JokoJokes

Older Brother Jokes

78 older brother jokes and hilarious older brother puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about older brother that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Older Brother Short Jokes

Short older brother jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The older brother humour may include short elder brother jokes also.

  1. I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be joe."
  2. I am 24 seconds older than my twin brother... ... whenever I come out of the toilet I start a sentence with "When I was your age...." then proceed telling him the details of my majestic creation.
  3. My father used to do this to me... - Dad: "You ask too many questions. Just like your older brother used to."
    - Me: "But... I'm the oldest."
    - Dad: "Now."
  4. My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why. I had to draw my own conclusions.
  5. All the comic books I inherited from my older brother had their last pages missing. I had to draw my own conclusions.
  6. When I was younger, I had a horrible condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day. I'm lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
  7. I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother All my genes are hand-me-downs
    *Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness
  8. When I was a child I had a condition where I had to eat mud three times a day in order to survive... It's lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
  9. Me: Hits rock bottom "welp, it cant get any worse" Rock bottoms older brother: Is this the guy that hit you
    Me: oh no
  10. All the comic books I got from my older brother had the last page missing. I had to draw my own conclusions.

Share These Older Brother Jokes With Friends




Older Brother One Liners

Which older brother one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with older brother? I can suggest the ones about younger brother and older sister.

  1. My parents named me after my older brother. And before my younger brother.
  2. I was named after my older brother. And before my younger brother.
  3. Few people knew about Albert Einstein's older brother Frank He was a total monster.
  4. I was named after my older brother. I was also named before my younger brother.
  5. What does a Japanese person say when their older brother crashes their car? Oh, Nissan!
  6. What's the name of Hodor's racist older brother? Hardar.
  7. My older bisexual brother was gonna to collage so I said to him Bye bi brother
  8. My older brother said 6/3 is 3. That was odd.
  9. What does a Texan son call his father? Older Brother.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about older brother can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of older brother puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Older Brother Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about older brother you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean little brother jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make older brother prank.

A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm.

The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It- it's- IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!"

A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm.

The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It- it's- IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!"

A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm.

The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It- it's- IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!"

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter’s office.
There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
“Oh, come on, quit joking,” snickered one.
“You didn’t really do that, did you?”
“You would never get through basic training,” scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
“Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?”

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.


They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.


At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.

6 shots of whiskey

A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of whiskey
Bartender say " whoa 6 shots? What's the problem" man says " I just found out my older brother is gay"
Next night the Same man walks into the bar again , and orders six shots of whiskey. Bartnender say " what's the matter now". Man says, " just found out my younger brother is gay".
So the next night the man walks into the bar again and orders up 6 shots of whiskey. Bartender says "Geeze man does ANYBODY in your family like women?"
Man then replies "yea, my wife does"

The two troublemakers

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12

Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"

Two little boys, ages 6 and 8, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 6 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?!
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

Two brothers enlisting in the Army

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were
getting their physicals. During the inspection,
the doctor was surprised to discover that
both of them possessed incredibly long,
oversized p**....
"How do you account for this?" he asked the
brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated
p**...?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have
pen*ses!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only
had one arm, and when it came to getting us
out of the bathtub, she had to manage as
best she could.

Chinese

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my house so it must be one of them. It's either my mum, my dad, my older brother Steve or my younger brother Lao Huan. My money's on Steve.

A boy does not know English...

After moving to America a boy does not know much English or know any at all. So one day he asks his older brother "What do I say when someone speaks English to me?" and his brother replies "Always say yes." The kid goes to his first day of school...
"What are you doing?"
"Yes."
"How are you doing?"
"Yes."
At the end of the day he walked home and decided to take a shortcut home. He goes down an alley and meets a gangster.
"Do you wanna get beat up?"
"Yes."
The boy comes crying home with many bruises to his brother and says "Look what happened when I said yes to a gangster!" The brother replied "Always say no." So when the time comes to walk home, the boy goes down the same alley to the same gangster.
"Have you had enough?'
"No."

a man walks into a bar

he sits down and orders 3 double vodkas, the bartender asks 'rough day ha?'. to this the man replies 'yea. i just found out my older brother is gay'. the bartender smiles sympathetically and services him his drinks.
the next day the same man walks into the same bar and orders the same drinks the bartender asks 'what happened this time' the man replies 'my younger brother just came out of the closet'. the bartender gives the same smile and gives the man his drinks.
the next day the same man walks into the same bar before he can say anything the bartender asks 'christ man doesn't anyone in your family like women?' the man replies 'yes my wife'.

Two misbehaving boys are taken to the priest...

The priest asks to see them one at a time, so the youngest one goes first. In the room the priest asks him, "Why are you here?"
The boy responds, "My mom caught me stealing her phone from her purse and said she has had enough of me."
The priest then said, "Alright. One more question. Where is God?"
The boy didn't respond so he asked again, "Where is God?"
The boy was starting to get nervous. When the boy stayed silent, the priest said a bit more stirnly, "I want you to answer this question. Where is God?"
At this point, the boy shot up from his seat and ran out the room. 1 hour later, his older brother found him shaking, hidding inside a closet. He asked him what was wrong.
The boy looked at him with wide eyes and said, "God is missing. And they think we stole him!"

Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.

They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, Are these for you?
The older brother says, They aren't for me, they're for my brother.
Very confused the pharmacist asks, But, why does your brother need them? , and the older brother says, Well, the lady on the TV said if you use these you can swim and ride a bicycle and he can't do either of those things.

Army Brats Funny Joke

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized p**.... "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated p**...?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have p**...!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

First Date

Years back, before electronic car door locks, there were two brothers, Andy and Oby. Andy was 4 years older than 16 year old Oby. Oby had never been on a date and wanted to take out a girl he had met. So...he asked Andy for advice. "I want to take this girl out for a walk and I just don't know what to do or say" Andy told him "It's easy. Just compliment her and everything will fall into place". "What do you mean" asked Oby. Andy told him to compliment her on her hair "your hair is like silk", her teeth "your teeth are like pearls", her eyes "your eyes are like sapphires", etc.
So Oby take her for a walk, and comes home with a black eye. Andy asked him what happened. Oby says: "Well, I tried to compliment her on her hair, but she didn't have much, and not many teeth either. Her eyes were one blue and one brown like some dogs, and I didn't know what to say about that, so...I said for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much!"

Sandwich making

Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.
The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato." He yells up to his older brother and says, "I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!"

What do you call a r**... v**...?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers.

When I was a kid my older brother dared me to take a bite of a Monopoly board.

It was a little gamey.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter...

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight." the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for our brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He cant do either one."

Having a Daughter

Daughter: "Dad, when will I be old enough to go to the movies with a boy?"
Dad: "When you're a year older than your brother."
The daughter thought for a moment and replied: "But I'll never be older than my brother, he was born first."
Dad: "I guess there's your answer. But don't blame me, go talk to your brother."

Years later, Kevin McCallister murdered his older brother at a family Christmas party.

It was a total buzzkill.

A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of v**....

The bartender says, "Six shots? What's wrong?"
"I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.
The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of v**.... "What now?" asked the bartender.
"I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.
The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of v**.... "Geez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender.
The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."

A young boy asked his mother,

"Mom, when was the last time you and dad make a love?"
Mom answered,
"I don't know honey, how old is your older brother?"

He's My Brother!

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?

Eight, the boy replied.

The man continued, Do you know what these are used for?

The boy replied, Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes," the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of that!"

When I was a little girl, I had a unique medical condition that required me to eat play-doh three times a day to survive.

I was very lucky that my older brother informed me about it and made sure I did it, or I might not be here today.

Le'veon Bell is a famous football player,

However his fame fails in comparison to his older brother, Taco.

As a child, I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day in order to survive.

I was lucky my older brother told me about it, really.

I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster

It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!

My older brother annoyed me, so I gave him condoms with holes in them.

My sister got pregnant.

Two brothers enlisting in the Army

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were undergoing their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to see that both of the men possessed extraordinarily long p**....
How do you account for this? he asked the brothers.
It's hereditary, sir, replied the older brother.
I see, said the doctor, writing in his file. Your father's the reason for your elongated p**...?
No, sir, our mother.
Your mother? said the doctor. Don't be so ridiculous! Women don't have p**...!
I know, sir, replied the recruit, but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.

When I was a child I had a rare condition that meant I had to eat dirt 3 times a day to be healthy

Lucky my older brother told me about it really

A mother notices her toddler typing on the keyboard

She tells her older child, Hey look at your little brother type on the keyboard just like daddy!
Her daughter replies, No mommy, he types like you. Daddy uses one hand.

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.

And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, h**...-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

I remember the first time I got high. It was with my older brother in the back of his van.

And you know it was good stuff, too, because I don't have an older brother

My older brother once told me you could use Final Fantasy VII to solve your math problems...

Turns out it *was* pretty great at Cloud Computing.

Me: *slapping my older brother in the face* Haha stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself.

Mom: *crying* This is why you wanted an open casket?

Little Timmy went into his grandparent's bedroom.

He found his grandpa and grandma half-n**..., fooling around in bed.
He asked his grandpa what they are doing.
Grandpa said: "Your grandma is my wild card"
Little Timmy left the room confused, so he entered his parent's bedroom and found mommy and daddy half-n**..., fooling around in bed.
He asked his father what they are doing.
Dad said: "Your mom is my wild card"
Little Timmy became even more confused, so he entered his older brother's bedroom and found him playing cards.
Little Timmy asked his older brother: "Who is your wild card?"
The brother replied: "You don't need a wild card, if you have a good hand!"

A boy is about to go on his first date, is worried about keeping the conversation flowing, and asks his older brother's advice

His older brother tells him to remember the 3 F's: Family, Food, and Filosophy; and to start ask questions about them.
On their date, there is a lull in the conversation and the boy decides to heed his brother's advice. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
"No," the girl replies.
"Ah, well, do you like asparagus?"
"No," she replies again.
Losing composure, the boy asks, "Well, if you had a brother, would he like asparagus?"

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day

They picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

Two brothers are in their room at night formulating a plan.

"I think we're old enough to start cussing," the older brother says. "Tomorrow morning, I'm going to say h**...' and you're going to say a**...', ok?" His younger brother agrees to the plan.
The boys go downstairs in the morning and their mom asks them what they would like for breakfast.
"Aw h**... Mom, can't I just have some cheerios?" the older brother asks. His mother slaps him across the face and sends him to his room.
She turns to her younger son and asks him what he'd like for breakfast.
"I don't know," he says. "But you can bet your sweet a**... it won't be cheerios."

Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"

I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born.

His name was Legofirst.

An older woman is doing the dishes, when her husband walks up behind her and slaps her rear end.

If you could firm this up, you wouldn't need a girdle! He says.
She turns around and grabs is c**...
If you could firm this up, I wouldn't need your brother!

Two brothers

Two brothers, ages 8 and 5, wake up one morning, and the older of the two says, "Today we're going to start cursing. I'll say d**... and you say a**...." The younger brother agrees.
Soon, their mother calls them down for breakfast. She asks the older brother what he would like to eat. He replies "I want some d**... Cheerios." His mother is horrified, slaps him across the face and sends him to his room.
She turns to her younger son and asks, "Well, what do you want for breakfast?" He replies, "I'm not sure, but you can bet your a**... it won't be Cheerios!"

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.
The younger boy began praying at the top of his voice. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE!"
the older brother leaned over and nudged his younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
"No, but Grandma is!" the little brother replied

My older brother told me gay meant happy

I still don't understand the weird expressions people gave me when I told them, my brother makes me gay.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these older brother jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.