Old Guy Jokes
118 old guy jokes and hilarious old guy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about old guy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Old Guy Short Jokes
Short old guy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The old guy humour may include short old man jokes also.
- My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
- I gave a homeless guy $5 today I gave this homeless guy $5 and an old lady behind me told me he's just going to use it for drugs, so I confronted him and asked where I could also get drugs for $5
- Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
- You guys wanna hear a construction joke? ..... hold on I'm working on it.
(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew) - Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier. He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.
- Went to the hardware store today... I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants.
Old man says "nope, it'll kill em" - A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
- Did you hear about the guy who spent six months making a belt out of watches? He said it was a waist of time.
(as told to me last night by my 10 year old). - I went to a party dressed as an egg and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
It was the chicken. - I started dating a guy, but then I found out he lost all of his toes in a freak work accident Unfortunately, I'm lack toes intolerant.
(This joke inspired by an 8 year old)
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Old Guy One Liners
Which old guy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with old guy? I can suggest the ones about old people and old couple.
- Alright guys, the Suez Canal jokes are getting a bit old now. That ship has sailed.
- Did you hear about the guy who traded his car for an old cellphone? Now he's got Nokia
- What's up? Some movie about an old guy and balloons.
- I'm 20 years old and I still haven't had my period yet... I love being a guy
- A guy bought himself a new boomerang... ... but he couldn't get rid of the old one.
- Did you here about the old guy who gave toddlers dynamite? He was a Baby Boomer!
- What do you call a guy who's 19 years old forever? Constantine
- Asked an old guy at the bar: "what's the best beer here?" He said: "the third one"
- How do you know if an old guy fought in Vietnam? Don't worry, he'll tell you.
- I was catching up with an old friend. When I thought, "This guy is faster than he looks."
- Did you guys hear about the old TV series "The Year"? It only had four seasons.
- A guy was trying to sell me some old Egyptian monuments It was a pyramid scheme
- What did the hairy guy say to the skinny 11 year-old? ##Yer a wizard, Harry.
- Robin Williams. That guy will never get old.
- Old romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank? You shoot the guy pushing it.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Old Guy Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about old guy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old folks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make old guy pranks.
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WALKS INTO A BAR... MERMAID s**...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
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Two old guys are working at a sewage treatment plant
o**... goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
"What are you doing?!" he yells
"My coat fell in" his buddy yells back
"You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!"
"No, no. Gosh no, I'm not going to wear it. I have to get it back though, My teeth are in the pocket!"
(Just a silly joke my granddad told me yesterday. Didnt see it when I searched the sub so figured yall might enjoy)
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What do you call a creepy old guy who hangs out at malls, and has s**... with under age teens?
In Alabama, your Honor, but soon it will be "Senator".
Overheard this one from some old guys getting changed at my local gym.
"So I go to the pharmacy and ask the guy if they have any Viagara. The guy there says yes, so I ask if they work and he replies 'you bet'. So next I ask "can I get it over the counter" to which he replies 'if you take two' "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Two old guys are sitting in a park and talking
The first guy says: "You know, I went to a brothel the other day"
"Oh yeah? And what happened?"
"I banged for two hours!"
"Two hours?! At your age?!"
"Yeah, and those w**... still wouldn't let me in"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Three old guys are sitting on a bench in the park
One says, "Windy today."
Another says, "You idiot, it's Thursday."
The third guy says, "Me too, let's go get a beer."
Four old guys go golfing...
And they start bragging about their sons.
The first says "My son is a lawyer, and he is doing so well, he just gave his friend a new car!"
The second says "My son is a doctor, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new boat!"
The third guy says "My son is an executive, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new house!"
The fourth guy says "Well, my son is a stripper at a gay club, but he must be doing pretty well because he just got a new car, a new boat, and a new house..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A man walks into a bar...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
How to get rich
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
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An old guy was sitting eating at a local truck stop...
when three big, burly bikers walked in. The first stubbed his cigarette out in the old guy's pie, the second walked past and spat in his coffee, and the last flipped the guy's plate over, tipping the rest of his meal everywhere.
The old guy didn't say a word. He just got up and slowly walked out of the truck stop.
"Huh" snorted the first biker. "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
"Nope" replied their server. "He's not much of a truck driver either. He just backed up and crushed 3 motorcycles with his rig."
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A 70 year old guy goes to see his doctor
He tells the doctor he got himself a 22 year old sugar baby and is having s**... 3 times a week.
The doctor asks if he has any aching joints or pain, and the guy tells him no.
The doctor then asks if he thinks he has an STD, or has had any itching, and the guy says no, and goes on to say how happy he is.
The doctor finally says, "If everything with you is fine, then why are you telling me about having so much s**...?"
The guy says, "Telling you? I'm telling everybody!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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So this old guy is lying face down in the sand on a n**... beach.
A hot blonde comes along and starts rhythmically smacking his buttocks like drums.
Then the g**... flips around, grins toothlessly at her and says, Why don't you play the flute instead of the bongos?
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An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up.
How do you get down from an elephant??
YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!
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What's the best part of having s**... with a t**...?
Reaching around and imaging you are poking through
Old guy at work told me that hahaha
I found a poor old guy unconscious by the side of a road
At least I think he was poor because I only found 3$ on him
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Two old guys are sitting at a table in the nursing home, when a totally n**... old lady with a walker streaks slowly past them
o**... says to the other, " I can't see so well anymore. What was that?"
The other guy says, "I'm not sure, but it definitely needed ironing."
I pushed a random old guy's Life Alert to see what would happen.
He got so angry, he had a heart attack.
Good thing the ambulance was already on it's way.
Two old guys in a supermarket wandering about, looking lost...
One says to the other "Lost the other half?"
"Yup" he replies.
"Me too. Let's join forces to find them. What does yours look like?"
"She's 25, six foot blonde, 36 double-D, long boots and a short skirt".
"Good. We'll look for yours first".
Advice
A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year old patients with a very beautiful, well-built young lady on his arm.
He was looking the happiest he had ever seen him.
When the old guy noticed the doctor he went up to him and said, "Well Doc. I took your advice and look at me."
Puzzled, the doctor asked what the advice was.
"You told me to get a hot Mama and be very cheerful," he replied.
"Oh no. I told you that you had got a heart murmur and to be very careful."
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Old man says to old woman, I bet you can't guess how old I am.
She responds, I bet I can. Unzip your pants
The guy is shocked but plays along. The woman sticks her hand in his pants and feels him up for a few minutes before saying, You're 83!
The old guy is astonished and says, I am 83! How did you know?
The old lady says, You told me yesterday.
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A game warden sees an old man going out fishing alone and asks if he can go along.
The old man relents and rows out to the middle of the lake. Then he opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and drops it into the lake. After it goes off the boat is surrounded with dead fish and the old guy starts scooping up the bodies. The warden is incensed and says 'That's i**... and a thousand dollar fine when we get to shore!' So the old guy pulls out another stick of dynamite, lights it and hands it to the warden saying..
'You want to just talk all day or are you going to start fishing?'
A woman noticed an old guy had his zipper down.
She pointed it out to him and he said "did ya see that tall soldier in there standing at full attention?"
She said, "No, but I saw an old veteran sitting on two duffle bags."
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Did you hear about that old guy down the street? Apparently he likes his women how he likes his wine.
12 years old and in his basement
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My wife and I were walking in Rome. The was a lone old guy at the other side of the street. My wife said, He looks like the Pope in civilian clothes. Go and ask!
So I crossed the road and asked the old man if he was indeed the Pope.
He said, F**k off.
I went back to my wife who eagerly asked, Well? Tell me, is he the Pope?
I said, He told me to f**k off.
Oh no, said my wife, Now we'll never know.
I met a old guy, he's been married 60 years. I asked how did you do it ...
He answered, on my honeymoon I took my wife to France, I go back next week to pick her up.
As a 39 old guy, I felt proud for coming up with this joke. (My 8-yr old ugggghhhhh'ed at it)
Q: Why did fifteen (15) started running away?
A: Coz he heard "thirteen fa(u)rtin.."
^(PS: You have to say it) *^(just)* ^(right)
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What's common between an old guy and a painting?
It only takes one bad s**... to kill them.
Two elderly couples get together to play bridge every week.
The ladies are in the kitchen making snacks and the old guys are talking. One says to the other "we went to see a movie last week and it was excellent but I can't remember the name of it. I thinks it's uhhh... what's the name of the flower with the red petals and the thorns?" His friend answers "a rose?"
"That's it! HEY ROSE! what was the name of that movie we saw last week?"
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Alzheimers..
This old guy and old lady are sitting in a nursing home when the guy turns to the woman and says "I bet you can't guess how old I am". The lady says "I'll bet I can, unzip your pants", so he does, she sticks her hand in, feels around, pulls her hand out and says "you're 83". The guy says "WOW! That's amazing! How'd you do that!?" the woman replies "you ask me the same question every day, Frank".
Honeymoon Sandwich
I work in customer service and yesterday an old guy called just to share a joke with me and make me smile.
What's a honeymoon sandwich?
Lettuce alone with no dressing!
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You would think that I would eventually learn
That not everyone is grateful when you try to help them. I was driving the other day and saw an old guy trying to cross the road. I pulled over, turned on my blinkers and went to assist the fellow. This guy turned around, and came after me, and tried to bite me. Snapping turtles are a h**... of a lot faster when they are mad.
*True story from a couple years ago*
Three old guys are out walking...
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly.
Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly, fearing it was a sign of Alzheimer's disease I asked him what he was holding in his hand. He snapped back "Of course I know it's a spoon, but who is that old guy in the reflection? "
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I made up a dance about an old guy and a kid going on an adventure and asked everyone to name the movie it's based on.
Someone just guessed it. The j**... is Up.
The Greatest Old Guy Joke of all Time
There was an old guy who took suppositories as a medication. One time he went to a resaurant with his wife, she said,"What is a suppository doing in your ear." The old man says,"Oh! now I know where my hearing aids are!"
My impression of 2 old nearly deaf guys at the park sitting on a bench together.
Old guy 1. Boy, it sure is windy.
Old guy 2. No it's not! It's Thursday!
Old guy 1. Yeah me too. Lets go get a beer.
I just don't understand why these 16 year old guys can't show up for work on time...
Based on my other experiences with them I assumed they'd always come early.
Three old guys are sitting around in the park.....
discussing whose memory goes back the farthest. Says Larry, I remember being taken to the church, all dressed up in this scratchy white stuff, and having people standing around and someone splashing water on me.
Aww, that's nothing, says Irv. I can remember this nice, dark room, and then being squeezed something terrible, and coming out into this big bright room and being spanked—it was awful.
I got you two beat by a mile, says Fred. I remember going to a picnic with my father and coming back with my mother.
Made in China
Two old guys sitting in a park, says the one:
"Look, i got a new hearing aid, very cheap becaus it's made in China"
The other says:
"Amazing, how much did you pay?"
"Yesterday...",
65 year old guy i work with came at me with this one the other day
What does a 80 year old women taste like?
Depends..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Two older couple…
Two older couple in their 80's rented a room at a fancy hotel on the 59th floor. They got into an argument and the woman threaten to jump out the window. The old guy call down to the front office and asked to speak with the manager. He said " look hmm me and my wife just got into a big fight and now she's threatening to jump out the window." The manager replied "I am so sorry to hear that, but normally we don't get involve in domestic situations." The old man replied "look a**... I don't need your help ok I just want you to send the maintenance guy up here to open the d**... window already."
I took my girlfriend to see a movie about an old guy flying his house around on balloons.
It was an up-date.
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There was this lady in a retirement home. In her day she was very attractive and had men falling all over her. One day she felt particularly r**..., and decided to get a man...
She stripped down n**..., did her make up and hair and walked around the retirement home.
She saw 2 old guys sitting on a bench, and walked by repeating Super s**..., Super s**..., Super s**....
After she left the one old guy said to the other, "I'd rather have the Soup"
Four guys in a BMW found a parking place.
But as they approached some old guy took it. They all left the car, planning to beat that guy. Then he says:
'That's unfair. There are four of you and I'm alone and I'm old. '
'Well, OK. Two of us will join you.'
That's three agains two now.
You're right... Go home grandpa, we'll handle this without you.
Desperately trying to recall this joke
Many eons ago Billy Crystal told a joke on Letterman involving an old Jewish guy arguing with a younger guy. They go back and forth until finally the young guy says something that proves the old guy's point and the old guy says, "Ah-haaah!" in a Yiddish voice.
Anybody remember that joke? It's been driving me nuts for years.
An old guy walks into a biker bar...
... And sits down next to the leader of the gang.
"Your mom is pretty hot, you know?".
The biker chief sips his beer, sighs...
"Just go home, dad.".
Lucky
An old guy, Sam isn't feeling too good so he goes to the doctor. After the exam, the doctor comes back and says, Unfortunately, Sam, I have bad news and worse news.
Oh dear , says Sam. Well, give me the worse news first.
Well , says the doc, you only have about 6 hours to live.
Oh no! , says Sam. This is awful!
I know. , says the doctor. I'm sorry. And you also have advanced Alzheimer's.
Well , says Sam. At least I'm not gonna die!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A couple of old guys sat at the bar...
Ernest pops up with a comment "George, when I was 20 years old and I had a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands!"
They sit in silence a few minutes, punctuated by the occasional sip.
Ernest says "When I was 35, I could bend it with one hand."
A few minutes later, he says "Now I can bend it with one finger!"
Another few sips and he says "George, how much stronger do you think I'm gonna get?"
Just experienced my first mugging
After living in D.C. for over a year, I just experienced my first mugging.
Got $80 off the old guy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A Man Was Walking A Tightrope....
Good joke from *House of Leaves*
There was this twenty five year old guy walking a tightrope across a deep river gorge while half way around the world another twenty five year old guy was getting a b**... from a seventy year old woman, but get this, at the same moment both men were thinking the exact same thought. You know what it was?
Don't look down.
A teenage boy and his grandfather were fishing one day.
While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The boy acknowledges this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around today. The teen says, "Gramps, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with too many kids when you were young did they?" The grandfather replies, "Nope." The teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for birth control?" The old guy replies, "A wedding ring."
I had the worst deal today
I didnt get any candy from the old guy. I don't rember the rest.
I made the best on the spot Dad joke today
I was talking with a customer today, and she was telling me that she was on her way to work. She said she was a live in residential manager or something, but basically she takes care of an old guy. She was telling me she works third shift hours, so she gets paid to sleep.
That's when I told her she's literally got her dream job. *ba dun tss*
I heard this one from a crotchety old guy at Dunks yesterday
What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?
Bernadette!
Two old guys sitting on a park bench...
Beautiful day, sitting there quietly when suddenly...
"It's nice out."
Other guy looks over...
"Yeah well, better put it away before we're arrested."
There's a competitive gaming team called the Silver Snipers, consisting of old guys between 62-81 years old. So, are they any good?
Depends.
Two old guys are sitting on a porch
1st guy: It's nice out eh?
2nd guy: Is it? I think I'll take mine out then
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What do you call an empty cheese w**... jar?
Cheese Was!
some old guy came up to me on the street and told me this one.
What does a fish say when he hits concrete?
Dam!
A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.
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I helped an old guy cross the road today
I carried his walking frame. Talk about ungrateful.
A musician dies and goes to heaven
there he sees an old guy with long white hair and a beard swinging his arms and gesticulating like crazy.
"Who's that?" he asks.
"Oh, him" Saint Peter sighs "That's God. He's turned crazy. Megalomanical! He thinks he's Herbert von Karajan!"
I asked the flight attendant, "What is the dirtiest thing on the plane?"
She said the old guy in 22C.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A 80 year old guy is having s**... with a young girl
He suddenly starts shaking, the girl asks what's happening, he said well, it's either they're coming or i'm going
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What did the tiger say to the other tiger?
Who's that old guy narrating us f**king?
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2 old men and an old dog are sitting on a porch
The dog is going to town cleaning his t**.... One old guy looks at the other and says, "I'd give just about anything to be able to do that." The other old guy looks at him with a very worried look on his face and replies, "that dog will BITE you."
So an old guy is walking in the woods
He hears a voice "Hey mister!". He looks down and there's a frog on the ground. "Hey mister" says the frog "kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you all night long!" The old guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket and walks on. The frog says "Hey mister, maybe you didn't understand me. I said I'm a beautiful princess, kiss me and I'll make love to you all night long." The old man shrugs, says "Eh, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog." and walks on.
A guys in a bar turns to another
A rancher walks into a bar and sits next to a rugged old guy with a hat.
He says "I just had the hardest day rounding up my cattle".
The rugged guy responds "oh yeah ? I'm a rancher too. I got a couple hundred acres down by the creek".
The rancher brags "Not bad, not bad, but I can get in my truck in the morning, start driving, and I won't reach the end of my ranch until the next day.
The rugged guy looks at him with pity and says "I feel you, i used to have a truck like that too".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A young guy gets paired with an elderly stranger for a round of golf
A young guy gets paired with an elderly stranger for a round of golf. They're on the fifth green, the old guy is lining up a putt, when they notice a f**... procession passing by the course.
The man backs away from the putt, removes his cap, bows his head for a quick prayer, crosses himself, and then returns to his putt.
After the hole, the young guy says "I'm impressed with your show of respect for the deceased."
Old guy says "Well, we were married for 42 years... Least I could do."
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Two old Jews, sitting on a park bench ...
The one old guys says, "Simon, you just won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"
Simon replies, "Well, I was thinking of going back to the old country and putting up a big statue in the town square."
"That sounds nice. A statue of whom?"
"I'm going to put up a big statue of Adolph h**...."
"WHAT?? Are you meshuggeneh!!?? He killed 6 million Jews!! Why on Earth would you put up a statue of h**...???"
"Oh, I owe everything to h**...! Look ... [rolls up his sleeve] ... he gave me the winning numbers!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old guys are sitting around talking.
One subject leads to another, when the subject of pain comes up.
First guy says "you ever zipped your f**... into your jeans? That's pain.."
Second guy, "that's not pain, you ever had the t**... and went to jump on the toilet in a hurry and trapped one of your nuts between your leg and the toilet seat??"
Third guy says "That's nothing, you ever been out in the woods hunting, went to go squat behind a tree to do some business, and accidentally dropped your nuts on to a bear trap?"
First two fellas cringe, interrupt, and start agreeing that's probably the most painful thing they've heard.
Third guy, "that's not pain... Pain is when you run out of chain."
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Two old guys are drinking
Two elderly men are out drinking one evening. They've been friends since childhood and they are both approaching their 80th birthdays. As they sit at the bar and reminisce about their lives one of the men glances across the bar and sees another couple of buddies who are also up in years out drinking as well. The man elbows his friend and says "Hey, you see those two old geezers over there drinking on the other side of the bar? That's gonna be us in 10 years." His buddy looks at him dumbfounded and says "That's a mirror d**...!"
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An old man walks into a bar...
...and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a tennis ball.
"I have to ask, sir," says the bartender. "Without sounding rude, what happened to your head?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
So... this young guy is walking through a park,
So... this young guy is walking through a park, when he comes across an old guy sitting on a park bench, crying. The young guy says "Sir, sir, I see you're crying, what's wrong?"
The old guy says "I was sitting here a week ago when this young, beautiful woman came up to me, we started talking and we really liked each other." The young guy says "That's terrific, that's fantastic, what's wrong?"
The old guy says "We started kissing and we couldn't keep our hands off each other." The young guy says "That's terrific, that's fantastic, what's wrong?" The old guy says "She came back to my place, moved in with me, and now all she wants to do is make love to me 24 hours a day."
The young guy says "That's terrific, that's fantastic, what's wrong?" The old guy says "I can't remember where I live."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two people meet in a nursing home.
A 95 year old man meets a 90 year old lady in a nursing home. They start talking and eventually become close friends. They realize that s**... for them probably isn't going to be possible so he asks her if she'll at least stick her hand in his pants and hold it.
So for a few months she'll stick her hand in his pants and hold it for him. They're both happy.
Then one day, she can't find him and she gets a little worried thinking maybe something happened to the old guy. She wanders outside and sees him on a park bench with another woman, and that woman has her hand in his pants! She approaches them and angrily tells him she thought they had something special and asks what the other woman has that she doesn't.
He answers, Parkinson's.
An act of Kindness....
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.
They, as expected, gladly accepted the offer, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop."And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you.
But, one thing puzzled me.
"Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
A routine call to an elderly patient..
A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients.
He asks, And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?
Mr. Johnson replies, I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!
The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.
The doctor tells her, Mrs. Johnson, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on…
Mrs. Johnson yells, STEVEN! Daddy's peeing in the refrigerator again!
