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One Armed Jokes

52 one armed jokes and hilarious one armed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about one armed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest One Armed Short Jokes

Short one armed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The one armed humour may include short one arm jokes also.

  1. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer The bartender nods,
    "and how about one for the road?"
  2. A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
  3. I saw a man with one arm shopping at a second hand store I was like "You're not going to find what you're looking for"
  4. Why is Def leppard the best band to listen to while driving? Because you only need one arm to drum along..
  5. New job I recently got a new job assisting a one-armed typist with capital letters. It was shift work
  6. How do you pick up an elephant with one hand? You can't, there are no elephants with one arm
  7. The hitchhiker A guy with 3 eyes, one leg, and no arms is hitchhiking. Suddenly a nice English gent pulls over and says "eye, eye, eye, you look 'armless, hop in."
  8. I've got a new job. I'm helping out a one-armed typist whenever she needs to type a capital letter. It's shift work
  9. arm's length what do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    a speech impediment
  10. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.

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One Armed One Liners

Which one armed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with one armed? I can suggest the ones about one arm man and unarmed.

  1. What does an Italian have when he is missing one arm? A severe speech impediment.
  2. Have you heard about the one-armed super hero? He single handedly stops crime.
  3. I have a job helping a one armed man type capitals. It's shift work.
  4. I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It's shift work
  5. What has four legs and one arm? A pitbull terrier in a childrens' playground
  6. How did the one armed man save the world? Single handedly!
  7. What has four legs and one arm? An attack dog in an elementary school.
  8. How do you get an one-armed person down a tree Wave at them
  9. How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? You wave at her.
  10. What animal has four legs and one arm? A pit bull on a playground.
  11. People with only one arm... Am I right?
  12. Did you hear about the one-armed man that robbed the bank? He did it single-handedly.
  13. One arm butlers they can take it but they can't dish it out…
  14. Q: Why did the one armed man cross the road?
    A: To get to the second hand shop.
  15. What's got four legs and one arm? An attack dog in a preschool.

One Armed Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny one armed man jokes and even better one armed man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under one arm and says, A beer please, and one for the road,
  • A man walks into a bar with a big slab of tarmac/asphalt under his arm... The barman asks him, "So what can I get you?"
    "I'll have a pint and eh, one for the road."
  • A man walked into a bar with some asphalt on his arm He said: "Two beers please, one for me and one for the road"
  • A hitchhiker with 3 eyes, no arms and one leg was standing on the side of the road An Irish man pulls up and says " eye,eye eye you look armless, why don't you hop on in?"
  • I've just gotten a part-time job helping a one-armed man type capital letters... It's shift work.
  • A man walks into a bar with some tarmac under his arm... And said: "one for me and one for the road"
  • In a world with no weapons, the one armed man . . . Could still have a better punchline than this.
  • A one armed man enters a store and asks: "Is this a second hand shop?"
  • A disabled man rolls into a bar with one leg and one arm... Disabled Man: "I bought my first house today!"
    Bartender: "How much did it cost?"
    Disabled Man: "A lot!"
  • A man walks onto a plane... ... He has a dead rabbit under each arm. The stuardess turns: "I'm sorry, sir. You're only allowed one item of carrion"

Howlingly Hilarious One Armed Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about one armed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bear arms jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make one armed pranks.

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"

Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

Drive through counter was being robbed...

While she was held at gunpoint, a cop car shows up at the counter.
Cops : Can we have 2 burgers.
Lady : give the burgers casually and passes a note that says "we have two armed men inside"
Cops : *reads the note* ofcourse they are two armed, how can one armed men make burgers O__o

How do you get a one armed newfie out of a tree?

Wave.

I was talking via sign language with a one armed man…

Problem is I was only getting half of what he was saying.
Thought this up yesterday on a camping trip when my daughter was showing me what she learned at preschool.

How do you get a one armed Canadian out of a tree?

Wave to him!

I ran into a one armed fisherman

I asked if he had any luck. He said "yea caught one this big"
This joke works better in person.

What's the best part of dating a one armed girl?

At least she probably won't give you the clap

I got a new job helping a one armed typist write in capitals

It's only shift work, though.

A group of amputees have escaped after a violent bank robbery,

one armed and dangerous.

How do you get a one armed polish guy out of a tree?

Wave.
What was he doing up in the tree in the first place?
Raking leaves.

Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?

He never mentions "on the other hand"

Why did the one armed man cross the street?

To find a second hand arms dealer...
(changeup on ShaclOne's joke)

Did you hear about the one armed fisherman?

He caught a fish this big!

How do you get a one armed Italian out of a tree?

You talk to him!

A one armed man got kicked out of the Plaza Hotel

Apparently they only cater for tourists.

What do you call a one armed water skier

Skip

A woman calls the police claiming a one armed man is trying to kill her...

They say to her "don't worry about him mam, he's hARMLESS."

What do you call it when a one armed person waves at you?

Jazz hand

Who's that one armed rockstar drummer?

Oh yeah, Phil Rudd. Too soon?

How do you get a one armed p**... out of a tree?

Wave hello

jokes about one armed