Online Jokes

Following is our collection of cybersex humor and paypal one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Online puns for adults, dirty pornhub jokes or clean website gags for kids.

There is an abundance of myspace jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes on online. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any upload witze you can hear about online.

The Best jokes about Online

Online classified ad

Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.

But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

If online bullying has taught us anything.

It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.

Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

PS4/Xbox joke

Oh no! Playstation and xbox online services are down! Someone call an ambulance! Wii U Wii U Wii U


I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had sex with 10 people

Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay

I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.

We conducted an online survey....

...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

I hate women who lie over the smallest things.

My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life.

Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves

Looks like the boa cons tricked her


I'm going out with a girl I met online who's a vegetarian...

I've never met *herbivore*


:)

The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

I went online and rated our Solar System

Gave it one star.

What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player?

Lo Ping

My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...

Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.

Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...

Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

Daily Mail online: "Masturbation may help prevent the common cold."

Hope so, I've got no tissues left

Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks

Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.


I went to take an online ADHD test today...

but gave up quickly because it was stupid and boring.

As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

I tried to start an online bakery.

But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

My sex life is exactly like my shopping.

I do it all online.

Spotting Idiots Online

I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.

Sent from my iPhone

I was browsing sex toys online today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife's vibrators cost...

She's sitting on a small fortune...

No pornhub, I don't want to play online poker.

I'm at work.

I was shopping online, and I was shocked to find how expensive my wife's vibrators were.

She is sitting on a small fortune.

In Germany, online jokes can be given as a sign of thanks.

They call them danke memes.

I accidentally mixed up the words 'jacuzzi' and 'yakuza' online.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

As a former high schooler I'm glad online classes are becoming the norm. I remember having to witness teachers having sex with kids, meth being done in the bathrooms, and living with the fear of school shootings.

Being home schooled in Mississippi was rough.

I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined

Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.

I built a staircase using an online tutorial!

When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.

Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.

Christian Horse

A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise the Lord!' to make him go and 'Amen!' to make him stop."

Bill got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started to walk. "Praise the Lord!" he said again, and the horse began to trot. "Praise the Lord!" he yelled and the horse broke into a gallop.
Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn't notice the cliff he and horse were about to go over. Bill shouted "AMEN!" at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.

Relieved, Bill said, "Phew, Praise the Lord!"

I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online

She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!

Two cats are swimming across a river

One is called "One Two Three" the other is called "Un Deux Trois." Which cat survives?

"One Two Three"
because un deux trois cat sank

Disclaimer; not original, just saw it online and thought you'd all appreciate

Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse.

It truly is a site for sore eyes.

I've joined an online dating agency for arsonists.

They send me new matches every week.

How does the Pope make online purchases?

Using his Papal account.

I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website...

... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.

You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.

Slow typing...

After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.

Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..

Dear seller, a month ago I ordered and paid for a book "How to scam people online"!

Tell me please, when will I receive it?

In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly.

The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.



A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

I hate it when people lie to me

Like one time I broke up with a girl who told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and it isn't even a real magazine.

So I just up and packed my things and left right there in the middle of the night.

My friend said that he was going to try online dating.

I said, "I didn't have much luck with it personally."

"But that's where *we* met," said my wife.

I said, "Exactly."

I ordered a chicken and an egg online

I'll let you know...

After 3 failed marriages, an old woman decides to try an online dating site..

She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs sitting there. He says "Hello, I'm here about your online dating profile." the woman says to him, "well I want a man who won't beat me.." the man says "I have no arms, therefore I can not beat you." the woman says "well I want a man who won't walk all over me." the man replies "I have no legs, so I can't even walk." the woman says "well, I want a man who's great in bed.." the man replies "hey, I rang the doorbell didn't I?

looking back, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online...

Heinz site's a wonderful thing

A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.

He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.

Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.

About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.

The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked

the monk replied "Religious reasons."

The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"

"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."

My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...

Looks like the boa cons tricked her...

National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.

" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

How do deaf people meet online?

Simple, they just ask "ASL?"

How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?

If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.

What do you call an app for an online bukkake party?

Facetime.

I'm 24 and she's 13. She wants me - what do I do?

I've been playing an online game with a woman. I'm up to level 24, but she's only on level 13. She really wants me in her clan to help her level, but I cant find the heart to tell her that she's only going to hold me back from leveling up myself.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes