Once You Go White Jokes
143 once you go white jokes and hilarious once you go white puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about once you go white that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Once You Go White Short Jokes
Short once you go white jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The once you go white humour may include short once you go asian jokes also.
- Trump cancelled his trip to Britain because he doesn't want to go anywhere he doesn't feel welcome... So what's he still doing in the white house?
- What's black, white, red, and has trouble going through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head.
- People know I go to Las vegas a lot and they always ask if I saw the white tigers at the Mirage. I say, Only if they were sitting at the Let It Ride table.
- I needed some white noise yesterday to go to sleep. So i recorded myself saying "All lives matter" and played it on repeat until i fell asleep.
- The White House has suddenly turned into such a polite place. Everyone is going around saying, "Pardon me."
- What is the difference between blue collars and white collars? Blue collars wash their hands BEFORE going to toilet, and white collars - afterwards.
- Where do you go when you're white and caught speeding, then get separated into different colours only to come out bent and totally different to how you came in? Prism
- Donald Trump's advisers worry he could lose support from his base, so they suggested he change his hairstyle to better connect with white, rural voters... ...he's going to mullet over.
- Why don't progressives go to the dentist? Because dentists like everything straight and white.
- If a white girl goes to starbucks and doesn't post a picture on instagram, did she really go to starbucks at all?
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Once You Go White One Liners
Which once you go white one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with once you go white? I can suggest the ones about once you go ginger and whites.
- How did Elmer Fudds anti-black rally go? It was all white
- Teacher : Why can't Trump go to the white house anymore? Student: Because it is FOR BIDEN
- Why did Walter White go to the auto repair shop? Because he was Braking Bad.
- Hipsters never go white water rafting It's too main stream.
- Where do you go to have a white Christmas in the 1940s? Germany
- For Halloween, I'm getting plastered. I don't drink, I'm just going as a white guy.
- James Comey walks into a bar... and orders two White Russians - one for here, one to go.
- Why did Snow White go to bed? She was feeling Sleepy.
- How did the racism conference go? It was all white.
- Where do liars go? THE WHITE HOUSE!! Lol
- why do people go to Starbucks to write books? because white noise helps them concentrate!
- A black and a white go into a bar. That's how you make grey scale charts.
- There is going to be another Bush in the White House.. Hilary's
- What white actor is going to play Prince in his bio pic? Peter Dinklige
- Hey I want a White Riot... I guess I can't go to Baltimore...
Giggle-Inducing Once You Go White Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about once you go white you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean snow white jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make once you go white pranks.
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today.
Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
We have so many nationalities.
It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there.
It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a black white and Asian got arrested but the cop said if u can say green pink and yellow in a sentence, then u won't go to jail.
The black didn't know what to say so he went to jail.
The white said "well white guys are pink....." but the cop said wrong order so he went to jail.
So the Asian guy said "well the phone go Green green so i pink up the phone and say yellow"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny: "Dad why your d**...'s hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?"
Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush', ‘d**...', and ‘Colon'. Need I say more?
Every time I see a white guy with a guitar at a party I ask myself...
I wonderwall he's going to play?
This "Kony 2012" is something else...
I haven't seen this many white people interested in whats going on in Africa since Mufasa died.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The older man and his problems
A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform s**.... He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s**... and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
Tom and Larry go to the movies
Tom and Larry go see a movie that features a horse race. Tom turns to Larry and says, "I'll bet you $20 that the white horse wins." Larry responds, "No way. I'll take that bet any day." Unfortunately for Larry, the white horse won. After the movie, Tom says, "you don't have to pay me. I'd already seen this movie, and now I feel bad about making the bet." Larry, looking very confused, replies, "well, so had I, but I didn't think he could do it again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy are walking down the beach...
They find a bottle and the Mexican guy decides pick it up and rub it. A genie comes out of the bottle and speaks to them and grants them each one wish.
The Mexican guy goes first and says, "I wish that all my Mexican brethren and I could be transported back to our native homeland and we could all be happy there."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Mexican guy disappears.
Now it's the black guy's turn. He says, "I wish that all my African brothers and I could all go back to our motherland and be happy, prosperous and free."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Black guy disappears.
Now it's the white guy's turn.
The white guy pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Are you telling me that all the b**... and Mexicans are gone from America?
The genie nods his head and says yes.
The white guy makes up his mind and says, "Ok, well i'll have a Coke, thanks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the seven dwarves say...
when they found Snow White sleeping in their bed?
Hi h**..., hi h**..., it's off to work we go.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher tells her students to make a sentence using the words "cheese" and "liver"...
The White kid responds, "Last night my mother made a Cheese and Liver sandwich. It was delicious."
The Black kid responds, "Last night my Dad told my Mom to go get groceries. When she came back without the Government cheese, he punched her in the liver."
The Mexican kid responds, "Last night some vatos tried looking up my sisters skirt. So I tell them, HEY LIVER ALONE! CHEESE MY SISTER!"
I heard that because the moon has no atmosphere...
the American flag we planted there has lost its color and is now completely white. We need go up there and change it. Because we don't want anyone thinking the French beat us to the moon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Where do white supremacists go shopping?
k**...-Mart.
A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch
As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."
The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."
Bing Crosby
A long time ago, back in the autumn of 1952, when Bing Crosby was
filming the movie "White Christmas" in New Hampshire, the Mayor of
Nashua, NH thought it would be a great idea to have Bing visit their
fair town & present him with the key to the city on the steps of City
Hall. You know, a nice little photo op for the mayor's re-election &
a
way for some of the town's dignitaries to meet the Great Bing Crosby.
Now one as to remember, Bing Crosby at this time was at the peak of his singing career. He was bigger than Elvis, the Beatles, Sinatra, Lady GaGa & the Beach Boys all put together. He crossed generational lines, admired by young & old as one of the "coolest cats" in the music world.
Well, word leaked out that Bing would be in town so hundreds of
teenagers skipped school to attend the little ceremony. The
authorities were not prepared for such a large crowd, there were only a few policemen present, and things soon got out of hand. Pushing &
shoving began as the teenagers all wanted to get closer to see their hero. It soon looked like the Mayor was going to a have a riot on his hands and he was growing more frantic by the minute. All he wanted was a nice little ceremony with Bing and now he had a full fledged uprising threatening to ruin everything.
Throughout all this Bing was seated in his chair, calmly observing
what was happening. When the crowd started to push through the barricades that were set up, he had had enough. Bing got up, strolled to the microphone & said in a commanding voice, "All right, everyone cool down right now"! The rioting crowd immediately calmed down and the Mayor's little ceremony went on without a hitch & everyone went home happy.
The next day's newspaper headline read: CROSBY STILLS NASHUA YOUNG!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
Two zebras are talking in the savanna...
And zebra one says to zebra two, "Do you think I am black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?" The second zebra says, "I don't know, why don't you go up to heaven and ask God?"
So the first zebra goes up and says, "God, am I black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?" God said, "You are what you are."
The first zebra goes back down to zebra two and zebra two says, "Well, what did God say?" Zebra one says, "God told me, 'you are what you are'."
Zebra two says, "Well then you must be white with black stripes, because if you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'you is what you is'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What's Black, White, and Asian all at the same time?
Pandas. What did you think I was going to say?
Jesus keeps an eye on the pearly gates.
St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.
After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."
Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"
The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"
Redd Foxx Classics (not too dirty)
- "What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."
- "I've realized the importance of black. If you want to know how important black is, go to Las Vegas and get some white chips and get some black chips. You could have 70 lbs of white chips and can't get out of town. You get 2 lbs of black chips, you can go to Madrid."
- "We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with."
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When I do laundry I tell people I'm going to 1943
Cause I got to separate the w**... and colors
I heard reports of a white haired man in a strange outfit going around emptying his sack in children's bedrooms across the country.
Which is crazy because I heard Jimmy Saville was dead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My c**... Is So White
Police Let It Go With A Warning
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Black guy and a white girl hook up.
A black guy and a white girl meet at a bar and go back to her house. They start fooling around and he begins taking his pants off. She stops him and says "is it true what they say about black guys"? He says " yes. Yes it is" then stabs her and takes her purse.
What's white, round, hairy, and can go up and down?
My arm.
One zebra says to the other, "I'm going to check out that patch of nice green grass over there . . .
. . . I'll be white black."
three monks
three monks live in the desert where they pray all day long.
one day a horse passes by.a year passed and one of the monks said: "what a beautiful horse!" after a year, one of the other two monks adds: "and it was white!"another year, and the third monk turns angrily and says to them : "if you don't stop talking i will go right away".
I'm going to give the next person to make a dress color reference a white and gold eye.
Ouch.
What does Al Sharpton say when he has to go to the bathroom?
I'll be white black.
What's black and white and can't go through a revolving door?
A zebra with a spear through its head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Overheard @ high school's red & white football game
Clueless freshman: "So, who are we playing?"
Crowd: "It's intrasquad!"
Pregnant pause.
Clueless freshman: "So we're still going to lose!"
2 white girls go to a casino...
One puts 50 bucks on odd and it loses. The other asks "why put it 50 on odd?". She replies "I literally can't even!".
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
Two white guys and two black guys go into a police station
The white guys come back from the station
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Hispanic Joke
Three kids are in school...
A white, a black, and a hispanic kid. The teacher tells them to make a sentence with the words liver and cheese.
White kid says: "My mom made me a liver and cheese sandwich and it was sooo good."
Black kid says: "Pops told mom to go get the Government cheese And she didn't, so pops punched her in the liver."
Hispanic kid says: "Some kid was trying to look under my sister's dress and I told the c**..., "Hey!!! Liver alone, cheese my sister!!"
White girl goes on a date with a black man
They have lots of fun, she takes him home, they have coffee, go up to her bedroom and she says, "Show me it's true what they say about black guys"
So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
Three friends at the bar...
- The first: "You know... my wife wants two children after seeing Hansel and Gretel"
- The second: "My wife instead wants seven children after seeing Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"
- The third: "Umh I have to go, my wife is watching 101 Dalmatians".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Donald Trump still go to laundromats?
It's the only place he can admit he wants to separate w**... from coloreds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man meets a white girl in a club.
They go back to the girls house and start making out. The girl says seductively "show me that its true what they say about Black Guys". The man then precedes to stab the girl take her purse and run off faster then the wind.
A black guy and a white girl are at a party
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.
However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.
When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.
Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!
I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lying to me; two Wongs DO make a white!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"
She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.
He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black b**...."
I told my black coworker that I like to go to sleep listening to white noise. He said "Why does it gotta be white noise with you people?"
I said because I can't go to sleep listening to rap music and gunshots.
When the US went to the moon....
...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A white man tells a black man
Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know
When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
even when I die I continued to be black.
Instead you my friend
When you're born you're pink.
When you start to grow you are white.
When you go to the beach you look red.
When you're cold you look blue.
When you have panic you look yellow.
When you're sick you look green.
When you die you turn gray ....
And they still dare to call me a color man
Melania's speech writer is going to be out of a job soon
because she will be moving out of The White House in January.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The police seem to be making up the law as they go along
I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.
Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.
What is the only reason Bill Clinton is excited about possibly going back into the White House?
He gets more interns.
I got chatting with a girl in a bar....
"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that!" she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.
A few drinks later, we kissed and cuddled and headed back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out!"
A white friend, a Mexican friend, and I go trick or treating...
My white friend is Donald Trump, I'm a wall, and my Mexican friend is on the other side.
Two zebras are standing in a field.
Zebra 1 asks "Hey, do you think I'm white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"
Zebra 2 responds "I don't know, why don't you go ask god?"
So, zebra 1 goes to god and asks him if he's white with black stripes or black with white stripes, to which god responds,
"You are what you are."
Later, zebra 1 returns to the field and zebra 2 asks, "So, what are you?"
Zebra 1 says, "I'm white with black stripes."
Zebra 2, looking confused, asks, "How do you know?"
Finally, zebra 1 says, "Because if I was black with white stripes, god would have said, "You is what you is.""
Once you go black you don't go back, but when you go white...
You'll always be tight.
Black kids play NBA 2K...
and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player.
White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible.
Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you're white, you should always get to go ahead first instead of the b**....
Is one of the first rules of chess.
Super bowl tickets
A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats plus airfare, accommodation, etc., but he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5 p.m. Her name's Louise. She's 5' 6", about 120 lbs., good cook, makes $130,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress."
*this was forwarded to me by my dad just now, never heard before, thought was worthwhile for a chuckle.
When asking a basic white girl if she wants some Starbucks, the short answer will always be "yas"
The long answer is probably going to be "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doughnuts make u go nuts
What kind of doughnuts do the k**... prefer? White powdered doughnuts
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American and a Chinese were arguing about which government was better
The American boasts, "clearly the American government is better. You can go to the white house with a megaphone and yell 'Trump s**...!' and you wouldn't even be arrested."
The Chinese replied, "what of it? You can go to Tiananmen square and yell 'Trump s**...!' and you still wouldn't be arrested."
All this time we thought Donald Trump would make the White House a skyscraper....
...and it turns out he's just going to make a second one in Florida!
I was invited to go play Dungeons and Dragons. I was told i needed to pick a race and a class for my character
So I picked white and middle. Apparently that's not how its played, but I just think they know I'd win
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do lesbian white supremacists go to drink?
A k**...-d**... bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know how President Obama has his own m**... strain (Obama Kush)? Trump's strain is going to be c**......
more specifically: "white powder"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So my friend goes to try and join a white supremacist group...
They ask him to go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit.
My friend asks: "but why the rabbit?"
He got in.
I heard the White House Correspondents Association is going to give equal time to a conservative comedian at next year's dinner
I hope a year is long enough to find one.
