Oldest Brother Jokes
9 oldest brother jokes and hilarious oldest brother puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about oldest brother that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Oldest Brother Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good oldest brother joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
My father used to do this to me...
- Dad: "You ask too many questions. Just like your older brother used to."
- Me: "But... I'm the oldest."
- Dad: "Now."
A Sunday School Teacher . . .
A Sunday School Teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "Honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
A little Native American boy...
...went to his father to ask how little Native American babies get their name.
"Son, when your oldest brother was born we looked out the teepee and we saw two fighting bears, so we named him Fighting Bear"
"When your other brother was born we looked out and saw a running deer, so we named him Running Deer"
"Why do you ask p**... Dog?"
I introduced my new girlfriend to my family last night...
"This is my dad Roger," I said, "And this is my twin brother Dave."
"Nice to meet you," she smiled. "Who's the oldest?"
I said, "My dad."
Three brothers eating soup
A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later the second boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later, the oldest boy comes in and the mom says 'Let me guess, you were taking a pee and a beebee came out?' He says 'No, I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'
A king is picking the music to be played at his party
A king is throwing an extravagant party, and wants the perfect music to go along, but he can't decide who to have perform. So, he asks his most highly esteemed servant for advice.
"I am looking for a new unique style of music to be played at the party," says the king.
"Well, how about Johann Bach?" suggests the servant.
"He's great and everything," says the king, "But I want something new and unique"
The servant says, "Well what about oldest son, William Bach? He has mastered the art of classical music"
At this point the King is getting irritated. "No, no, no. I want something fresh and new and refreshing to hear. We've all heard of classical music"
"I know just the person you're looking for!" says the servant. "His youngest son David Bach has a style unlike that of his brothers and father. How does that sound?"
The king, furious at his servants similar suggestions, screams, "What's wrong with you? Can't you think outside the Bachs?!"
Not a traditional joke but something hilarious my brother said as a child.
My oldest brother(Mike) was playing with my older brother.(Ty) My parents come in and break the news that my mother is pregnant with another child. My oldest bro freaks out and says "We can't get rid of this one though! I like him!" I guess he assumed you could only have one child at a time.
You see, at the time, we lived in a super r**... country area with almost no ethnicity except white so the only African-American people Mike had seen were on Sesame Street, and he assumed that having a baby was just going to a store and picking a new one out. He then became overjoyed and changed his approach. Why? He blurts out "Could we get a black baby? I've always wanted one!" My parents are the whitest parents you know.
My favorite kids joke
One Sunday afternoon Rain Drop, the oldest child, grows curious and asks her mother:
"mother, why did you name me Rain Drop?"
"February 22, it was a winter night when I had you, me and your father took you out of the hospital as soon as you were born. It was raining outside and the first thing that touched your forehead was a clear cold rain drop, so we names you after that."
Rain Drop excited tells his brother and sister. Her sister, Snow Flake, asks her father:
"Father, why did you name me Snow Flake?"
"It was December 21, and you were just born that morning. Your mother and I took you outside from the warm hospital to the cold winter weather. As we let you see the sky a tender snow flake falls and vanishes in your pink lips. And that's why we named you Snow Flake"
Then bowling ball asks the mom
"Wysfodletlkqsquipeso!?"
The grace of the hunt
Two brothers, who are hunters, get invited to a very famous Hunting club by their father. Once there, they mingle with the members and have an awesome time. Tons of drinking, lots of stories about big game hunting. As the night was nearing it's end, the young men's father asks them if they would be interested in speaking to the club's oldest member, and they, of course, jump at the opportunity. Their father points them to a very frail looking elderly man sitting in a recliner. The young men introduce them selves, tell the old man some of their stories, and all three of them clearly enjoy each other's company. Just as the young brother's were about to leave, the old man starts to tell them his greatest story.
" I was hunting alone in the African wilderness. I found myself with no food, water or shelter. As the day was coming to an end, i barely managed to gather enough wood for a fire. I start to doze off with my rifle in hand, when i hear a rustling sound behind me. I jump to my feet and, just as i turn around, a 600 pound, male lion jumps out at me and lets out a great big ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! And, i just crapped my pants"
The young hunters look at one another. Finally, one of them says " I mean, sir. Given the circumstances anyone would have done so".
"NO!" the old man replies, "Not then, just now when i said ROOOOOOAAARRRR!!!"
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