Old West Jokes
31 old west jokes and hilarious old west puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about old west that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Old West Short Jokes
Short old west jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The old west humour may include short wild west jokes also.
- Most gun duels in the old west could have been prevented. If only the city planners had made towns big enough for everyone.
- A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
- Lost my job as an Old West saloon piano player when a mysterious stranger walked in the door and I just kept playing
- In the old West, a lantern was often mounted on a horse for night time travel.... It was thought to be the first generation of 'Saddle-Light-Navigation'.
- Did you hear about the infamous bank robbers in the old wild west? One of them married the other one's sister. They were both outlaws and in-laws.
- A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''
- An outlaw walks into a saloon in the old wild West, wearing a candy bar for a hat. Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty." - Star Wars X-Wing pilot "my navigation and targeting drone keeps making bad puns about the old west.. I guess I shouldn't have gone with an RD-R2"
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Old West One Liners
Which old west one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with old west? I can suggest the ones about old cowboy and country western.
- Why are there no hand paintings from the old west? Because they could only draw guns.
Cheeky Old West Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about old west you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean east west jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make old west pranks.
A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
Tribal Wisdom
So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A preacher rides into a town in the old west...
As he's riding into town, his horse keeps stumbling around the street. The reins are finally grabbed by the Sheriff, who says, "This stallion okay?"
The preacher says, "Yes. We passed through a patch of p**... and he ate some. But that aside, I come to tell you of God's good word, to help you worthless, sinful heathens to-"
The Sheriff shakes his head, struggling to hold the animal still, and says "Now before you go preaching to us, why don't you get off your high horse."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Short History Lesson
The old missionaries who arrived in the West Indies were the cannibals first taste of Christianity
I'm getting one of the first covid shots
I got choosen to receive one of the first covid vaccines shots. Since I'm 78yo old Vietnam veteran. I said, "Can I get it in my left arm". They said sure. I said Well good, it got blown off in Vietnam in 68, can you bring me back my West Point ring while your over there.
Edit for grammar.
An old man's dream
"I dream to be the president of USA just like my school friend." an old man said.
"Who is your friend , Biden or Trump ?"
"Neither. His name is Kanye West"
"But he is not the president of USA"
"Correct, he dreams to become the president."
I had a dream the other night
I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.
The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the other door and jumps onto the other horse.
Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?"
He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
Old joke from East Germany.
Three guys work at a factory:
1st guy comes 5 minutes too late for work. Gets arrested for sabotage.
2nd guy comes 5 minutes too early for work. Gets arrested for espionage.
3rd guy comes to work on time. Gets arrested for possessing a West-Uhr. (a watch from the west)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the definition of a v**... in West Virginia
A 16 year old girl who can still outrun her brothers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you find a v**... in West Virginia?
Find a girl who can still run faster than her 12 year-old brother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a 16 year old girl say in West Virginia?
Get off me daddy, you're crushing my smokes
Keanu Reeves Joke
Keanu: No, I don't think I've seen that before.
Me: Of course you have man: it's the show where David Carradine plays a Shaolin monk in the Old West.
Keanu: Woah. I guess I do know Kung Fu.
It was a typical night at a saloon in the Old West
The ranchers and townsmen were inside, drinking beer and having a good time. Some played poker, others watched the dancing girls, and music from the piano played in the background.
Suddenly, the saloon doors burst open and slammed against the walls. Everyone was startled, and the entire saloon got deathly quiet as everyone looked at the entrance.
In came a dog, walking on its hind legs, and its left front leg was in a sling.
The dog eyed the place over and said, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!"
The Stasi tells Honecker there's a West German spy in his Central Committee.
So Honecker takes his favourite Stasi man along to the next meeting. The concierge (an old red) sees Honecker and the Stasi agent go in and, just one minute later, the Stasi man exiting , with a Central Committee member hand-cuffed to him.
"Comrade, I'm so impressed with your speed and efficiency. How did you discover this enemy agent so quickly?" asked the concierge
"It's simple , Comrade. Our dear Comrade Honecker began his speech and I remembered our Lenin's dictum: 'The Class Enemy never sleeps!' "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Cowboy and a Native American
A Cowboy and a Native American walk into a saloon in the old west, the bartender looks at the Native American and says "We don't serve your kind here."
The Cowboy turns to the Native and says "I'll order our food, just go outside and run the back and forth up the road to keep yourself warm."
The Native American obliges. The Cowboy orders and is sitting there waiting for their food and having a drink when a man walks in and says "Whose horses are those outside?"
The cowboy replies "They're mine"
The man says "Well you left your i**... running."
Can you help out my friend?
A friend of mine has two tickets for the England v. Sweden football match this Saturday. He has already paid £800 for flights and accommodation. However, he was devastated the other day when he realised it clashes with his wedding and he won't be able to attend after all.
Would anyone be interested in taking his place? It all gets underway in West London at 3pm on Saturday July 7th. The bride's name is Lucy, 30 years old, weighs about 60kg. She is financially independent and an excellent cook, and her other interests include tennis and classical music.
In the Old West
In the Old West, a man robbed a bank in El Paso and rode south. The sheriff quickly formed a posse and they captured him in a small cantina near the Mexican border, but he didn't have the money. The sheriff decided to interrogate him, but the robber only spoke Spanish, so they got the bartender to translate.
Sheriff, through translator: "Where's the money?"
Bank robber, through translator: I'll never tell you."
The sheriff puts his revolver to the bank robber's head. Now, tell me where the money is!
Bank robber (in Spanish): I hid it under the bridge south of town!
Translator: He says he's not afraid to die."
Back in the pioneer days...
A couple traveling west saw an old Native American man with his ear pressed to the ground, unmoving. As they approached, the man's eyes slowly opened and he said:
"Large wagon train. Fifty wagons. Lead cart has team of five horses. Half wagons covered, half not. Cart in middle have chip in wheel. Last wagon have team of three. One brown, one black, one tan. Tan horse have cropped tail."
The pioneers, shocked, said, "That's amazing! You can hear all that just by putting your ear to the ground?"
The old brave replied, "No. Ran over me half hour ago..."
An old joke from East Germany
A German worker gets a job in Siberia. Aware of how all mail will be read by censors, he tells his friends: "Let's establish a code: if a letter you will get from me is written in ordinary blue ink, it is true; if it is written in red ink, it is false."
After a month, his friends get the first letter, written in blue ink: "Everything is wonderful here: stores are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, movie theaters show films from the West, there are many beautiful girls ready for an affair—the only thing unavailable is *red ink*."
The brown paper cowboy
A bounty hunter wandered into an old Texan town, looking for the latest wanted posters. Not finding any, he made his way to the local sheriff's office. ''So, who needs bringing in around here?" he asked the sheriff.
''Well, there's only one godawful fugitive around here, the baddest guy in the west. They call him the brown paper cowboy.''
'Why do they call him that?'' asks the bounty hunter.
''Because he wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper jacket, and brown paper boots.''
''Weird'' says the bounty hunter. ''What's he wanted for?"
''Rustlin','' says the sheriff.
A few old ladies...
Three old ladies are driving down a highway somewhere out west. There is then this police officer waiting for any trouble he spots as traffic goes by. When the three ladies drive by, they are going phenomenally slow so the police officer turns on his lights and sirens and pulls their car over. As he gets to the window, he sees the two old ladies in the back are as white as a ghost as if something scared them.
"Ma'am," asks the officer,"mind telling me why you are driving under the speed limit?"
Confused, she says,"But the speed limit says 20."
The officer looks and sees the 27 and laughs. "Ma'am, that is the route number, not the speed limit." He then looks at the two ladies again and asks,"What's wrong with them?"
The old lady replied,"Oh, we just got off at route 120."
