One Leg Jokes
128 one leg jokes and hilarious one leg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about one leg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest One Leg Short Jokes
Short one leg jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The one leg humour may include short one arm one leg jokes also.
- What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life? Fred and George Weasley.
- What do you say to a 20 year old with no legs, one eye and no health insurance? Thank you for your service
- My friend went bankrupt after inventing a sandal for people with only one leg. It was a flop.
- What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after? The Weasley twins
- Saw a man standing on one leg at an atm I asked him what he was doing and he said he was checking his balance.
- Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.
- What do you call an Irish woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene.
What do you call a Japanese woman with the same affliction?
Irene. - What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom. - "Doctor, doctor!" "I've roast beef in one ear, Yorkshire pudding in the other ear and gravy all down my legs!"
Doctor: "Hmmm. I don't think you're eating properly." - My grandpa returned from the war with one leg. We still don't know to whom that leg belonged.
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One Leg One Liners
Which one leg one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with one leg? I can suggest the ones about one arm and one foot.
- What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other?? Irene
- I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery She was in charge of the hops
- I invented a sandal for people with one leg. It was a flop.
- how do we know that jews crucified Jesus? they used one nail for both legs
- What do you call an Asian man with one leg? Tai-Wan-Shu
- What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tai Wan Shu
- What do you call an Asian woman with one leg? Irene
- What has four legs and one arm? A pitbull terrier in a childrens' playground
- I once dated a woman that had one leg longer than the other.. Her name was eileen
- What do you call an Asian with only one leg? Tie won shoo
- What has four legs and one arm? An attack dog in an elementary school.
- What do you call a kid with one eye and a pirate's leg? Names
- Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? Because if it lifted up both it would fall over
- A few years ago I invented beach footwear for people with one leg. It was a flop.
- I saw a one legged man at the ATM He was checking his balance
One Arm One Leg Jokes
Here is a list of funny one arm one leg jokes and even better one arm one leg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The hitchhiker A guy with 3 eyes, one leg, and no arms is hitchhiking. Suddenly a nice English gent pulls over and says "eye, eye, eye, you look 'armless, hop in."
- I went into the bank earlier to check my balance Got some funny looks standing on one leg with my arms outstretched
- What animal has four legs and one arm? A pit bull on a playground.
- No one is sure how much it cost Coke to sponsor the Paralympics, but it undoubtedly cost an arm and a leg.
- A hitchhiker with 3 eyes, no arms and one leg was standing on the side of the road An Irish man pulls up and says " eye,eye eye you look armless, why don't you hop on in?"
- A person with three eyes, no arms and one leg is hitchhiking. A British guy pulls over and says, "Aye! Aye! Aye! You look 'armless. Hop in."
- What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken? One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.
- What's got four legs and one arm? An attack dog in a preschool.
- I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. What am I? ugly
- An Australian drives up to a hitch hiker with one eye, no arms, and one leg And says "Oi! You look 'armless! 'Op in!"
Cheerful One Leg Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about one leg you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean missing leg jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make one leg pranks.
A dumb scientist is experimenting on a fly...
He pulls one leg off and says 'Fly, walk'. The fly walks.
He pulls the second leg off and says 'Fly, walk'. Again, the fly walks.
He continues until he gets to the last leg. Pulling it off, he says 'Fly, walk'. The fly does not walk. He repeats the command, but the fly does not shift a millimetre.
He scribbles down 'After removal of the 6th leg, the fly has become deaf'
I used to date a girl who had one leg and worked at a brewery...
She was in charge of the hops...
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other
Ilene.
What do you cal an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene
My friends Grandpa told us this when we were about 14, What did the one leg say to the other leg?
Check out Shorty he's growing a beard!
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
Saw a guy standing on one leg at an ATM.
Saw a guy standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing. He was just checking his balance.
Do you know why flamingos stand on one leg?
Because if they raise the other leg too, they fall
I met a girl with one leg shorter than the other.
I asked her name.
She said Ailene .
I replied I can see that, but I asked for your name.
Do you know why flamingos sleep with one leg pulled up?
If they pulled both legs up, they would fall over.
Jokes from my Nana: what do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak.
What do you call a cow with four legs? A cow.
Thanks Nana.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
That same guy in your pool? Bob
Same guy in your hot tub? Stew
Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack
Same guy on your porch? Matt
Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer
Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel
What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen
Chinese girl with the same condition? Irene.
Since women with b**... work at h**..., where do women with one leg work at?
IHOP😜
If a girl with big b**... works at h**..., where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP!
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I've been binging TAHM.
How do cannibals get ready in the morning?
Just like anyone else they wakee up, get out of bed, put on their pants and eat breakfast, one leg at a time.
What do you call a Valley Girl with one leg shorter than the other?
Like, not even.
Jeff Bezos may be richer than all of us
But he still puts his pyjamazon one leg at a time
What do you call a one legged rapper?
A Hip-Hop artist
What do you call an Indian man standing on one leg?
Balan Singh.
A British cab driver pulls up to the airport...
He sees a man waiting for a cab. The man has three eyes, no arms, and only one leg.
The cab driver says to him "Aye, aye, aye. You look 'armless. Hop in!"
Did you know that the number of legs in the air of a horse statue indicate how its rider died?
If there are no legs in the air, the rider survived the war.
If there is one leg in the air, the rider was mortally wounded and died after a battle.
If there are two legs in the air, the rider was killed in battle.
If there are three legs in the air, the rider died in a tragic circus accident.
If there are four legs in the air, the rider was abducted by aliens and died in space.
What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?
Ilene. What if she is Chinese? Irene.
If girls with b**... work at h**..., where do girls with one leg work?
I-hop
Did you hear about the gummy bear with only one leg?
He lost the other one in Nom.
So I like to stand on one leg sometime, like a flamingo, to help with building my balance...
My girlfriend always rolls her eyes at me and the other day she snapped and yelled at me to stop.
I said, This is my house, don't make me put my foot down..
What do you call an Italian moose with one leg shorter than the others?
moose so leany.
What do you call a women with one leg longer than the other?
Eileen
What do you call a dog ,with one eye, and one leg?
Lucky
In loving memory of my father who was the biggest jokester, until his very last days, all he wanted to ,do was make others laugh.
He wanted us to put a f**... machine in his casket and let them blow, my mom wouldn't allow it...
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Stake
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!
A group of scientists run an experiment on a frog
They teach it to jump on command by using flies as treats. Now when they say "Jump" the frog jumps.
Then they chop off one leg. They say "Jump" and the frog jumps in a crooked path. So far so good.
Finally, they chop off the other leg. They say "Jump" and the frog does not jump.
It has been concluded that frogs cannot hear without their legs.
Did you hear that the beer brewing Company got a new Brewer?
He's only got one leg and is in charge of hops
What do you call a medieval knight with one leg that's shorter than the other?
An Angled-Saxon
Where does a one leg waitress work?
Ihop...
I had an accident and lost my one leg
And I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
What do you call a Sikh person standing on one leg?
Balan Singh.
What do you tell a hitchhiker with one leg?
Hop in
Why do one legged people like beer?
Because it's made with hops.
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with two legs up they'd fall over
where does a one legged waitress work?
I-HOP
What do you call a Sikh man...
What do you call a Sikh man standing on one leg? Balan Singh
What do you call a Sikh man on his day off? Relak Singh
And what do you call a Sikh man who follows Covid-19 guidelines? Soshal Distan Singh!
I know a girl with one leg shorter than the other
Her name is ilene
What do you call a chinese chap with one leg?
Limping
Thank you, goodnight.
What do you call a p**... with one leg shorter than the other?
A Trampoline.
One legged man
What does a one-legged man call karate?
Partial Arts
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
Because if they stood on no legs they would fall down
What do you call Frodo Baggins with one leg?
Hoppit.
What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg?
Irene
I have a friend with only one leg.
He's been having some issues with stares.
What do you call a one legged woman?
Eileen! What do you call a one legged Japanese woman. Irene! What do you call the Samoan lady who fell off the cliff? Eileen Tufa'a!
What do you call a Chinese lady with one leg?
Irene.
name puns! add to the list
what do you call a man:
-with a shovel?
-Doug
-without a shovel?
-Douglas
-in the bushes?
-Russel
-floating in the ocean?
-Bob
-with a gun?
-sir.
What do you call a woman:
-with one leg?
-Eileen
I once knew an Asian lady with one leg...
Her name was Irene.
what do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
eileen
What do you call a sikh standing on one leg?
Balan-Singh
If women with big b**... work at h**..., where do women with one leg work?
IHOP.
Girl, I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses...
One leg over each ear...
I know a man with one leg named Smith
i don't know what he named the other one
Can you spare just $2.00?
Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia in Africa. He has only one leg, and is blind in one eye. Every day he goes seven miles along a narrow road on his rusty bike with no brakes to get to school. If you can send just $2.00 . . . We'll send you the video! It's hilarious!
I tried to tell my daughter some jokes….
Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Her: Ground beef.
Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?
Her: Steak.
Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?
Her: Mommy.
I met a girl who liked to try new s**... positions. She wanted to do it standing up while balancing on one leg. It was interesting but . . .
we didn't get off on the right foot.
I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.
Her name was Eileen and she was in charge of the hops.
Where should a waitress with one leg work
IHOP
