".

The operator says to him "OK. Stay calm. First lets make sure he is dead".

The man says OK and a minute later the operator hears a gun shot. The man comes back and says;

"OK. Now what?"

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it........

He phones the police and says "Bejesas I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."

The operator asks, "is it tickin?

Paddy says "No I tink it's beef"

Everyone knew it was the Spanish train operator who was behind the dead bodies hidden at the train station.

He always had a locomotive.

Came across a body lying on the sidewalk

A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.


The operator asked him where he was and the man replied, I'm on Sycamore Drive.


How do you spell that? the operator asked.


S-i-c-k… the man began. No, s-i-c-a….. no, s-i-k-a…. oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I'll call you back.

I know a telegraph operator who was so bad he always had to send his messages again.

He had a lot of remorse about that.

Two guys are out hunting

Two guys are out hunting and one of them falls down a ravine. The other one run down to him, can't find a pulse, and calls calls 911 and says "Help me my friend is dead! I don't know what to do!" The operator says "That's okay just calm down I'm going to help. Now let's start by making sure he's actually dead." There's silence on the line and then a gunshot is heard. The guy comes back on the line and says "Okay now what?"

Jimmy is out hunting with his best buddy Mark

When Mark suddenly clutches his chest and falls to the ground. Thinking quickly Jimmy calls 911.

"My friend just had a heart attack! I think he's dead." he says the operator

"Ok sir, calm down. First check to make sure he's definitely dead. I'll hold."

**\*BLAM***

"Yeah, he's definitely dead."

Why didn't the criminal train operator die when he got the electric chair?

he was a bad conductor.

Two hunters in the forest

Our story is set out in a wooded hunting reserve. Two men, carrying a backpack and gun each, trekked out into the forest in search of game.
After an hour or two in the forest, one of the hunters keels over and collapses on the ground. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed over. The other hunter calls 911. The operator picks up.
"Nine-One-One, what is your emergency?"
"Help! I think my friend might be dead!" The hunter cries.
The operator calmly responds "Okay, I know how to help."
"What do I do?" the hunter replies.
"First of all, you have to make sure he's really dead." The operator says.
There's a silence. Then a gunshot.




"Okay, now what?"

A 911 operator gets a call.

The caller says, "Help! I was out hunting with my friend, and he slipped and fell down a slope and hit a rock and I think he's dead!"

"Calm down. The first thing you need to do is make sure that he's actually dead."

The operator hears a shot, and then the caller says, "Okay, now what?"

A man calls the police station to report a house robbery

Man: an Asian man just broke into my house and took my wife's jewelry!

Operator: how do you know he is Asian?

Man: he's still trying to back out of my driveway!

The Mexican train operator murdered three people yesterday. He told us that the train told him to do it.

He had a loco motive.

Two guys are hunting in the woods

All of a sudden, one collapses. His friend calls 911 in a panic. "What do I do? My friend is dead!" "Just calm down," says the operator. "An ambulance is on the way. First, we need to make sure he is actually dead." There is silence for a moment. The operator hears a loud BANG!!!! The hunter returns to the phone. "Okay, now what?"

Snake bite

Two hunters go out into the woods and one of them gets bitten by a snake, collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter quickly calls emergency services and says "You have to help me, my friend just got bitten by a snake and died." The operator says "OK, calm down. First, make sure he is dead." The phone goes silent for a bit, followed by the sound of a gun shot. The hunter goes back to the phone and says to the operator "Ok, now what?"

Two men go on a hunting trip...

One of them trips, hits his head on a rock, and passes out. The other man calls 911 and says "I think my buddy's dead!". The operator says "Make sure first." The man puts the phone down and the operator hears a gunshot. A second later the man says "Yah he's dead."

This Zamboni operator skidded out of control into our Dungeons & Dragons meeting

Why he be all slidin into my DMs

Two hunters are out in the woods...

One collapses and stops breathing. His companion calls an emergency number and cries, "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator says, "Calm down; I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot, and the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

Today I got fired from my job as a suicide hotline operator...

Apparently reverse psychology wasn't a good method...

Harold and David are out hunting when David collapses and stops breathing.

Desperately Harold searches for a pulse but can't find one. He whips out his phone and dials 911 and blurts, 'My friend had just dropped dead! What should I do?' A soothing voice on the other end says, 'OK, OK. Just relax. First, let's make sure he really is dead.' After a brief silence the operator hears a shot ring out. Then Harold comes back to the phone. 'OK,' he says nervously, 'what do I do next?'

How to make Operator jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Operator to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Operator? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Operator pick up lines to share with friends.

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