One Line Jokes

96 one line jokes and hilarious one line puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about one line that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

One line jokes are the perfect way to get a laugh, whether you’re at a party or just want to brighten someone’s day. If you’re looking for a good one line joke, look no further! This article has the best one line jokes, guaranteed to make you laugh.

Funniest One Line Short Jokes

Short one line jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The one line humour may include short single line jokes also.

  1. Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other... They start at the norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line.
  2. Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants. He could have called it Billie Jeans.
    Those prices are THRILLER!
    No one can BEAT IT!
    Kids pants would be half off there.
  3. When does a joke become a Dad joke? When the punch line becomes *apparent.*
    My kids hate this one and I can't stop laughing at it...
  4. [Bad Pickup Line] I know I'm not the best looking guy here tonight... but I'm the only one talking to you...
  5. I work in a toy factory where dracula dolls are produced... I only have one colleague at the production line so I have to make every second count.
  6. Two men walk out of a bar, both are drunk and ready to fight! One draws a line in the dirt and says to the other man, "If you cross this line i will punch you!"
    That was the punchline.
  7. What's the difference between a blonde kick line and a talented magician? (sorry if this is an old one) Well, the magician has a CUNNING array of STUNTS.
  8. A One Line Advertisement By A Married Man For Sale: Wedding Suit, Worn Only Once By Mistake
  9. It's a little known fact that bears believe in astrology... It's called The Kodiak.
    One of their pickup lines is "Hey honey... what's ursine?"
  10. Two friends were in jail The first started writing lines on the wall so they know for how long they've been there. The other one says: Hey, don't write on the wall, they'll kick us out

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One Line One Liners

Which one line one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with one line? I can suggest the ones about two line and one sentence.

  1. What has 10,000 feet and one tooth? An unemployment line in Arkansas.
  2. What do you call it when one gene parks in line with another? Par*allele* parking
  3. Punch lines are extremely one-dimensional Punch areas and punch volumes have more depth.
  4. Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't think of a punch line?
  5. One time, at this party... I went to get a drink and there was no punch line.
  6. What did one parallel line say to the other? It's a shame we'll never meet.
  7. I said, "LGBTQIA". The optometrist said, "OK, try the line below that one".
  8. One of the best pickup lines ever Are you trash?
    Cause I wanna take you out
  9. What do you call a pacifist one-dimensional Saitama? No-Punch Line
  10. What do you call a line without an imaginary number? One.
  11. Perfect pick up line... There are 206 bones in the human body... Want another one?
  12. What has 50 legs and one tooth? The line at the methadone clinic
  13. What do you call two straight sticks in one shorts? The apparalel lines.
  14. One of my favorite pickup lines Ford F1 series
  15. What did one conjoined twin say to the other? There's a spine line between you and me

Howlingly Hilarious One Line Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about one line you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean punch line jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make one line pranks.

I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line...

Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...

Here is the best one liner from the legend, Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Jokes about c**... do not make me laugh

But a good one liner will make me snort

Over smart.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

My favourite jokes are one liners about launderettes

What can I say, I love dry clean humour.

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.

Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!

An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...

After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!

I just got a part in the movie c**...

It only has one line.

One liner

What do epileptic vegetarians eat?
-Seizure Salads

One liners about professions ?

Example, I would have been a doctor but I didn't have the patience. Or, trained as a chiropractor but I couldn't crack it.
Anyone got any more ?

What has 20 legs and 2 teeth.

The methadone line

Who just can't get enough of one liners?

Coke addicts.

We need less long jokes and more one liners in this sub


Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
RIP to one of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg. The king of one liners

Shortest one liner

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

One liner

If you hit a person with an electric car will you be charged for battery?

My favourite jokes are one liners about launderettes

What can I say, I love dry clean humour.

One liner a new friend just told me that we both thought was funny

Me: I've never met anyone with agoraphobia. Him: You wouldn't

Wanna hear a good one liner?

1 Dimension

Here's some one line jokes

A guy was crouched next to a grave, so another man walking by inquired "mourning?" to which he replied "no just taking a s**...".
Three girls were walking through a graveyard and they looked scared so I decided to walk then through it. They asked me if I wasn't scared of graveyards I said "I was when I was alive"
A man sat on a grave in the middle of the night, the guard asked him why he was there, he replied "it's way too hot in the grave came here to cool myself"

Do you all have time for a the joke about the world's fastest cruise ship?

Don't worry, it's a quick one liner.

I came up with the best clickbait one liner


A jewish man's wife dies

So he decides to place an obituary in the newspaper, and phones their agent.
"Just put 'Sarah died' in the paper."
"But Sir, for the same money of only one line, you can add another four words!"
"Oh. Let me think about that.."
He phones back a few minutes later and says
"Put in the paper: 'Sarah died. Toyota Corolla for sale' .."

What's a pirates favorite letter?

You think it's 'aarrrggh' but it's really the 'sea!'
Tell me your favorite corny one liner jokes

Why was Stephen Hawking always so quick with the one liners?

Well, he wasn't exactly gonna try stand-up, was he?

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one liners

He can't do standup comedy!

An old russian joke

A love-stricken young man rings his beloved and tells her -- "My sweetest, I would like to tell you something special, something truly intimate, something that I wish to remain shared only between the three of us: you, me, and the KGB officer who eavesdrops on our phone line"...

One liners

I'm at a VFW and I want dirty raunchy one liners to tell, racism allowed

I used to work at the tinnitus support phone line, but unfortunately I had to quit...

...I just couldn't stand the constant ringing in my ears.

A comedian and his friend are having a Tetris battle.

But the comedian lost because he only had one liners.

Any joke can be a one liner

^^^^^^^if ^^^^^^^you ^^^^^^^write ^^^^^^^small ^^^^^^^enough.

There are two booths set up at a Trump rally.

Someone asks "why isn't anyone lined up at this booth?"
"It's a kissing booth."
"Why's everyone over at the other booth?"
"That's the punch line."

I saw a great job advertisement the other day.

It was written by a carpenter from Little Rock.
He only wrote one line, under 'special skills':

(meta) About the direction this sub is going

Every top post I see from this sub now is a basic one liner, and half of them aren't even that good. While I appreciate a good simple joke as much as the next person, there needs to be a good mixture that include actual story jokes with a true set up and punchline.

Dirty f**... one liner

The hardest part of being into double p**..., is that you have to get two people into it.

One liner....

A recent survey shows that s**... banks beat blood banks in contributions...HANDS DOWN!

[Joke Request] jokes about being first.

I'm sorry if this is against the rules but I'm first to speak at a speech I have to give and I was looking for a one liner I could introduce myself with. It should be something related to being first because my name is Alex and it's in alphabetical order.

Years of trying to break into acting and I have been finally cast as a drug dealer,

It's just a shame I only have one line

One liner

I'm an immigrant, you're an immigrant. we should be friends with benefits.

Grow it out for the summer

Nice one liner I thought of today-
What do you think? Should I grow my wrists out for the summer? Or cut them now?

I was going to run out of the way from the tornado

But then I realized it was turning.
A bastardized one liner from /u/SkidMark_wahlberg comment.

How does a one liner hurt its readers?

With its punchline

One liner

So two law students walk into a bar

Cruel One Liner

Yesterday my uncle slipped into a coma; b**... living the dream!

Why, when the birds fly in the shape of a V, one line is shorter than the other? Because one line has more birds in it, duh.

Marvel studios have just released a trailer for a new plumbing superhero and his side kick. The sidekick only has one line of dialogue in the trailer....

"I am grout!"

So... Heard you like cheesy one liners?...

Well you're always going to have a Gouda time with me! 😉😜
#instapuss #yourwelcom

Friend - 'hey you want any of this c**...?'

me - 'i've never done it before, could i od?'
friend - 'off one line lol, no.'
me - 'no thanks then'

Ever notice those birds that fly in a V formation?

Have you noticed why one line is always longer than the other?
It has more birds in it.

A man is on a fancy cruise ship...

And he says, I really like this one liner!

Danny Glover made a special appearance at a high school drama class to help teach improv. He only said one line,

"I'm too old for this skit."

Math one liner

All prime numbers are odd except one.

What's the best one liner you've heard?

Had this dropped on me at work today.
A three legged dog walks into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

OJ Simpson just came out with a new headphone line.

Beats by OJ

When geese (ducks, etc.) migrate, they fly in a V pattern. One line of the V is always longer than the other because...

... there are more birds in it.

One Liner: With everything that Hillary Clinton says, at least we know she's not Aes Sedai.

Because she lies.

"Why do you keep hogging the telephone line?"

-asked the Cauliflower to his wife.
"Broccoli", she replied.

There's a small and weak man

Who loves telling jokes, they're mainly one liners... because he's puny

Funny one liner

if the purpose of technology is to make our lives easier, then i need a "voice-based-auto-adjustable-underwear".

I play Santa every Christmas Eve for my family. What one liners/short jokes should Santa tell this year?

Not sure of this crosses the line from joke to anti joke or not but whatever. A simple one line one punch.

What did the cow say to the farmer? Milk me.

Chemistry One Liner

I'd love to tell you a chemistry joke, but I heard they were argon.
As seen on a bridge at my local university.

I got a part in a movie called "c**...". I only have one line.

That one liner 'i'm not drinking too much tonight' never goes as planned...

When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.

Sycamore street joke

This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line:
911 operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance.
(static in the phone line interrupts call)
911 operator: A what?
Man: I need an ambulance. A dude just got hit by a car.
911 operator: Okay, where are you?
Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street.
(static in the phone line becomes worse)
911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This staic makes it hard to
understand you.
Man: I'm at Sycamore Street!
(static still continues)
911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand you if you spell
where you're at.
Man: All right., no that ain't right. I'll tell you what, I'll take the dude over to
Lee Street; you can pick him up there.

Did you hear about the program they wrote on July 4th 1776?

It was only one line:
int dependence;

Telephone lines...

Strong telephone lines are recommended but not.........weak wired

These one line jokes are really something

..they put you up straight in line of fire.

one liner

An old lady died while she was young!

what's your best oscar one liner?

tell me.

What's funnier than a one liner?

A two liner.

One liners are great.

Two liners are better.

What unlikely hero from middle earth can deliver terrible one liners?

Steven Smeagol

I'm going to a medieval wedding and I need some one liners.

One liner. I have a cold.

The stuff that's coming out of my nose could turn turtles into ninjas.

Men entrance to Heaven

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven,God appeared and said,"I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St.Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line for men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

God's ruling

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.
The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

A man goes to the confessional.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again.
"Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.

jokes about one line