One Eyed Blonde Jokes
20 one eyed blonde jokes and hilarious one eyed blonde puns to laugh out loud. Read blonde jokes about one eyed blonde that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest One Eyed Blonde Short Jokes
Short one eyed blonde jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The one eyed blonde humour may include short one eyed man jokes also.
- Eye Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye! "
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where? " - Two blondes were walking down the sidewalk. The first blonde said, "Hey, look at that dog with one eye," so the second blonde covered up one eye.
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Great One Eyed Blonde Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about one eyed blonde you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blond haired jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make one eyed blonde pranks.
Peter is different
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!
I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'
A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......
When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.
After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?
A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye.
She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, "Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."
The guy freaks out. He says, "I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"
She says, "I'm your son's Sunday school teacher."
A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!
5 blonds walk into a bar...
The group is cheering, smiling, and chanting "3 to 5 years! 3 to 5 years!" After the blondes settle down and order their drinks, the bartender finally asked "What are you all celebrating? What does 3 to 5 years mean?" One blonde got an excited look in their eyes and proudly exclaimed "Well, we bought a puzzle, and on the side it said 3 to 5 years, but it only took us 2 months!"
A guy walks into a bar
He saw an attractive girl waving at him, but he's not so sure so he looks around to make sure that's him she's waving to.
The girl walks to him and said: "Hello!"
She was so beautiful with blonde hair blue eyes, but he can't remember knowing her.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" - he asks.
"Yes, you're one of my kids' father!"
Now he panics, and recalls to that one time he cheated on his wife.
"Are you that stripper on my bachelor's party where we had s**... on the bar counter and all of my friends saw you spanked me?"
"k**..., but no, I'm your kid's teacher!"
Blonde goes up to a Soda Machine
A Blonde walks up to a Soda
Machine, puts in a quarter and as the drink falls out she laughs.
Again, she puts in a quarter and as the soda falls out she laughes
She does this again and again, laughing hysterically every time. Eventually, catching the attention of a group of strangers near by.
One of the strangers walks over and ask with a puzzling look on his face
" ma'am, what on Earth are you doing? "
The blonde turns around, rolls her eyes, laughs and says " winning! Duh! "
The blonde and the 710 k**...
A blonde walks into an auto shop to ask a question.
Blonde: I have a k**... under the hood of my car that says 710 on it. It only turns one way and when I turn it, nothing happens. Can you tell me what it does?
Confused, the mechanic says show me.
She takes him out to her car and when the hood is raised, the blonde points to the 710 k**....
The mechanic laughs, rolls his eyes and says Madam, your OIL cap was put on upside down. Have a nice day!
I'll take my chances
A Sunday church service was coming to an end. This gorgeous blonde girl started to make her way out to get ahead of the crowd.
As she was walking down the stairs, her dress got caught on the corner of a railing and was instantly pulled off. She was stark n**... in the middle of the church.
The pastor looked down immediately, talking into the mic. He said "Nobody look. If anyone looks, so help me God, the Lord will blind you."
The guy next to me put his hand over half of his face and said, "I think I'll take my chances with one eye."
Be careful what you ask for!
A Scotsman was strolling across High Street one day wearing
his kilt. As he neared the far curb, he noticed two young blondes in
a red convertible eyeing him and giggling.
One of them called out, "Hey, Scotty! What's worn under the kilt?"
He strolled over to the side of the car and asked, "Ach, lass, are you SURE you want to know?"
Somewhat nervously, the blonde replied yes, she did really want to know.
The Scotsman leaned closer and confided, "Why, lass, nothing's worn under the kilt, everything's in perfect workin' order!"
Blondes and alligator shoes
She desperately wanted a pair of beautiful alligator shoes.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.
Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration .....s**...!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO !
The FBI and the Blonde
The year is 2001, and it's post-9/11. The United States is devastated for the tragic event that happened in their country and wants to increase their security. In result, the FBI agrees with recruiting agents in the general public.
A blonde hears about this and signs up for FBI. She enters the room and their is a man in a black suit sitting on one side of the table. The blonde sits down. The FBI agent says:
"In this test, you be given a picture of a man. I will show you this for 5 seconds and you must describe everything that you remember of this man."
The agent pulls out a picture. It's a picture of the side of a man's face. He puts the picture down.
"What do you remember?" said the FBI agent
"Well... that man had one eye!" said the blonde
"No no no!" the FBI agent yelled frustrated. "Lets try this again.
The FBI agent pulls out the SAME picture of the man. Then puts it away.
"Now what do you remember?" he said.
The blonde thought for a while then said.
"Um... that man had one ear!"
"No no no! Wrong! I'll give you one last try"
The FBI agent pulls out the SAME picture of the man again.
"NOW what did you see?" said the FBI agent
"Um... That man wears contacts!" said the blonde.
"Uh.. What?"
The FBI agent pulled out a piece of paper and examined it for 10 minutes.
"Wow! He does wear contacts! I never knew that! How did you know?"
"Well with one eye and one ear, you can't wear glasses, duh!"
3 blondes walk into a police station...
...looking for a job as a detective. They meet with the police chief who says "I'm going to show you a side profile mug shot of a man and you need to tell me something interesting about him."
He shows the picture to the first blonde and she says "He's only got one eye". The police chief responds, "No, this is a profile mug shot, so you will only see one eye."
He shows the picture to the second blonde and she says "He's only got one ear". The police chief again responds, "No, this is a profile mug shot, so you will only see one ear."
He shows the picture to the last blonde and she says "He wears contact lenses." Perplexed, the police chief looks through the file and sure enough, the man wore contact lenses. He says "That's oddly correct. How did you know that?"
The blonde responds, "Well with one eye and one ear, he can't be wearing glasses."
So there's this blonde...
and she's sick and tired of being stereotyped as the dumb blonde, so she decides to dye her hair and move to another city. After she died her hair brown, she packs up her things and leaves for the new city. Driving down a barren country road on the way there, she starts to get really hungry. With no restaurants in sight, she pulls in to the only home as far as the eye can see, a sheep farm. Thinking a sheep would make a tasty meal, she walks up to the house where the farmer is sitting on the front porch and asks him if she can guess how many sheep there are if she can have one. The farmer agrees. The woman has a knack for counting and adds up all the sheep really quickly and says "72". The farmer says "whelp, that's right, go grab your sheep and leave." The woman picks up her choice and starts walking back to her car, but before she gets in the farmer shouts after her "If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
An oldie but goodie
Three women, a redhead, brunette and blonde, find themselves stranded on a deserted island. While looking for supplies the redhead stumbled upon an old, well decorated bottle. After she brought it back to camp she and her friends began to clean it off when suddenly a genie sprang out of the bottle. In a deep, deliberate tone the genie said "You have awakened a genie! I have the power to grant any three wishes you desire. Because all three awakened me each of you get one wish!" The genie looked at the redhead who quickly shouted "I WISH TO GO HOME!" and p**... she was gone. The genie then looked at the brunette who couldn't say "I WISH TO GO HOME!" fast enough and p**... she was gone. The genie then looked at the blonde who had a tear in her eye and her head was hung low. "Why are you so sad" asked the genie, to which the blonde responded "I wish my friends were here."
John
After a long day at work this woman was on her way home on the train and closed her eyes to rest. After departing the station a male that was sitting next to her took his cellphone out and started a conversation with a rather loud voice.
"Hello sweetheart, John here, i am in the train. Yes i know its the 6:30 train and not the 4:30 train but the meeting took longer then planned. No dear, not with the blond of finance, this was with my manager. No babydoll, you are the only one in my life! Yes really, i swear!"
The woman next to him was growing more and more tired of his loud conversation and after 15 minutes she just had enough.
She leaned over to him and with her face close to his phone she whispered:
"Come John, put the phone down and come back to bed."
A man goes to the beach...
...while he's walking down the shore he sees a 20-year old, blonde-haired girl sitting in the sand crying. Concerned, the man runs over to her. "What's wrong?" He asks.
"I'm twenty years old and I've never been hugged by someone other than family!" She starts sobbing.
Feeling bad, the man hugs her. "There, now you've been hugged." And walks on.
The next day the man walks on the beach again and sees another girl, this one with black hair, sitting in here chair bawling. "What's wrong?" He asks her.
"I'm 19 and I've never been kissed before!" She whines.
He gives her a small kiss on the lips. "There, now you've been kissed." And he walks on.
The third day of his vacation he sees a brunette, openly crying like the other two women. He sighs. "What's wrong?"
"I'm 18 and I've never been s**... before!"
He picks her up, looks her in the eyes, and tosses her out into the ocean, where sharks surround her.
"There. Now you're s**...."
