Old Girlfriend Jokes
133 old girlfriend jokes and hilarious old girlfriend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about old girlfriend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Old Girlfriend Short Jokes
Short old girlfriend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The old girlfriend humour may include short ex girlfriend jokes also.
- My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
- My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday. I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.
- How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.
(Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.) - I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?
- "How old is your girlfriend?" "She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!"
"Yeah, actually it's yours" - My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I have the body of 20 year old Her opinion changed when I opened the freezer
- Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to children... Old girlfriends seem to get offended.
- What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush
I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day. - My girlfriend is turning 32 years old...I've told her not to get her hopes up. After all..we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."
"thirty-second birthday." - So my girlfriend wants to roleplay as a 14 year old... I told her "why bother? You'll be 14 in a few years anyway"
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Old Girlfriend One Liners
Which old girlfriend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with old girlfriend? I can suggest the ones about young girlfriend and ex boyfriend.
- On a scale of 1 to 10 How old is your girlfriend?
- I ran into my old girlfriend at the airport, boy she has a lot of baggage.
- I like my girlfriends the same as I like my scotch... 14 years old and on coke
- My girlfriend said that I was too old-fashioned. So I beheaded her.
- I like my girlfriends how I like my wine... 10 years old and locked in a cellar
- My girlfriend is 13 years old but I'm not worried... I'm not superstitious.
- How do you get over an old girlfriend? Get under a new one
- My girlfriend has the body of a 12 year old Which is amazing for a 7 year old!
- I like my girlfriends like I like my scotch Twelve years old and mixed up with coke
- My girlfriend called me a pervert... but what does she know, she's only 13 years old.
- What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends? Old Bay.
- What do my mother and my 13 year old girlfriend have in common I came out of both of them
- I like my girlfriends like my Whiskey! 12 Years old and full with coke.
- What kind of drink you need when you miss your old girlfriend? Ex on the beach
- What did the blue crab call his ex girlfriend? Old Bay
Uproarious Old Girlfriend Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about old girlfriend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ex wife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make old girlfriend pranks.
My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have s**....
I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
A 17 year old male walks into a drug store.
He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean"
Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I'll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky."
Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn't say a word. After a while his girlfriend says: "if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn't have invited you." the young man replies "if you had told me your dad works at a drug store, I wouldn't have come."
Weekend
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, No, I'd like to see something more special.
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000″ the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, We'll take it.
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good,
so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon, he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. There's no money in that account.
I know, said the old man, But let me tell you about my weekend!
I said to my girlfriend.....
I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."
Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly r**...."
What fun that was...
I'm going to open a s**... club where guys just bring in their girlfriends.
It'll be called "The Same Old Grind".
Growing up my girlfriend was called the human calculator...
but that's just because 14 year old boys would have her do handstands so they could see her boobies.
One day, I was walking through town with my girlfriend…
…and people were continuously shouting at me as I went by,
"p**..., p**...!"
My girlfriend then turned to me and said, innocently,
"What's a p**...?"
And so I replied,
"Wow, that's a big word for a six-year-old."
My girlfriend wants me to get a new phone
My girlfriend and I were sitting on a plane heading towards america, she kept on nagging at me telling me to get a new phone, (old nokia brick) Then she kept on repeating, get a new one get a new one!!!! Finally i gave into the temptation and got a new girlfriend.
Bruce Springsteen...
after a long successful life finally dies and goes to Heaven. St Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and says, "Bruce! We're so glad you're finally here! God's a big fan, you know."
Bruce, of course, is flabbergasted. "Really?"
"You bet! In fact, he's arranged to have the whole E Street Band reunited up here for you."
"The old band? That's great! I've missed those guys so much."
"Not only that," St Peter goes on, "there's a bunch of other guys who can't wait to jam with you. Lennon and McCartney have written some songs for you, Les Paul has built a new guitar for you, and Beethoven thinks you could use another keyboard player in the band. He's got his hearing back now, you know."
Bruce can't believe his good luck. "This really is Heaven! Is there some sort of catch?"
"Well," says St Peter, "God has a girlfriend, and she thinks she can sing..."
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
My girlfriend is 6 years old
And no, she wasn't born on the 29th of February
My girlfriend doesn't believe in s**... before marriage. So I showed ....
My girlfriend doesn't believe in s**... before marriage.
So I showed her some of my old home movies to prove it was real.
I recently met up with an old girlfriend of mine and we immediately started having s**......
...The police got annoyed, however - they only wanted me to identify the body.
My girlfriend acts like a 14 year old in bed
Even though she is 12
My new girlfriend is like a Dyson.
I bought her from a quaint old English man.
I'm 35 and I was out to eat with my 18 year old girlfriend.
Everyone was giving us dirty looks. Eventually I got up and yelled at everyone "you are all ruining out 10th anniversary."
U.S male active duty and veterans...on this special day, make sure to call up all your old flames, current lovers. Wives and girlfriends as well as any others who helped you out during long deployments and say.....
"Thank you for your c**...!"
A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...
He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
When my girlfriend and I do role play s**... she insists that I treat here like a 12 year old...
I don't know why she insists on it so heavily... I mean she will be 12 in just a couple of years!
My girlfriends 2 year old nephew loves trucks. His first word was truck. He points at every truck he sees and talks about trucks in his sleep.
I guess you could day he's semi crazy
What happens when you eat burgers with onions?
Bunions.
(written by my 25 year old girlfriend)
My girlfriend has been waiting for me to finish my book about old clocks for ages.
When I finally gave it to her, all she said was "It's about time!?"
A girlfriend and boyfriend are talking...
The girl says, "hey John, how do you spell p**...?'" He responds, "gosh honey, why do you need to know? That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."
I think I'm going to break up with my girlfriend who is a stripper
Every night it's the same old thong and dance
What do you call your ex-girlfriend from Baltimore?
Old Bae
an old friend is worth more than two new ones.
but the opposite is true for girlfriends.
I cheated on my 24 year old girlfriend
I apologized and told her my mistress is half the woman she is.
"That's because she's 12!", said my girlfriend.
My new truck is older than my girlfriend...
Its ok though a 12 year old truck still has a lot if life left.
My girlfriend had a s**... fantasy to roleplay as a 14 year old in bed.
I think it's pretty g**.... Besides, she'll be 14 in 2 years anyway.
My girlfriend has this really weird f**...
She likes to pretend she's 13 years old when we have s**....
I don't know why, she'll be 13 in a couple of years anyway.
What did the trilobite say to his girlfriend while they were eating?
"Can I trilobite of your food?"
P.S. - my eleven year old sister came up with this
My old girlfriend was bad at math
That's Y she's my X.
I always miss my old girlfriend on St. p**...'s Day...
because it was always *Erin go bra-less!*
My girlfriend's 10 year old brother told me this one (I recommend saying it out loud).
Where can you find giant snails?
On their fingertips.
An old girlfriend
I j**... off over an old girlfriend last night.
I know it's wrong, but i still have a key and she's a heavy sleeper.
I took my girlfriend to see a movie about an old guy flying his house around on balloons.
It was an up-date.
As a 30 year old man, I can tell you that dating never gets any easier......
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now, and last night we had dinner at her parents house. Her Mother doesn't care for me, but her Father hates me; which is weird, because we used to play football together in high school.
I'm 36, and last night when I was out with my 19 year old girlfriend someone yelled "p**...!"
That really ruined our 10 year anniversary.
My girlfriend wanted me to reenact that scene from Dirty Dancing
So I went to a holiday camp and slept with a 17 year old.
What does the crab call his ex-girlfriend?
Old Bae
I heard Roy Moore was upset that his girlfriend didn't vote for him...
But then he realized that 15 year olds can't vote anyway.
There is a guy who has a 10 year old girlfriend, while he is only 4!
My girlfriend likes to pretend that she's 13 years old when we are in bed
I tell her that it's weird and pointless to do that because she will be turning 13 next year.
- How old is your girlfriend ? - 41 - haha she can be you mom ! - yes, but she's yours ..
My wife asked me How She compared to old Girlfriend......
Who do you call to kill your old girlfriend?
An Exterminator
My girlfriend keeps laughing at me because at 20 years old, I still can't differentiate between letters and figures.
I always tell her "H is just a number."
My girlfriend calls me daddy in bed
Call me old fashioned but I think children should never say their parents name.
My friend is old fashioned. Before proposing to his girlfriend, he asked her father.
But he was already married.
Me and my twin brother are 20 years old and never had a job or girlfriend.
Today my dad said if he knew we would have turned out so useless he would have named us thoughts and prayers.
Every time my girlfriend puts her hair in pig tails, she looks like a 12 year old
I keep telling her that I'm tired of her trying to dress older.
If you break up with your girlfriend from Maryland
Is she your Old Bae?
Did you hear about the gynecologist that looked up his old girlfriend?
He was blinded by the gorgon's eye.
call me old fashioned but in my day gender fluid was something you could wipe off your girlfriends chest
Somebody want to tell me who I stole this off?
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned
I thought we had good alchemy.
I didn't break up with my girlfriend just because her three year old took my Sharpie markers.
But I guess you could say it was the writing on the wall.
When I was 10 years old I made up this joke. When James Dean got his girlfriend pregnant, she tried to get him to go to childbirth classes, but he refused to go. He was a Rebel Without Lamaze.
I'm 46 and my girlfriend is 8
months pregnant. Am I too old to be a dad?
My girlfriend called me a p**... once
I said "That's a pretty big word for a 12 year old. Also you are wrong as this is technically speaking hebephilia."
Did you know my girlfriend's 1000 years old?
Yeah, apparently the law doesn't count it in binary.
When we're in bed, my girlfriend likes to pretend as if she's 15 years old...
...which is kinda s**..., seeing that she will be 15 only next month.
