Onions Jokes

What are some Onions jokes?

I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried

Onions was a good dog

What happens when you eat beans with onions?

Tear gas!

(Written by my 9 yr old son)

When I was 5 I cried when I saw my mom cut up onions in the kitchen

I miss onions. She was a really nice cat.

As a child,I always cried when my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen

Onions was a good dog :(

I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry.

Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.

My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I broke his nose with a coconut.

My dad was cutting up Onions and I started crying.

Onions was a great dog.

I Walked In On My Dad Chopping Onions Up One Day...

It made me cry. Onions was my favorite dog.

Caught my Vegan roommate...

Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!

I cried when my asian friend chopped onions today

I loved onions, he was a good dog

Why do we cry.....

When it's the onions that are being hurt?

My friend said that onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I killed his mom with a coconut.

So my friend told me...

So my friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a watermelon at him.

I was eating green onions when all of a sudden, I started rhyming everything that I was saying.

It turns out, they were rap scallions.

I had tears in my eyes when my dad chopped up Onions

I loved Onions. He was a great dog.

My friend thinks he is so smart. He said the only food that can make a person cry is onions...

until I hit him in the face with a coconut.

Onions

My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.

I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.

This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions.

I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

Tear gas

Where do onions wrestle?

Onion rings.

What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

LPT: A lot of people cry when they chop onions,

the trick is not to form an emotional bond.

a little corny but here it goes...what can u make with onions and baked beans?

tear gas

What did the farmer say when he saw his onions losing water?

Oh no, must be a leek!

Where do onions fight?

In the onion ring!

So I talkedto a gender studies graduate the other day.

I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions.

In the onion kingdom, the red onions ruled over all other onions. The red onion King was a well respected ruler. However, one fateful day, the spring onions rebelled.

As the red onion King was thrown from his dais, he turned to the leader of the rebellion. "You'll never truly be King! You're nothing but a shallot-on!"

When my dad chopped onions, I cried. I miss onions...

Onions was a nice dog.

What do you get if you eat onions and refried beans?

Tear Gas

Poor onions

I cried when my Dad sliced Onions.
I missed Onions. He was a good dog.

What do you need to make a crystal salad?

Onions, tomatoes, and a whole bunch of lattice

Why do onions have poor self-image?

Because people cry when they get onions naked.

Three Old Ladies

Three elderly women were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing.

The first lady recalled shopping for groceries in the old days, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper, too, and she demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

Onions are a lot like knives....

If you get them in your eye you'll probably cry

When I was a kid, one day I walked in to the kitchen and saw my dad chopping onions and I started crying.

Onions was a good dog.

What's the difference between strippers and onions?

I cry when I cut up onions

I cried a lot when chopping onions...

Onions was a good dog.

I cried when my dad chopped up onions for his sandwich..

Onions was always my favorite dog...

Bratwurst, Sauerkraut, Cabbage, Potatoes, Cheese, Beetroot, Onions, Bread, Butter.

Schindler's mom's list.

I want a footlong with teriyaki chicken and onions.

Woops, wrong sub.

I remember growing up so poor, dad was cutting up onions and we were all crying....

...Onions was such a good dog.

A Two-Fer: How is an onion different from a baby?

Answer 1: Onions don't scream when you peel off their skin.

Answer 2: I tear up a little bit when I'm chopping up onions.

Pi is very important .....

Without it our opinions would just be onions. :(

My friend thinks he so smart. He says onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face

A Mexican immigrant was asked what he does for a living.

"I am a professional boxer."
"A professional boxer?"
"Yes, yes. Everyone in my family is a professional boxer.
We box onions, linens, tomatoes..."

Giving credit where credit's due: This joke was taken from a bit done by Gabriel Iglesias on his show "Stand-Up Revolution".

2 onions fall in love and mate, they give birth to a beautiful son!

One day, they leave the front door open on accident and the young onion rolls out into the world.

While crossing the street, the poor onion child gets flattened in the road...

He is then rushed to the hospital, the father rolling around in the hall, extremely anxious to hear any news.

Finally after a long and grueling surgery, the doctor comes out, removed his mask, wipes the sweat from his brow and calls the father over.

Well, tell me what will happen with my baby boy! Will he live? The father begs

Well calm down, he will live , the doctor says,
He will unfortunately be a vegetable for his entire life though.

The best time to cry is when you're cutting onions.

Cuz everyone thinks it's just the onions.

Waiting in line

A woman is checking out at the grocery store. She buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.

The man behind her says "you must be single"

"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"

"Nope, it's because you are ugly!"

Last night I thought I heard the spring onions singing Bee Gees songs in my fridge.

When I opened the door I realised it was just the chives talking.

What's the difference between a 5 lb bag of onions and some bagpipes?

No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes.

I cried when my uncle chopped Onions

Onions was a great dog...

The trick that will stop you from crying every time you cut an onion-

Stop getting so damned attached to onions.

What do you call a Monk with osteoporosis who likes eating onions and walks everywhere barefoot

He's a Super fragile calloused mystic plagued with halitosis.

Two onions, male and female, knock into each other on the street...

...An affair begins. Onion romance has occurred.

They tie the knot; several months later they have a baby onion.

Father onion takes another shift to make ends meet.

Mother onion is encumbered with house work one day, much distracted.

Baby onion wanders out the open door unsupervised. It crosses the sidewalk and is hit by a car.

At the hospital mother and father onion pace up and down the hospital corridor, crying.

A team of surgeons try all night to save baby onion's life.

Towards dawn the doors to the hospital room open. A doctor walks out, sweating.

Father onion asks "well, what, how is baby onion?"

The surgeon says "well he'll live, but I'm afraid he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Three Guys Are Getting Ready For Their Dates

The first guy pops a breath mint for his date so his breath smells good. Then the second guy starts chewing some gum so his breath smells good. Then the last guy starts eating onions and garlic. The others say "Don't you want to have nice smelling breath for your date?"
"Nah" he says, "The lips I'm kissing tonight already stink."

I tried a new asian burrito recently, but the green onions kept falling out.

Curse those wrap-scallions!

Once when I came back from school I saw my dad cutting onions, it made me cry a lot....

Onions was a good dog.

I asked my girlfriend how I should cut the onions for her, her response, "Do them the way you think I would like them."

And now I know what fear is.

My jokes are like onions...

They're layered.
And because if you dissect them I'll cry.

I came up with an idea about how to stop crying while chopping onions

Unfortunately, I've run out of fingers to try it with.

I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried.

I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food.

I saw my friend chopping up onions

I couldn't stop crying ever since. Onions was such a good friend of mine.

How to make Onions jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Onions to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Onions? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Onions pick up lines to share with friends.

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