Opener Jokes

Funniest Opener Short Jokes

Short opener jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The opener humour may include short opening jokes also.

1. My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens. Lovely man.
   Terrible cabinet maker.
2. My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam for the surface.
3. If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm– –BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
4. My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye." I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.
5. I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
6. I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
7. My Grandad always said, As one door closes, another one opens. Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
8. I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
9. What does a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one.
10. Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got

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Opener One Liners

Which opener one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with opener? I can suggest the ones about opened and opening closing.

1. What did chuck norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
2. Whats the worst thing to hear during open heart surgery? Anything
3. My wife and I have an open relationship Found out last night
4. When one door closes... An incognito window opens.
5. What did the boy with no arms get for his birthday ? Don't know he hasn't opened it yet
6. Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked
7. If I ever move to Prague, I'll open a burrito shop. And call it Bohemian Wrap City.
8. I don't always beat my girlfriend, but when I do... it's to the door to open it for her.
9. Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD Its a concentration camp
10. A clown held the door open for me yesterday I thought it was a nice jester.
11. A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
12. Everyone was excited at the autopsy club... It was open Mike night.
13. I asked Siri why I'm single She opened the front camera
14. Q: What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A: A can't opener.
15. I went to the dentist today Dentist: Open up please
    Me: Sometimes I get sad.

Bottle Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny bottle opener jokes and even better bottle opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I've made an app to loosen the top of a ketchup bottle It's an open sauce project
• How to reclose an opened bottle of champagne? I don't know, ask Falcons fans.
• What's sneezing on your period like? Smacking the bottom of an open ketchup bottle.
• Remedy "Doctor, you prescribed me this strengthening remedy last week."
  "Yeah, what about it?"
  "I can't open the bottle."
• Why did the blonde open a bottle of milk in the supermarkt? Because it says: Open here
• Secret to wine tasting is to open the bottle and allowing it to breathe If it doesn't look like it is breathing, then give it a mouth-to-mouth
• How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer? None. It should be open by the time she brings it to him.
• How do you open a bottle of beer? You don't. It should already be open by the time she gives it to you.
• Ever wonder why the cap on gallon of milk isn't square? Because the opening of the bottle is round.
• Why did the bottle of ranch scream when the fridge door opened? He was dressing.

Meeting Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny meeting opener jokes and even better meeting opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Autopsy club meeting Saturday! Its open Mike night.
• Bookstores are a great place to meet women... ... But not so if your opening line is "What does this word mean?"
• The autopsy club has a meeting this Friday. It's Open Mike Night.
• A Bostonian shooter opens fire on a Catholic meeting, killing 28 and injuring dozens more. The newspaper headline the next day reads:
  "A Massive Massacre Occurs at Mass in Massachusetts."
• After interviewing a candidate for an open position, I got an email stating, " It was a pressure meeting you"
• I'm really good at dating in the Tinder age Every girl I meet swipes left at me...usually across the face with an open hand.
• Why does Jarod Fogle go to AA meetings in prison? Because he has to talk to someone that knows the urge of wanting to crack open a tall boy.
• What do you do when you meet a fellow anime watcher appreciates the theme song of an anime you like? Kill him, it's an opening.
• I met with my lawyer to discuss my will... During the meeting he asked me about f**... arrangements. I told him I was thinking of having an open casket f**.... Remains to be seen.
• An opening line when you're meeting her parents. I cut back on the alcohol because you should be able to trust a f**... at 27.

Electric Can Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny electric can opener jokes and even better electric can opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I opened my water and electric bills simultaneously... Needless to say, I was shocked.
• Yesterday I opened my electricity bill and water bill at the same time …. I was shocked
• I once went to an open air Queen concert. It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set
  Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening...
• I opened my water and electricity bills at the same time. I was shocked.
• I can bring a Lady to complete ecstasy with one hand To be clear, Lady is my cat's name, and the hand in question operates the electric can opener

Sermon Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny sermon opener jokes and even better sermon opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A preacher visits a prison to give a sermon. All the inmates attend the service.
  The preacher opens with
  "It brings me joy to see you all here"

Can Opener Jokes

Here is a list of funny can opener jokes and even better can opener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I received a thesaurus in the mail today, but when I opened it all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
• Paratrooper: What happens if my parachute doesn't open? Sergeant: Bring it back and we'll give you a new one.
• The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her: Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
• I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.
• I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you". I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.
• What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? Neither one can resist the urge to crack open a cold one .
• My granddad always used to say, "as one door closes another one opens" Wonderful guy, terrible cabinet maker.
• Today, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid... I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now!!!!
• A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
• I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me.... I'll return

Humorous Opener Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about opener you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opening best man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make opener pranks.