online Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious online puns

Online classified ad

Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

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A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.

But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

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I was furious when I found my wife's profile on an on-line dating website.

That lying bitch isn't, "Fun to be around."

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If online bullying has taught us anything.

It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.

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Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

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PS4/Xbox joke

Oh no! Playstation and xbox online services are down! Someone call an ambulance! Wii U Wii U Wii U

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I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had sex with 10 people

Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay

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We conducted an online survey....

...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

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I hate women who lie over the smallest things.

My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

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My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life.

Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.

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A woman tried to order an exotic snake online

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves

Looks like the boa cons tricked her

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After my wife died of a heart attack, I didn't want to settle down again right away. I wanted to have some fun first, so I went online to find a young girl with big tits that I could have casual sex with. Needless to say, my in laws weren't impressed...

They thought I should have called an ambulance first...

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I'm going out with a girl I met online who's a vegetarian...

I've never met *herbivore*


:)

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The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

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I went online and rated our Solar System

Gave it one star.

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What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player?

Lo Ping

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My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...

Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.

Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...

Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...

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I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

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Daily Mail online: "Masturbation may help prevent the common cold."

Hope so, I've got no tissues left

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Nephew asks about sex

My young nephew Harry asked me how babies are made. I had no idea how to approach it so I looked online and found a video that explains it all. At the end of the video I told him "It's basically just like that, only the white goo on her face should have gone up her pussy and normally there isn't a horse involved".

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Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks

Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.

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I went to take an online ADHD test today...

but gave up quickly because it was stupid and boring.

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As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

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I tried to start an online bakery.

But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

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My sex life is exactly like my shopping.

I do it all online.

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Spotting Idiots Online

I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.

Sent from my iPhone

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Nephew asks how babies are made

My young nephew Harry asked me how babies are made. I had no idea how to approach it so I looked online and found a video that explains it all. At the end of the video I told him "It's basically just like that, only the white goo on her face should have gone up her pussy and normally there isn't a horse involved".

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I was browsing sex toys online today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife's vibrators cost...

She's sitting on a small fortune...

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If online bullying has taught us anything.....

It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight!!

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No pornhub, I don't want to play online poker.

I'm at work.

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I was shopping online, and I was shocked to find how expensive my wife's vibrators were.

She is sitting on a small fortune.

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In Germany, online jokes can be given as a sign of thanks.

They call them danke memes.

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I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined

Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.

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I built a staircase using an online tutorial!

When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.

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Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.

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What are the most funny Online jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Online? Well, here are the best Online dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Online pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes