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Oncoming Jokes

26 oncoming jokes and hilarious oncoming puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about oncoming that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Oncoming Short Jokes

Short oncoming jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The oncoming humour may include short arriving jokes also.

  1. On which side do you drive? On which side do you drive?
    American: Right-side.
    Britisher: Left-side
    Indian: Depends on which side the oncoming traffic is.
  2. When I die, I want to pass peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa. Not screaming at the oncoming truck like the rest of us in his car.
  3. Investigation shows Teen who collided head-on with a school bus intentionally moved into oncoming traffic There are some lines that should never be crossed.
  4. Did you hear about the dyslexic who tried to commit s**...? He jumped behind an oncoming train.

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Oncoming One Liners

Which oncoming one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with oncoming? I can suggest the ones about coming faster than and incoming.

  1. How did Timmy dodge the oncoming car? He didn't
  2. Light at the end of the tunnel, my misery will be over so soon! It's an oncoming train!
  3. Hug? Said the bunny to the oncoming lawnmower

Oncoming joke, Hug?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about oncoming can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of oncoming puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Humorous Oncoming Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about oncoming you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean approaching jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make oncoming prank.

A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel

The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

A lawyer was in his BMW...

...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.
Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.
Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.
Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...

Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.
So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.
The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he'**... by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.
"What a shame" his dad said.
"He should have quit while he was ahead"

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"

Emergency flashers

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their n**... bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my cardboard cutouts. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody tooted their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!

A man is driving in the highway

When his wife calls him very saying "watch out, a crazy man is driving into oncoming traffic in the highway you usually take to work"
The man replies: "one? Everyone is doing it"

Don't Swear At Other Drivers!

Eddie was driving down the road and a met a car coming the other way.  Although there was room to pass easily, Eddie forced the oncoming car to slow down and wound down his window and shouted 'Pig'.  The other driver looked in his rear view mirror and swore at Eddie.  Then his car hit the pig.

old man gets a call from his wife

wife: "stay off the highway. I'm watching the news and there's a maniac driving into oncoming traffic!"

old man: "it's worse than you think! I see hundreds of them!"

Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish?

Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it.
They call it the clam before the storm.

Who's going the wrong way?

A man is listening to the radio in his car when the broadcast is interrupted: Attention! Attention! A driver is heading down the highway in the wrong direction
The man scans the road, clogged with oncoming traffic, and nutters to himself, What do you mean *a* driver? I see hundreds of them!

My girlfriend is so reckless...

We were standing at the top of my driveway, I let go of her hand for one second and all of a sudden shes at the bottom of the driveway about to go headfirst into oncoming traffic.
No wonder she ended up in a wheelchair.

So a snail goes to a car dealership

and requests the fastest sports car the dealer has to offer. The car dealer points him to a brand new red race car, fastest in the market. The snail is ecstatic and buys it, telling the car dealer he'll be back tomorrow to pick it up.
"But before I do pick it up," says the snail, "I'd like a big 'S' painted on each side!"
The car dealer obliges, paints a big 'S' on each side of the car, and waits until the next day for the snail to return. Well, the snail returns, hops into his car, and speeds off through the wall into the oncoming traffic, driving off. The car dealer's boss runs up to the car dealer and exclaims,
"Wow! Look at that S car go!"

A man's clothes got caught on a loose edge of the train track just as the train was approaching

Not able to free him himself, he began to pray. "Save me Lord and I'll start going to church and maybe even help the poor." As the train drew closer and closer and his clothes were still caught, he began to pray more fervently. "Oh Dear Lord Almighty, I'll give up drinking, I'll donate all my savings to charity, I'll be a better man, just please please save me from this oncoming train!"
As he finished his prayer, the fabric of his clothes ripped just a little bit and he came free just in time as the train rushed past. The man looked up to the sky and shouted, "Never mind, God. I took care of it myself."

A priest was driving at night

When he saw a car in the oncoming g lane swerving wildly all across the road. The priest had to swerve himself to not get hit and ended up hitting the ditch and rolling his car into the nearby field. Fortunately, he was unhurt, just a little shaken, and climbed out of the wreckage.
The car he was swerving from stops and backs up, and a clearly drunk man climbs out.
"Are you okay?" asks the drunk.
"Yes," says the priest. "The Lord was with me."
"Well you better let him ride with me," says the drunk. "You're gonna kill him!"

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday...

...minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Praise Allah" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man... that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

Could have been me...

Sitting at a Red Light yesterday, minding my own business...patiently waiting for it to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to
me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to Americans!"
and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran
directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been
me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these oncoming jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.