Opening Scene Jokes
16 opening scene jokes and hilarious opening scene puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about opening scene that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Opening Scene Short Jokes
Short opening scene jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opening scene humour may include short opening credits jokes also.
- Two detectives are at a crime scene. They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation.
One of the detectives says to the other "It's an open-and-shut case". - This is what you do when you're lost Grab you phone, open Netflix watch any movie with at least a two second s**... scene and you dad will walk by any second
Share These Opening Scene Jokes With Friends
Opening Scene One Liners
Which opening scene one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opening scene? I can suggest the ones about opening line and opening act.
- The scene kid cut open the undercooked loaf of bread. It's rawr XD
- Hodor's last scene was a huge opportunity for him. It's opening a lot of doors.
- Why hasn't Insane Clown Posse ever opened for Sia? Because she's never been scene
Opening Scene Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about opening scene you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opening speech jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opening scene pranks.
Watching Queen's Gambit really put me in the holiday spirit. Especially the scene where the player are in the hotel lobby bragging about the matches they won
I love chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
Police dog
One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."
A lawyer was opening the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and struck the door, ripping it completely off the hinges.
When police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my car!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, it's incredible!" retorted the officer, "You're so concerned about your s**... BMW that you didn't even notice your left arm has been ripped off".
Upon heaering this the lawyers eyes shoot wide open as he jolts his head towards the left shoulder, only to find that his arm was indeed completely missing.
"Oh my god!", replied the lawyer, "Where's my Rolex!"
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing
when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to s**... both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, Oh, my God! Please help me!
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, I thought you didn't believe in Me!
Come on God, give me a break!! the man pleaded. Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the LochNess monster either!
(Credit. The Joke Cafe)
The Smart Navigator
The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators.
The crusty old-timer Captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.
The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel.
He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," replies the newbie.
"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his Co-Pilot.
The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 and sets it on his chart table.
What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
Yoda stands in the doorway, surveying the crime scene.
The victim is lying face down on the floor in a pool of his own blood. Huge chunks have been taken out of him, and clear teeth marks are visible around the open wounds. Against a nearby wall lies the suspected killer. Mouth full of blood (likely not his own) and back broken in such a way that he can't have lasted long.
Yoda's partner, Luke, looks around in disgust.
"What do you think? Open and shut case of m**... s**...?"
Yoda stares grimly, nods, but says nothing.
Yoda walks into the room, and walks around the corpse on the floor.
"So should I just go ahead and tell Nine's family?" Luke says.
Yoda looks at Luke with a glimmer in his eye. "Eaten alive, this man was. Disfigured, he is. Nine, he looks like. But Nine, this man is not. Six, Seven eight."
Priest and nun playing golf.
A priest and a nun are playing golf. The nun, on the first course, swing and hit the ball, right in the hole at the first strike. The priest hit the ball and threw it around. "Fxxx! I've missed!" said the priest. The nun glance at him and disagrees, moving the head. On the second hole, same scene: the nun succeded at the first strike, the priest threw it in the woods and started yelling: "Fxxx! I've missed!". The nun started complaining. Third hole, and following same exact scene. The priest shouts: "Fxxx! I've missed!" louder and louder. After another couple of holes, the nun said: "Enough! Stop dirty talking! If I hear you once more, may the sky strike you with a lightning!". The priest is very sorry and keep playing in silence. On the last hole, the nun scores in one strike. The priest threw the ball in a sand bunker and yelled: "Fxxx! I've missed!". The sky open itself and a enormous lightning strikes... the nun! From above the priest heard a voice: "Fxxx! I've missed!"
Etiquette for beginners
[adapted from a scene in the film Carry on Cruising]
A steward on a cruise ship is hesitating outside a door to a cabin with a p**... of coffee on a tray. The chief purser doing his rounds sees him and asks him what he's doing.
"Well sir, it's like this", the steward begins, "I'm completely new to this job and I'm a little worried as to what to do if I find passengers in a *delicate* state in their cabin, you see?"
The purser smiles and puts his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Ah", he says, "you just need to learn how to deal with such situations with a bit of dignity and blindness. I once knew a steward who walked in on a beautiful young woman completely n**... in the shower. Well, he just put the tray down on the side, said 'Excuse me, sir' and left without missing a beat. Do you see?"
The steward thinks for a moment and smiles "Yes, yes! That's very good that! I'll remember that!"
"Well, what are you waiting for then?" says the purser pointing out the still closed cabin door. "Get on with it, before that coffee gets cold"
The steward takes a deep breath, puffs out his chest, knocks and opens the door. Inside, he finds a newly wed couple on their honeymoon, in bed and very passionately engrossed in each other, and they clearly haven't noticed his arrival.
He hesitates before remembering what the purser told him, and decides to interrupt: "Hello there, which of you two fellahs takes sugar then?"