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Oldie Jokes

48 oldie jokes and hilarious oldie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about oldie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these oldie but goodie jokes about pullets, thongs and senile-ness! Ready for a good chuckle? Read on for some classic jokes that are sure to put a smile on your face!

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Popular Oldie Short Jokes

Short oldie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The oldie humour may include short old timer jokes also.

  1. An oldie but a goodie: What do Pink Floyd & Dale Earnhardt Sr. have in common? Their last biggest hit was The Wall
  2. An amnesiac walks into a bar. He saddles up to the hottest woman there and says... ..."so, do I come here often?"
    Oldie but a goodie.
  3. An oldie but goodie. What happened to the Indian who drank too much tea? He drowned in his tea-pee.
  4. Just heard this oldie, but goodie from a friend Two does are walking out of a bar after a long night of drinking, and one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I just blew 30 bucks."
  5. Oldie - -Communist China telegrams Soviet Russia Communist China:
    WE ARE OUT OF FOOD. SEND GRAIN
    Soviet reply:
    WE ARE ALSO OUT OF FOOD. TIGHTEN YOUR BELTS
    Communist China:
    SEND BELTS
  6. Why did the fruit turn into a vegetable? It got AIDS
    Oldie and offensive to some I know. But it made me chuckle.
  7. Another So Oldie It's Moldy joke Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
    Teach a man to fish, and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  8. I heard 1 in 4 men are gay... I really hope it's John, he's cute!
    (An oldie, but a goodie)
  9. Inspired by a recent ELI5: "Why is milk measured in gallons and soda in litres", I present this oldie... Q: What comes in quarts?
    .
    .
    A: Elephants
  10. A husband asks his wife.. Husband : How many men have you slept with babe?
    Wife : Only you, the others managed to keep me awake!
    Golden oldie!

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Oldie One Liners

Which oldie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with oldie? I can suggest the ones about old guy and old dog.

  1. Here's an oldie but a goodie. Your Mom.
  2. An oldie for my first cakeday. Aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
  3. Death by Beyblades Let it R.I.P
    Oldie but a goodie
  4. [Oldie] What do you do when your being chased by a bunch of clowns? ....Go for the Juggler
  5. Why did the Nice Guy need to repair his basement? It was m'oldy
  6. How does Moses prepare his tea? Hebrews it.
    (Oldie, but goodie.)
  7. Your mouth is so big You can eat a banana sideways.
    (Oldie but goodie)
  8. a man walks into a bar he falls to the floor unconscious.
    oldy, but a goody.
  9. An oldie but a goodie Your mom..... In bed.....
    Your mom is old and she's good at s**...

Oldie But Goodie Jokes

Here is a list of funny oldie but goodie jokes and even better oldie but goodie puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Oh no my wife left me because I'm too insecure! How can I go on without her! No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.
    (I know its an oldie but its a goodie.)
Oldie joke, Oh no my wife left me because I'm too insecure! How can I go on without her!

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about oldie can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of oldie puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Playful Oldie Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about oldie you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean old but gold jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make oldie prank.

Oldie but a Goodie

Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."

An oldie but a goodie

A guy walks into a butcher shop and says "I'd like two pounds of kidleys."
The butcher looks at him and says "Don't you mean you want two pounds of *kidneys*?"
The guy is all confused. "I *said* kidleys, d**... I?"

Door to Door salesman - another oldie

A couple was having their morning routine before they head to their jobs when suddenly the doorbell rang. The wife rushed to the door. When she opened it a man with a bucket full of s,,t rushed in and splashed them all over the carpet with a grin. Before the women could react he started his speech:
- My name is Tom and this is the all new (insert random hoover brand here) vacuum cleaners that is guaranteed to clean any type of mess on your floors, carpets or upholstery. If it doesn`t do the job I will eat all of the s,,t!
At that point the women just asked him:
- Mustard or ketchup?
- Excuse me? - he asked with a blank expression on his face.
- Would you like ketchup or mustard with your s,,t, Tom? - asked the woman again somewhat irritated.
- There is no need for that. Just you wait until you've seen the hoover in action. - he replied with a smirk.
- Oh, but there is. We haven't had electricity for a week.

A good, short oldie to end your Monday

A professor is working in his office during his open hours. It's only a week away from the final exam, so he thinks nothing when one his students comes in. That is, until he sees she's in a short skirt, a low cut top, and closes the door behind her.
She quickly takes a seat and leans over the desk, saying, "Professor, I *really* need to pass this class. If I pass this exam, I'll pass the class, so I really need your help. It's very important to me. I mean, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."
She reaches out and touches the professor's hand lightly. The professor raises an eyebrow and glances at the closed door. He clears his t**... and leans in.
"Anything?" he asks.
"Anything," she nods.
He takes in a deep breath and then asks, "Would you . . . study?"

Wild adventures

An old man keeps staring at a dude having streaks of blue, red, pink, yellow colored hair while waiting at a bus stop.
The intrigued dude asks "Hey oldie, haven't you done anything wild when you was young?"
To which the old man "Yea. I did a peacock back then, was wondering if you are my son"

Two guys are watching a dog lick its privates.

o**... chuckles and says, "I wish I could do that." The other guy says, "Pet him, maybe he'll let you."
An oldie, but I always liked it.

Oldie.....Mexico will never win an Olympic medal in swimming or track and field.....

... because every Mexican who can run, jump or swim lives in the United States.

Why do they only serve herbal tea at Communist Party meetings?

Because property is theft.
(i know it's an oldie but I've never seen it here)

an oldie but a goodie

This farmer buys a dog to go duck hunting with. The first day out he shoots a duck and it falls in the lake. To his amazement the dog walks on the water over to the duck, picks it up and brings it back to the farmer.
To test his disbelief he shoots another one. Once again the dog walks over and retrieves the duck.
The next day the farmer takes his friend duck hunting. The farmer shoots one duck and his dog retrieves it in his unique way. His friend says nothing.
So the farmer shoots another duck and the dog retrieves it. Still his friend hasn't said a thing. So the farmer asks "Have you noticed anything unusual about my dog?"
"Yes" answered his friend, "he can't swim can he?"

An oldie my Dad constantly tells me

Two men walk into the the theatre to watch a charlie chaplin film. Guy 1 makes a bet: "I bet Chaplin gets bopped the moment he walks around the corner" and guy 2 accepts.
They watch the film and as predicted, Chaplin get hit on the head so guy 2 has to pay up.
The first guy returns the money saying: "It wasn't a fair bet, I had already watched it ahead of time" but guy 2 tells him to keep it: "I did too, but I didn't expect him to fall for the same trick twice".
Bazinga

An oldie but a goodie (from Coming to America)

A man is at a restaurant and orders a bowl of soup. The waitress brings him the soup. A couple minutes later, he calls the waitress over.
"Ma'am, something is wrong, can you t**... soup?"
"What's wrong, is it too hot?"
"Just taste the soup."
"What? Is it too cold? Too salty?"
"Please just taste the soup"
"Fine! Alright, I'll taste it. Where's the spoon?"
"A ha!"

Since its may the 4th, I decided to watch the classic Star Wars trilogy with my girlfriend.

First time she ever saw Chewbacca, and she thought he was an Ewok... ... ...

Classic wookie mistake.

(Oldie, but never gets olde)

A comment following the video of two different camera views of the guy falling off that drone motorcycle thing reminded me of this oldie but goodie: a guy walks into a bar....

....sits down, orders a beer, and is watching the 5 o'clock news: footage of a guy about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Bartender says I bet you $100 he does it. Guy takes the bet, and not long after has to pay up...
A few minutes later, bartender comes back. I'm sorry man, I can't take your money. I won't lie, I saw this guy on the noon news, I knew he was gonna jump. Customer replies No, no, you won it fair and square. I saw the noon news too, but It looked so rough I never thought he'd do it twice!!

Oldie but goodie

Girl says to her mother I read better than half the other girls in my class Momma is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I can run faster than most of the other girls too momma, is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I have big boobies too momma, and none of the other girls have anything, is that because I'm blonde too momma ? No sweetie that's because you're 24

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women's l**....

But no one would invest in Shatner p**....
(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

Snail joke (oldie but goodie)

A snail walks into a bar, hops up on the bar stool
and orders a Jack & Coke. The bartender says sorry no snails allowed here ....and the bartender kicks out the snail.
2 weeks later the snail finally re-enters the bar again and asks: what the f*c**... did you do that for ?

Oldie but goodie

A man went to the police station and said "Officer, I think my wife might be dead!" the incredulous cop replied, "What do you mean you *think* your wife may be dead?!" The man replied, "Well, the s**... is the same but the dishes are piling up in the sink!"

and oldie but a goodie

back in ancient china, before the populations number a million, a monk lived near his friend, who was on the other side of the river. he wrote a long poem, full of phrases like "the seven winds could not move me" and was very proud of it. he sent it to his friend via dove.
when his friend sent it back, he had written one word in the corner of the scroll "f**..." fuming, the monk stomped over to his friend's dwelling and demanded an explanation. to this his friend simply said "the seven winds could not move you, and yet a single f**... sends you all the way across the river"

Oldie but goodie

During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not even close!" I said, "Yeah, but it was fast though!"
No idea where the original came from but this one gets me every time.

The Bidens went out to a restaurant.

The waiter serving them asked Jill Biden for her order first.
"To start, I'll have the french onion soup. Then the prime rib, medium-rare, with a baked potato, with butter and sour cream."
"Excellent, Doctor. What about the vegetable?"
"Oh, he'll have the same thing."
(Yes, it's an oldie...)

Oldie joke, The Bidens went out to a restaurant.

jokes about oldie

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these oldie jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.