Online Dating Jokes

74 online dating jokes and hilarious online dating puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about online dating that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Online Dating Short Jokes

Short online dating jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The online dating humour may include short online learning jokes also.

  1. Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
  2. The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.
  3. As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
  4. The mafia have decided to get into online crime to keep upto date. They have just launched a new App called Pay-Up-Pal.
  5. I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website... ... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.
  6. My friend said that he was going to try online dating. I said, "I didn't have much luck with it personally."
    "But that's where *we* met," said my wife.
    I said, "Exactly."
  7. Instead Of Blocking Your Ex Become such a disaster online, that everyone makes fun of your ex for dating you

    Revenge 101
  8. Me and my wife gave our 15 year old daughter the "go ahead" to start dating boys, but she is having the worst luck. Every one she meets online gets arrested.
  9. It must be hard dating online as an elderly person You can't be sure if you got ghosted or if they just died
  10. I had to stop dating someone that I met online. He didn't look anything like her pictures.

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Online Dating One Liners

Which online dating one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with online dating? I can suggest the ones about dating website and online shopping.

  1. I've joined an online dating agency for arsonists. They send me new matches every week.
  2. As a 10-year-old, I find online dating real tough. Every person I meet ends up in jail!
  3. I met the love of my life through an online dating site Too bad my wife found out
  4. Two things I learned from online dating geography and disappointment
  5. The hardest part about online dating... Finding someone who clicks with you.
  6. Online dating is like a bakery You've got the flakes, the fruitcakes, and the tarts.
  7. Know why online dating doesn't work for snakes? e-reptile dysfunction.
  8. What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service? Im a fungi
  9. I hate online dating websites. The men never look like the woman in the picture.
  10. Online dates are like recipes… they never look like the picture.
  11. What do you call a scared online date? Chicken Tinder...
    Ill see myself out
  12. I cropped my kids out of my online dating profile photos. They can find their own dates.
  13. "If I can't get a online date, no one can." — Ajit Pai
  14. Online Dating is like Online gaming. The Grind is real.
  15. Showerthought: We should make an online dating site called eBae.

Online Dating joke, Showerthought:

Unearthly Funniest Online Dating Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about online dating you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dating site jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make online dating pranks.

I don't think it's rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today's newspaper.

Online dating sparks a rise in tablet use with young singles.

I've been using tablets for dating since the 80's - Bill C

After 3 failed marriages, an old woman decides to try an online dating site..

She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs sitting there. He says "Hello, I'm here about your online dating profile." the woman says to him, "well I want a man who won't beat me.." the man says "I have no arms, therefore I can not beat you." the woman says "well I want a man who won't walk all over me." the man replies "I have no legs, so I can't even walk." the woman says "well, I want a man who's great in bed.." the man replies "hey, I rang the doorbell didn't I?

In the world of online dating, women are afraid of meeting a serial killer.

Men are afraid of meeting someone fat.

Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head.

-- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis.

Online Dating

My friend told me she wanted to try online dating.
"Don't bother," I said, "It's a colossal waste of time."
"Why?" she asked, "That's how you met your boyfriend."

Responsive web designers who date online...

...never specify height. Just width.

Online Dating

I've been trying out online dating and it hasn't been going so well. Last night, I went on a date and ended up sleeping with my 3rd cousin... I can't believe I've now had s**... with three of my cousins.

Was on an online dating website.

"Which do you prefer, McDonald's or Burger King?" I asked her. "And be careful, your response will determine whether I continue talking to you or not..."
"Ohhhh I'm nervous now" she giggled "But for me, it's Burger King".
"See ya later" I replied. "The correct answer would've been neither, Fatty".

What should you avoid doing if you want to get a date on an online dating site?

Be a guy.

Buying a new car and online dating are sort of the same thing...

You're looking for the youngest model with the least amount of miles on it.

What's the difference between dumpster diving and online dating?

One gets results you can live with.

My friend is concerned about his online dating luck...

I told him not to worry -- There are plenty of fish in the net!

I started dating this girl online who says she's from Turkey but I'm starting to doubt her.

It was definitely Instant-bull.

As an 11 year old girl, I find online dating really frustrating

Whenever I meet up with someone, he gets arrested.

A woman decides to try online dating

Setting up her new profile she starts looking for the exact opposite of her ex-husband who used to beat her before running away with another woman.
She states her new man must 1) Never hit her 2) Never run away and 3) Be great in bed.
A few days later the doorbell rings. When she answers there is a man with no arms and no legs. He says "I'm here to take you on a date, as you can see I've got no arms to hit you and no legs to run away"
Intrigued she replies "But what about number 3? Are you great in bed?"
He says "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

Never using online dating again. Last guy said he lived in a gated community.

He meant prison.

You can learn a lot about yourself from online dating...

For instance, I used to think I was good looking, charming, and smart.

Online dating is a lot like fishing in my local river

Catfish get all the best ones for themselves

I met someone online who shares my f**... for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

First Date

*On a first date*
Inner me: okay don't let them know you stalked them online
Them: my aunt-
Me: Martha or Susan?

You can't trust anyone you meet in online dating.

Just last week I went on a date with a girl and stole $300 from her.

Life Hack: If online dating isn't working out, try visiting a necrophiliacs anonymous meeting.

Just pretend to be suicidal and they will trip over themselves to give you attention.

I'll never join one of those online dating services because I prefer to meet someone the good old-fashioned way...

Through alcohol and poor judgement...

If I start a new online dating service,

I'll call it Netchix.

I tried online dating, but it was a disaster.

I never could understand what the profiles meant. Apparently, "GWM" does not stand for "Girl With Money".

I used to make fun of people who used online dating sites, but I'm trying one out for the first time

It's called OKHubris

On my online dating profile it clearly says that I'm 6 foot - 4 inches

So why when I turn up are woman always disappointed that I'm 5'8

I went to the first online dating agency I could find and within 1 hour had met my wife!

It was love at first site

If I had a dollar for every girl that looked different in real life than she did on her online dating photos...

I still wouldn't have enough money for make-up remover for 1 of them

Because of covid-19 I'm doing things I've never done before. Tonight, for the first time, I started looking for dates online.

My local supermarket has set up an online service where you can search for your groceries and things online. I've put in an order for a cup of cooking dates. I'm excited to pick them up. I'm sure they'll be very sweet.

I like to lie a lot on online dating profiles.

But I have to tell you the hardest part about being six foot - five is finding someone who loves me for me.

My online gf is teaching me the metric system on our first real date…

I can't wait to metre

A single guy walks into a bar

A single guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've been trying that online dating thing. Almost every single girl has the same old line in their profile," he tells the bartender. "Oh yeah, what line is that?" the bartender asks. "They all say, 'If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote,'" the guy says. "Well the joke's on them. I've been turning women off without a remote for years."

Online Dating joke, A single guy walks into a bar

jokes about online dating