Opener Jokes

Funniest Opener Short Jokes

Short opener jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opener humour may include short opening closing jokes also.

1. My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens. Lovely man.
   Terrible cabinet maker.
2. My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam for the surface.
3. If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm– –BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
4. I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
5. What does a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one.
6. Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got
7. I received a thesaurus in the mail today, but when I opened it all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
8. Paratrooper: What happens if my parachute doesn't open? Sergeant: Bring it back and we'll give you a new one.
9. The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her: Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
10. A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."

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Opener One Liners

Which opener one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opener? I can suggest the ones about opening best man and opening act.

1. What did chuck norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
2. Whats the worst thing to hear during open heart surgery? Anything
3. My wife and I have an open relationship Found out last night
4. When one door closes... An incognito window opens.
5. What did the boy with no arms get for his birthday ? Don't know he hasn't opened it yet
6. Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked
7. If I ever move to Prague, I'll open a burrito shop. And call it Bohemian Wrap City.
8. A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
9. Everyone was excited at the autopsy club... It was open Mike night.
10. Q: What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A: A can't opener.
11. I went to the dentist today Dentist: Open up please
    Me: Sometimes I get sad.
12. Peyton Manning is opening a bakery. As a special promotion, he's giving away turnovers.
13. You know why the gates of heaven are always left open? Cuz Jesus was raised in a barn!
14. Autopsy club tonight at 8pm It's open Mike night
15. I'm thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store... I'm gonna call it 'Second Hand'.

Bottle Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny bottle opener jokes and even better bottle opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I've made an app to loosen the top of a ketchup bottle It's an open sauce project
• How to reclose an opened bottle of champagne? I don't know, ask Falcons fans.
• What's sneezing on your period like? Smacking the bottom of an open ketchup bottle.
• Remedy "Doctor, you prescribed me this strengthening remedy last week."
  "Yeah, what about it?"
  "I can't open the bottle."
• Why did the blonde open a bottle of milk in the supermarkt? Because it says: Open here
• Secret to wine tasting is to open the bottle and allowing it to breathe If it doesn't look like it is breathing, then give it a mouth-to-mouth
• How do you open a bottle of beer? You don't. It should already be open by the time she gives it to you.
• Ever wonder why the cap on gallon of milk isn't square? Because the opening of the bottle is round.
• Why did the bottle of ranch scream when the fridge door opened? He was dressing.
• I opened a cabinet in my kitchen, and a bunch of glass bottles fell on me. It was a very jarring experience.

Electric Can Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny electric can opener jokes and even better electric can opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I once went to an open air Queen concert. It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set
  Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening...
• I can bring a Lady to complete ecstasy with one hand To be clear, Lady is my cat's name, and the hand in question operates the electric can opener

Can Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny can opener jokes and even better can opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me.... I'll return
• British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
• I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale" Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
• What's the difference between a velociraptor and a police officer? The velociraptor can open doors.
• A bag of Frito Lays and a bra are the same... Once you open them you realize there's only half of what you thought inside
• An unemployed engineer opens a clinic... He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
• I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday, I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
• I wanna do stand up comedy on a gay cruise... ...so I can open with: "Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming out."
• Why was Roy Moore waiting outside the liquor store when it opened? He heard they had a 14 year old Brandy
• I've open 6 birthday cards and I'm up to $150 already. I love working for the post office!

Tinder Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny tinder opener jokes and even better tinder opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions
• I'm really good at dating in the Tinder age Every girl I meet swipes left at me...usually across the face with an open hand.
• Accidentally opened the Foodora App instead of Tinder "No restaurants currently offer pickup in your area"

Humorous Opener Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about opener you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opening line jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opener pranks.