oneliners Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious oneliners puns

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can't do stand up


Monorails make decent one-liners


It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets


Mae West: One-liners from the 1930's.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

A hard man is good to find.

It takes two to get one in trouble.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.

I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time.

*Goodness! What lovely diamonds!*
Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.


How about some snappy one-liners?

Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.


Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can't do standup


Why does Steven Hawking only speak in one-liners?

He can't do stand-up.


One-liners for when you're leaving - example: "I'm going to make like a baby, and head out."

I also use "Let's make like a chapped-ass, and split."

What are some other good ones?


I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now... (more)

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

My friends say I drink too much brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

I'm hooked on deli sandwiches, but I've decided I'm going to quit cold turkey.

My girlfriend used to be a nun, but she dropped the habit.

Anyone have any more one-liners along these lines?


They say one-liners are the lowest form of comedy

That's why I only tell my jokes to midgets


[meta] this sub is 90% shitty one-liners with 75 upvotes

Let's get some actual jokes in here and stop upvoting the awkward forced one liners


Your best offensive one-liners. GO!

Or just short jokes

Have you ever seen an Asian person with Down Syndrome? But then again, how could you tell?


Airline oneliners

not enough seating, prepare for a beating


I've been up all night doing one-liners...

It's giving me a nosebleed.


I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest as a hotdog.

I'm on a roll.

Please look at my previous post to see a list of my
jokes. Please give me feedback Thanks!

I'm trying to bring puns and one-liners into the U.S.A.


[Joke Requests] Im going as santa to a christmas party tonight and I need some good one-liners and jokes!

Im not looking for long winded jokes that have a punch line, more just quick witted (Some corny, some not) jokes to say. Somewhat along the lines of "can santa get some ho ho hos?" or stuff like that.


My girlfriend just dumped me. She said I had sex like an avenger.

She really did not appreciate me interrupting the action with funny one-liners


What are your thoughts on monorails?

They make decent one-liners.


Are one-liners accepted?

I immediately stopped telling people I was xenophobic when I realized it doesn't mean "afraid of xenomorphs".


Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?


A comedian who starts doing cocaine...

...becomes twice as good with one-liners.


What are the most funny Oneliners jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Oneliners? Well, here are the best Oneliners dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Oneliners pick up lines to share with friends.


Joko Jokes