onions Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious onions puns

I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried

Onions was a good dog

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What happens when you eat beans with onions?

Tear gas!

(Written by my 9 yr old son)

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When I was 5 I cried when I saw my mom cut up onions in the kitchen

I miss onions. She was a really nice cat.

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As a child,I always cried when my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen

Onions was a good dog :(

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I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry.

Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.

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My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I broke his nose with a coconut.

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My dad was cutting up Onions and I started crying.

Onions was a great dog.

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I Walked In On My Dad Chopping Onions Up One Day...

It made me cry. Onions was my favorite dog.

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Caught my Vegan roommate...

Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!

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Why do we cry.....

When it's the onions that are being hurt?

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I cried when my asian friend chopped onions today

I loved onions, he was a good dog

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My friend said that onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I killed his mom with a coconut.

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I was eating green onions when all of a sudden, I started rhyming everything that I was saying.

It turns out, they were rap scallions.

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So my friend told me...

So my friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a watermelon at him.

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A cucumber, a pickle and a penis are talking...

Cucumber goes: "man, when I get big, fat and juicy, they cut me up and put me in the salad"

Pickle goes: "Shit, when I get big, fat and juicy, they put me in vinegar an onions for a month!"

Penis goes: "Well, when I get big, fat and juicy, they put a bag all over me, put me in a dark, wet chamber, then bang me against a wall for 30 seconds to 7 minutes, then I throw up all over myself and pass out"

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I had tears in my eyes when my dad chopped up Onions

I loved Onions. He was a great dog.

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My friend thinks he is so smart. He said the only food that can make a person cry is onions...

until I hit him in the face with a coconut.

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Three types of Boobs and Penises!

A family was at the dinner table.Son asked his Father."Dad,how many kinds of boobs are there??
   
Surprised father answered:"Well,son,there are three kinds of Boobs"
"In her 20's,a women's boobs are like Melons,round and firm."In her 30's to 40's,they are like Pears,still nice but hanging a bit."After 50,they are like Onions."
Son:"Onions??
Father:"Yes,you see them and they make you cry."
This made his Wife and Daughter Mad.so the Daughter asked her Mom."
Daughter:"How many kinds of Penis are there?"
The Mother smiled and said,"Well dear,a man goes through 3 phases."In his 20's,his penis is like an Oak Tree,Mighty and Hard."In his 30's and 40's,it is like a Birch,Flexible but Reliable."After 50's,it is like a Christmas Tree."
Daughter:"Christmas Tree??
Mom:"Yes,the Tree is Dead and the Balls are just For Decoration!!

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Onions and Christmas Trees

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s , they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions".

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

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Onions

My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.

I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.

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my friend told me onions are the only food that make you cry..

so I smacked him in the face with a watermelon.

<_<

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This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions.

I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy

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What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

Tear gas

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Where do onions wrestle?

Onion rings.

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What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

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LPT: A lot of people cry when they chop onions,

the trick is not to form an emotional bond.

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a little corny but here it goes...what can u make with onions and baked beans?

tear gas

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What did the farmer say when he saw his onions losing water?

Oh no, must be a leek!

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Where do onions fight?

In the onion ring!

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A lot of people cry when they cut onions.

The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

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So I talkedto a gender studies graduate the other day.

I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions.

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In the onion kingdom, the red onions ruled over all other onions. The red onion King was a well respected ruler. However, one fateful day, the spring onions rebelled.

As the red onion King was thrown from his dais, he turned to the leader of the rebellion. "You'll never truly be King! You're nothing but a shallot-on!"

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Three Kinds

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" asks the boy. "Yes," said the father, "you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but still reliable. After his fifties, it is like an old Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.

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When my dad chopped onions, I cried. I miss onions...

Onions was a nice dog.

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A woman walks into a grocery

A woman walks into a grocery, looking for onions. Seeing none, she turns to the nearest employee.

"Excuse me sir, but do you have any onions?" she asks.

"No ma'am, the truck will arrive this afternoon." the employee replies.

"Well, I really need onions. Could you just go in the back and check for me?" the woman asks. The employee sighs and goes into the back. He stands there for a few minutes, as if he were looking for the onions. He then returns to the woman.

"I'm sorry ma'am, there are no onions in the back. they'll be one the truck this afternoon." he says.

"Are you sure? I really need those onions." she says.

"Ma'am, we are ALL out of onions. there are no more."

"Are you positively sure?"

"Ma'am, what do you get if you take the 'atoes' out of 'tomatoes'?"

"tom"

"what do you get if you take the 'pot' out of 'potatoes'?"

"atoes"

"alright, what do you get if you take the 'fuck' out of 'onions'?"

"wait, there is no fuck in onions!" the woman exclaimed.

"Exactly." the employee said, and walked away.

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What are the most funny Onions jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Onions? Well, here are the best Onions dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Onions pick up lines to share with friends.

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