Old Dad Jokes

26 old dad jokes and hilarious old dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about old dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Old Dad Short Jokes

Short old dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The old dad humour may include short dead dad jokes also.

  1. I washed the car with my 5 year old son today. When we finished, he said, Next time dad, can you use a sponge?
  2. I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?
  3. My dad is never proud of anything I do. Dad: Son, how old are you?
    Son: 19.
    Dad: When I was your age, I was 20.
  4. Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread? One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.
  5. Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.' We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'
  6. While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back. I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"
    -true story, just happened.
  7. My 8-Year old patient was so pround, mom was not. Q: What type of bees make milk?
    A: BOO-Bees!
    And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times.
  8. How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know.
    (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)
  9. My 10-year old daughter just Dad joked me. She said she was leaving to get cigarettes and never came home.
  10. I'm 37 years old, a husband, and a father of two pre-teens AND I don't tell Dad jokes... because he left when I was 2.

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Old Dad One Liners

Which old dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with old dad? I can suggest the ones about dead father and birthday dad.

  1. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
  2. Dad do trees cry? They dew.
    Poor dad joke and my 4 year old didn't get it. Oh well.
  3. A son asks his old man... "Dad, are you gay?"
    "Who told you? Was it your father?"
  4. How old are you, son? Son: I'm 5.
    Dad: High five, i'm dad.
  5. I asked my dad for filthy dad jokes But he was too old to keep them coming
  6. My dad wanted me to be a Marine Biologist... But, I'm too old to join the military.
  7. I'm already 14 yrs old Dad! why don'y you buy me a bra? Shut up Peter!
  8. What is Kim Jong-un's dad called? Kim Old-Un.
  9. I'm 46 and my girlfriend is 8 months pregnant. Am I too old to be a dad?
  10. emojis because there is a 13 year old korean girl in all of us... even your dad
  11. A dad lent his 10 year old son his credit card to teach him life lessons.
  12. My Dad is so old... he remembers silent radio.
  13. Someone's male ancestor turned 1000 Years old today Now that's what I call a grand-dad
  14. What do you call an Old Man's gag? A dad choke
  15. 80 year old pirate What does an say?
    Aye Matey!
    (I'm Eighty) dad joke explanation

Heartwarming Old Dad Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about old dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stepdad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make old dad pranks.

Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a p**...."
"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a p**..., Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."
"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"

I was at the eye doctor with my 92 year old dad and they were asking people if they'd mind answering a few questions while they waited for their appointments. My dad said sure and we sat down in a corner with this lady.

She went through her survey and, at the end, asked him for his greatest strengths and weaknesses.
Well, weaknesses... he said I guess I sometimes have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality
"And your greatest strength? She asked.
Oh, I'm the Batman

I asked my old dad how he was going to spend the day ?

"Well firstly your mother and I are going to pick up our prescription glasses, then we'll see !"

Prince William is visiting Kelmscott, Western Australia

The local media can't help but notice the prince's unusual head wear. It's a Davy Crocket style hat made entirely from fox fur, complete with a tail. A reporter speaks up. "Welcome to Kelmscott Your Royal Highness. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chosen to wear that particular hat today"? The Prince responded "Well, I told Daddy over the telephone this morning that I was visiting a small town called Kelmscott and he immediately replied, Kelmscott? Wear the fox hat"

What has 2 hands but can't scratch itself?

*Legit from my now 50 year old dad yesterday lol

My black friends really enjoy hearing my lame jokes.

It's almost like they've never been told dad jokes before...

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences.

During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over?
He replied, They stopped shooting at me.

Everyone keeps asking me to stop making lazy puns...

they can pry them from my cold dad hands.

Family xmas problem solved

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

jokes about old dad