Olds Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

My 5 year olds painful twist on a knock knock joke

I was telling my son the "knock knock who's there banana joke", and he laughed and told me to tell it to him again. As I said knock knock he then backhanded my face and said "you shouldn't stand so close to the door"

They say that every 2 out of 3 people live next to a pedophile

Not me, I live next to 2 smoking hot 10 year olds

My love life is like Santa Claus.

It exists thanks to gullible six year olds

What do you call a fish stuck in a tree?

A fish stick!

My 4 year olds first joke.

They say statistically, 1 out of every 3 of your neighbors are likely to be a pedophile.

Luckily for me, I live next to two gorgeous 12 year olds.

A recent survey asked 12 year olds what they had done over the past week. 83 percent answered...

"your mom".

They say 1 in 12 people live next door to a paedophile

I don't, I live next door to 2 stunning 12 year olds

What's the hardest part about getting twenty one year olds drunk?

Slipping the booze into their baby bottles without the parents noticing

What's the best thing about dating 26 year olds?

Honestly I'm looking for a persuasive answer, I need to tell my wife something convincing or she's going to straight up kill me.

There's a room full of 16 and 18 year olds.

Why aren't there any 17 year olds with them?
Because the 17 year olds are mean.

Pedophiles

2 in 3 people live next to a pedohpile.

I don't.

I live next to 2 smoking hot 8-year olds.

In life, sometimes it's not good to be very specific.

For instance, it's okay to say "I love kids" but it's frowned upon to say "I love 12 year olds."

Why did Michael Jackson like twenty nine year olds?

There's 20 of them

Apparently 1 in 3 households live next door to a pedophile

Not me though, I live next to two smoking hot 7 year olds.

What's the most offensive joke you have heard?

Here is a few I've heard:
What's the best thing about sex with twenty one year olds?
There's twenty of them


How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope

What do you call a black woman who's had 7 abortions?
A crime fighter

Whats the difference between a jew and a dollar?
People would care about losing 6 million dollars

A Sunday School Teacher . . .

A Sunday School Teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "Honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

I launched a book aimed for 9-12 year olds

And I'm proud to say I hit one of them

A joke a Jewish speaker at my Catholic college told the student body in front of a bunch of nuns

So a man walks into confession and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". The priest says "What have you done, my son?"

"I'm 72 and just had sex with two 25 year olds" he claimed.

"Are you kidding?!" the priest said. "You can't do that. 100 Hail Mary's and run around the church 1000 times. By the way is this your first confession?"

"Yes I've never been to confession before. I'm Jewish."

"If you are Jewish why are you telling me this?" begged the priest.

"I'm telling everybody"

Hey my name is Nathan and i'm 12 years old:) I was wondering if there was a dating site for only 12 year olds and under...

I'm not asking for myself!! My uncle was wondering

A doctor overhears two 8 year olds on hospital beds next to each other

The first one leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kids says, "I'm here to get my tonsils removed, I'm a little scared."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about, I did that when I was 4. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice cream, and it's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you in here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

The second kid gasps, "Woah, good luck buddy, I had that done a long time ago..."

"**I couldn't walk for a year"**

Thoughts from 25-35 year olds

~Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.~

~I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.~

~I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.~

~I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.~

~Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...~

One out of every ten people lives next to a pedophile...

...not me, I live next to two beautiful 8 year olds.

What do you call a 50 year old that sleeps with 9 year olds?

A prophet.

What's so good about having sex with twenty one year olds?

There's twenty of them.

They say one in ten people live next door to a paedophile...

Not me.... i live next to two gorgeous 8 year olds.

whats the best part about sleeping with twenty-seven year olds?

There are twenty of them

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

Two 12 year olds are in the hospital...

Two 12 year old boys are in the hospital, both on gurneys waiting to be wheeled into surgery. The first boy says to the other, "What are you here for?"

 

The second boy says, "I'm having my tonsils removed."

 

"Oh, I had my tonsils removed a few years ago. It wasn't that bad, and I got lots of ice cream after."

 

"So what are you here for?", asks the second boy.

 

"I'm getting a circumcision."

 

"Oh geez, good luck. I had mine done when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for 12 months afterwards."

 

Credit goes to my Finance professor, who told this joke as his opening statement for his retirement banquet speech.

Carpet matches the curtains

10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, "My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"

Ben informs him that it is when a lady's pubic hair doesn't match the hair on her head.

Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains.

The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They meet up at lunch on Friday to discuss their discoveries.

Andy says, "It's a scandal: Mrs Adams bleaches her hair blonde, she's actually a brunette."

Ben says, "It's so crazy: Ms Brown dyes her hair red, she's actually a blonde."

Chuck says, "That's nothing: Mrs Carter wears a wig!"

I totally understand why two year olds are always crying

I would cry too if I looked twice as old as I did last year

Two 8 year olds

I was listening to two 8 year olds talking. One said to the other, "I found a condom behind a radiator," then the other said, "What's a radiator?"

Little kid in sunday school

the teacher is asking the 5 year olds questions, and asks one specific question to little Suzie; "And why is it important for us to be quiet when we're listening to the sermon, Suzie?" To which she replied, "because the old people are sleeping."

I went to a 4-year olds birthday party once, it was kinda awkward...

...probably because I wasn't invited...

A man is at the supermarket with his 7 year old son when they walk past the condoms

The boy asks: 'Daddy, what are those?', to which the man replies 'Those are condoms son'. 'What are they for?', asks the boy. His dad replies 'To, ehhm ah eh, protect you from diseases'.
'Why do they sell them in packs of 3, 6 and 12?'.
'Well, the packs of 3 are for 16 year olds. One for friday, one for saturday, and one for sunday.'
'And the packs of 6?'
'Those are for 21 year olds. 2 for friday, 2 for saturday and 2 for sunday.'
'And what are the packs of 12 for?'
'The packs of 12, my son, are for married men like me. One for January, one for February, one for March...'

Met Roy Moore at a bar once...

Chatted him up about wanting to hook up with twenty-nine year olds.

He looked at me with disbelief and asked "how are you going to do all twenty at once?"

According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

What kind of gum do bees chew?

BUMBLEGUM.

Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.

Jokes for 6 year olds?

I am looking for some jokes for kids (6-8) year olds.

For example:

* Two tomatoes are walking across the road when a car drives over one of them. The other turns around and says "Hurry up ketchup!"

* Two raindrops were falling from the sky, busy talking together when one of them looks behind him and says: "I think we are being followed!"

What's the best part about dating 26 year olds?

There's twenty of them.

What's better than 29 year olds?

20 9 year olds ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)

Sorry

What's the best thing about punching twenty one years olds?

There's twenty of them.

Clever 8-year olds

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced...

"The Coopers are having sex!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out...

"How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

Blonde physical education teacher

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'Are you ok?' she asks.

'Yes,' he replies.

'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she says.

'It's best I stay here,' he says.

'Why's that, sweetie?' asks the blonde..

The boy looks at her incredulously and says:

"Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"

Why does tigger smell?

Becuase he hangs around with pooh!

Had to share my 5 year olds joke..

I've heard that 1 in 3 people have a pedophile as a neighbour.

But that can't be right because my neighbours are sexy 5 and 7 year olds.

15 year olds be like

I remember 9/11

What's the best part of having sex with twenty-eight year olds?

There are 20 of them.

What's the best part about sleeping with twenty five year olds?

There's twenty of them.

They say 2 out of 3 people live next to a pedophile..

But not me. I live next to two really hot 9 year olds.

I've started to take the SJW movement seriously and have applied it to my parenting style

It's why I'm ignoring all my 10-month olds privileged white male tears.

The best part about dating twenty five year olds

Is that there's twenty of them.

Why did the Mormon elder get in trouble for dating twenty nine year olds?

I mean, there was twenty of them....

What's worse than killing a 61 year old

Killing 60 one year olds

Studies show that 1/3 neighbors are pedophiles.

Good thing I live next to 2 smoking hot, innocent 11 year olds.

What business are you in?

I'll start

'What business are you in?'

'I'm in the Necrophiliac business.'

'How is it?'

'Fucking dead.'

**************

'What business are you in?'

'I'm in the Parkinson's business.'

'How is it?'

'Bit shaky at the moment.'

A game we played as 13 year olds. Plenty more in the tank

My six year olds joke: What happened when the joke came out of the man's head?

Me: What happened?
Kiddo: He lit on fire and turned into a joke ghost.

What is the best thing about having sex with twenty nine years olds?

There are twenty of them.

My 4 year olds unintentional joke

Dad now don't you make a mistake on the grill or you'll get fired

Two 12-year olds are sitting in a park.

Laying next too each other, relaxing and cousy.
Then all of the sudden in the moment, the boy gets a kiss from the young girl.
His face turns red while backing off.
"What's wrong? Wasn't it good?" Asked the girl.
"No no no! It's just that my mom told me if I ever kiss a girl, she would turn me in a statue. And I feel it's already starting!!"

Two 8 year olds were talking...

one says "I found a prophylactic on the gazebo"

The other says "What's a gazebo"

I Was Teaching Some 4-Year Olds at Church Today...

I asked them,"What do you need to do to get to heaven?"

One of the kids promptly replied,"Die!"

NSFW The best thing about twenty eight year olds is

there's twenty of them.

What's the best part about banging twenty two year olds?

There's twenty of them.

What's the best part about having sex with 39 year olds?

There's 30 of em.

So my Mom was turning 40...

..And Dad started making jokes about taking her down to the used wife lot and trading her in for two Twenty year olds.

Mom's reaction? "You're not wired for 220."

What did 18 Year olds in the Byzantine Empire do for fun?

Nothing they were busy teens.

(My 5 year olds favorite joke) Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was charged and convicted of the mutilation and rape of 8 9 year olds. When the police finally found all the body parts there were 10 extra pieces belonging to 11 different girls.............12

What is the best thing about twenty seven year olds?

There are 20 of them

What's the bet part about having sex with twenty two year olds?

There's twenty of them!

Cabella's sells guns to 18-21 year olds.

Because they're not Dicks.

How do we know Roy Moore is superstitious?

He doesn't hit on 13 year olds.

What do you call a dating app for 5 year olds?

Kinder

I heard Roy Moore was upset that his girlfriend didn't vote for him...

But then he realized that 15 year olds can't vote anyway.

There sure are alot of the_Donald posts on the front page

It sure makes me glad that 14 year olds can't vote.

What's the best part about bangin' twenty six year olds?

You get to meet Jared Fogel.

What's the best thing about twenty three year olds?

There's twenty of them.

What's the best part about twenty four year olds?

There's twenty of them!

What's the best thing about having sex with 55 year olds?

There's 50 of them...

Why does Michael Jackson love twenty seven year olds?

because he gets twenty of them.

What's so good about having making love with twenty eight year olds?

There are twenty of them

Why is having sex with 28 year olds so good?

Because there is 20 of them.

Yo mama so fat

Her shirt size has more x's than a 12
Year olds gamertag

What's the best part of having sex with twenty seven year olds?

There are twenty of them.

2 out of 3 Americans live beside a paedophile

Not me though. I live beside two hot 12 year olds

I won the dirty joke contest at scout camp with this

What's the best thing about twenty-two year olds? There's twenty of them.

It's better said then written.

Saw this in a Textbook today

What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There's 20 of them

What's the best thing about having sex with twenty four year olds?

There's twenty of them

What are the funniest olds jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Olds? Well, here are the best Olds puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Olds pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes