Olympics Medals Jokes
87 olympics medals jokes and hilarious olympics medals puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about olympics medals that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Olympics Medals Short Jokes
Short olympics medals jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The olympics medals humour may include short olympic medals jokes also.
- It was announced yesterday that the 2020 summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they're going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.
- Olympic Results for sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats. - Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population #1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census - I reckon I could have won something at the youth olympics If it wasn't for all those medalling kids
- Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal? He was so proud, he had it bronzed.
- Why does Mexico never get any Olympic medals? Because any Mexican who can run, jump, or swim is in America already
- Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games? Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.
- North Korea athletes... North Korea athletes, who fail to win gold medals in this year's Olympic Games, will have a chance to win gold medals in the next Paralympic Games.
- Did you hear about the blonde that won the gold medal in the Olympics? She was so proud she had it bronzed.
- Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics? Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.
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Olympics Medals One Liners
Which olympics medals one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with olympics medals? I can suggest the ones about olympic gold medal and olympic gold.
- I would have won the Junior Olympics too... ..if it weren't for you medalling kids.
- I once saw a Shrimp finish third in the Olympics... They gave him the Prawns Medal
- Currently, the Olympic host country has... One brazillian medals.
- What Olympic country is projected to win the most medals? Finland. They always Finnish.
- Michael Phelps won his 21st olympic gold medal. You could say he's swimming in them!
- Q: What do you give a pig who wins a medal at the Olympic games?
A: A pork medallion. - What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
- In what Olympic sport did Israel win a gold medal? Jujitsu
- What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics? Walking.
- Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed. - I would've smoked Phelps at the olympics... But i don't medal in other peoples business.
- A Mexican man contended in the Olympics He won a gold medal in the "Jump and run" event.
- Chuck Norris won more Olympic medals than the hole world...
Including himself. - Q: What do you give a pig who wins a medal at the Olympic games?
A: A pork medallion. - Q: What do you give a pig who wins a medal at the Olympic games?
A: A pork medallion.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Olympics Medals Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about olympics medals you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gold medal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make olympics medals pranks.
Chuck Norris won the gold, silver and bronze medals at the Olympics.
In the same event. From home.
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse k**.
.. the judges because they misspelled his name.
Did you hear about the s**... Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer?
He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!
Why does Mexico rarely wins medals at the olympic games?
All the ones who can run/swim/jump already made it to America.
My team got silver medal in the s**... Olympics.
We would have got gold but I came first in the o**....
China won bronze in gymnastics at the Sydney 2000 Olympics but were stripped of the medal after it was revealed that d**... Fangxiao was under the minimum age of 16
And they would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.
Why does Mexico not get very many Olympic Medals?
cause all the good runners, jumpers and swimmers are already in the US
Getting a job right out of college...
ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:
Hiring recent college grads.
REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers.
Oldie.....Mexico will never win an Olympic medal in swimming or track and field.....
... because every Mexican who can run, jump or swim lives in the United States.
[Long]Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together
and discussing surgeries they had performed..
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;
I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;
I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics.
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs . Several years ago a man was high on c**... and m**...
and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the Horse's a**....
I was able to put them together and now he's running for President of the U..S.A!"
I heard your mom won a gold medal!
I didn't even know they had sumo wrestling at the Olympics!
How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics?
They take their prison population and school population to Rio.
just heard that Belize is changing its national anthem for the olympics...
can't wait to hear 'Don't Stop Belize-ing' when they win a medal!
United States tells the world what they are very good at, by winning their first medal in Rio Olympics.
That's right, it's shooting.
A Mexican athlete finally got a medal at the Olympics.
The police are still searching for him.
Israel just won two Olympic medals in Jewdo
I'll show my self out
What did Puerto Rico say upon winning a gold medal in the olympics?
Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
What is yellow, sour and wins olympic medals in gymnastics?
Limone Biles
I could win an Olympic gold medal
If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid
Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.
Did you hear about the Mongolian Olympic wrestler?
He lost the gold medal due to p**... jock elation. (all credit to /u/sasquatchiam, link in comments)
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
If being a disappointment were an Olympic sport....
I could win the gold, have my father present the medal to me, and it still wouldn't be enough for him to be proud of me.
If laziness were an olympic discipline...
... I'd want to finish 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the medals podium...
Whats better then a gold medal in the special Olympics?
Not being r**....
How does Usain Bolt feel after being stripped of one of his Olympic Gold Medals?
Fast and Furious
Why will Islamic State sweep all the winning Gold medals in 2018 Winter Olympics?
They will introduce Border Cross as an olympic sport.
Drum Fill!
3 surgeons discuss who is the best surgeon of them.
Says the one: "I am the best surgeon of Texas! A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I sewed them on and tomorrow he gives a private concert for the queen."
Says the second: "This is nothing! A young man lost both his arms and his legs in an accident. I stitched them back on and two years later he won the gold medal in the olympic games!"
Says the 3rd: "Amateurs! A few years ago a cowboy rode s**... and drunk in front of a train. All that remained were his b**... and the blonde mane of his horse. I did the surgery on him and today he is the president of the United States."
Mexico rarely wins Olympic medals.
All Mexicans who can run, jump or swim already crossed the border.
Do you know why they don't award medals in Olympic Luge?
Because they're all Lugers.
So, yeah. The Russians might be meddling in the elections...
at least they will not be medaling in the Olympics.
My wife is like an Olympic silver medal skier.
She only goes down once every four years, and never finishes first.
Why doesn't the Mexican Olympic team win many medals?
All their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers live in the United States.
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would have gotten fourth place
so that I wouldn't get up on the pedestal to get that medal.
My wife says I'm like an Olympic champion in bed.
For some reason, though, she wishes I won silver medal every now and then.
Did you hear michael phelps lost all his Olympic awards?
He hasn't won a race yet. I guess you could say the loss of his metal medals meddled his mettle.
Any of the kids in s**...'s gang could have won their preferred olympic event
If it wasn't for those medaling kids
Q: Did you hear about the Oregon fan who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
A: He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
A man wins back to back golds in the Olympics for the decathlon.
Ashton was Eaton up the competition
Bragging Doctors
Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."
Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."
Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible e**.... He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping a**.... I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"
The Russian Covid Vaccine Sputnik is 91.6% effective
It's also the only Covid vaccine that will help you win an Olympic medal.
Like most people I've been enjoying the Olympics...
I noticed that the USA have won 3/3 gold medals in shooting so far. It really goes to show that if you put in the work in school, you really can acheive anything.
Romania won 4 Olympic medals this year in Tokyo. 3 of them are from either sweep or sculling.
They must have a high degree of row mania over there.
Olympian
An old man goes up to a p**.... He says how much do you charge? . She says €150 . He replies I've got no money, all I have is these two Olympic gold medals I won in the 60's . She says that'll do , takes the medals and off they go to take care of business. Next evening another old man approaches, how much do you charge? he asks. €200 she says. Are you any good? he then asks. Well I've two Olympic gold medals
I am a better swimmer than you'd think.
In fact, Michael Phelps and I have 28 Olympic swimming medals combined.
So I heard that they are going to stop handing out medals at the Winter Olympics..
Because they're snow winners.
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve n**...".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my d**... cheeseburger".