The Best 88 Olympic Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Olympic jokes. There are some olympic rio jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these olympic athlete puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Olympic Jokes and Puns

Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal?

He was so proud, he had it bronzed.

Former Olympic skier Pickabo Street donated money to a local hospital...

Former Olympic skier Pickabo Street donated money to a local hospital. In gratitude, the hospital named their emergency ward after her-- it's now the Picabo ICU.

Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

Olympic joke, Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Olympics, the new tower of Babel

The German Olympian

I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
He said "No, I'm German...
and how do you know my name?"

I can't describe how disappointed I am...

...that the Congo weren't in single file in the Olympic Opening Ceremony


why aren't there Olympics in Mexico?

Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the border

Somalis at the Olympics...

The Somalian Olympic Committee issued an official apology earlier in the week, after realising that sailing and shooting are separate events.

Olympic joke, Somalis at the Olympics...

Why does Mexico never get any Olympic medals?

Because any Mexican who can run, jump, or swim is in America already

Olympic Condoms

A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.

"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.

She simply responds,

"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"

What did the Olympic size swimming pool say to the kiddie pool?

I can't be your friend anymore you're just too shallow!

Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?

Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.

You can explore olympic tournament reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean olympic medalist dad jokes. There are also olympic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer?

He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!

How can you tell which Russian olympic spectators are actually KGB agents?

The ones with food.

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.

Why has Mexico never won olympic gold?

All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.

What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated?

Discuss

Olympic joke, What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated?

Olympic Condoms. (NSFW)

A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it.

" - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?"

" - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze."

" - And what color are you going to wear tonight?"

" - Gold, obviously!"

" - Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."

Watching the olympic 100m is like witnessing a crime

You hear a gunshot and a second after you see 8 black guys running away.

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar ?

Weight for it...


What is a Mexican's favorite Olympic event?

Cross country

Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?

Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S

With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village..

The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.

Olympics Ticket

To whoever might interest, a friend of mine bought a ticket for the Olympics football finals, but he didn't realize the date was the same as his upcoming marriage.

If any of you wants to take his place, with everything already paid, the marriage takes place at the Catholic Church and the bride's name is Joanna.

Olympic Results for Sailing are out:

The British have taken the Gold medal.

The French have taken the Silver medal.

The Somalians have taken the boats.

American Ginny Thrasher won gold in the Olympic shooting contest. When asked where she learned her skills

"in school" she replied.

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!

Why isn't suntanning an Olympic sport?

Because the best you can get is bronze.

Who's the fastest runner in the chinese olympic team?

Mr. Do Ping

North Korea athletes...

North Korea athletes, who fail to win gold medals in this year's Olympic Games, will have a chance to win gold medals in the next Paralympic Games.

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

At the Olympics

At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole.

"Are you a pole vaulter?"

"No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

My first time watching the women's Olympic vollyball last night, one minute in there was already a wrist injury.

I'm better today though, no worries.

While watching Olympic kayaking, I was surprised at how bad the Cuban team was at paddling. Then I realized,

That's probably why they're still in Cuba.

How many armed men does it take to extort an Olympic athlete?

A Brazilian.

How bad was the Rio 2016 Olympic?

None of the North Korean athletes defected.

Last time I had sex, it felt like the 100m Olympic final.

There were 8 black men and a gun.

If laziness were an olympic discipline...

... I'd want to finish 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the medals podium...

Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

Because everyone who is good at running, jumping, and swimming have already made it into the U.S.

Trump at the Olympics

Donald Trump is opening the Olympic Games and has to read a speech.

"Oh" he says. "Oh, oh, oh ..."

An aide nudges him, "Mr. Trump, stop," he says. "You're reading the Olympic symbol."

A man walks into a store to buy condoms

He notices that there are Olympic condoms on sale. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!"

Wife: What's so special about them.

Husband: Well, there's a gold one, a silver one and a bronze one.

Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight?

Husband: The gold one of course!

Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change.

2020 Olympic high jump results

Gold - Mexico

Silver - Mexico

Bronze - Mexico

It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones.

Well, they're going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

Why do you never see an African in Olympic swimming?

You need water to swim

"Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived.."

"Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived, I think I'll wear gold."

"Maybe you should wear silver and come second for a change!"

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because very one who can run, jump, climb, or swim is already in the US.

If procrastination were an olympic sport

I'd compete in it later.

Did you hear about the Olympic gymnast that was a convicted felon?

He was always known for some assaults

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because all their good runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals

I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"

"No," she said,

"Eight black men and a gun."

What do you get when you put 8 black men and a Gun together ?

The 100m Olympic Finals, ofcourse.

I met an olympic athlete yesterday...

'Are you a pole vaulter?' I asked.

'No' He replied. 'I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?'

How do you stop the Russians from interfering your country's elections?

Bring in the Olympic drug-testers.

I saw an ad for a prison. Apparently they have the safest gym in the country.

There's an Olympic sports doctor there 24/7.

My favorite winter Olympic sport is women's curling...

Because it's the one time every four years I can yell, sweep harder at a woman, and no one thinks it's because I'm a sexist pig.

At Munich Airport

A young man approaches an Olympic athlete carrying a long pole and asks are you a pole vaulter?

The man clearly annoyed responds no, I'm German, and how did you know my name is Walter?!

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that could run, jump, or swim are in the U.S

Muslim countries would do so well if the Olympic were during ramadan.

Because they really fast

Olympic condoms (nsfw)

A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"

My wife is like an Olympic silver medal skier.

She only goes down once every four years, and never finishes first.

If getting ordinary words confused with types of mushrooms was an Olympic sport...

I'd be world champignon.

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team

Because everyone who can run, jump and swim are already in America.

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games?

All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.

Australian Olympic hurdler sees another athlete at the track carrying a long stick and asks him, 'are you a pole vaulter?'

He replies (in an accent) 'No,
actually I'm from Germany
and how did you know my name was Walter?'

Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist

What do a catholic priest and an olympic silver medalist have in common?

They both came in a little behind

If laziness was an Olympic sport

I would've placed 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the winners' stairs

At the Olympics I saw a man carrying a long sick and I asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

He said "No. I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?"

At the Olympics, a guy walks past a group of spectators, carrying a long pole.

One of the onlookers says to the guy, "Are you a pole vaulter?" The guy responds, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

Did you hear about the Olympic fencer who would only counter-attack?

He knew ripostes were the best way to get Gold.

A horse walks into a bar

.. and just like that my Olympic Equestrian Show Jumping dream was over. Thanks a lot you stupid horse.

I was at the last Olympics

I saw a guy carrying what looked like fibreglass scaffolding

I said to him "are you a Pole Vaulter?"

He said "Nien, I am German, how did you know my name is Walter?"

A husband says to his wife, My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight.

A husband says to his wife, My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight.

The wife replies, Why not wear silver and come second for a change?

Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."

Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible explosion. He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping anus. I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"

Where do Olympic Gymnasts Go to Drink?

Uneven bars.

My date accused me of lying on my Tinder profile, but what I wrote was absolutely true.

I DO have the body of an Olympic athlete. It's buried in the backyard.

Went to the Olympic games today

I met a man carrying a long pole.


I asked him
"are you pole vaulter?"

He replied
"no, I'm German, and how did you know my name was Walter?"

What do Olympic runners eat before running?

Nothing cause they fast

Olympian

An old man goes up to a prostitute. He says how much do you charge? . She says €150 . He replies I've got no money, all I have is these two Olympic gold medals I won in the 60's . She says that'll do , takes the medals and off they go to take care of business. Next evening another old man approaches, how much do you charge? he asks. €200 she says. Are you any good? he then asks. Well I've two Olympic gold medals

Three guys were camping together

And they all had to share a tent, sleeping side by side.

They go to bed, and when they wake up, one of the guys said, I had the weirdest thing happen last night. I had my first wet dream since I was a teenager.

Shocked, another one of the campers spoke up. You know what? I also had a wet dream last night.

The last guy chimes in and says, you guys are lucky. In my dream, I was an Olympic skier.

I am a better swimmer than you'd think.

In fact, Michael Phelps and I have 28 Olympic swimming medals combined.

I went to the Olympics in Tokyo...

... and saw a guy walking around with a big stick.
So I asked: "Are you a pole vaulter?".
He replied: "No I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

(stole this joke from Billy Connolly)

According to state media, one of the Chinese Olympic torchbearers is part Uighur.

I believe they gave him a spleen or a kidney.

My girlfriend and I were shopping today. We saw that Trojan had designed Olympic sponsored Condoms? I told here we had to buy some...

What's so special about them?

They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze.

And what color are you going to wear tonight?

Gold, obviously!

Why not Silver? It'd be great if you could come second for a change.

Russia has an intelligence unit to swap out urine samples of Olympic athletets with clean ones

It is called K G Pee

What Olympic sport will Ukrainians always beat Russian in?

The javelin thrown.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the olympic olympia jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working olympic medal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes