Older Persons Jokes

12 older persons jokes and hilarious older persons puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about older persons that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Older Persons Short Jokes

Short older persons jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The older persons humour may include short older people jokes also.

  1. I heard that when the Pillsbury dough boy got older... He turned into a really crumby person.
  2. You know why doctors often prescribe illutation to older persons ? So they get a foretaste of the earth.
  3. We all have that older person in our life who is really bad at using Twitter and is slightly racist some of the time... It's the current US president
  4. Why did the chicken cross the road? Me: Why?
    Him: To get to the s**... persons house.
    Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
    Him: Knock knock.
    Me: Who's there?
    Him: It's the chicken!
  5. When I get older, I hope my children won't call me (Ile 95) Person: Why?
    Me: Because I will become a c**... scene.

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Older Persons One Liners

Which older persons one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with older persons? I can suggest the ones about old people and elderly people.

  1. What does a Japanese person say when their older brother crashes their car? Oh, Nissan!

Older Persons Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about older persons you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old folks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make older persons pranks.

THE BATHTUB TEST: During a visit to my doctors I asked him . . .

"How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well" he said, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a tea cup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub"
"Oh, I understand" I said "Because a normal person would use the bucket as it's bigger then the spoon or the teacup"
"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or the door?"

A question for your doctor

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

An old widow decides to place a personal ad...

An old widow decides to place a personal ad. It reads, "Older woman seeking a man who won't beat me, won't run out on me, and who is still good in bed." The next day her doorbell rings. She answers it, and to her suprise there is a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. The man says "I'm here about the ad." The old lady says, "But you have no arms." The man replies, "Therefore I cannot beat you." The old lady says,"But you dont have any legs." The man replies, " So I can't run out on you." The old lady says "Well, are you still good in bed?" The old man smiles and replies, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

Charley is a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart,
just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly"policies.

One day the boss called him into the office fora talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-upjob when you finally get here; but your being late so often
is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.

Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
I know you're retired from the US NAVY. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?"

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.

He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,

"They usually saluted and said,
'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"

So, Alex had two parrots named Bob and Jim.

Alex was an older gentlemen, retired and fairly religious with lots of time on his hands. He figured it'd be fun to pass his time teaching the parrots to pray the rosary.
Alex went to his church, got a two small sets of rosary beads, gave them to Bob and Jim and got to work. After months of patience and no small amount of personal spiritual meditation, Bob and Jim could work the beads and recite all the prayers of the rosary.
Now, Alex wasn't *that* religious, which is why the first place he took Bob and Jim was the bar to show his friends, but sure enough one thing lead to another, and soon Alex found himself going from church to church across the country introducing folks to his praying parrots.
Alex was having the time of his life! He was so pleased with his adventures that he decided to teach more birds to pray. He went shopping, and found the most beautiful, brightly colored female parrot he'd ever seen. No sooner did he bring the new parrot in the door did he hear Bob say "Hey Jim! Throw out them d**...' beads! We finally got what we was prayin' for!"