Old Man Birthday Jokes
27 old man birthday jokes and hilarious old man birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about old man birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Hilarious Fun Old Man Birthday Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What is a good old man birthday joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.
The father bought his son a stout, but he didn't like it and didn't want to drink it.
The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.
He didn't like it either. So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider.
Lager, cider, cream ale... he didn't like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whiskey instead.
He didn't like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.
By the time they left the bar. The father was so drunk he could barely push his son's stroller home.
It was the 117th birthday of the oldest man in the country, so a reporter went to interview him.
The old man looked really young, like a 60 year old. The reporter, surprised, asked him:
- Whoah, what's your secret to live so long and look so young?
- It's really easy sir, I never argue with idiots.
- Haha! That can't be the reason.
- Alright, alright, that's not the reason.
For his birthday, an old man's nephews secretly hire a call girl for him.
When he answers the door she's standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, I'm here to give you super s**....
After thinking for a minute the old man replies, I guess I'll have the soup.
A Jewish man is turning 40 years old...
So his mother decides to send him 2 neckties. On his birthday, she calls him.
"Happy Birthday, son!" "Thanks, mom." Replies the man.
"Did you get the ties I sent you?" Asks his mother. "Yes," says the man, "in fact I'm wearing one right now." "So what's wrong with the other one?"
An old man is celebrating his 90th birthday
And his friends pooled their money together and hired a p**... to go to his house.
The p**... knocks on the old man's door and says, "Happy birthday! I'm here to give you super s**...!"
The old man says, "I'll take the soup."
"I'm 29 years old today..."
"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.
Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...
"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.
"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."
"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."
(based on a true story)
A man has his 98th birthday
A man has his 98th birthday. They wheel in a giant cake, and a s**... 21-year-old blonde jumps out.
She whispers to him "I can give you some super s**...."
So the old man replies, "Well then, I'll have the soup."
So it's an old man's 99th birthday...
...and his caretakers decide to hire a p**... for him. So they find one who's into old guys and set it all up. She bursts into the old man's room, all s**... up and looking great. She walks up to him and seductively says: "Tonight, I'm going to give you some SUPER s**...."
The old man looks at her and says, feebly: "... I'll take the soup!"
My 5 year old made up a joke that I can't stop laughing at.
This joke came from my 5 year old, we have been saying knock knock jokes back and forth and he tells me his jokes that don't make sense. Today he told me this one and I don't think he realizes how funny it is. Here it is in his original wording.
*Knock knock*
Who's there?
Nobody. The man didn't answer because he is dead because he had too many birthdays.
It's a man's 80th birthday
His buddies decide to hire him a call girl as a gift. The wheel him into a hotel room and on the bed is a gorgeous blonde. His buddies leave the room and she says "I'm here to give you super s**...!". The old man looks at her and says "I'll take the soup".
Can't go wrong with soup
For his birthday, an old man's nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she's standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, I'm here to give you super s**....
After thinking for a minute the old man replies, I guess I'll have the soup.
An old man is sitting alone on his birthday in a retirement home when he hears a knock at the door
He opens it to find a beautiful woman, immodestly dressed, smiling at him. She says, "I hear it's your birthday. Your friends here have hired me to give you super s**...."
"I'm sure you're very good at what you do, miss," the man says. "But at my age, I'll take the soup."
Choices
A man in a nursing facility turned 80. At his party, a large cake was wheeled in, and an e**... popped out of the cake and said, "Hey birthday boy, would you like to have some super s**...?" And the old man replied, "I guess it depends on what kind of soup."
Soup or s**...?
For his birthday, an old man's nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she's standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, I'm here to give you super s**....
After thinking for a minute the old man replies, I guess I'll have the soup.
There's an old man who lives next door to me.
He wanted to get his grandson a gift for his birthday, but he couldn't remember the name.
He called me and asked me about the name of that toy that "always comes back to you".
Long story short, the boomer rang.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age
The 90th birthday
An elderly man is celebrating his 90th birthday down at the nursing home and all his friends decide to surprise him by getting him a present. So they wheel in this massive cake and out pops a beautiful young women who looks at the old man and says:
"Hi, I can give you some super s**...!"
So the old man says "Well uuuh... I guess I'll take the soup"
It's old man Jenkin's 94th birthday at the old folks home
He asked a member of staff "young woman, how old are you?"
The woman replied "why, I'm 24"
Old man Jenkins says "do you know how many times 94 can go into 24?"
The woman says "I have no idea"
Jenkins whispers in her ear "meet me after scrabble practice and we can find out"
It's a Jewish man's 95th birthday
His friends decided last minute they would get him a stripper. The only person available was about 70 years old.
At his party, the stripper, tassels at her knees, was giving the old man a lap dance when she said,
"Ooh baby. I'm gonna give you some supa s**... tonight!" To which he replied,
"I'll have the soup"
An old man wants to get life insurance
The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'
Two old guys are drinking
Two elderly men are out drinking one evening. They've been friends since childhood and they are both approaching their 80th birthdays. As they sit at the bar and reminisce about their lives one of the men glances across the bar and sees another couple of buddies who are also up in years out drinking as well. The man elbows his friend and says "Hey, you see those two old geezers over there drinking on the other side of the bar? That's gonna be us in 10 years." His buddy looks at him dumbfounded and says "That's a mirror d**...!"
What did the old man get for his birthday?
Cancer.
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Old Man Birthday One Liners
Which old man birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with old man birthday? I can suggest the ones about getting old birthday and old man.
- How old was the cave man on his birthday? Stone Age
- What did the old man get for his birthday? Cancer.