Olympic Gold Jokes
96 olympic gold jokes and hilarious olympic gold puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about olympic gold that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Olympic Gold Short Jokes
Short olympic gold jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The olympic gold humour may include short olympic medals jokes also.
- Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics? because they practice at the best schools
- Did you see that gymnast from North Korea in the Olympics? She didn't win gold but her execution was flawless.
- Olympic Results for sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats. - After one week of the Olympics, the Romanians have taken gold, silver, bronze lead, copper and anything else they can get their hands on.
- Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal? He was so proud, he had it bronzed.
- "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived.." "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived, I think I'll wear gold."
"Maybe you should wear silver and come second for a change!" - North Korea athletes... North Korea athletes, who fail to win gold medals in this year's Olympic Games, will have a chance to win gold medals in the next Paralympic Games.
- Did you hear about the blonde that won the gold medal in the Olympics? She was so proud she had it bronzed.
- Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics? Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.
- I brought home some Olympic condoms. I told my wife i was going to use the gold one. She said: "Maybe try the silver one, so you can finish second for once!"
I'm still gold baby!
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Olympic Gold One Liners
Which olympic gold one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with olympic gold? I can suggest the ones about olympics medals and gold medal.
- Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball? Because africa isn't a country.
- 2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico
silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico - Why has Mexico never won olympic gold? All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.
- What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics? Walking
- What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics? Gopher gold.
- So America won gold for shooting in the Olympics. No suprise there.
- Michael Phelps won his 21st olympic gold medal. You could say he's swimming in them!
- In which Olympic event do coffee beans win gold? The decafalon
- What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
- In what Olympic sport did Israel win a gold medal? Jujitsu
- What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics? Walking.
- Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed. - Someone once told me I would win gold at the Olympics. So I asked:
'Au kidding me' - A Mexican man contended in the Olympics He won a gold medal in the "Jump and run" event.
- Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
Olympic Gold Medal Jokes
Here is a list of funny olympic gold medal jokes and even better olympic gold medal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man wins back to back golds in the Olympics for the decathlon. Ashton was Eaton up the competition
- Getting a job right out of college... ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:
Hiring recent college grads.
REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers. - I could win an Olympic gold medal If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid
- If being a disappointment were an Olympic sport.... I could win the gold, have my father present the medal to me, and it still wouldn't be enough for him to be proud of me.
- How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics? They take their prison population and school population to Rio.
- I heard your mom won a gold medal! I didn't even know they had sumo wrestling at the Olympics!
- Q: Did you hear about the Oregon fan who won a gold medal at the Olympics? A: He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
- How does Usain Bolt feel after being stripped of one of his Olympic Gold Medals? Fast and Furious
- Chuck Norris won the gold, silver and bronze medals at the Olympics.
In the same event. From home. - Why will Islamic State sweep all the winning Gold medals in 2018 Winter Olympics? They will introduce Border Cross as an olympic sport.
Drum Fill!
Fun-Filled Olympic Gold Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about olympic gold you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean olympic athletes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make olympic gold pranks.
A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight." The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?""
Olympic Condoms
A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"
So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.
Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?
My team got silver medal in the s**... Olympics.
We would have got gold but I came first in the o**....
Never date an Olympic Athelete
They're all gold diggers
A man is out shopping and discovers
a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
[Long]Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together
and discussing surgeries they had performed..
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;
I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;
I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics.
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs . Several years ago a man was high on c**... and m**...
and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the Horse's a**....
I was able to put them together and now he's running for President of the U..S.A!"
The first Olympic sailing results are in
England has taken gold, France has taken silver and Somalia has taken the boat.
American Ginny Thrasher won gold in the Olympic shooting contest. When asked where she learned her skills
"in school" she replied.
Olympic Sailing results are in!
denmark have taken gold
Finland have taken silver
Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise
Olympic results are out finally
Sailing results:
GB have taken Gold.
Denmark Silver.
And Somalia has taken a middle aged couple sailing round the World.
What did Puerto Rico say upon winning a gold medal in the olympics?
Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
Did you hear about the Mongolian Olympic wrestler?
He lost the gold medal due to p**... jock elation. (all credit to /u/sasquatchiam, link in comments)
Nadia would be proud
She was impressed by her country's performance last Olympics, as Romania took home Gold, Silver, Bronze, Tin and any other metals they could get their hands on.
Whats better then a gold medal in the special Olympics?
Not being r**....
A man walks into a store to buy condoms
He notices that there are Olympic condoms on sale. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!"
Wife: What's so special about them.
Husband: Well, there's a gold one, a silver one and a bronze one.
Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight?
Husband: The gold one of course!
Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change.
[Politics] Is mental gymnastics an Olympic Sport?
If it is, Sean Spicer could take home the gold, silver and bronze for the US.
3 surgeons discuss who is the best surgeon of them.
Says the one: "I am the best surgeon of Texas! A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I sewed them on and tomorrow he gives a private concert for the queen."
Says the second: "This is nothing! A young man lost both his arms and his legs in an accident. I stitched them back on and two years later he won the gold medal in the olympic games!"
Says the 3rd: "Amateurs! A few years ago a cowboy rode s**... and drunk in front of a train. All that remained were his b**... and the blonde mane of his horse. I did the surgery on him and today he is the president of the United States."
I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...
"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"
Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.
"Gold of course!" I said proudly.
She retorted, "Really?! Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
Why did the olympic gold medalist get a public indecency charge?
Because he went to pee on Chang. ^^this ^^would ^^have ^^been ^^way ^^better ^^if ^^I ^^thought ^^of ^^it ^^two ^^weeks ^^ago...^^
They say that in the Olympic Village, silver medalists get laid more than gold medalists
I guess women there prefer someone who is skilled at finishing 2nd
Olympic condoms (n**...)
A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"
If there was a Olympics for enthusiasm......
I'd probably win gold, unless I was up against that Chinese guy - Gung h**...
Why has Africa never won gold at the olympics?
Because Africa isn't a country.
Geez man, no need to be racist.
What was the s**...-Gang considered after the Olympics?
Gold-Medllists
Three Surgeons meet in a bar...
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
Did you hear about the Olympic fencer who would only counter-attack?
He knew ripostes were the best way to get Gold.
A husband says to his wife, My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight.
A husband says to his wife, My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight.
The wife replies, Why not wear silver and come second for a change?
Bragging Doctors
Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."
Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."
Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible e**.... He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping a**.... I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"
Like most people I've been enjoying the Olympics...
I noticed that the USA have won 3/3 gold medals in shooting so far. It really goes to show that if you put in the work in school, you really can acheive anything.
Olympic sailing competition just finished. France got the gold, South Africa got the silver, and ...
Somalia got the boat.
Being Asian at the Olympics
Child: Wins Bronze
Parent: Could have won silver
Child: Wins Silver
Parent: Could have won gold
Child: Wins Gold
Parent: Could have broken the World Record (WR)
Child: Broke WR
Parent: Could have been a Doctor
Olympian
An old man goes up to a p**.... He says how much do you charge? . She says €150 . He replies I've got no money, all I have is these two Olympic gold medals I won in the 60's . She says that'll do , takes the medals and off they go to take care of business. Next evening another old man approaches, how much do you charge? he asks. €200 she says. Are you any good? he then asks. Well I've two Olympic gold medals
My girlfriend and I were shopping today. We saw that t**... had designed Olympic sponsored Condoms? I told here we had to buy some...
What's so special about them?
They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze.
And what color are you going to wear tonight?
Gold, obviously!
Why not Silver? It'd be great if you could come second for a change.
I'm participating in the kleptomania Olympics this year.
I plan to take home the gold, the silver and the bronze.
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve n**...".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my d**... cheeseburger".