One Lung Jokes
27 one lung jokes and hilarious one lung puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about one lung that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest One Lung Short Jokes
Short one lung jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The one lung humour may include short lungs jokes also.
- One day, a man ran through Red Square in Moscow, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Khrushchev is a fool!" He was subsequently arrested for revealing state secrets.
- A man goes to the doctor Doctor: Okay, I have 2 messages for you. The first one is, you have lung cancer, the second one, you have alzheimer.
Man: Thank god, atleast not cancer. - Essential Oils found to help with Polio They are effective in cases of polio to lubricate the seal between between the one's neck, and the iron lung.
- The doctor told me that one of my lungs was dysfunctional, and that the other one was being discriminatory about it... ...Turns out it was a case of pulmonary ableism.
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One Lung One Liners
Which one lung one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with one lung? I can suggest the ones about lung cancer and one leg.
- What did one lung say to the other? We be-lung together
- There's only one thing I haven't quit on... Now I have lung cancer.
One Lung Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about one lung you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean one eye jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make one lung pranks.
A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand
The man yelled at the top of his lungs
"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"
The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied
"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
Basic Psychology
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an o**... test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
Police dog
One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."
A man walks in to a store and buys a pack of cigarettes.
As the clerk hands the pack to him he says "you should really read the warning on them". "It says right here that smoking causes erectile dysfunction and highly increases your rate for impotence". The man looks at him in shock and says "can I just get the lung cancer ones".
A man goes in a tobacco shop...
and asks for a packet of cigarettes. The owner gives him one with the following warning label:
"Smoking causes erectile dysfunction".
So the man says:
"Whaaaat!!! Take that back and give me one with lung cancer! "
Two philosophers are having a discussion about the morality of swords. To back up their claims, one of them picks up a sword and shouts "The tip of this sword could never pierce your leather vest" and proceeds to lunge the sword into their chest
Coughing up blood, the wounded philosopher weakly replies "That's a good point"
There was a boy with lung cancer...
One day a priest came to visit the boy in the hospital. The Priest sat on the boy's side to comfort him and pray. Soon, the boy was unable to breathe. Acting quickly the priest grabbed a pen and paper to gather the boy's last words. Days later at the f**..., the priest read the boys last words and it read " Dear Father Dave, you are on my oxygen tube."
One night at the discotheque
The DJ was playing shout, so shouted at the top of my lungs in joy.
Then he played jump and jumped up and down on the dance floor.
Finally he played come on Eileen, I was thrown out the doors for that. That's the last time I go in there.
Feel free to steal this one.
My doctor got his medical degree from China, which isn't a problem usually, but the other day I was at his office and he told me,
"You have spot of cancer."
and I said,
"Cancer?"
and he said,
"Yes. Your lung has tumor."
and I said,
"One's enough, thanks."
Who shot the lion?
One day a man goes to his doctor and says doctor doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant and I used protection and everything.
The doctor looks at him and says Sit down son, let me tell you a story.
The doctor continues There was once a man who brought his gun everywhere. He never left his house without it. One day the man forgot his gun and accidentally grabbed his umbrella. When the man was out walking a lion jumped out of the bushes and lunged at the man. The man pulls out his umbrella and shoots the lion dead.
The young man looks at the doctor confused
that's impossible someone else must have shot the lion.
The doctor answers that's my point, next patient.
SWEETIE I HAVE A SURPRISE
Tom and Mary were walking in the woods. It was dark. Mary looked anxiously over at Tom. Something was wrong.
« Tom, are you okay?? »
« I'm fine, just walk. »
Tom's voice was aggressive and he clenched his fists. Turning away from her, he sighed; Mary saw a cold metallic object in his left hand. Tom looked back at her with a mad glint in his eye, and Mary reeled back. Something was up. She stepped back. He stepped forwards. Both were anxious and on edge.
Tom lunged towards Mary, lifting the glaring metal until it grazed her hand. Tom was on one knee. Tom had proposed to Mary.
Three Army Lieutenants have to cross a river for infantry training.
The first one prays to God and says "Lord give me the strength to cross this river." There is a flash of light and he is granted stronger arms to swim.
The second one says "Lord give me the endurance to cross this river." Another flash of light and he is granted strong lungs to help him swim.
The third one says "Lord, remove this obstacle from my path." There is a flash of light and the young lieutenant turns into a woman. Crossing a Water Obstacle is no longer part of her test and she is applauded by the media for being so strong and independent. She has a loyal group of male followers who dote on her every day and she lives happily ever after.
Realism
"Children," said the teacher, instructing the class in composition, "you should not attempt any flights of fancy; simply be yourselves and write what is in you. Do not imitate any other person's writings or draw inspiration from outside sources."
As a result of this advice Tommy Wise turned out the following composition: "We should not attempt any flights of fancy, but write what is in us. In me there is my stummick, lungs, hart, liver, two apples, one piece of pie, one stick of lemon candy and my dinner."
My wife asked: You're pretty proud of your self for that one aren't you? With only a slight smirk on her face.
So we were out to eat with the kids. My son, Ronin, is 1 yrs old and was kinda sick; coughing. We ordered some beers and she got a Chocolate Coffee stout. My son is hacking up a lung and I say to my wife: "Your beer is a lot like Ronin right now". She said "How's that?" I said, "They are both a little coughy.
Maybe this is a dumb Dad joke but if you guys liked it then I can show this post to her to back me up. I was admittedly too proud of this one but lets see what you guys think. Preparing for onslaught in 3...2...
This is the real no arms no legs on the beach joke, not that lame one. - So there was this guy with no arms and no legs...
... and his friends are all like, "we have to make a good thing for him since he's depressed and stuff."
So they decide to take him to the beach. They dug a small hole, positioned the handicapped friend on the sand, with a little table and a drink with a straw.
Over time the tide comes up, and all his friends are playing football far away. They forgot about no arms no legs man. Completely forgot about him.
As the tide almost reaches his belly, a drunk man approaches. The handicapped guy is screaming on the top of his lungs by now.. help!
The drunk guy says "nothin to worry little fella, I'll help"
So he grabs our unlucky protagonist and drags him to the ocean. The drunk man is eager to wish him good fortune: "Go little turtle, go in peace... "
It's Obvious...
So two mathematicians meet in the corridor of their building and one asks the other "so what are you working on?" The second mathematician replies "I've been working on this interesting proof, come into the lounge and I'll show you".
The two go into the faculty lounge and the guy starts to work out his new proof. After chugging along for about 15 minutes, he turns to the ~~first~~ second guy and says "so here, you'll see that the answer is therefore obvious". The first guy stares at it for quite while. He makes a few notes on the side of the board, then stares some more. He scribbles more and stares more.
The first guy eventually shrugs and goes home. The first guy keeps working well past midnight. He finally goes home and collapses in bed, but is clearly obsessed with the problem. Over the next few days, he keeps working on it in his every spare moment. He fills the white board in his office, the one he has mounted in the garage at home and he even fills the old blackboard in the abandoned classroom in the old lab. Finally, one day he jumps up, punches his fist in the air and screams "Eureka!" at the top of his lungs. He runs down the corridor, into the classroom where the other mathematician is holding a seminar and yells out:
"You're right, it's obvious!"
Eit: Corrected idiot typo...
Some Japanese business men take out an American exec out on the town...
to show him a great time. They hit a bunch of restaurants and eventually settle at a local bar and drink heavily. As the night is coming to an end, the Japanese men think it would be hilarious if they send the American man home with a Japanese h**.... In a drunk state, he agrees and is sent to his hotel room with a Japanese lady of the night.
As they begin to had a good ole time, she starts yelling almost immediately "Machigatta ana!". Not understanding Japanese, he thinks he is doing an AMAZING job. I mean he has her screaming at the top of her lungs the same phrase over and over "Machigatta ana!!". Thinking she is screaming in pleasure he then proceeds to scream this pleasure phrase as well "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ANA!!!".
The next day the Japanese and American man go golfing. The American man goes up for his turn and hits the ball to which all the Japanese men yell "MACHIGATTA ANA!!". Confused, the American man turns to them and asks "I'm sorry, What does that mean?" To which one of the men replies "Oh, it mean 'Wrong Hole' ".
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"