Comical & Quirky Operation Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
So a guy wakes up in the middle of an operation
He screams and says to the doctor "What are you doing, don't do that." The doctor says "Fine, suture self."
A husband and wife are in a car c**...
They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."
A simple operation
A patient is caught running down the hospital halls before his operation by an employee.
"What's the matter?" the employee asked.
The man said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's going to be a very simple operation, don't worry, it will be fine.'"
"Well what's the matter? She was just trying to comfort you." the employee said.
The man replied, "She wasn't talking to me, she was talking to the doctor."
A lawyer is in the hospital..
As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"
The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
s**... after surgery
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
First Time
A man is in an operating room for a hernia operation. The anesthesiologist starts counting him down from 10. He gets to 9, and the surgeon turns to the anesthesiologist and says, "Well, wish me luck, this is my first s**... change operation!"
Hours later, the man awakes in recovery with a complete panic, but he doesn't remember why. The surgeon comes in and explains it to him.
True story...LOL!
The MI5 are watching every move I make and breath I take...
It seems it's a sting operation
My rabbi told me this one.
An orthodox Jewish man is about to go through heart surgery.
Before his doctor begins, he asks the Jewish man if he's ever had a surgical operation before, and if so, how it went.
The Jewish man responds, "I've only had surgery one time, and I couldn't walk for a year and a half."
In a hospital
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
The doctor who performed my lobotomy operation did a lousy job.
I have half a mind to tell him so.
You can explore operation addadictomy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean operation transplant dad jokes. There are also operation puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Two surgeons are laughing during an operation when a dermatologist walks by...
"What's so funny?" asks the dermatologist.
"Sorry, it's a inside joke." replies the surgeon.
What's the name of the operation to change a woman into a man?
Addadictomy.
What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?
Logger-rhythms.
A young lady is in the hospital for an operation.
She says, "Doc, how long after my operation will I have to wait until I can have s**... again?"
He says, "You know, Miss Kandol, you're the first person who ever asked me that before a tonsillectomy"
A lawyer had just undergone surgery
...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"
"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."
What do you call a Nun that has a s**... change operation?
A Transistor
What is ISIS's favorite mathematical operation?
Square Root.
Anything it is applied to becomes radicalized.
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?
Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?
Plastic surgery.
I woke up in the middle of an operation once.
The nurse said Don't worry, you just drifted off for a minute doctor.
My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items
It's a small scale operation
Pain.
Two young boys are waiting for their
surgery…
What operation are you having done?
Getting my tonsils out, what about you?
Circumcision
Oh that's bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn't walk for a year
Do not Get Nervous
Ashok: Why did you run away from operation Table ?
Ramesh : The nurse was repeatedly saying- "don't get nervous" ,"don't be afraid.
"Be strong" This is a small operation only."
Ashok : So what was wrong in that? Why are you so afraid?
Ramesh: She was talking to the surgeon!
Self service in the OR
Near the end of my operation, I suddenly woke up and demanded the right to close my incision.
Reluctantly, the surgeon handed me the needle and said, "Suture self.
My cousin recently had an operation to become a goose
He's transgander.
Don't Get Nervous
Patient 1: Why did you run away from the operation table?
Patient 2: The nurse was repeatedly saying 'don't get nervous', 'don't be afraid', 'be strong', 'this is a small operation only', things like that.
Patient 1: So what was wrong in that? Why were you so afraid?
Patient 2: She was talking to the surgeon!
Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?"
I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"
because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation.
What do you call it when the FBI and DEA do a m**... bust together?
A joint operation.
A guy tried to give himself a s**... change operation.
It didn't look like he was going to do it, but somehow he managed to pull it off.
Two conjoined twins, attached by the face, have successfully been separated today.
Since the operation they've done nothing but argue.
Having once been so close, they no longer see eye to eye.
I know the feeling...
An auto mechanic in the hospital was chatting nervously with his surgeon while being prepped for an operation. "Sometimes I wish I'd gone into your line of work," he told the doctor. "Everything you doctors do is so cut and dried and tidy. With me, I spend half a day taking an engine apart and putting it back together, and it seems like I always have a couple of parts left over."
"Yes," said the surgeon. "I know the feeling."
Our grandpa was running away from the operation theater ...
We stopped him and asked what was wrong.
He replied that the nurses in the operation theater were saying "Don't worry, everything will be alright, we are all with you" and that made him uncomfortable.
We said "They were trying to calm you down. This is common. They probably say this to all the patients before the surgery"
Our grandpa took a deep breath, looked deep into my eyes and said "They were telling that to the surgeon"
I'm a Latino nurse and while I was doing my rounds, one of the surgeons burst out of the operating room and told me to help finish the operation.
I cut the patient's o**... on the wrong spot but luckily I miscalculated and saved their life. No one thought I could do it and I shocked them all. Nobody expected the Spanish missed the incision.
What's the medical term for a female-to-male s**... change operation?
An adadichtomy
While having a bath, a woman hears the doorbell.
"Who is it?" The woman asks.
"It's me! Your blind neighbour!" Replies a manly voice.
The woman thinks to herself "well if it's the blind man, I don't need to put anything on." And opens the door n**....
The blind man in complete shock says "I..... I just came here to tell you that my operation was successful and I can see everything now."
When the surgeon came to see his young female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed.
So the doctor she asked "What's wrong?"
"Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal s**... life.
"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively.
"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.
"You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy."
Mom got a s**... change operation
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
My friends and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
It's a small scale operation.
The NYPD is reporting that Antifa has painted convincing-looking tunnels on walls to trick New York's Finest into running into them at high speed
They're calling it "operation meep-meep"
The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
Operation Clean-Up
Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.
Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom.
A lawyer wakes up after surgery
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn. She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
Ever since I went through with my s**... change operation my kids have been completely ignoring me
It's like I'm transparent.
Kraft foods is moving their entire operation to Israel.
They'll be renaming themselves Cheeses of Nazareth .
A man goes in for hernia surgery
After the operation, the doctor meets him in the recovery room.
"Sir, the operation was successful but I have bad news. We accidentally removed your t**... during the surgery."
The man was immediately furious.
"You b**...! You dumb idiots! I'll kill you for this!"
The surgeon calmly replies "Now sir, you don't have the b**...."
What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?
Autopsy
Operation Tory
A Tory MP woke up in hospital after a serious operation and found that the curtains around him were drawn. He called for a nurse and asked "why are the curtains closed, Is it night"?
The nurse replied "No it's just that there's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation was unsuccessful".
Doctor- Calm down alex, it's just a minor operation.
Patient- thank you, but I am not Alex.
Doctor- I am.
Doctor the operation was a success
Patient really?
Doctor yes, we have successfully removed the colon.
Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.
Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."
The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Edna and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young she's only 48."
"37," came the weak reply from Edna.
If There's h**... Below …
As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.
A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist's desk at a doctor's office. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday!" she complained.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. Why do you think it was taken here?
After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.
I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.
I rallied the kids and we all secretly did house work while Mom was out running errands
It was a cleandestine operation.
A guy tried to sell me i**... bees to make free honey.
I said no because I knew it was a sting operation.
Vladimir Putin just gave a statement about Russia's peace keeping operation in Ukraine
It's a piece-keeping operation. I'll be keeping this piece of Ukraine, and this piece. Ooh, and this piece is rather lovely, too!
My best friend and I just started a business where we weigh microscopic objects.
It's ..a small scale operation.
Apparently this is a current Russian joke: What is the title of Tolstoy's main work?
It's "Special operation and peace".
A lawyer woke up in the hospital after his surgery.
A lawyer woke up in the hospital after his surgery and he asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.
a patient walks in to see meet his neurosurgeon
The patient says "so you're the brains of the operation?" The neurosurgeon replies "no, you are."
Why wasn't the vet worried when I took my teenaged kangaroo in for an operation?
Because it was just roo teen surgery.
Went to a rock festival and got arrested for selling p**... to The Police.
It was a Sting operation.
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic before my operation...
"Go ahead," he replied. "Knock yourself out..."
The Democrats have a plan to make the Republicans sound s**....
Operation "Just Let Them Talk"
I took the plunge three years ago, and had a vasectomy done.
Mainly because I didn't want any kids at all. However, when I got home after the operation, they were still there..
A lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery
He asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.
