Only Child Jokes
64 only child jokes and hilarious only child puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about only child that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Only Child Short Jokes
Short only child jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The only child humour may include short single boy jokes also.
- A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
- Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
- Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
- My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
- Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters. Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!
- My girlfriend just screamed at me for tickling my child's feet She said something about 'waiting until they're born'
- Have you seen the new Exorcist movie? This time it's the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.
- As God created this human child, God asked him... "How about an extra chromosome?"
The child replied, "I'd be down for that." - It's very important to not leave out the word "each." For example, when the price of 4 tacos is $2 vs $2 each, or When you tell people that you and your sister each have a child
- My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
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Only Child One Liners
Which only child one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with only child? I can suggest the ones about youngest child and orphan kid.
- Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? Midlife crisis
- As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero The Invisible Man
- My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice Must be why I'm an only child
- I was raised as an only child which really annoyed my sister
- My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with? A dog, dogs eat meat
- My son was on eBay this morning. Child services were not impressed with me.
- How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
- Why wouldn't the anti-vaxxers child eat his broccoli? He's dead
- I'm against lesbian couples adopting a child... Which one is going to tell the dad jokes?
- A father asks his child, "Could you please stop listening to Korean music?" "K, pop."
- What do you call a child with redheaded parents? Ginger-bred
- What do you call it when two flowers have a child? Plant parenthood.
- When I was a child, I was kidnapped by mimes They did unspeakable things to me
- I was a stillborn child My mother didn't want me but I was still born
- Turns out when asked who your favorite child is... You're supposed to pick your own.
Hilarious Only Child Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about only child you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean favourite child jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make only child pranks.
A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.
He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.
"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.
"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.
"Then where are the other 11 kids?"
"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.
Kylo Ren: I've always hated being an only child
Han: You're not an only child. You're a Solo child.
My sister walked up to me this morning and with disgusted look on her face said to me: 'You're on drugs again!!!' She could be right..
I'm an only child.
I remember my mother telling me, I have no favorite child.
Harsh seeing as I'm an only child.
My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up
I'm an only child :(
My dad always tells me he never makes the same mistake twice.
That's why I am the only child.
My parents told me that they don't have a favourite child.
It was tough, considering I am the only child.
I hear that you're supposed to learn from your mistakes
Probably why I'm an only child.
My parents raised me as an only child...
Which really upset my sister
I asked my 32 year old friend from Alabama why he's still a v**....
He said "I was an only child"
I was raised as an only child.
My siblings took it pretty hard.
Why does the r**... not have a girlfriend?
He is an only child
My parents raised me as an only child...
...which really annoyed my younger brother.
My mum always told me she didn't have a favourite child.
Bit sad really. I'm an only child
I was raised as an only child.
It was really difficult for my sister.
My mom didn't vaccinate my younger brother...
It's alright though, always wanted to be an only child.
When I was a child we had a sandbox.
It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Why is a Jewish Jedi Master always an only child?
Because he has no Force-kin.
What do you call an only child who lives in Alabama
a v**...
My parents said they would never play favorites...
Which is sad considering I was an only child
When I was growing up, we didn't have a sandbox, we had a quicksand box.
I was an only child....eventually.
(From my favorite comedian: Steven Wright)
I was raised as an only child,
which really annoyed my sister.
I asked Santa for a Frisbee when I was a kid....
But I was an only child, so he gave me a boomerang.
I'm the only child in my family.
My mom said she learns from her mistakes.
The first time I got high was in the back of my brother's car…
It must of been some dank w**..., because I'm an only child.
What do you call a v**... in West Virginia?
An only child....
Plot twist, Kylo Ren is not an only child
He's a Solo child
What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a c**...?
Your parents would know!
* My friend said this to me since I'm an only child *
What do you call a v**... r**...?
An only child.
Have a bad only child? Apple unveils terrifying robot sibling...
iSis.
My girlfriend thinks I'm selfish and accused me of being an only child...
I corrected her, naturally. I'm the only *important* child.
I recently found out a bunch of people I know have been lying about being only children.
They keep posting things about standing with their black brothers and sisters.
Its pretty easy to tell who my dad's favorite child is.
Mostly because I'm an only child.
My mum told me I was her third favourite child.....
.... I'm an only child
Both my mother and father had heart attacks and died after winning the lottery...
I was their only child, so I wrote McDonald's a thank-you letter.
A nun asked me for money
She said "it's for the sisters of Christ"
What a fool. Christ was an only child.
She probably wanted it for drugs
The best part of being an only child is not having to share my toys.
The worst part was the haunting look on my brother's face as the ocean swept him away.
What do you call an only child in Alabama?
An incel.
Why was Jesus an only child?
There were no more wombs at the Inn.
When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.
Chuck Norris was an only child.
Eventually.
I heard that your brother was an only child.
A man had a loose wife
So a man was married to a woman who was known to be s**... promiscuous but still loved her with all of his heart. They had 8 kids but when their 9th baby was born, he didn't look like the rest of them. So he thought that this must be someone else's baby but he didn't want to hurt his wife by questioning her so he went along as a father. When his time came and he was on death bed, he decided what harm could it do to ask about their 9th kid so he calls for his wife and says to her, "tell me the truth, was he really my child?" And the wife replies to the man, "It was your only child."
A joke my cousin sister told me when I was 9.
For 12 years Maya was the only child. She was coddled and adored by her mom and dad who gave her all the attention. So when her little sister was born, and she began to recieve less attention, she grew resentful.
She hated her little baby sister and wanted her dead. So while watching her mother breast-feed the baby, she hatched a plan.
That night, while her parents slept, she sneaked into their room and rubbed poison on her mother's n**....
When she woke the next day, she found out her dad had died.
Why was Chelsea Clinton an only child?
Because Monica Lewinsky swallowed all her siblings.
A man walked into a restaurant on a slow night...
...and sat down. He seemed unsure what to order.
The waiter asked him if he wanted a hamburger, and he said, "No thanks, I tried it once but I didn't like it."
So the waiter responded, "Well would you like a pizza?" but the man answered, "No, I tried it once but I didn't like it"
The waiter wanted to know if he'd like to eat a steak, and again the man replied, "No, I tried it once but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting on my son."
The waiter said, "Your only child, I assume?"
Eddy and his crush
Eddy was just a regular guy. Except for the fact that he was an only child and the fact that his billionaire father was breathing his last. Since Eddy was a soon to be billionaire it only made sense that he should have a woman to share his riches with.
Eddy approached his childhood crush. Hey Sandra, I may look like a regular guy, but I'm soon gonna be a billionaire! Do you wanna come home with me?
Sure thing Sandra replied, I would love to come home with you.
And that's the story how Sandra became Eddie's Stepmother
