Olympic Jokes

Funniest Olympic Short Jokes

Short olympic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The olympic humour may include short tournament jokes also.

1. The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!
2. What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
3. With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
4. Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics? because they practice at the best schools
5. Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
6. At the Olympics I saw a man carrying a long sick and I asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?" He said "No. I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?"
7. If laziness was an Olympic sport. I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
8. It was announced yesterday that the 2020 summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they're going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.
9. North Korea is participating in the olympics this year, but they won't win. Because all of their athletes that can run jump or swim are in south korea
10. Did you see that gymnast from North Korea in the Olympics? She didn't win gold but her execution was flawless.

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Olympic One Liners

Which olympic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with olympic? I can suggest the ones about athlete and olympic games.

1. Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball? Because africa isn't a country.
2. 2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico
   silver - Mexico
   Bronze - Mexico
3. Why isn't suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can get is bronze.
4. Fastest Bolt at the Olympics? Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?
5. What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated? Discuss
6. The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
7. I would have won the Junior Olympics too... ..if it weren't for you medalling kids.
8. Not trying to brag or anything... But I have never lost in the Olympics.
9. What is a Mexican's favorite Olympic event? Cross country
10. I took part in the sun tanning Olympics. I just got Bronze.
11. Why has Mexico never won olympic gold? All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.
12. Why was Aladdin disqualified from the Rio Olympics? He was on performance-enhancing rug.
13. How many armed men does it take to extort an Olympic athlete? A Brazilian.
14. What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics? Walking
15. Who's the fastest runner in the chinese olympic team? Mr. Do Ping

Olympic Medals Jokes

Here is a list of funny olympic medals jokes and even better olympic medals puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Olympic Results for Sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal.
  The French have taken the Silver medal.
  The Somalians have taken the boats.
• Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population #1. USA: 318.9 million
  #2. China: 1.357 billion
  #3. Japan: 173.3 million
  #4. Australia: 48 as of last census
• I reckon I could have won something at the youth olympics If it wasn't for all those medalling kids
• Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal? He was so proud, he had it bronzed.
• Why does Mexico never get any Olympic medals? Because any Mexican who can run, jump, or swim is in America already
• Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games? Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.
• North Korea athletes... North Korea athletes, who fail to win gold medals in this year's Olympic Games, will have a chance to win gold medals in the next Paralympic Games.
• Did you hear about the blonde that won the gold medal in the Olympics? She was so proud she had it bronzed.
• Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics? Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.
• A Mexican athlete finally got a medal at the Olympics. The police are still searching for him.

Olympic Gold Jokes

Here is a list of funny olympic gold jokes and even better olympic gold puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• After one week of the Olympics, the Romanians have taken gold, silver, bronze lead, copper and anything else they can get their hands on.
• "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived.." "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived, I think I'll wear gold."
  "Maybe you should wear silver and come second for a change!"
• I brought home some Olympic condoms. I told my wife i was going to use the gold one. She said: "Maybe try the silver one, so you can finish second for once!"
  I'm still gold baby!
• A man wins back to back golds in the Olympics for the decathlon. Ashton was Eaton up the competition
• Olympic Sailing results are in! Denmark have taken gold
  Finland have taken silver
  Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise
• I'm participating in the kleptomania Olympics this year. I plan to take home the gold, the silver and the bronze.
• American Ginny Thrasher won gold in the Olympic shooting contest. When asked where she learned her skills "in school" she replied.
• What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics? Gopher gold.
• Did you hear about the Olympic fencer who would only counter-attack? He knew ripostes were the best way to get Gold.
• Getting a job right out of college... ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:
  Hiring recent college grads.
  REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers.

Olympic Swimming Jokes

Here is a list of funny olympic swimming jokes and even better olympic swimming puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because everyone who is good at running, jumping, and swimming have already made it into the U.S.
• Why does mexico never win the olympics? Because everybody there who can run, jump or swim is already in the US
• Why do mexicans never win the Olympics? Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump and swim are in the US.
• Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team? Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.
• Why are there no Mexican teams in the olympics? If a mexican can run, jump or swim, they're in the US.
• A Friend Of Mine Asked Why The Mexican's Never Do Great In The Olympics I looked at him and said, "Well Tommy, you see, all the ones that can run, jump, or swim, are already in America."
• Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team Because everyone who can run, jump and swim are already in America.
• Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics? Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.
• Why does Mexico never win the Olympics? Because everyone there, who knows how to run, jump or swim is already in the US.
  ((Sorry my Mexican friends))
• Why doesn't Mexico ever do well in the Olympics? Because every mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America.

Olympic Sports Jokes

Here is a list of funny olympic sports jokes and even better olympic sports puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• If laziness was an Olympic sport I would've placed 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the winners' stairs
• If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport... I would probably get bronze.
• If laziness was an olympic sport... I'd do my best to come in fourth, so I didn't have to climb onto the podium.
• I saw an ad for a prison. Apparently they have the safest gym in the country. There's an Olympic sports doctor there 24/7.
• My favorite winter Olympic sport is women's curling... Because it's the one time every four years I can yell, sweep harder at a woman, and no one thinks it's because I'm a sexist pig.
• If procrastination were an olympic sport I'd compete in it later.
• If getting ordinary words confused with types of mushrooms was an Olympic sport... I'd be world champignon.
• There should be a female only sport in the Olympics called Conclusions. Women jump to them every day.
• I am a little worried about the future of the sport of Olympic skiing. It's just going downhill.
  Fast.
• What Olympic sport will Ukrainians always beat Russian in? The javelin thrown.

Olympic Games Jokes

Here is a list of funny olympic games jokes and even better olympic games puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games? All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.
• Why did they have to cancel the volleyball games in the special olympics? It wasn't going over too well.
• This years Olympics in Rio is going to be one of the most steady and relaxing Games in history No one will be Russian.
• Why do Canadians do well in the Winter Olympics? Because they always bring their eh Game.
• Work has already begun in preparation for the 2028 Olympic Games in Los Angeles Mostly by ISIS
• Why does Mexico rarely wins medals at the olympic games? All the ones who can run/swim/jump already made it to America.
• With the concerns over water quality at the upcoming Rio Olympic games, I think we should ask, what would Jesus do? Walk on water, he ain't swimming in that filth.
• Why can no one win at the Bangkok Olympics ? Because it's always a THAI game.
• That's so Dope Russia wanted it to represent them in the next Olympic game
• Olympic curling seems like the kind of game... Mr. Miyagi would have invented to trick Daniel into sweeping his floors.

Howlingly Hilarious Olympic Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about olympic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean olympic swimming jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make olympic pranks.