Oldest Child Jokes
9 oldest child jokes and hilarious oldest child puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about oldest child that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Oldest Child Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good oldest child joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Poor daddy
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and brown eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son truly my child?
The wife replied, I swear on everything holy that he is your son. With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered Thank goodness he didn't ask about the other three.
A father and a mother have three children. One day the first child comes up and says...
"Father. Mother. Why is my name Rose?"
And the Father says, "When you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." The child nods and goes away the second oldest then starts wondering about her name so she goes up to her father.
"Father why is my name Raina?"
"Because when you were born a rain drop fell on your head."
Then the third child comes up. "Ruuuuhhhhh hahdiehakidonw"
"SHUT UP, BRICK!!!!!"
A man has three kids.
One day, the oldest daughter asks, Dad, why was I named this way?
The man answers her saying, Rose, when you were born, a rose fell on your head, and your mother named you Rose.
The middle child then asks, Well, what about my name?
When you were a child, Daisy, a daisy fell on your head, and your mother named you Daisy.
Then the third kid comes out of nowhere, asking about his name.
The dad, taken by surprise, says, Oh, hey Brick.
What's in a name?
A woman sits down next to another mother on a park bench as their kids played together on a playground in Keswick, and they got to talking.
The woman was astonished that the other Mom had eleven children, all named Jayden.
Why did you call all your kids Jayden?" she asked her new friend.
"It's a great time-saver, I can just yell JAYDEN, time for bed", and they all will come running".
A perplexed look crossed the face of the first woman But don't you find it a little confusing? What if you only wanted to call one specific child, the second youngest, or the oldest? How do you get just their attention?
Simple… said the mother of eleven …then I just call them by their LAST names
One saturday morning,three boys came down to the kitchen and sits around the breakfast table. Their mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat.
I'II have some f**...' French toast, he says. The mother is outraged at hid crude language. She hits him and sends him to his room.
When she calms down, she asks the middle child what he wants. well, I guess that leaves more f**...' french toast for me, he says. The mom is livid. She smacks hum and sends him away.
Finally, she looks at the youngest son and asks him ehat he wants for breakfast.
I don't know, he says meekly, but I definitely don't want the f**...' french toast!
A husbands last request
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with brown hair and dark eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
Not a traditional joke but something hilarious my brother said as a child.
My oldest brother(Mike) was playing with my older brother.(Ty) My parents come in and break the news that my mother is pregnant with another child. My oldest bro freaks out and says "We can't get rid of this one though! I like him!" I guess he assumed you could only have one child at a time.
You see, at the time, we lived in a super r**... country area with almost no ethnicity except white so the only African-American people Mike had seen were on Sesame Street, and he assumed that having a baby was just going to a store and picking a new one out. He then became overjoyed and changed his approach. Why? He blurts out "Could we get a black baby? I've always wanted one!" My parents are the whitest parents you know.
My favorite kids joke
One Sunday afternoon Rain Drop, the oldest child, grows curious and asks her mother:
"mother, why did you name me Rain Drop?"
"February 22, it was a winter night when I had you, me and your father took you out of the hospital as soon as you were born. It was raining outside and the first thing that touched your forehead was a clear cold rain drop, so we names you after that."
Rain Drop excited tells his brother and sister. Her sister, Snow Flake, asks her father:
"Father, why did you name me Snow Flake?"
"It was December 21, and you were just born that morning. Your mother and I took you outside from the warm hospital to the cold winter weather. As we let you see the sky a tender snow flake falls and vanishes in your pink lips. And that's why we named you Snow Flake"
Then bowling ball asks the mom
"Wysfodletlkqsquipeso!?"
French Toast
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some f**...' French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f**...' French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don't know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don't want the f**...' French toast."
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