Old Maid Jokes
14 old maid jokes and hilarious old maid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about old maid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Old Maid Short Jokes
Short old maid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The old maid humour may include short old woman jokes also.
- my 5 year old daughter got me with this one! How do you keep the ocean clean!?
With a mer-maid! - The Bat family were playing a game of "old maid" with a poker deck... Needless to say it was a never ending game. Everyone wanted the joker.
- Fat Lady vs Old Maid What is the difference?
One is trying to diet, the other is dying to try it! - 7 year old daughter was looking at mom's driving licence and saw s**...:F and started laughing She then said you must. be so bad at s**... to get an F no wonder dad's with the maid all the time
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Old Maid Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about old maid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old mama jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make old maid pranks.
A 7 year old girl
A 7 year old girl was looking at her mother's driving license card. It was written " s**...: F", she then started laughing until the mother asked why she was laughing. The girl said " I can't believe you are so bad at s**... that you got an F. Now i understand why daddy is always with the maid.
The Trap
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.
One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.
"Absolutely not!", said her son.
Old Man Jack married an old maid
Life had been hard on old Ethel. But they were truly in love, and their families agreed it was best for them to live out their final days in joy.
On their wedding night, Jack lay on the bed and watched his new bride undress.
She took out her glass eye and placed it in a velvet case.
Next, she removed her false teeth and put them in a glass of water.
Taking off her wig, she placed it on a small bust on the dresser.
She removed her prosthetic leg, and stood it beside the chair.
Jack finally spoke: "When you get to the part I'm waiting for, just toss it over."
A trap set by wife for husband and the maid
one evening she suddenly sent the maid home for weekend & didn't tell the husband. that night when they went to bed **husband** gave same old story "*excuse me my dear, my stomach& went to bathroom.* the wife promptly went into maid's bed & switched off the lights. when in he came silently he wasted no time on words but quickly started having s**... when he finished
the **wife** switched on the light & said : **u didn't expect me in this bed, did u?**
**"no madam said the watchman"!!**
I went to a dinner and when I came back my friend asked me how it was.
"It would have been great if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, the fish as fresh as the maid, and the maid as willing as the Hostess!
Italian guy on a bus
Sitting on a bus in New York, a prim old lady was shocked to overhear an Italian say to another, "Emma come-a first. I come-a next. Two a**...-a come-a together. I come-a again. Two a**...-a come-a together again. I come-a once more. p**... twice. Then I come-a for the last time."
When the Italian was finished, the red faced old maid turned to a policeman sitting nearby and said, "Are you not going to arrest that terrible old man?"
"What for?" asked the policeman. "For spelling Mississippi?"
The whole town is in trouble!! A joke, old yet good..
A boy called up his mom from hospital, Mom, I took tests and they declared that I have AIDS.
Mom, What? Don't come back home son, go away.
Boy Why mom, I'm your son.
Mom, You foolish boy! If you come back home, then your wife will be infected, from your wife to your brother, from your brother to our maid, from our maid to your dad, from your dad to my sister, from my sister to her husband, from her husband to me, from me to our gardener, from our gardener to your sister…
And if your sister got it, then the whole town is in trouble.
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her...
and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn't tell the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, & went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her...
When he finished & was still panting, the wife said: You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you? And then she switched on the light...
No madam, said the gardener…
In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a v**.... She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a v**..., lived as a v**..., died as a v**...." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."
In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a v**.... She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a v**..., lived as a v**..., died as a v**...." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."