Old Faithful Jokes
16 old faithful jokes and hilarious old faithful puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about old faithful that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Share These Old Faithful Jokes With Friends
Old Faithful Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good old faithful joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The lone ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day during a war....
A tall, strong and handsome Roman soldier broke into a house where he found two luscious maidens and their matronly nurse.
Chuckling with glee, he roared, "Prepare thyselves for a conquest, my pretties."
The lovely girls fell to their knees and pleaded with him, "Do with us as thou wilt, O Roman, but spare our faithful old nurse."
"Shut thy mouth," snapped the old nurse. "War is war."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A old man goes into confession
"Father, all my life I've been faithful, but last night, I met two beautiful blonde 21-year-old girls and I slept with them, twice each!"
"Well, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Oh, never Father, I'm Jewish!"
"Well, why are you telling me then??"
"Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my faith in this world...
Today they offered me to have s**... with a s**... 21 years old girl as long as I would publicize the new detergent CL-UP! to all my Whatsapp list. Obviously I didn't do it since my moral is really strong, almost as strong as the new detergent CL-UP for only 6.99$!!!
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old.
I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish." Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old.
I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish." Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
A man is stranded on an island
A plane flying nearby see's his smoke signal and goes to his aid. Upon landing the pilot see's three huts.
"Thank you for saving me! I've been here longer than I can remember. " The man says.
"Where are the other survivors?" The pilot asks.
"It's just me, myself and I" says the man.
"So why are there three huts?" Asks the pilot.
"Well that small one is my home." The man replies.
"What about that big one?" Says the pilot.
"Thats my church." He responds. "I'm a man of great faith".
"Okay, and what's the third hut for?" The pilot wonders aloud.
"Oh that's my old church, but I don't go there anymore, the pastor's a lunatic".
An old man confesses a sin
An old man entered a confessional one morning and immediately informed the priest on duty that he was 87 years old.
"I was completely faithful to my wife for 64 years, until last night," he told the priest, "I was propositioned by two college girls and I took them up on it."
"We did it twice," he added proudly.
"I understand," the priest replied, "How long has it been since your last confession?"
"Never. I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me this?"
"I'm telling everybody!"
THE AGING EXPLORER
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
The zoo inspector and the monkey
Once upon a time, an inspector planned to come to a zoo, as it wasn't doing well and didn't make profit. That became a problem to the managers who didn't want him to find out that they sold the monkey.
So they approached bill, a janitor and a faithful worker there and gave him a monkey suit and told him how to act like a monkey, and it will only last until the inspector leaves.
Came the inspector, the worker was in the cage and started acting like a monkey. The inspector wasn't pleased with the animal and thought that it was sick and old, so he told throw the monkey to the lion and get a new one, and the managers agreed.
Bill lied there still and overwhelmed with shock, because, after all these years working faithfully, they agreed to throw him just like that! He was paralyzed with shock when they threw him in the lion's cage. The lion came slowly and Bill was afraid and lost, when the lion whispered to him : "Don't worry, I'm Joe the cotton candy guy"
A pious man
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him.
He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man lowered his voice, "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
Which car will you get in heaven?
Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. He says "once, and I am ashamed to admit it." He is given a Toyota Corolla. The angel then asks Tony, and he says "yes, lots of times." He is given an old Morris Marina.
A few days later, Tony sees Greg sitting on a park bench, and Greg is crying. Tony Asks Greg "you were given a Lamborghini the other day, why are you crying?" Greg responds "I just saw my wife, they gave her a pair of roller skates."
Went out with a bang...
A tough old cowboy with grizzled hair, chiseled featured, and hands tougher than the sharpest barbs on new wire told his grandson that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
With absolute faith, the grandson did as Grandpap instructed. Every morning for the rest of his life, he added a pinch of gun powder to his oatmeal.
He grew up, lived happily, enjoyed perfect health, and died at the ripe old age of 107.
According to the story in the newspaper, he left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
The old Priest
In Washington, DC, an old Priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his Nurse to come near.
Yes, Father?" said the Nurse.
"I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die," whispered the Priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the Nurse.
The Nurse had the request sent to the President and Congress and all waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Harry Reid would be delighted to visit the Priest.
As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Reid, "I don't know why the old Priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.
Reid agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the Priest's room, the Priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Reid's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old Priest's face.
Finally President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you neared the end?"
The old Priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen," said Obama. "Amen," said Reid.
The old Priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; in fulfilling that consummate desire, I wanted to do the same."
One of my grandpa's better jokes
An old man is walking along the beach one day when suddenly God appears and says to the man, "You know, you've been a good man and faithful to me all your life. I'm going to grant you one wish. What would you like?"
The man thought about it and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there any time I want."
God said, "I can't do that, there would be too many problems. Where would I even get all the steel from? Think of something else."
So the man says, "Lord, I've been married and divorced 4 times. All 4 of my wives made me feel like I was doing everything wrong when I thought I was right. Help me understand women."
God replies, "You want two lanes or four?"
This one I heard when I was in 8th grade. it's pretty darn funny.
Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven.
They walk up to Satin Peter. Peter looks at them and says "Now,Let me explain how things around here in heaven work;
You all will have a car based on how many times you cheated on your wife."
He looks to the first man "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replies,"None sir,I was faithful til the end." "Okay,You get this car." Saint Peter gives him a brand new golden ferrari.
Peter says to the second man "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The man replies "About five times."
Saint Peter says "Okay here's your car." He gives the second man a fairly new Lexus.
Finally,Saint Peter asks the third man; "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" He replies "About 10 times."
Saint peter says "okay,Here is your car." The man gets an old beat up car that barely runs.
So after that,The men go driving around heaven. They stop at a gas station to fill up. The second and third man go to the urinals while the first man pumps gas.
The second man comes out and sees the first man crying. he walks up to him and says "What's wrong?" The first man explains "I just saw my wife hitch hiking."
Share These Old Faithful Jokes With Friends