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Onion Jokes

161 onion jokes and hilarious onion puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about onion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

We hope the following jokes about onion rings will not make you cry but laugh as you are served a french onion soup with fresh onion. Some may have onion breath of eating raw onion, but that shouldn't stop from telling onion comedy jokes about dad and marriage.

Funniest Onion Short Jokes

Short onion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The onion humour may include short garlic jokes also.

  1. My sister thought she was soo smart, she said the only vegetable/fruit that can make her cry is a onion So I threw a coconut at her
  2. When I was 5 I cried when I saw my mom cut up onions in the kitchen I miss onions. She was a really nice cat.
  3. As a child,I always cried when my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen Onions was a good dog :(
  4. My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry So I broke his nose with a coconut.
  5. I read an article about a half-goat, half-man. But when I saw it was from The Onion I realized that it was satyrical.
  6. When I was a kid... ... our family was very poor. I remember when my dad was cutting onion and our whole family was crying. Poor onion. He was such a good dog.
  7. .. my sister told me onions are the only vegetable that make you cry ...so I threw a pumpkin at her head. She soon changed her mind
  8. A friend of mine said onions are the only food that can make him cry. So I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
  9. I Walked In On My Dad Chopping Onions Up One Day... It made me cry. Onions was my favorite dog.
  10. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her

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Onion One Liners

Which onion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with onion? I can suggest the ones about tomato and potato.

  1. I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried Onions was a good dog
  2. What happens when you eat beans with onions? tear gas!
    (Written by my 9 yr old son)
  3. An opinion without 3.14 Is just an onion...
    DEEP
  4. What does Rihanna and Onion Rings have in common? They're both battered.
  5. My dad was cutting up Onions and I started crying. Onions was a great dog.
  6. Why do we cry..... When it's the onions that are being hurt?
  7. I cried when my asian friend chopped onions today I loved onions, he was a good dog
  8. An opinion without π is just an onion
  9. I had tears in my eyes when my dad chopped up Onions I loved Onions. He was a great dog.
  10. Why did the spring onion win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field!
  11. My friend said an onion is the only food that can make you cry I threw a coconut at him.
  12. What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion? Teargas
  13. What do you get when you mix beans and onions? Tear gas
  14. Your face makes onions cry.
  15. If you take π out of your opinion you get Onion

Onion Cry Jokes

Here is a list of funny onion cry jokes and even better onion cry puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Caught my Vegan roommate... Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!
  • My friend told me the onion is the only food that makes you cry. I disagreed and threw a coconut at his face.
  • My friend said that onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I killed his mom with a coconut.
  • So my friend told me... So my friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a watermelon at him.
  • My friend thinks he is so smart. He said the only food that can make a person cry is onions... until I hit him in the face with a coconut.
  • Onions My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.
    I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.
  • My friend told my that onion was the only food that made people cry.. So I threw a coconut at him
  • This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions. I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy
  • What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law? You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.
  • Anyone who thinks onions are the only vegetable that makes you cry has never been hit in the face with a turnip.

Cutting Onion Jokes

Here is a list of funny cutting onion jokes and even better cutting onion puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between an accordion and an onion? No one cries when you cut up an accordion
  • Whats the diff. between an onion and a bagpipe. Nobody cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
  • People always cry when cutting onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
  • Whats the difference between onions and girls? I cry when I cut up onions.
  • What is difference between my grandmother and onions? I cried when I cut up the onions.
  • What's the difference between strippers and onions? I cry when I cut up onions
  • I started crying when dad started cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
  • The best time to cry is when you're cutting onions. Cuz everyone thinks it's just the onions.
  • I remember the time when I was reminiscing my love life while cutting onion The onion cried
  • What's the difference between a 5 lb bag of onions and some bagpipes? No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes.
Onion joke, What's the difference between a 5 lb bag of onions and some bagpipes?

Onion Rings Jokes

Here is a list of funny onion rings jokes and even better onion rings puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where do onions fight? In the onion ring!
  • Two homeless men are dumpster diving for food outside of a synagogue... One of the men pops his head out and says to the other, Man, these onion rings are really chewy!
  • Your mama is so fat….. Your daddy proposed to her with an onion ring.
  • Why does Mr Potato Head have a mobile? In case Mr Onion Rings
  • I just saw an onion ring. So I answered it.
  • Does Eminem always have to spit on my onion rings? It always ends up tasting like spaghetti.
  • Why did the burger sit beside the telephone? Incase onion rings
  • Did you hear about the merging of a ton of. online satire news sources? They're calling it The Onion Ring.
  • Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket? In case Johnny Onion Rings!
  • What do you call an onion ring shaped like a bell? An onion ding!

Onion Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny onion day jokes and even better onion day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So I talkedto a gender studies graduate the other day. I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions.
  • When I was a kid, one day I walked in to the kitchen and saw my dad chopping onions and I started crying. Onions was a good dog.
  • A customer asks the waiter what the soup of the day is The waiter replies, sage and onion.
    So then the customer says genonion
  • Natural Deodarant Comes in Only Two Scents Red Onion and White Onion
    (Somebody told me this one the other day)
  • Why did the blonde chef think she was depressed? Because she cried every day when chopping onions.
  • An apple a day keeps the doctors away... an onion a day keeps everyone away.
  • What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion? You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone.
    Happy Saxophone Day
    Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me.

Red Onion Jokes

Here is a list of funny red onion jokes and even better red onion puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Red sky at night; shepherds delight, red sky in morning; shepherds warning Minced lamb, potato, onion and carrot; shepherd's pie.
  • People are like onions. White are best, followed by yellow, red, brown, and black are rotten.
  • Oh red onions... you'll be the breath of me.
  • me: onion rings and a bottle of wine for the table **waiter:** white or red?
    **me, trying to impress my date:** whichever onion the chef prefers
Onion joke, me: onion rings and a bottle of wine for the table

Laughter Onion Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about onion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean radish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make onion pranks.

I often cry after s**....

But in my defence, I use a pretty big onion.

Why do onions have poor self-image?

Because people cry when they get onions n**....

My wallet is like an onion

Every time I look at it, I cry

Recently divorced Marine s**... slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order.

He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.

Types of salaries

* The onion salary - the moment you touch it, you start crying
* The d**... salary - it doesn't help you at all, it makes you suffer, but you can't live without it
* The agnostic salary - you doubt its existence
* The magic salary - now you see it, now you don't
* The period salary - comes once a month and lasts for 4 days
* The impotent salary - when you need it the most, it lets you down

What is the difference between an onion and a banjo?

No one gets tears in their eyes when you chop up a banjo.

Today I cried when my dad chopped up onions.

Because the synthase enzyme converts the sulfoxides (amino acids) of the onion into sulfenic acid. The unstable sulfenic acid rearranges itself into syn-ropanethial-S-oxide. Syn-propanethial-S-oxide got into the air and came in contact with my eyes. The lachrymal glands became irritated and produced the tears.

My wallet is like an onion.

When I open it, it makes me cry.

The trick that will stop you from crying every time you cut an onion-

Stop getting so d**... attached to onions.

What do you call an edible ion?

An onion

Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?

I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.

Lettuce, tomato, onion, green peppers...

Wrong sub.

I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...

The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.

My Friend is too smart

My Friend said that Onion is the only food that can make You cry.
I threw a Coconut at his nose.
I know I am smart :D.

What do you call a green onion that can bust a rhyme?

A rapscallion.

I believe i can fly

i believe i can flyyy
got shot by the pizza guyyy
all i wanted was some onion ringggss
from McDonald's or Burgerkinggg
I believe i can soarrrr
mom slapped me in the grocery storeee
Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr
I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll
Thought id post this funny jokes. Even though i got no votes.

Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

Facebook Problem

Someone knocked at my door last evening. When I opened it, I saw a guy from Dominos holding a chicken pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and onion rings.
"I haven't ordered any pizza," I said. "This must be a mistake."
"I know," he replied. "Your neighbour forgot his Facebook Password and wanted to show you what he was eating for dinner."

Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage

So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the c**... and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband responds,
"I've not put it on yet"

What do you get when you combine two Japanese demons?

A two-eyed onion.

what's the difference between an onion & a bagpipe?

nobody cries when you slice up a bagpipe...

Onions are a lot like knives....

If you get them in your eye you'll probably cry

Just read an emotional story of a woman who overcame incredible odds to make french onion soup

Stirring stuff

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

French onion soup.

An opinion without 3.1415926535897932....

is just an onion.

My heart is like an onion...

I'm never getting a discount o**... transplant again

I figured out the best way to not cry when cutting an onion.

Just don't form any sort of emotional bond with it.

How do you turn an opinion into an onion?

-3.14

What do the European Union and the European Onion have in common?

They both make people cry when they're chopped up.

What do you call an onion that wants to get into hiphop?

Rapscallion

What do you get when you cross Eminem with a green onion?

A rapscallion.

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* h**... $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the h**...?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."

What do you do if a person thinks that a onion is the only thing that makes them cry...

Throw a coconut in their face.

Where does Shrek get his news from?

The Onion

If Donald Trump talks about "fake news" during the State of the Union...

Does that make it the State of the Onion

Me and My Friend!

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.Rest is History.

A botanist visited an onion farm and said to the farmer:

"I'm sorry but I think your ground is leeking"

What's the difference between an onion and a h**...?

I've never cried when chopping up a h**....

I want to move to whichever alternative universe The Onion get their headlines from...

It seems saner.

What type of onion would Eminem be?

A Rap-Scallion

My friend though he was so smart.

He said only an onion can make you cry,
So I threw a coconut in he's face.
(I didn't actually do that!)

In the onion kingdom, the red onions ruled over all other onions. The red onion King was a well respected ruler. However, one fateful day, the spring onions rebelled.

As the red onion King was thrown from his dais, he turned to the leader of the rebellion. "You'll never truly be King! You're nothing but a shallot-on!"

My wallet is just like an onion

I cry every time I open it.

What's the difference between an onion and a vegetable?

You cry when you chop up an onion. The rest of the family cries when you chop up a vegetable.

A Two-Fer: How is an onion different from a baby?

Answer 1: Onions don't scream when you peel off their skin.
Answer 2: I tear up a little bit when I'm chopping up onions.

What do you call an onion that's got rhythm, rhyme, and a Soundcloud account?

A rapscallion.

My Hip Hop name is DJ Green Onion.

But you can call me Rapscallion.

My teenage daughter was worried that she was too one-dimensional when it came to applying for schools. I told her that wasn't true and that she was like an onion. She has many layers.

She also smells really bad and makes me cry.

From what I've read, people were a lot more serious about invasive plant species 30 or 40 years ago.

A lot of people were writing about stopping the spread of the Soviet onion.

Worried about overcooking your onion?

Don't sweat it.

I'll have a club sandwich on rye.

Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion

I cried while cutting up an onion today...

...I think I was just reliving the time that onion molested me as a kid.

What would you call a communist vegetable that makes you cry?

a soviet onion

My wallet is like onion,

Whenever I open it I cry.

An onion just told me a joke.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

What's the difference between a h**... and a onion?

I don't cry when i cut up a h**....

A lady goes to the supermarket

She brings all her items to the cashier who looks at everything closely as he scans them: 6 eggs, two tomatoes, two cucumbers, one onion, and one carton of milk. After the last item he looks to her and says "you're single aren't you?"
She looks from her items back at him incredulously "Yes! How did you know?"
"Because you're ugly"

What's the difference between an onion and a p**... ??

I cry when I chop up onions !!

How did the Jewish onion greet his cousin?

Shallot.

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you get an onion with floppy ears, but every once in a while you get a piece of a**... that will bring a tear to your eye

West Virginia Pregnancy Rate Hits All Time Low as COVID-19 Puts Stop to Family Reunions

Not The Onion.

Pi Onion joke

An Opinion Without Pi is just an Onion

I heard the government is going to put chips in our brain.

I want sour cream and onion.

What do you get when you mix a donkey and an onion

A piece of a**... that will bring a tear to your eye

Have you seen the film about an onion that turns into a spider?

It's called Shallot's Web

Onion joke, Have you seen the film about an onion that turns into a spider?

jokes about onion