The Best 62 Online Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Online jokes. There are some online paypal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these online website puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Online Jokes and Puns

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.

You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.

Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.

My sex life is exactly like my shopping.

I do it all online.

Online joke, My sex life is exactly like my shopping.

In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly.

The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.



A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"


National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.

" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

Password reset

A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.

"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"

"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."

"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"

"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."

"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"

"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."

"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"

"No, you must get a new one."

"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."

"Sorry, you must get a new one."

"OK, roses."

"Sorry you must use more letters."

"OK, pretty roses"

"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."

"OK, 1 pretty rose"

"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."

"OK, 1prettyrose"

"Sorry, you must use additional characters."

"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"

"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."

"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"

"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."

"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"

"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."

"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"

"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"

Online joke, Password reset

I'm going out with a girl I met online who's a vegetarian...

I've never met *herbivore*

:)

No pornhub, I don't want to play online poker.

I'm at work.

PS4/Xbox joke

Oh no! Playstation and xbox online services are down! Someone call an ambulance! Wii U Wii U Wii U

I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website...

... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.

You can explore online cybersex reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean online pornhub dad jokes. There are also online puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two cats are swimming across a river

One is called "One Two Three" the other is called "Un Deux Trois." Which cat survives?

"One Two Three"
because un deux trois cat sank

Disclaimer; not original, just saw it online and thought you'd all appreciate

The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

I built a staircase using an online tutorial!

When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.

I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online

She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!

Online joke, I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online

Spotting Idiots Online

I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.

Sent from my iPhone

I was browsing sex toys online today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife's vibrators cost...

She's sitting on a small fortune...

I went to take an online ADHD test today...

but gave up quickly because it was stupid and boring.


I tried to start an online bakery.

But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

In Germany, online jokes can be given as a sign of thanks.

They call them danke memes.

I went online and rated our Solar System

Gave it one star.

I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined

Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.

I hate women who lie over the smallest things.

My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks

Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.

Daily Mail online: "Masturbation may help prevent the common cold."

Hope so, I've got no tissues left

If online bullying has taught us anything.

It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.

Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse.

It truly is a site for sore eyes.

What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player?

Lo Ping

We conducted an online survey....

...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

Slow typing...

After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.

Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..

How does the Pope make online purchases?

Using his Papal account.

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.

But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had sex with 10 people

Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves

Looks like the boa cons tricked her

I was shopping online, and I was shocked to find how expensive my wife's vibrators were.

She is sitting on a small fortune.

My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...

Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.

Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...

Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...

Online classified ad

Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life.

Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.

As a former high schooler I'm glad online classes are becoming the norm. I remember having to witness teachers having sex with kids, meth being done in the bathrooms, and living with the fear of school shootings.

Being home schooled in Mississippi was rough.

I accidentally mixed up the words 'jacuzzi' and 'yakuza' online.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

Dear seller, a month ago I ordered and paid for a book "How to scam people online"!

Tell me please, when will I receive it?

I've joined an online dating agency for arsonists.

They send me new matches every week.

Christian Horse

A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise the Lord!' to make him go and 'Amen!' to make him stop."

Bill got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started to walk. "Praise the Lord!" he said again, and the horse began to trot. "Praise the Lord!" he yelled and the horse broke into a gallop.
Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn't notice the cliff he and horse were about to go over. Bill shouted "AMEN!" at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.

Relieved, Bill said, "Phew, Praise the Lord!"

I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What do you call a doctor with an online degree?

A Wikipediatrician

Like many people in lockdown I've been getting most of my clothes online

My neighbours now take their washing in at night

My dad and I(f) both ordered the same thing at the same time online. He got his before me.

Mail privilege...

I started playing COD Cold War yesterday and ended up playing online against a player called Hitler. He got so many kills but...

It was only because he was Kampfing.

A few weeks ago I ordered a box to store my money and a set of speakers online.

They arrived today, safe and sound.

what do you call medical students who graduated online?

google docs

As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.

Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.

Apparently most people in The Vatican make their purchases online

Makes sense. I mean, they are a PayPal state

I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

What is Captain Hook's least favorite online trend?

TikTok

I found an erectile dysfunction group online, it looks fun.

It can't be hard to join

So much nudity online these days . . .

. . . sometimes I just sit in front of my laptop shaking my fist.

Its been months since i bought the book "How to scam people online".

It still hasn't arrive yet...

I bought a book called "how to scam people on-line"

This was three months ago and it still hasn't arrived ?

A friend I met online has a spider as pet, and he named it Feature. Weird, right?

Until he told me he is a software programmer.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the online myspace jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working online upload piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes