Older People Jokes

42 older people jokes and hilarious older people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about older people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Older People Short Jokes

Short older people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The older people humour may include short older persons jokes also.

  1. As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself... maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
  2. As I get older I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
  3. As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way... Maybe being a tour guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
  4. As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice
  5. As i get older, i remember all the people i lost along the way Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice
  6. As I get older I think about all the people I've lost along the way Maybe being a tour guide wasn't for me
  7. The older I get, the more I regret all the people I've lost over the years. Maybe being a trail guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
  8. If I had a dollar for every time older people complained about millennials... ...I could fix the economy they broke.
  9. As I get older, I sometimes stop and think about all of the people I've lost along the way Maybe my job as a tour guide wasn't such a good idea after all
  10. As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I begin to think to myself.. Maybe a career as a tour guide really wasn't for me.

Share These Older People Jokes With Friends

Older People One Liners

Which older people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with older people? I can suggest the ones about old people and old folks.

  1. Few people knew about Albert Einstein's older brother Frank He was a total monster.
  2. Why are older people grumpy? I'd be heated too that many times around the sun.
  3. Minecraft is 10 years old Older than half the people that play the game

Older People Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about older people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elderly people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make older people pranks.

A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant.

He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, “Oh, no.
We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.”
The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied,
“Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.

Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”

In the town I have met one older woman, she told me: "

if you give me ten euros, I will pray for your black soul."
I gave her the ten euros, became suspicious, didn't believe her and told her: "ok, but pray for me right now, not in the evening."
The woman has begun: "guardian angel, please, take care of my soul, forgive me all my sins and give me everything I need in my life."
I have asked her only: "for my money?"

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.

Then it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals.


Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my house so it must be one of them. It's either my mum, my dad, my older brother Steve or my younger brother Lao Huan. My money's on Steve.

It is Fred's first day in prison.

After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room.
Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Well," the older inmate says, "Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number."
Fred says, "I love to tell jokes! Give me one."
"Okay," says the older inmate. "Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh"
Fred stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, "72!" There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.
Fred sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number.
"What happened?" he asks.
The older man shrugs and says, "Some people just can't tell a joke."

Older people have told that my generation is all lazy and irresponsible...

...but at least we don't broad generalizations.

Four older men are bragging about their sons

The first says, "My son is a bishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Excellency".
The second says, "My son is an archbishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Grace".
The third says, "My son is a cardinal, and when he enters the room people say, Your Eminence".
"My son is 7 feet tall, and 500 pounds," says the fourth man.
"And when he enter the room, people say, 'My God!'"
...told by my parish priest.

People are giving Hillary too much flak for fainting

I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.

Some older generations are opposed to Chinese people immigrating to our country.

It's racist but some people will never chang.

You know those Chairlifts on stairs for older people?

Apparently they're made with nana-technology. (Thank my father for that one)

I was arguing with friends over what school weighed the most.

One friend said high schools because the kids are older and weigh more.
Another said definitely colleges, not only do the students weigh more than high school students, there's so many more people.
I said you're both wrong, it's definitely Catholic schools, they have more mass.

Older people are easier to make laugh. Young people are like Google passwords. . .

It needs to be have a special character, a capital letter , a number and you can't use the same as last time.

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.

And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, h**...-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Statistically, older people are the most common carriers of AIDS...

Hearing Aids, Walking Aids, Seeing Aids...

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

Perhaps I shouldn't have pursued a career as a tour guide...

People grow different feelings as they get older.

For example, at age 3 peeing on people is funny. At age 42 peeing on people is arousing.

OG Rolling Stones Joke

I was on another forum, the comments section of a political site. Somebody was talking about how the Rolling Stones still got it despite having gotten a lot older. So people were making up humorous OG-version Stones song titles, like "Limping Jack Flash" and "Gimme Fiber."
And then somebody said it:
>!"Hey! You! Get Offa My Lawn!"!<

The Mitsubishi ASX is like any 60s/70s/80s celebrity.

It's old, attracts older people, has received many plastic surgeries, and just won't die already.

Two older Jewish men walked by a Catholic Church with a sign in front that said Convert today and get $100

The first man turned to the second and said $100?!? I'm going in! and walked into the church, leaving his friend to wait for him outside. When the first man came back out, the second asked, OK, so now you're Catholic but did you at least get the $100? . The first man gave him a look and said It's always about the money with you people.

True story, my younger son called my older son "s**..."...

wife: "We don't call people the 's-word' in this house!"
me: "Yes. Don't call people s**...'. That's r€tarded."
wife: \*stink eye\*
son: \*helpless giggles despite determination not to laugh at anything Dad says\*

As I have gotten older and started thinking about all the people I have lost on the way I'm starting to think.....

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't the best career

I heard 2 older married couples talking when one of the men told the other he went to a great restaurant.

When he was asked what it was called he looked puzzled and said "what's that flower, the one people always give?"
"A rose?"
"Yes! Rose, that's it" he then looks at the woman beside him "hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?"

My older brother told me gay meant happy

I still don't understand the weird expressions people gave me when I told them, my brother makes me gay.

Noah and the snakes

According to the Bible, Noah built an ark and brought a pair of each animals on board to survive a flood. When the ark ran aground Noah told the animals to go forth and multiply.
The snakes told Noah We can't multiply, we're adders.
Noah gathered some driftwood tree trunks and built a platform for the snakes. Even adders can multiply when given a log table.
You might have to be older than me to understand this. People on reddit who are older than me are rare, but they exist.

My father made this joke and now that I'm older I appreciate it more:

Driving by cemeteries he'd ask how many dead people do you think are in there?
I'd guess: maybe a hundred or whatever
He'd say: *All* of them

jokes about older people